u/DazzlingDragon1

Sometimes I just feel the need to stim really intensely and if I don’t I feel like I’m going to explode. In these instances I find regular stim toys far too mild and have never been able to find a good one. Does anyone have any advice? I’m thinking along the lines of pain fidgets and weighted things. Thanks!

Just Friends

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” my mother told me on a walk through the park when I was ten. I had been expressing my distaste for romance and the idea that true love, as in fiction, must not exist in the real world. I tried my best to believe her, but I’d been told the same thing for as long as I could remember. From “marrying” my best friend in first grade to blurting a random name when asked who I liked, I had never really understood the importance of romance. It just didn’t seem worth it. Spending your whole life searching for the one, only to get your heart broken over and over again in the process? I didn’t see the appeal. I didn’t mind; I had my friends, and I loved them more than anything. I had always imagined, when listening to music, that the songs I heard were about the singer’s friend. After all, music was supposed to be relatable, and I certainly couldn’t relate to romance. I naturally gravitated towards adult novels about robberies and murders instead of cheesy YA romances. The classic high school seniors shooting their shot before moving away to college forever bored me endlessly and was obviously unrealistic.

When we started middle school, my cousin and best friend, Orion, and I were inseparable. We spent every minute of the school day together and would follow each other everywhere. Soon, the dating allegations started. Kids from other schools told us not to “go kissing in the stairway”, and classmates insisted we were together, even when we told them we were cousins. We tried our best to find it entertaining, but it quickly became frustrating. Were two children not allowed to just be friends? This, paired with the immediate assumption that I had a crush on someone when I mentioned they looked pretty or cool, began to teach me over time that any genuine love must be romantic. According to society, romantic relationships were inherently more valuable than platonic ones, and you couldn’t openly love someone if you were just friends.

I never liked that phrase anyway. “Just” friends implies that platonic love is worth less than romantic love. I love my friends more than anything, and I’m often not afraid to express that. Just because I hug someone and tell them I love them doesn’t mean I want to date them. Friends are just as valuable, if not more so, than romantic partners. I’ve stayed by my friends’ sides when they’ve gotten rejected or broken up with, and I’m sure they’d do the same for me. I’ve never known a teenage relationship to last more than a year. I’ve been friends with some people for sixteen.

It wasn’t long before I started wondering what was wrong with me. Everyone around me was forming crushes and sexual orientations, while I was left all alone. “People Watching” by Conan Gray became a staple in my Spotify playlists, as I too wanted to “feel all that love and emotion”. I tried to convince myself that I liked people when the attraction I felt towards them was simply platonic. I desperately wanted to be normal, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself to want to date anyone.

I expressed these feelings to my friend on the floor of my apartment one summer day in 2023. He listened and nodded pensively when I finished. “You could just be aro-ace,” He suggested. I frowned. I asked what that meant, and he described the term combining aromantic and asexual. “It means you don’t want to date anyone, and you don’t want to kiss or have sex with anyone.” I nodded slowly. I didn’t know there was a word for the things I felt. Later that day, I looked the term up online. I read Reddit posts and Wikihow articles, becoming increasingly sure with each one that I was aro-ace. I didn’t know how to feel about this revelation; on one hand, it was great to know there were other people like me, but at the same time it was scary to admit I was one of them. Another way I was different; another reason to be targeted. A few months later, I brought it up to my mother. “Everyone feels romantic love,” she responded, “if you don’t, you must be missing the chemical that makes you able to love.” I tried my best to explain that I still loved people, just not romantically. In fact, I have a lot of love in me. I didn’t quite know how to express it sometimes, but I loved so many people so hard I didn’t know what to do with it all. I still do, and I’m getting better at expressing it. Through gifts and letters and hugs, I let my friends know that I’m there for them any way I can. I hope the people close to me know that I’ll always value them, whether they have a romantic partner or not. I love them, and I’m not afraid to show that. Regardless of who it’s towards or what kind it is, love is love.

Just friends

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” my mother told me on a walk through the park when I was ten. I had been expressing my distaste for romance and the idea that true love, as in fiction, must not exist in the real world. I tried my best to believe her, but I’d been told the same thing for as long as I could remember. From “marrying” my best friend in first grade to blurting a random name when asked who I liked, I had never really understood the importance of romance. It just didn’t seem worth it. Spending your whole life searching for the one, only to get your heart broken over and over again in the process? I didn’t see the appeal. I didn’t mind; I had my friends, and I loved them more than anything. I had always imagined, when listening to music, that the songs I heard were about the singer’s friend. After all, music was supposed to be relatable, and I certainly couldn’t relate to romance. I naturally gravitated towards adult novels about robberies and murders instead of cheesy YA romances. The classic high school seniors shooting their shot before moving away to college forever bored me endlessly and was obviously unrealistic.

When we started middle school, my cousin and best friend, Orion, and I were inseparable. We spent every minute of the school day together and would follow each other everywhere. Soon, the dating allegations started. Kids from other schools told us not to “go kissing in the stairway”, and classmates insisted we were together, even when we told them we were cousins. We tried our best to find it entertaining, but it quickly became frustrating. Were two children not allowed to just be friends? This, paired with the immediate assumption that I had a crush on someone when I mentioned they looked pretty or cool, began to teach me over time that any genuine love must be romantic. According to society, romantic relationships were inherently more valuable than platonic ones, and you couldn’t openly love someone if you were just friends.

I never liked that phrase anyway. “Just” friends implies that platonic love is worth less than romantic love. I love my friends more than anything, and I’m often not afraid to express that. Just because I hug someone and tell them I love them doesn’t mean I want to date them. Friends are just as valuable, if not more so, than romantic partners. I’ve stayed by my friends’ sides when they’ve gotten rejected or broken up with, and I’m sure they’d do the same for me. I’ve never known a teenage relationship to last more than a year. I’ve been friends with some people for sixteen.

It wasn’t long before I started wondering what was wrong with me. Everyone around me was forming crushes and sexual orientations, while I was left all alone. “People Watching” by Conan Gray became a staple in my Spotify playlists, as I too wanted to “feel all that love and emotion”. I tried to convince myself that I liked people when the attraction I felt towards them was simply platonic. I desperately wanted to be normal, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself to want to date anyone.

I expressed these feelings to my friend on the floor of my apartment one summer day in 2023. He listened and nodded pensively when I finished. “You could just be aro-ace,” He suggested. I frowned. I asked what that meant, and he described the term combining aromantic and asexual. “It means you don’t want to date anyone, and you don’t want to kiss or have sex with anyone.” I nodded slowly. I didn’t know there was a word for the things I felt. Later that day, I looked the term up online. I read Reddit posts and Wikihow articles, becoming increasingly sure with each one that I was aro-ace. I didn’t know how to feel about this revelation; on one hand, it was great to know there were other people like me, but at the same time it was scary to admit I was one of them. Another way I was different; another reason to be targeted. A few months later, I brought it up to my mother. “Everyone feels romantic love,” she responded, “if you don’t, you must be missing the chemical that makes you able to love.” I tried my best to explain that I still loved people, just not romantically. In fact, I have a lot of love in me. I didn’t quite know how to express it sometimes, but I loved so many people so hard I didn’t know what to do with it all. I still do, and I’m getting better at expressing it. Through gifts and letters and hugs, I let my friends know that I’m there for them any way I can. I hope the people close to me know that I’ll always value them, whether they have a romantic partner or not. I love them, and I’m not afraid to show that. Regardless of who it’s towards or what kind it is, love is love.

It’s not in my app library, I can’t find it in settings, and I can’t search for it on my homepage. I have parental controls but afaik you can’t delete the app store with those. Every time I get an ad, something pops up that says “Due to resrictions set on this device, this app cannot be downloaded.” Is this something my parents set up or what?

I’m just curious and looking for some advice because I can’t really shave; the dysphoria goes crazy. However, it can be very inconvenient when I’m manstruating. Any tips?