u/Decent-Play-7154

My girlfriend has depression and most of the time it’s managed well. one thing g I’ve noticed is that she tends to cancel plans I’ve made when she feels low but then not being she’s planned will get cancelled. 

For example last Thursday we were supposed to go to a quiz that I’d chosen at as bar we like then on Friday we were supposed to go to the cinema for a movie my gf picked then go for a meal and to a pub that my gf picked on the Saturday, 

It came to Thursday and she said she felt low and we’d have to cancel the quiz, around an hour after the quiz would have started she was fine. The next day she said she still felt low and when I mentioned cancelling the cinema then she refused. 

Saturday was the same she said she felt low but when I brought up cancelling plans she refused. I pointed out to her that it’s shot for me that she’s happy to cancel any plan I make because she’s feeling low yet manages to go to every plan she made. 

I pointed out she clearly can go to what we’ve planned and she’s just choosing to only cancel things I’ve picked and it’s hardly fair on me, 

She said I wasn’t being fair and was blaming her for her mental health but I just pointed out she’s using her mental health as an excuse to cancel things that I’m looking forward to. 

She just repeated that I was being harsh and that she can’t help it, 

AIW for pointing out a pattern and telling her how her actions are making me feel?

I’m starting a new job at the beginning of July. It’s a better paid job that my currently role and I’m looking forward to starting, I’m pretty burnt out with my currently job so handed my 1 month notice in at a time that gives me a week off. 

I mentioned this to my gf and said I’d just be using it to relax, play some games I haven’t had the chance to play, catch up on some shows, read a book etc. She asked if it would be unpaid and I told her it would since I’d technically be unemployed for a week. 

She said I shouldn’t be doing it but I pointed out I needed the time and it’s not going to affect my ability to pay bills etc, it might just mean we make one less plan for the month and said that id be saving less that month.

She again said I was wrong for doing it and I should have put my notice in to finish the week before I’m due to work so there’s no gap since my savings shouldn’t be suffering since we’re about for a house.

I explained again that I needed it and that isn’t only a month but she just kept saying I was wrong for doing it and I shouldn’t be having an unpaid week. 

AITA for taking a week off in between jobs?

This year is quite been stressful for me as I've got a lot going on with family while also having work problems and starting a new job etc. Video games are a hobby I've enjoyed since I was young and I usually get new games whenever they come out but that’s not possible this year so I’m just playing through some older games.

My girlfriend has started talking about Christmas and what our plans are. We both get the timefinbeywren Christians day and New Year’s Day off so we dont go back until January 4th but ill be putting some leave in an not going back until the 7th at the earliest depending on how much leave ive got left.

I mentioned us going away for the nigtt by as we usually do and maybe going on a day out or two. I also mentioned I was planning to get the video games that are coming out this year that I want to plan and spending a few days just relaxing and playing them.

She mentioned that she doesn't think I should. She said it'll be expensive getting them all and that I shouldn't be spending that much money on them at once and that it is a lot of time to spend on them when we're off work. I pointed out I’ll be getting them over the next few months so I’m not pulling the money out all at once.

I’ll be getting probably 6-7 games that have been released this year so the average cost will probably be £45-£55 per game possibly less depending on if they’re in a sale. I pointed out it's my money and that I'd still be able to afford bills and the plans we've got so it's not really up to her how I spend my money.

She said I should be listening to her and open to changing what I had planned so I should only get one or two games and only spend a few hours on it. I refused and just repeated again that it's my money and time and it doesn't impact anything we have planned.

AIW for how much money and time I’ll be spending on video games?

My fiancée and I are in the process of buying a house. We agreed that we’d split the costs of the things we need 50/50. We’ve have most of our furniture so it’s mainly been kitchen appliances we’ve been needing but my partner wanted us to buy a new sofa. 

Our current sofa isn’t great so I agreed. I mentioned wanting a new tv as we’ve had the current one for a few years and it’s got some damages so there’s small parts of the screen that don’t  work. My partner said no and that if I wanted a tv I’d have to buy it myself, 

I pointed out we’ve agreed 50/50 but she just said a new tv isn’t something she wants. I mentioned not really wanting a new sofa but stressing to pay for half of it, I said we’d both be using it and I’m paying half on things she wants that aren’t essentials so it’s only fault. 

She disagreed again and said it would be a waste of money so I can buy it myself. I told her we either go 50/50 on everything for the shared home or we both pay the full cost of things that we want so I’d not be paying towards the sofa, 

She called me unfair and said I was being petty, 

AITA for expecting her to pay half the cost?

My girlfriend and I live together and have discussed buying a house late next year. We agreed it would be in our current town. My girlfriend works in a nearby town but it’s a short commute and I primarily work from home.  I applied for a new job last month and it’s in the town my gf works in. We agreed to potentially look for houses there if I get the job since it is an in person job but still to look for houses where we currently live.

I could have selected other locations including a city fairly close to us but we discussed it and the commute would just be too long.  I got offered the job and I start in 6 weeks. My gf has depression and has low periods.

She’s currently feeling low and is mentioning buying a house in the city near us instead as it’s a nicer area with more to do as we currently live in a small town that isn’t great. I pointed out that would mean me commuting an hour each way which I wouldn’t be doing. 

I said she’s can’t be this erratic with major life decisions and can’t let her low mood just throw all plans out of the window. She said she wasn’t big I pointed out she’s started feeling low and is suddenly talking about moving somewhere new and changing her job. I said the commute isn’t just long, it would be expensive. 

She said the increase in pay would pay for it but I just said I’m not taking a better job to just spend all of my extra money on travel costs. She said I could look for something else but I refused since I was looking forward to starting this job and I’m not going to be immediately looking to leave. 

She said I wasn’t being fair but I pointed out she’s the one wanting us to uproot our lives just because she’s feeling low. I said I won’t be moving and she called me unsupportive and said I should be considering it.

AIW for refusing to buy a house in a different city?

My girlfriend and I live together and have discussed buying a house late next year. We agreed it would be in our current town. My girlfriend works in a nearby town but it’s a short commute and I primarily work from home.  I applied for a new job last month and it’s in the town my gf works in. We agreed to potentially look for houses there if I get the job since it is an in person job but still to look for houses where we currently live.

I could have selected other locations including a city fairly close to us but we discussed it and the commute would just be too long.  I got offered the job and I start in 6 weeks. My gf has depression and has low periods.

She’s currently feeling low and is mentioning buying a house in the city near us instead as it’s a nicer area with more to do as we currently live in a small town that isn’t great. I pointed out that would mean me commuting an hour each way which I wouldn’t be doing. 

I said she’s can’t be this erratic with major life decisions and can’t let her low mood just throw all plans out of the window. She said she wasn’t big I pointed out she’s started feeling low and is suddenly talking about moving somewhere new and changing her job. I said the commute isn’t just long, it would be expensive. 

She said the increase in pay would pay for it but I just said I’m not taking a better job to just spend all of my extra money on travel costs. She said I could look for something else but I refused since I was looking forward to starting this job and I’m not going to be immediately looking to leave. 

She said I wasn’t being fair but I pointed out she’s the one wanting us to uproot our lives just because she’s feeling low. I said I won’t be moving and she called me unsupportive and said I should be considering it.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

My girlfriend was supposed to be going out for the day with a friend today. I’d planned to go to the cinema, have a look around town, maybe go for a quick drink then get some food and drinks to relax at home while gaming and catching up on tv. 

My girlfriend’s friend cancelled and my girlfriend then asked what I wanted to do. I told her I’ve got plans for today and I’m looking forward to them. I mentioned she can join me if she wants but I’m not changing them. 

She mentioned not being interested in the film I’m going to see but I pointed out I was interested in it and I’m still going to se it. She suggested going to something else and I refused. She mentioned not wanting to go for a drink etc but I again told her I did want to so would be going. 

She said I should be open to changing my plans but I just told her again she’s free to join me but my plans are staying the same. 

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other perspectives on it?

tl;dr I had plans for the weekend and so did my gf. her plans got cancelled and she expects red me to change mine. I refused and ibis her to join me but she said no. she then argued I should be open to changing my plans

My girlfriend was supposed to be going out for the day with a friend today. I’d planned to go to the cinema, have a look around town, maybe go for a quick drink then get some food and drinks to relax at home while gaming and catching up on tv. 

My girlfriend’s friend cancelled and my girlfriend then asked what I wanted to do. I told her I’ve got plans for today and I’m looking forward to them. I mentioned she can join me if she wants but I’m not changing them. 

She mentioned not being interested in the film I’m going to see but I pointed out I was interested in it and I’m still going to se it. She suggested going to something else and I refused. She mentioned not wanting to go for a drink etc but I again told her I did want to so would be going. 

She said I should be open to changing my plans but I just told her again she’s free to join me but my plans are staying the same. 

AITA for keeping my plans?

I’ve noticed my girlfriend has the habit of asking me to pick her a few things up when I’m at the shop but not actually paying for them. For small items it’s not really an issue but it’s getting to the point where she’s doing it at least 4 times a week and it’s becoming quite expensive. 

I’ve mentioned it to her previously and asked her to send me the money and she’ll either agree and just not do it even when reminded or she’s say she doesn’t have the money. When I point out she shouldn’t be asking me to get her things if she can’t afford them she doesn’t really have a response. 

I’ve started looking at budgeting my money better and mentioned to my gf that anytime she wants me to get her anything she can send me the money in advance otherwise I won’t get it. I pointed out it’s costing me quite a lot each month and it has to stop. 

She got annoyed and accused me of not trusting her but I just pointed out that she literally isn’t paying,m so it’s based on facts. 

She just said again I shouldn’t be starting arguments over ball amounts but I pointed out they add up when she’s asking it most days so she either sends me the money first or she doesn’t get them. 

AITA for expecting her to send me the money first?

I live with my partner and I work from home pretty much full time. My gf works from home around once a week and in the office 4 times a week. This means I have around 30-35 mins to myself before she gets home. Once she is home we pretty much spend the evening together.

This means I don't really have much time to do my hobbies such as reading, catching up on tv shows, playing video games etc since when we're together we try to do things both of us will enjoy. I decided the best approach is to stay up later a few nights a week to have some time to myself and just relax.

I started this a few weeks ago and told my partner about what I was planning. The first couple of times I stayed up it was fine and then my gf started staying up when I was planning to. This meant when I was trying to watch tv, play video games etc she was distracting me and watching videos etc on her phone so I couldn’t hear the tv and I wasn't getting the time to myself.

I tried talking to her about it and she just said she can stay up if she wants. I pointed out she only seems to want to stay up when I am and that she knew I was doing it to get some time to myself. She just said I can't tell her what to do and she can stay up if she wants. She accused me of not wanting to spend time with her and I just told her that yeah when I'm staying up,

I don't want to spend time with anyone since it's supposed to be time to myself. She just said I was being unfair by avoiding her and telling her she can't stay up.

AITA for staying up late a few times a week for some time to myself?

I recently interviewed for a new job. My girlfriend and I agreed we’d go out for a meal and drinks to celebrate if I got it. This was two weeks ago when we agreed. 

There’s a place that we wanted to try that had a deal on with a meal and unlimited drinks for two hours so we agreed to go there. 

There’s interviewed told me I’d find out by today so we agreed we’d go tomorrow if I got the job. The interviewees phoned to offer me the job and when o told my gf and mentioned booking the restaurant. 

She said she wouldn’t be able to as a couple of friends messaged her this week asking if she wanted to do something and she agreed. She said it’s next weekend but it means she can’t afford to do anything this weekend. 

I pointed out she knew there was a good chance we’d be busy this weekend so why is she accepting other plans then cancelling on me. 

She said it’s not like that but i just said that’s exactly what’s happened. She said she’s already agreed to go but I just told her it’s clear I’m not a priority. She said I wasn’t being fair but I disagree. 

AIW for expecting celebratory plans to go ahead?

I've started noticing myself getting burnt out more often and realised I don't tend to have a lot of time to relax. I decided to take one weekend a month to just do nothing and stay at home and just recharge.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she asked what about if she wanted to make plans,  I mentioned she can make plans with friends or family or for herself but for one weekend a month I'll be relaxing at home, watching tv, reading, playing video games etc and not doing anything else.

She said I shouldn't be taking a full weekend for that but I just explained again why I need it. She said it limits what we can do but I disagreed since we still have 3 weekend a month to make plans,  She said I was being selfish but I pointed out she's being selfish by expecting me to make plans when I'm burnt out.

i said 1 weekend a month isn't a lot of time and if she wants to go out and make plans she has multiple options available. She again called me selfish and said I should be thinking about her instead of shutting off for one weekend a month and refusing to do anything, she did u shouldn’t be ignoring her for a weekend a month.

AIW for taking one weekend a month to relax?

I live with my girlfriend and she has a habit of constantly interrupting me when I'm busy. I've tried talking to her about it before but she doesn't listen.  Last night I was sat playing a video game to relax and every two mins she was asking me to stop to show me a photo or video.

After an hour I'd hadn't actually done anything on the game since it was constantly being paused. She kept trying to show me and I just told her to save them all and show me when I'm finished.  I told her I'm busy and that she keeps interrupting me and that I was trying to relax.

I said I'm not asking for much by asking her to just show me the videos when I'm free but she argued that it wasn't a big deal for me to pause the game. I pointed out it is a big deal when she's expecting me to pause it pretty much every minute. 

I asked how she'd feel if I kept interrupting her when she was reading and expected her to stop after every few words to look at something. She tried avoiding the question but I just pointed out it's not fair to be constantly interrupting someone. 

She said she wasn't asking much of me but I pointed out again that it's not asking for much to ask her to wait until I'm free. 

AITAH for telling her to stop interrupting when I'm busy?

My girlfriend and I live together and we split the chores evenly. For most of them we have set chores we do then for things like doing the dishes we take it it’ll turns so I’ll do one day and she’ll do the next. There have been times when she’s been feeling low or feeling ill and has asked me to do the dishes for her and I have.

This week I burnt my hand and it is now bandaged. I can’t get the bandages wet and my hand I’m in pain whenever I move my hand, especially when I bend my fingers due to the location of the burn. The doctor has said I’ll have the bandages on for two weeks. I asked my gf if she could do the dishes until the bandages are off since I’m not able to do them.

She said I should look for a way I can still do them and ghat I shouldn’t be expecting her to do them for two weeks. I pointed out I can hardly help not being able to use my hand and said it wasn’t much I was asking for but she just said she shouldn’t have to do them for weeks.

I said partners are supposed to support each other and mentioned I’ve done the same for her multiple times but she just said I was guilt tripping her. I mentioned that she’s acting selfish and should want to help me.

AITA for expecting help?

My girlfriend mainly works in an office but tends to work from home once or twice a week. I work from home pretty much permanently. When my gf works from home she’ll use the living room to work in.

I’ve put Friday and Monday in as annual leave.

My plan is just to use the days to myself to relax at home and play video games and catch up on Netflix since I’ve got the place to myself and haven’t had anytime just for me in a while.

My gf mentioned today that she’s asked to work from home on Friday and Monday. I asked why and she just said they’re more like admin days so there’s no need for her to be in the office.

I mentioned that she could work in my home office then since I won’t need it and since I’d be using the living room.

She said she prefers the living room and doesn’t want me using the tv since it’ll make noise and she can’t work when it’s noisy. I said she has the home office of her actual office to work in if she doesn’t want noise and said I’d still be using the living room.

She said I wasn’t being fair since she needs to work but I just points out I’m not stopping her working, she’s just trying to ruin my day off. She said again she isn’t asking for much but I just told her I wouldn’t be cancelling what I have planned for my days off.

AITAH for using my living room during my days off?

My girlfriend and I live together and have discussed buying a house late next year. We agreed it would be in our current town. She works in a nearby town but it’s a short commute and I primarily work from home. 

I applied for a new job last month and it’s in the town my gf works in. We agreed to potentially look for houses there if I get the job since it is an in person job. I could have selected other locations including a city fairly close to us but we discussed it and the commute would just be too long, 

I got offered the job and I start in 6 weeks. My gf has depression and has low periods. She’s currently feeling low and is mentioning buying a house in the city near us instead as it’s a nicer area with more to do as we currently live in a small town that isn’t great. I pointed out that would mean me commuting an hour each way which I wouldn’t be doing. 

I said she’s can’t be this erratic with major life decisions and can’t let her low mood just throw all plans out of the window. She said she wasn’t big I pointed out she’s started feeling low and is suddenly talking about moving somewhere new and changing her job. I said the commute isn’t just long, it would be expensive. 

She said the increase in pay would pay for it but I just said I’m not taking a better job to just spend all of my extra money on travel costs. She said I could look for something else but I refused since I was looking forward to starting this job and I’m not going to be immediately looking to leave. 

She said I wasn’t being fair but I pointed out she’s the one wanting us to uproot our lives just because she’s feeling low. I said I won’t be moving and she called me unsupportive and said I should be considering it.

AITA for refusing to move to a nearby city?

My girlfriend and I have a holiday planned for the summer. It’s for my birthday as it’s a big birthday and we’ve been talking about it for years. It’s more expensive than our usual holidays. 

My gf struggles with depression and has reduced her hours at work. She’s has quite a lot of sickness and is on a warning at work due to this.

Since reducing her hours she’s been feeling better but the last week or so she’s been feeling low again. Last night she mentioned that she thinks we should cancel the holiday as she doesn’t know if it’s affordable. 

I pointed out we’ve paid for most of it and she knows how much the holiday means to me. I asked if we’d be cancelling the two smaller trips were got planned that she chose and she said no as they’re not as expensive. I pointed out it’s clear she’s only expecting to cancel things I want to do and using her mental health as an excuse. 

I said if the trip doesn’t go ahead then we’re over since it’s self centred to cancel plans I’ve made while keeping the plans she’s made. She said I was guilt tripping her and emotionally manipulating her but I disagreed. 

AIW for expecting the holiday to go ahead?

My girlfriend suffers from depression and because of this has had a lot of sickness with work. Her current job have tried to support her and have made sure she can speak to a psychologist at work for as many sessions as needed and have allowed her to reduce her hours.

Because of the sickness she has had to have a verbal warning though as she’s exceeded the amount of sick periods. She’s told she can’t have any more sick periods in a year otherwise it’s a written warning then dismissal after that. 

The issue is my gf seems to give up as soon as she’s feeling slightly down. Shes annoyed that dropping her hours haven’t pretty much cured her and I pointed out to her it was to help manage her symptoms and to stop them getting worse, not to get rid of them completely. 

This week she’s feeling slightly low. She still managed to go shopping on her day off and go out and see people but now is phoning in sick today. I told her she can’t just not go in whenever she isn’t feeling perfect and that if she skips work now, we’re pretty much screwed since I can’t afford everything myself, 

She called me unsupportive but I just said Shen weds to be more resilient and work with the psychologist on how to manage her symptoms when they appear and not expect them to just vanish. 

She again called me unsupportive but I asked how she was supporting me by doing this and causing the financial burden to be solely on me. 

She ignored my question and just said I should be supportive and should be there for her. 

AITA for “being unsupportive” when my girlfriend was phoning in sick from work?

I live with my girlfriend and for a while I’ve noticed she’ll just sleep pretty much most of the evening. She’ll get back in from work and just have a nap for a few hours then not want to do anything after until we go to bed. 

It’s been happening for weeks now and I’ve tried talking to her about it and getting her to go to a doctor but she refuses. She said she doesn’t know why she’s tired but won’t actually do anything about it. 

I told her she can’t go on like this and has to actually speak to someone and get it sorted. I pointed out somethings clearly causing it and it’s not normal to be sleeping this much. 

She said I was lecturing her and blaming her for being tied but I just pointed out I was concerned and that she needs to get it sorted. She told me to drop it and said it’s not an issue. 

I pointed out we hadn’t actually done anything on an evening in weeks and all she’s doing is sleeping so yeah it is an issue. She again just said I should drop it and stop blaming her. 

My fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding and are looking at the guest list. I lost most of my family so only have my sister still alive. My social life has also suffered and o only have a couple of close friends. 

This means my guests at the wedding will be around 7 people whereas my gf is talking about inviting her large family, close friends, friends she hasn’t spoke to for years and old colleagues she doesn’t even talk to anymore. 

I suggested maybe just keeping the wedding for people we actually talk to and are close to  and she said no. I mentioned instead of having her half and my half when it comes to seating we make sure people are spear evenly through both halves and she again refused. 

I pointed out the wedding isn’t just for her and she should be compromising. She said I wasn’t being reasonable and should be fine with her guest list and fine with having her side and my side. 

AITA for expecting to compromise on the guest list?