u/Dendwdls

Hi all!

This is mostly going to be a rant, but I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar.

I’m 32M and have been NM for 12 years. I’ve had several primary and secondary partners. My last relationship was poly and lasted 8 years, during which I had a primary and up to 3 secondaries.

I’ve always struggled to find partners, both casual and serious, whenever I was open about being NM. For years, I assumed it was because I wasn’t attractive or interesting enough. Since I felt like I didn’t have many options, I often settled.

Meanwhile, my partners seemed to have the opposite experience. They could hook up with whoever they wanted, whenever they wanted. At one point, my last primary had only me, then went back on dating apps 7 years into our relationship and had more experiences in one month than I’d had in the previous 7 years.

Another example is my current secondary. She recently broke up with both of her other partners, so she went back on Tinder. We were on vacation together and her notifications were absolutely wild. Within 1 day, she already had 3 dates lined up and a threesome with some random couple.

I’ve also had a few slightly toxic secondary relationships where I was basically told that they could replace me or go fuck whoever they wanted if I didn’t accept certain conditions, while they clearly knew I couldn't use the same card.

Over the last 6 months, I broke up with my primary and 2 secondaries. I also stopped mentioning that I was NM when dating.

And suddenly, I have choices.

In 6 months, I’ve had more first dates than I had in the previous 8 years. I’ve even turned down beautiful women because I didn’t think we were compatible enough, didn’t like the sex enough, or couldn’t see myself building a life with them.

It’s honestly been a very weird experience. For years, I thought I was the problem, and now I’m wondering how much of it was simply the NM label. That label meant freedom to me, but I've now realized it was the opposite.

Obviously, I know I still don’t have anywhere near as many options as most NM women do. But apparently that difference bothers me a lot more than I ever realized. It’s gotten to the point where, even if I could have exactly the same dating options I have now while being NM, I’m not sure I’d choose NM anymore.

And I think that’s the weirdest part of all of this. I spent 13 years thinking NM was what I wanted, and now that I’ve finally experienced what dating feels like when I actually have options, I’m seriously considering going back to monogamy.

Hi!

35M and poly, recently broke up from a 10 year long primary relationship. I have a secondary relationship that is not doing so well, but still going.

It's been incredibly hard to date NM people, with or without a primary partner. I've been already rejected by new dates, and meeting anyone at all is incredibly hard.
My secondary instead has both hook ups and 2 stable relationships, and I'm getting envious and frustrated.

It's also a very low point in my life, not only because I broke up with my ex, but also because I lost my dog after the break up, as well as lots of common friends, I have barely any friends in this city anymore, I broke an arm in an unrelated bike accident in the same period and I'm struggling with recovery. I'm also getting quickly out of shape because I can't go the the gym anymore. Everything is taking a huge toll on me.

So I was thinking of meeting escorts every now and then, maybe once or twice a month, just to get the edge off and feeling better and less sexually frustrated.

Bad idea? Good idea? What stops me is mainly the fact that I will have to admit to this to a future partner, and that in 1 year I'll probably have been with more escorts than girls I dated.

Hey there!

Next week I'm getting my Framework 13 Pro. I have a spare 2 TB SSD but I wanted to upgrade to 4TB and I was wondering: what's the best choice for power efficiency, so that battery lasts even more? DRAM-less SSDs maybe?

Hi!

I have the following 32GB LPCAMM2 module that was taken out from a Thinkpad P1 Gen 7:

>RAMAXEL | China
RMCA1000MBB2JCF-7500 RA
8SSM31L87511R1AA4B710EA
32GB 2D4Rx16 PC5-7500-FE0-1010-ST
0443002 44561012EB1
100281678
5M31L87414
NBBS24111BM
LPDDR5X CAMM2

I'm afraid it won't work on the 13 Pro that I'll receive next week. Any confirmation it does or doesn't?

Ciao!

Ho acquistato casa e l'agente vuole 11.000€ + IVA, che gli spettano da contratto.

Lui è un farabutto e ha fatto un lavoro pessimo (come tutti gli agenti immobiliari) e mi ha detto che può farmi uno sconto se una parte gliela do in contanti.

So che pagando in nero semplicemente alimento lo schifo sia dell'agenzie immobiliare sia della situazione italiana. Quindi oggi pomeriggio gli ho detto di fatturarmi tutto.

Poi ho pensato... Sinceramente 13.000€ sono tanti e scaricherei poco e nulla. Se risparmiassi anche solo 3.000€ vuol dire poter mettere 2 persiane blindate in casa. E poi già vengo tassato al 43% di IRPEF, quindi... quale sarebbe uno sconto congruo per accettare di pagare parzialmente in nero?

Hi

33M poly here, my secondary girlfriend Jess is 28M.

I'm at a very low point in my life. I recently broke up with my primary of 11 years, my 10 year old dog recently died in my arms an I have had a bike accident and my dominant arm is currently broken with a high chance of not being able to regain 100% mobility with it.

Jess has been helping me through all this. She's very attached to me and would like to be my primary, she wants to be very emotionally open as well. But I'm unsure even about our secondary relationship.

First of all, she can be stupidly vindictive. When I had the bike accident we had a date that evening that I had to cancel. She went cold for a bit and then hooked up with two new people on that day, then later revealed to me she did it because she was upset that she couldn't see me that day. She says it's her way to cope and I shouldn't judge her for it.

Second, every time I have a date with someone else she goes cold before and after for a bit, and especially if the date goes well she tries to find someone else to hook up with as soon as possible.

And about hooking up... She hooks up a lot. She has at least 5 partners she meets regularly or seldomly. I was the one that had to tell her to use the condom and get tested (and luckily she's fine) a few months ago, but she still does oral without protections and that's still a risk. We're different in that sense because I prefer to have a connection with people that leads to good sex and I'm very selective, while she seems to hook up with anybody she slightly likes.

A few days ago my dog died in my arms in the evening and while crying I texted and called Jess. She didn't answer and only replied to my text in the middle of the night. She was clearly with someone. The feeling that while I was distraught because of my dog and reaching to her for help, not receiving an answer and then later realizing that while I called her someone was balls deep into her made me feel completely void.

She still tried to help me afterwards, trying to be close to me and help me, but I don't know what to think about the whole situation, and especially what happened the other night. I don't think it's wrong that she has fun, but what happened hurt me a lot even though she didn't do anything against me.

Maybe non-monogamy is just not for me anymore. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Ciao!

Proposta d'acquisto vincolante afferma che il rogito è entro il 30 Settembre e la provvigione è dovuta una volta che passa la perizia per il mutuo (clausola sospensiva).

La perizia è andata a buon fine. Chiedo per fissare il rogito e l'agente dice che il venditore ha bisogno di più tempo, probabilmente a fine Ottobre e dobbiamo allungare i tempi, ma vuole la provvigione che gli spetta da contratto (perchè la clausola sospensiva si è avverata).

Il venditore è un'azienda di costruzioni, pare debba ancora finire di mettere gli infissi (da 5 mesi ormai li devono mettere...), l'agente ha detto un sacco di bugie su quando li avrebbero messi ("ce li hanno già", "devono arrivare presto", "arrivano a settembre). Il venditore è dichiaratamente amico dell'agente.

Temo succeda questo: pago la provvigione, l'agente sparisce, il rogito non avviene e ci metto 10 anni a riottenere il doppio della caparra tramite causa, e perdo i soldi della provvigione.

Come agisco? Pensavo di invitare comunque il venditore al rogito a fine Settembre tramite PEC, se rifiuta e propone estensione allora chiedo somma X (e.g. 5000€) di sconto per allungare fino al 31 Ottobre. Ma non vedo modo di evitare di pagare la provvigione finchè non c'è una data certa del rogito...

Salve!

Vivevo con un coinquilino (contratto a nome suo) che va via e farò un altro contratto a nome mio.

Il proprietario mi ha rimandato all'agenzia che vuole qualcosa come 1000€ di provvigioni completamente inutili, e per evitare di pagarle il proprietario mi ha proposto di registrare il contratto io.

So che posso registrare il contratto, ma come faccio a fare la dichiarazione per la cedolare secca del proprietario? La posso fare comunque io?

Hey!

30M here. I recently found a new sex partner and when we meet we fuck all day, sometimes even 2 days in row.

Before I cum on the first day, it's always hard and I have no problems. After cumming, the refractory period is not long (usually I can get hard again after less than 30 minutes), but the quality of sex is much lower as I am less hard and it softens even while inside her, so I need frequent blowjobs to get hard and fuck again.

On the second day, before I cum, it's usually still ok but it can soften seldomly, but after cumming my penis is then broken and I almost always loss the erection when fucking.

This had never happened to me while in my 20s. Would ED meds help?

Sto comprando casa (appartamento residenziale, cat. E1(1)) e l'APE è uscito in classe C, EPgl,nren 403,66 kWh/m² anno.

Guardando il dettaglio degli impianti però c'è una cosa che non mi torna: la voce illuminazione vale 230,70 kWh/m² anno, cioè il 57% dell'intero consumo certificato. Per confronto, riscaldamento 18,73, raffrescamento 112,30, acqua calda 41,93.

Casa con lampade a LED e pompa di calore aria-aria del 2025. Tra l'altro l'anno di installazione delle lampade è riportato come "1000" (mi sembra un refuso).

Da quel che ho letto, la UNI/TS 11300-2 conteggia l'illuminazione solo per gli edifici non residenziali — e questa è un'abitazione. Possibile che sia un errore del certificatore? Se così fosse, corretto il dato la classe migliorerebbe parecchio.

Qualcuno che si intende di certificazione energetica può dirmi se è un'anomalia o mi sto sbagliando? Grazie.

Hey!

I [30M] am in a poly relationship with Emma (primary) and Jess (secondary)

Jess and I are extremely kinky and are often looking for new casual partners separately. She has a lot of casual sex. I would like to as well, but I'm lucky if I meet even a new girl per month.

Last week, she felt down after I cancelled our plans for the weekend because I had a car accident and I got admitted to the hospital (she craves a lot of attention from me because she doesn't have a primary), so she met and hooked up with 4 new people in 2 days.

That's unthinkable for me, even though I'm good looking, I just can't get that kind of attention as a straight man.

I feel very envious of Jess, and I can't do anything to close the gap.

Currently, the only way I feel I could cope with it is meeting escorts when I feel like I want casual sex. But I haven't done it yet, so it might work or might just make things worse.

Opinions, ideas, experiences?

Buondì

Sono in regime impatriati sud italia (10%) dal 2023. Nel 2023, 2024 e 2025 sono stato residente in Sud Italia.

Sto considerando di trasferirmi ad Agosto in Nord Italia, dove vigerebbe la regola del 30% piuttosto che 10%.

Come funziona il tutto in quel caso, visto che sarò stato residente per 7 mesi in Sud Italia e 5 mesi al Nord Italia? L'imponibile IRPEF sarà il 10% o 30% o altro? Gli anni passati rimangono al 10%?

Hey there!

Long story short, I'm ENM with a primary and a few secondaries.

I've been seeing on and off a girl named Jess: we had a crush on each other, went on cute dates together, but never defined "us". We both have primaries and busy lives so we didn't meet much, but texted a lot. It also took months until we slept together, and... it was terrible. We are clearly not sexually compatible and every time I hoped it would improve, but it never did and she never cared.

Since I'm not poly and I'm mainly looking for FWBs, and at the moment I have a few already, I want to stop being friend with benefits with her. Although I'm not sure how to do that: we are not together, so we won't break up. At the same time, we clearly liked each other as friends, and had benefits, so maybe I should tell her "Hey, I don't want to have benefits anymore". But at the same time, it's weird because maybe it's not that big of a deal that needs talking? (she's also seeing multiple people, I'm one of many)

I tried the least mature way: simply not inviting her out anymore, as it's what usually happened, on one side or the other, for all my other ex-FWBs.

But she keeps texting me, talking about her day, and hinting at the next dates... So I think I should gently let her down instead of just ghosting.

What would you do?