u/DislikedBench

So im almost positive the girl im seeing is a fearful avoidant. Based on how i have mentally reacted to all of this im probably anxious, although i think ive managed to keep my panic mostly to myself. We were seeing each other for 4-5 months in an undefined relationship. She wanted to take it slow at first and it ended up emotionally progressing incredibly quickly for both of us, and neither of us knew how to have the conversation so she ended up backing out of it because she didnt know if it was going anywhere. After about a month of us being apart, she decided to come back. I poured my heart out during this month and fought for it hard, but throughout that time she was basically a ghost. Getting any sort of dialogue or feelings out of her was like pulling teeth, and she would meet my paragraphs with weeks of silence because she would be processing and thinking of what to say. Her apparent indifference to me and near radio silence made me think it was over, so when she actually came back i was beyond surprised.

It started off really good. The first week we only texted but it was consistent and engaging every day. The second week we hung out twice. She came over to my place and it went very good. We talked for hours, at first about all the things we had to catch up on, then later in the night we talked a bit about the whole situation. She apologized for the way she treated me the past month, saying it was unfair to leave me in the dark the way that she did. She said so many reassuring things that made it seem like her heart was in it. She said “i wouldnt be here if this was a one time thing. I wouldnt do that to you”. She told me about how nobody has ever treated her as well as i have, that i do things for her nobody has ever done, and that i genuinely make her feel like shes the most beautiful girl in the world. The biggest thing is she asked me if i meant it when i said i loved her, and i said yes. She showed such a deep appreciation and affection for me. We were extremely intimate both physically and emotionally those two nights.

The following week her energy seemed to shift. Id text her and not get a whole lot of energy back. She never really texted first anymore. A couple occasions i would either get left on read or delivered for a day+. I know she was with friends a lot that week and went to the beach here and there, but she put in absolutely zero effort to communicate that, and zero effort to communicate at all. Towards the end of the week it was clear something was off when i texted her that i miss her and was hoping we could see each other soon. She left it on read for an entire day. So the next morning i said “hey is everything okay between us? It feels like something has been wrong”. She apologized and said everything is fine, just that she has been busy. Well all her follow up texts after that were just extremely surface level and short, she didnt seem interested in conversation, never asked about me or anything. So i ended up telling her “it does feel like you are pulling away and i dont want to keep guessing. I care about you and i want you to feel comfortable telling me how you are feeling.” She said she was with friends for the 4th of july and would text me later, and 3 days went by with no text. I checked in with a “hi i hope youve been doing good” and she replied to that a day later, polite but short and of course never reciprocated with a “how about yourself?”.

And now here we are a couple days out of that. Admittedly ive been stalking her tik tok reposts because it feels like the only way i can get ANY information on where her head is at, so i apologize if im reading too much into them. But last night she reposted a video of people singing the song “Boston” by Stella Lefty. If youre not familiar, the song is pretty much about setting aside your fears and pursuing a promising relationship. Then she reposted the first verse of Lil Peeps “Ghost Girl”. After that she reposted a picture of a text saying “idk how i could let you do this to me again”. And finally she reposted one that said “you wont come across another like me, yeah. Im rare.” I felt so good at the boston post, but the last two reposts just seem negative, like she regrets this and thinks that shes too good for me or something.

Any avoidants out there that can make heads or tails of this behavior, or anyone who has experienced something similar?

She came back after about a month break. We texted for about a week and it was really nice. She spent the night twice the next week and it was great. It was incredibly intimate and close like we were before. Everything she said was so reassuring and it felt like she was in it. Said she wouldnt be here if it was a one time thing, “i wouldnt do that to you”. Asked me if i meant it when i said i loved her. Told me nobody has ever treated her the way i treat her. Nobody has ever written her a love letter or made her a handmade gift like i have. That i when i tell her shes the most beautiful person ive ever met, that she actually believes it. Those two nights felt incredible. And then the following week she was super dry. Hardly if ever reached out, left me on delivered here and there.

At the end of the week left me on read all day when i said i missed her and was hoping to see her soon, so the next morning i asked if everything is okay between us. She apologized and said she has just been busy, but the next couple messages just felt short and distant so i said that it felt like she was pulling away and told her she could open up to me. She said she would text later since she was with friends, then 3 days went by and i heard nothing. I texted “hey hope youve been good” and she didnt text back until the next morning (today). Yet two days ago shes reposting about “this man hater persona is fake. I just want to be loved”. Like what the fuck is happening.

Whenever im driving my phone likes to connect to random phones that i pass by. It overrides the connection to my car and interrupts the music and i have to go out of my way to reconnect to my car. Its been happening for a long time now and im tired of it at this point. Are there any known fixes?

Found a bag of shrooms i got like 3-4 years ago. Took like 2 grams and only got a super light body high that lasted maybe like an hour. I have like 5-6 grams left and want to try again, do i need to wait another week or two?

She recently decided she needs a little space a few weeks ago, and last night i stupidly sent a handful of emotional messages. This isnt a no contact situation, but it is fairly limited. She told me this morning that shes trying to think things through but im blowing up her phone. I quickly replied “omg im so sorry i wasnt trying to overstep ill step back”. I regret that i wasnt a little more measured with my response like, “yeah youre right i dont know what i was thinking last night. Ive been overstepping and will respect your space. Im really sorry”

Its been like 10 hours. I think its probably a bad idea to send a quick follow up apology, but i also hate the impression that my current response gives.

TLDR: I sent a paragraph i shouldnt have sent, is it too late to apologize

This girl and I have been seeing each other for a few months, but were taking things slow and not rushing to use labels since she recently got out of a relationship and didnt want to jump into another one right away. We worked together for probably 2+ years, and secretly had huge crushes on each other for well over a year before we started seeing each other. We get along extremely well and its the first time ive felt like somebody is the one, and the feelings are incredibly strong going both ways.

Recently she told me that she feels like my communication has been poor enough to make her think im not interested in something serious like she has come to be, and she wants to take a step back. In general i havent been a great texter, sometimes going a few days without contact. I think the tipping point was when she opened up about how she worries about whether or not we will actually turn this into a committed relationship, saying that she wants to go on dates. In the moment i missed the point, i thought she was saying that to let me know shes serious and doesnt only see me as a casual thing, but i didnt think she was saying she wants to get the ball rolling just yet. I told her i felt the same and that id love to go on a date too someday, and the “someday” gave off the impression that im hesitant to take it further. Really i was just trying to be low-pressure, pretty much saying “id love to take this further whenever you feel ready” because i knew going into this she didnt want to rush things. In hindsight i dont know how i missed the point and i shouldve asked her out.

So, she said she wants to pull back from this right now. She absolutely knows i like her and care about her, and i have verbally expressed on many occasions that i feel so deeply and serious about her. She says that im really good to her and i make her feel really good about herself in ways nobody else has. She says we’ll stay in touch and if its meant to be itll happen. I know what i need to change and im committed to doing better, but realistically what are the chances that we come back from this? I know that we share a serious connection, and i dont want to believe that a communication error is going to end it all.

This happened a week ago and i waited a few days before checking up on her since she wanted space. Ive sent her a couple light texts since then but responses are slow, which has me worried maybe im reaching out too soon. She did text me once about something lighthearted/funny that happened which gives me hope she hasnt sworn this off entirely. Im not sure how to proceed. I want to respect her space, but i dont want to give so much space that it seems im just repeating my mistakes. Its a difficult balance to find, how do i go forward?