u/Dizzy-Share1509

Sorry if this post is a little long, most of its copied text to read through. The original sub doesn't allow pictures but I got a note or letter from my mom saying some crazy terms for me to follow if I want to stay here. For context, I turned 18 recently and me and my mom have been fighting a lot more because she just needs to control everything about my life and just is generally awful to me besides providing necessities which shes now going to stop anyway.

Anyways yesterday we got in a bad fight and I left to stay the night at my bfs house because I don't really have any friends to stay with but I didn't feel safe and was just sick of being in fight or flight. I bought a burner phone and lockable bags for my sentimental belongings so she couldn't do anything with them, but everything was packed up when I came home. I'll admit I didn't exactly text her directly to tell her what I was doing, but I had my boyfriend text her from his phone saying specifically that I was safe, with him, and would be returning the next day.

She proceeded to blow up my boyfriend and his dad's phone threatening to call police and other things like that which never happened. She was mad that his dad said that its none of their business whats going on with us and to stop contacting him, so that is why she says they disrespected her even though it was the other way around, I saw all the texts. She told my brother and our entire extended family that she didn't know where I was and that I moved out.

My brother is mad at me even though i told him our mom knew where I was but I haven't shown him the screenshot yet. I'm hoping he'll come around and my family might understand. The contents of the paper on the areas marked 1 and 2 are quotes that she took and twisted into something completely different, but honestly I still think her response is insane if that was really how I said it. This is how the paper reads word for word.

The clause stating that i will not bring anything out of her home is quite literally because I was moving things of mine out slowly so she wouldn't notice. This is the deceiving she speaks of on the letter as well. I had to "deceive" to survive every damn day with her.🙄 again I did in fact notify her that I was okay and she knew where I was.

______________________________________________________

[My name], the last 48 hours I was disrespected by both [my bfs name] parents and your bf I need full honesty with no secrets. I do not have a swinging door and I don't need to know your every move. For many reasons I deserve the respect of a decent conversation so I don't have to base decisions off of others.

There are also two things you mentioned.

1. "You should be happy im here i needed a break" you didn't take it upon yourself to notify me or anyone that reached out to you.

2. Expectations of this being your home

This is my home and you said "I have some of my stuff the rest is elsewhere" is disrespectful because you've openly been deceiving me but keep denying it instead of owning it.

You may or may not have the note i took a picture of but you agreed to abide by all house rules. If this is an "only when it serves me" situation like it has been by simply having common courtesy to the woman that raised you.

If these are no longer a problem I'd appreciate a proper discussion reguarding why you are living part time elsewhere as that is also against my lease as we aren't allowed to participate time occupy more than this residence.

3rd your medical is important and if you have a different address we need move out date, when you need a break ahead of time, and you have to comply with what the state wants or we need to again separate you from the household.

Coming and going THE WAY YOU DID will not be alloud. I will take that as a move out immediately effective.

no prophanities

No fighting

Help with chores

Ask before removing things from my home

No ghosting

Pick up after yourself

Comply with state

______________________________________________________

Any advice Is deeply appreciated. I have no idea what to do. She is definitely going to try to kick me out which she cannot do where I live. I'm pretty positive this paper carries no legal weight but do I respond? Stay silent? Either makes it way worse. Every conversation is a fight and if I'm quiet it's also a fight. I know maybe I shouldn't have left for the night without saying anything but I told her immediately that I was safe when I found out she was looking for me so I really don't see what's wrong with it in my situation. I don't know but I need some help figuring out my life right now idk what to do.

Hi reddit, i have a small ish particular issue i have with a habit of my moms and i wanted to know if anyone elses mom/parent is the same or does this. I'm 18f and my mom is always checking to see if i ate, brushed my teeth, showered, etc. I do not have a problem with my physical hygeine but i did used to struggle mentally which caused me to not take as good care of my teeth for a period of time.

I can see why she would be a little worried about me having to get more work done on my teeth, but i just think at my age it should be my responsibility and i do keep up on it now. Its not just that shell occasionally make sure im doing it, every single day shell ask to make sure i did it, which i have asked her not to do at least as much which she responds with "youre still my baby" which i get im still her kid but im not a baby and i can take care of myself.

Its weird to me because there were years as a younger kid where she didnt care to ask or was too distracted or just not present in some way. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing? And is it normal or am i overreacting?

Hi reddit. I am 18f (i turn 18 tomorrow) i live with my mom and my brother. For a small bit of context my mom and i really dont have a good relationship. Basically, my mom is sort of irresponsible with money and has been asking me for all kinds of help with the household and trying to get me to do things that gain her more benefits from the state.

Last night she brings up that shes going to a party for the 4th of july and that i WILL be staying home to watch my brother. I said i might make plans with some friends, but she says this is her house so her rules? I dont see how that relates to me watching her kid because i am not a babysitter.

I had a problem with it because she assumed id just say yes and got angry with me for even alluding to the fact that i can choose if i go or not since ill be an adult. He is 16 and most definitely can take care of himself for one night and he plans to stay home and take care of our dog.

I have plans for the 4th that i havent told her yet because i dont feel like fighting since they involve my boyfriends family which she hates. I plan to leave this household in the next month or so (please do not judge, she wants me out trust me).

if i decide to try and talk to her about anything it will be a fight and this month will be tense so should i listen to her so i dont have to hear her shit or should i stand on my boundaries that i wont stay home on the 4th

I am 17f about to turn 18. I made a post before this and the beginning is similar but there are developments and i really really need advice asap and have nobody to ask in real life. The last few days at my house have been insanity and constant arguing and just talking generally about me turning 18 with my mom. I live with her and my brother, my dad is not in the picture. We have never been very financially stable and we are struggling with rent at the moment.

My mom has been asking me constantly about my plans as an adult, and making demands that i sign her lease and go down to this financial aid place in our city and apply for financial aid for the house. The reason is because she has already applied there in the last year and now since ill be on the lease i might be able to get us help again. The thing is i really dont think i should sign it. She is super irresponsible with money and if we cant get rent help this month i signed myself up for a free eviction on my record according to what shes been telling me.

She is asking my younger brother for rent as well and shes on us about it hard even though neither of us have jobs?? I can also tell i wont have any extra freedom in my mothers eyes when im 18 because when she rages she really really rages and shell use anything as an excuse to control me for whatever she needs.

We dont have that great of a relationship but i feel like i might definitely be an asshole if i dont help her get out of getting evicted. I couldnt see my family on the street again and our poor dog doesnt deserve it. Im so so torn on what to do. If i sign the lease and immediately give my 30 day notice to quit that could work, but only if the lease is month to month which i dont know.

I dont want to live here that much longer just like 1 month so i can get my shit together and hopefully find a job. I need advice immediately as i turn 18 in less than 4 days any and all is appreciated i dont want to put her in a bad situation but i dont want to fuck my credit over before i even start life. So am i the asshole for considering not signing the lease??

For those who didnt see my original post i am 17f my 18th birthday is now in 5 days. I live with my mom who is trying to have me sign a lease and a bunch of other papers with the state that say i live in the same household with her, but she is irresponsible with her money and kind of toxic. I wanted to add for context that i do not have a job only a couple hundred dollars saved and no birth certificate.

She is getting angry about me not wanting to sign the papers and says i need to move out if i dont want to do it as well as other rules she has in place that are just ridiculous and make no sense. She apparently has multiple jobs now i dont know if this is true but if it is she can support herself i think.

She wants to get me a new phone and have me download a tracking app but i don't want to do this and have no idea how to set that boundary safely.

Im also scared she might take items from me that she bought such as my skateboard but it was a gift so where i live its supposed to be mine but if she takes it ill have to go to court if j cant negotiate it back.

Anyways i dont know what to do i only have a few days until she can start the process of kicking me out she cant just throw me out on the street, but i think i will be given notice at least and there might be a huge fight soon but im trying to keep things calm until then. I know yall said im nta but i cant help feeling guilty about planning to leave.

She is sketched out about me leaving for sure because she keeps asking where my stuff is going and im trying to convince her im just cleaning stuff up but its getting harder to do when im trying to move the stuff i care about.

Thank you to all who read to the end and to those who gave advice on my last post i appreciate the feedback.🩶

I live with my mom and my brother. I am 17f about to turn 18 in 1 week. Recently my mom has been talking to me constantly asking about paying her money for rent which i know she sometimes struggles with, and i would normally have no problem with.

The problem is that she is irresponsible with her money to the point she has multiple evictions on her record (it happens, but they used to happen often and as a kid we lived in shelters a lot). Its not that im holding this against her, but she wants me to sign a lease with her which financially obligates me to the rent.

I dont feel comfortable doing this for many reasons, including the fact that she is always threatening to kick me out. I have been trying to prepare myself to move out because of all thats been going on.

I think i might be the asshole because i dont want my mom to be behind on rent, and i definitely dont need my family being homeless again. Mine and my moms relationship isnt that great but i dont want to put her in a situation where shes struggling again, i just i dont want to risk putting myself in a bad situation too.

So would i be the asshole if i moved out after im 18 instead of helping with rent? I honestly think she might kick me out anyways but wibtah for not signing the lease?

Hello reddit. I am 17 female and i will be turning 18 this month. My mom is verbally and sometimes physically abusive and threatens to kick me out every few days if not multiple times daily, depending on her mood. I live in California so if she wants to kick me out after i am 18 she has to give me a 60 day notice. I have a template of this notice and i might type it so that she can serve me with it if she says it and is serious again after im 18. I dont want to live here anymore either, but i have no job or place to stay besides a shelter that i know of in my city. How do i handle living with her if that 60 day notice is signed?? Things are already tense but will be much worse when she can legally try to sue me and other things, and will probably try to take back some things she gave me. I plan to buy some bags to pack with with luggage locks with a bit of money i have saved up because i know she cant break or throw out my bags. I know she will likely stop providing everything in the house and try to bill me for my time here being an adult. Any advice helps and thanks for reading this.

I know this might not be the right subreddit but i think the people here could give me some good advice. I am 17f and i live in the us. I live with my mom and brother. My dad isnt in the picture period and my mom has been abusive as long as i can remember. I am turning 18 in about 20 days, and my mom insists i will be signing onto her lease as a tenant. My only problems are 1. She is horrible to me and makes me hate living in this house, 2. She wants to charge me 600$ a month to continue living in her room, 3. She constantly threatens to kick me out and i almost feel like she will at some point soon no matter what, aaaand 4.she is so financially irresponsible its painful to watch, has had multiple evictions in the past, and i dont need that on my record. I dont want to sign any lease but i would like to stay here for a month or two while i figure out where to move to with no job since it likely wont be here. In the state i live you are a tenant at-will when you turn 18 and you must be formally evicted but i am concerned the apartment may serve us a 3 day notice while i am trying to figure this out since i will be an unauthorized adult on my birthday. I have no idea how this process works but i know i need more than 3 days and i am concerned for my safety while leaving and her claiming my things are hers. I have considered typing up a 60 day notice for her to "serve" me. But if i did this i dont know if the apartment manager would see it and waive any notice they would normally give if i am actively leaving?? I will probably post this to other subs just to see if anyone has a dif opinion. If u read to the end thank u and have a good day:) advice is appreciated

Tw: verbal/physical/religious abuse, possible sexual abuse?

*Long post*

So i didnt think id be able to even write as much as i did, but once i started they kept coming and i had to remove some from the list actually. Part of the reason im posting this is because i (17f) am currently under the control of my nmom and i am struggling lately with seeing my abuse as valid even though i know it is abuse if that makes sense? I sometimes feel like the abuse is not valid because my kom doesnt do things other parents do. So basically seeking internet validation from strangers because my grandma doesnt help much when i talk to her and i dont have anyone else id talk about this with, no therapist. Im no longer in school and i have no friends. Any advice or input is appreciated. I also wrote this because i know when i first realized i was being abused i was all over reddit and the internet trying to find people with a story like mine so i didnt feel so alone in it, though i havent found too many people with a parent just like mine. Anyways so if this resonates with you im sorry but also glad that you can have that realization because its better than internalizing each thing nparents say because it will destroy you. Sorry for the long intro, this list shouldnt be too long to read if youre interested tho.

1 Forces me to run most errands for/with her so she doesnt have to do it or do it alone.

2 Makes me clean the whole house on a regular basis while constantly calling me lazy

3 Any time we argue she will be nice at first acting like she genuinely cares about our relationship and then if i continue to disagree with her or have my opinion then i will get absolutely torn up verbally. She will often apologize after an argument and i will believe she means it but the same thing will happen the next day. She will proceed to act like the victim.

4 Every conversation we have she will pull the parent card, "im the parent youre the child you respect me and that's it." I am apparently always giving attitude and she can genuinely never be wrong.

5 She will often come to me after the conversation trying to make me think i am crazy by being kinda nice or like concerned? Shell say things like "im really scared of you right now" or "i just want the best for you even though i know you dont see it now" to try to convince me i was the cause of the fight or that i have bad mental issues ( i do but not any that are actively hurting anyone including me) She has also recorded me during conversations where im sure i do look crazy after she pushed me to the edge after probably an hour or more of arguing.

6 She keeps trying to force me to take medications prescribed to me by my doctor even though she keeps prescribing me stuff that ive already told her makes me feel weird. For context my medications are for anxiety. My mom keeps saying she is going to send me to a mental hospital if i dont take them. I know she legally couldnt, but i do think she might still try. She threatens this in unrelated arguments often as well, as if disagreeing with her is a mental illness.

7 Each time we fight she will talk about setting up a psychiatry appointment and how shes not gonna let me make any choices in the appointment because im not yet 18.

8 Shes constantly making comments about my body either "positive" or negative, for example its always something like a comment about how much i have "developed" (which i hate hearing so much because shes said it a few times and honestly my body hasnt really changed at all since the last few times so it just makes me feel like shes always staring at my boobs or something.) That or shell make repeated comments about how i look unhealthy due to my weight (im slightly underweight and almost always have been because of my super fast metabolism, i wish i could change it too) or things like that

9 She has in fact hit me and always tries to tell me its "popping" when shes just smacking me in the face and would never take accountability for that

10Even if i am crying or panicking she will call my grandma and make me get on the phone with her. I dont know where my grandma stands but i know she knows my mom isnt okay. I dont want to talk to her while things are happening bc if im being honest she makes it worse sometimes. My mom will send videos of us fighting to my grandma (her mom).

11Constantly throws it in my face that im not 18 yet and have to listen to her still. Ive run away multiple times and she knows i want out.

12Brings up my own trauma to hurt me during arguments and will not admit her fault in a single part of it. Including throwing it in my face that i ran away in the first place without reflecting on WHY. Says im just like her exes often.

13Frequently talks about people who have wronged her even if she was at fault

14Keeps trying to get me to pay rent and saying i owe her money for my time living here under 18 after i graduated about a year ago

15Very frequently will make up things other people have said to try to get me to do things she wants me to

16Compares me to other peoples children

17If i do anything she does to me back to her, all hell breaks loose and im "vindictive" or "abusive." How could a 17year old be abusing their 36 year old mother? Like im sure it happens but i find it so wierd that she says this so often. And if i am when im throwing the same energy back, then isnt she too???

18 Every. Single. Argument. Every time she says "im sick of being treated this way by you" or "you treat me like shit" usually as shes actively treating me terribly like HOW.

19 When she needs me to do something for her she will often expect me to already know how to do it. For example if im searching for something for her and i ask where it is, thats annoying because i should already know to her.

20 literally has me do everything for her that she can have me do while yelling and cursing the whole time. Just recently i stopped having to get her clothes for each morning. If she needs something i gotta get up and do it and if i dont im disrespectful or abusive or a terrible kid. Food, medication, you name it.

21 Shes single and goes through men quite fast. she doesnt find partners that treat their kids the same, but in recent years she will somehow find men that seem alright and just pipe down the abuse a bit so they dont think shes a bad mom.

22 She has straight up told me its my responsibility to take full care of my brother who is just about 2 years younger than me and pretty capable of taking care of himself. Me and my brother also walk, feed, brush, and play with her dog, joy while she walks her like once a month. I took her to her last vet appointment which was free and she hasnt been since. I do love joy and want to do these things with/for her i just cant do it all the time and honestly sometimes she will go on the floor because my brother doesnt take her out right and then i always have to clean it but i dont know how to monitor her better except taking full responsibility for her.

23 If we eat the food she buys too fast were a burden but if we dont eat it before it expires were ungrateful

24 Will actively gaslight me and tell me i am doing the same. So wild. gaslighting me into thinking im gaslighting her when i am trying to carry out a productive conversation for our relationship.

25 Is actively trying to kick me out even though it is illegal. She says all her rental assistance will stop if i dont have a job or go to college which is a lie because i researched the website of the rental help agency to make sure. I am unemployed so basically she is trying to force me to go to college and saying her social worker for the program is saying i need to do this, but i know legally i dont and she wont let me speak to the worker.

26 Kicks me out of the house temporarily to look for a job and i cant do anyrhing about it since it is temporary and she would deny anything to police.

27 A few years back when i came home from running away she made me strip search, i wasnt fully naked or anything but it was extremely uncomfortable because i didnt want to and she wouldn't let me leave the bathroom until i did because she thought i had a vape on me.

28 my mother used to really shove religion down my throat when i decided i didnt want to be a Christian like shed raised me. I dont remember any specific incidents about this except 1. And honestly i dont remember what the argument was even about but it could have been pretty bad because i had gotten home from running away the first time. Anyways she starts saying word for word that "there is evil in you" i was struggling deeply with my mental health and honestly most of it was her fault even tho i dont like to blame people for my issues. She started chanting? Not even in English or any other language (she doesnt know any) just angry gibberish and saying god needed to heal me and then she climbed on top of me and just held me down like that while chanting for a sec then kept hanging on and wouldnt let me go. I kept asking her to get off me and idk if i cried during or after but i know i did cry. She never apologized for that and ive never told a soul because it was embarrassing for some reason.

This last one is another reason i dont really know if some uncomfortable events in my childhood were just uncomfortable or like really weird

29 My mother has pretty much never asked for privacy while changing. She always uses the bathroom with the door open like every single time, and i remember as a kid she used to just walk around the house fully naked doing chores and stuff for hours it made me feel a little weird. I never asked her to put clothes on because i must have been under 10. She does still change fully in front of me often and i dont like it, but im too scared to say anything to her.

If you got this far thank you so much and congrats youve already listened more than my cps case workers did. 😭

In all seriousness im just waiting to turn 18 because i have just over a month and im gonna be gone to anywhere but my moms house. I really do hope this helps some people out that were looking for it, and thanks for reading to the end.

This is kind of a long one. I am 17f and i am sick. Not like bedridden sick, i just have a cold or bronchitis or something. For context, my mom has mono and bronchitis at the moment. She went into the er on 2 separate nights and was diagnosed one after the other. I was supposed to go with her to get tested the second time, but i passed out on my bed when i got home from hanging out with my friends. I feel its worth mentioning i did have my shoes on so i really did plan to go with but my fatigue was really bad.

Well now she refuses to take me into the er or urgent care. She says i should have come with when i had the chance, but that i was obviously avoiding it?? She keeps trying to give me medical advice and like diagnose me and try to make me take care of myself accordingly, but i dont want her advice. She used to be an ma (medical assistant) so she knows a little about the medical field. After 4 days of me asking to go to the doctor and her giving me unsolicited advice and refusing to take me, I told her i want to see a doctor for a reason, and i said specifically not to be disrespectful, that a doctor has a higher degree than she has, and i want to hear a professional opinion because i dont think i have what she says i have, and she keeps saying i can just go back to normal once i feel better but i need to know i wont get my boyfriend or friends sick if i decide to go out.

For now im at home. After this conversation she says i was manipulating her (referring to when i asked why she went to the doctro since she should know what she has since shes "basically a test away from being a doctor") and that i need to stop treating her the way i am, almost seeming concerned for me. I hated it. She always does this, making me feel guilty about wanting to go to the doctor and telling me i dont appreciate all the effort of her planning the appointment since i never go (i missed one appointment because of a bus incident which made me 20 minutes late)

i dont know what to do with her anymore but im probably gonna have to move out soon anyways because she keeps saying SHES walking on eggshells around ME and doesnt want to live like this anymore according to her. And apparently i have to sign the lease when im 18 or leave and id rather not be responsible for anything if my mom ever got evicted again.

Advice is welcome, i dont really know what to do at this point. I already sort of have a plan to get out i just dont know what on earth im gonna say to her, if im gonna go no contact or low contact or just like go off on her, i dont know really but its been like this for years with occcasional physical abuse and i am tired of it. To anyone who read this far thank you. I will delete this soon but ill read any responses.

So I have no car, no job, and no family members in the state. I am about to turn 18 and me, my parent, and our other family members live in a small apartment. My parent has told me that when i turn 18 i am legally required by our lease to sign the lease or move out. The only problem is that since i was little my parent has been irresponsible with money, and has had several evictions on their record. I want to move out in the next year whether i rent a room or something else, and i cant rent an apartment for years if i have an eviction on my record, so i really dont want to risk my housing in the future. I wouldn't be thinking about it this way if i really trusted that she could make the rent on her own, but shes getting less hours than she used to and i dont have the money to pay the rest if she cant, and the landlord could come after me for rent. My decision is pretty much final though advice is welcome and appreciated. I read online that where i live i would likely have only 3 days to get all my stuff out of the apartment and give our landlord a notice. I plan on calling homeless shelters near me to see their availability. I have plans on how to get my documents and a couple hundred saved up. I want to leave at a time when she cant harass me about it but she hasnt been working much lately. Other than that im not sure what to do except wait and try to like figure out what im bringing with me.