u/EWF_FanZ

It’s been almost two months and I still can’t wrap my head around what you did to me! I accused you of things that weren’t your fault out of genuine misunderstanding and fear. On top of the message I sent you on Valentine’s Day that was inexcusable. I genuinely am sorry about those things I said about you and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me and understand I was only trying to protect myself, but I ended up hurting one of my favorite people in the process. It really didn’t hit me until you sent me that fuckass break up text, and then I reread it and realize you did see the good in me…you did understand that I truly loved you, but you weren’t there yet….

That being said, I don’t think you understand how much your actions devastated me. I felt like you tricked me, you didn’t want to be by yourself so you used manipulation and self pity to get me to stay, all the while you haven’t even figured yourself out yet or we even sure if you wanted a relationship! How others have treated you bc of your mental illness doesn’t justify bread-crumbing and lying about your history! That’s the part that hurt. When it came to being reciprocal in empathy, care, accountability, although I was never perfect, I genuinely tried….you didn’t!

Respectfully I will always mourn this relationship as a tragedy, I felt for once in my life I found someone who genuinely understands me and I understand them….but that’s not how things work in this real world. I sent you that last message to give you a reality check on how things are out here! You can’t use how your parents and your ex treated you to be an avoidant POS to the very person that just wanted to help you 💔. Was it all mania…or was it real, was any of it real? 😞

I think about you all the time, I still have the Dinosaur you gave me. The journal you gave me I burned it because it was too painful to read 🥺. You taught me to never ignore the red flags bc you want to see the good in someone…you will pay for it everytime.

I accept your apologies, but I cannot do that to myself ever again anymore! I love you…and I always will. But please heal for yourself, and more importantly those that love you….

Take care ladybug 🐞…

TW in Advance:
In November 2015, I attempted suicide by jumping out of a moving car. I’m 23F and was diagnosed with PDD past year (Persistent Depressive Disorder) by a psychologist. I would like to open up this discussion to talk about signs of someone would could be suicidal and what goes through the mind of a person who experiences that. May is Mental health awareness month and I wanted to use this post to share how you can help someone and hopefully help your loved ones 🫶🏾.

Without going into personal details, please be mindful and report anyone who lies about their identity or their name on dating apps to lure you to talk to them.

I matched with someone in December who I didn’t know at the time was arrested with burglary and assault 6 months before they set up a dating profile. They were open with me about why they had been arrested (BP 1 psychosis episode) but not about the time frame or their name. I think they lied and said their name was something else to prevent me from finding out their record.

This person was also on the wrong dosage of medicine and I eventually found out was displaying signs of mania while talking with me. And when I asked them to go back to being friends because they were rapidly making plans, they snapped at me and the told me “I wouldn’t have made a dating profile if I wasn’t ready” then proceeded to try and guilt trip me into keep talking with them because in their words “everyone always leaves when they find out I have Bipolar disorder”

Along with a lot of other things, they were staying up very late and often time spending a lot of money, which made me really concerned that they were not stable enough to be in a relationship let alone on a dating app.

Throughout us talking, this person was abusing large amounts of alcohol (up to two bottles of wine per night) with their medication, and I warned them that that behavior is dangerous to their physical health. It could potentially poison them or even kill them. They ignored me and basically tried to redirect the conversation towards something else. Once I started doing further research about bipolar disorder, along with disclosing my own experience, having relatives with this disorder, I was trying to get them to take care of themselves and do better for themselves. Unfortunately, this person sent me a bunch of hurtful voice messages and also constantly brought up their ex saying that when she told them about their bipolar they were manipulating and controlling them. Even their friends called them out on their behavior.

I am not sharing this to shame those with this mental illness, but if you do not feel right or something is off about someone, DO NOT let someone guilt trip you for it and make you feel bad, and report it! Hinge has some safety tips in their profile to help users also. I don’t have much social media, but if you do, check the person who you are talking to for suspicious behavior or red flags! I found this persons mugshot on Facebook with their real name on it!

Anyways, please say safe everyone and good luck 💕

Without going into personal details, please be mindful and report anyone who lies about their identity or their name on dating apps to lure you to talk to them.

I matched with someone in December who I didn’t know at the time was arrested with burglary and assault 6 months before they set up a dating profile. They were open with me about why they had been arrested (BP 1 psychosis episode) but not about the time frame or their name. I think they lied and said their name was something else to prevent me from finding out their record.

This person was also on the wrong dosage of medicine and I eventually found out was displaying signs of mania while talking with me. And when I asked them to go back to being friends because they were rapidly making plans, they snapped at me and the told me “I wouldn’t have made a dating profile if I wasn’t ready” then proceeded to try and guilt trip me into keep talking with them because in their words “everyone always leaves when they find out I have Bipolar disorder”

Along with a lot of other things, they were staying up very late and often times spending a lot of money, which made me really concerned that they were not stable enough to be in a relationship let alone on a dating app.

Throughout us talking, this person was abusing large amounts of alcohol (up to two bottles of wine per night) with their medication, and I warned them that that behavior is dangerous to their physical health. It could potentially poison them or even kill them. They ignored me and basically tried to redirect the conversation towards something else. Once I started doing further research about bipolar disorder, along with disclosing my own experience, having relatives with this disorder, I was trying to get them to take care of themselves and do better for themselves. Unfortunately, this person sent me a bunch of hurtful voice messages and also constantly brought up their ex saying that when she told them about their bipolar they were manipulating and controlling them. Even their friends called them out on their behavior.

I am not sharing this to shame those with this mental illness, but if you do not feel right or something is off about someone, DO NOT let someone guilt trip you for it and make you feel bad, and report it! Hinge has some safety tips in their profile to help users also. I don’t have much social media, but if you do, check the person who you are talking to for suspicious behavior or red flags! I found this persons mugshot on Facebook with their real name on it!

Anyways, please say safe everyone and good luck 💕

Without going into personal details, please be mindful and report anyone who lies about their identity or their name on dating apps to lure you to talk to them.

I matched with someone in December who I didn’t know at the time was arrested with burglary and assault 6 months before they set up a dating profile. They were open with me about why they had been arrested (BP 1 psychosis episode) but not about the time frame or their name. I think they lied and said their name was something else to prevent me from finding out their record.

This person was also on the wrong dosage of medicine and I eventually found out was displaying signs of mania while talking with me. And when I asked them to go back to being friends because they were rapidly making plans, they snapped at me and the told me “I wouldn’t have made a dating profile if I wasn’t ready” then proceeded to try and guilt trip me into keep talking with them because in their words “everyone always leaves when they find out I have Bipolar disorder”

Along with a lot of other things, they were staying up very late and often time spending a lot of money, which made me really concerned that they were not stable enough to be in a relationship let alone on a dating app.

Throughout us talking, this person was abusing large amounts of alcohol (up to two bottles of wine per night) with their medication, and I warned them that that behavior is dangerous to their physical health. It could potentially poison them or even kill them. They ignored me and basically tried to redirect the conversation towards something else. Once I started doing further research about bipolar disorder, along with disclosing my own experience, having relatives with this disorder, I was trying to get them to take care of themselves and do better for themselves. Unfortunately, this person sent me a bunch of hurtful voice messages and also constantly brought up their ex saying that when she told them about their bipolar they were manipulating and controlling them. Even their friends called them out on their behavior.

I am not sharing this to shame those with this mental illness, but if you do not feel right or something is off about someone, DO NOT let someone guilt trip you for it and make you feel bad, and report it! Hinge has some safety tips in their profile to help users also. I don’t have much social media, but if you do, check the person who you are talking to for suspicious behavior or red flags! I found this persons mugshot on Facebook with their real name on it!

Anyways, please say safe everyone and good luck 💕

I grew up in a household with a unstable and abusive parent, whenever I was scared, sad, or anxious, i would mastubate to help calm me down. In my teen years I didn't have many friends and we were homeless for 3 years, I remember I would use porn as a way to escape my life situation and want some way out. I didn't want to, but it gave me the dopamine boost I needed to numb myself. It always made me horribly depressed and moody when I didn't look at porn. I didn't realise how bad it was until I would literally go to school and cry in the bathroom at how sad my life was and try to get myself away from it. When I was SA’d at school by a student, I felt like porn was my way of getting my power back to myself, at least that time it was my choice. Whenever I was lonely, couldn't talk to anyone about my problems, stressed out, even s*cidal, I would use porn to divert my attention away for a while….

Fast forward to adulthood, I graduate college with honors, have a great job, and I'm really attractive, yet I still feel so broken inside. I feel like porn has always been the thing I could go to that gave me some sort of confidence, was certain (no matter how I felt afterwords) to make me feel good. It was something that almost became a drug for me.

I was once clear of porn for 8 months, I relapsed after my friend was killed, and it was traumatic for me to go through alone 😢. I'm tired of being emotionally dependant on porn to get me through, I've always been an old soul do its hard for me to find meaningful connections with people my age, and those that are in my life I care about always end up dying or leaving me. Sometimes I think it I had a better community around me this wouldn't be an issue 😞

I have studied cybersecurity and IT, and I have observed a disturbing trend with social media algorithms for the past 6 years. Since tech giants like Meta have merged with platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and WhatsApp, I’ve noticed the way these algorithms have been used to engage users. Along with former employees at social media companies like TIk Tok realizing what is happening and not only quitting but deleting their social media too.

Everyone wants the spotlight nowadays, it’s not new. Humans desire attention and want to be recognized, and add that to the fact you can get paid to post content and adds fuel to the fire. Which leads me into my viewpoint: social media highlights and places videos or posts on someone’s feed that make them more likely to engage with the platform. In the 1950s, a psychologist by the name of Solomon Asch performed an experiment to show that social conformity plays a huge role in people’s decision making skills. People are more likely to agree with something that is not true as long as the majority of people believe it.

Since the Artemis ll mission, I’ve been seeing a bunch of feels on Facebook and IG basically stating that the moon landing and NASA are completely fake and that the earth is flat. Many of the comments are either bots or just people enraged by the post. But usually these reels are the number one thing you see on the “For you” page, and it’s not just me, several others have said the same thing on their accounts and they don’t share these views at all.

It gets worse. I have been noticing an uptick in political extremism along with racist, antisemitic, misogynist (men vs women or gender wars), and homophobic content lately It seems like anyone that has a nuanced view on a topic or logical response is immediately shut down or doesn’t get the same number of views as those that do. I remember back in 2024 seeing a rise in Indian hate in the comment sections and in reels and I asked a friend of mine who lives in India why this was so common. And she told me it might have something to do with China as India has banned tik tok there for security reasons. She started telling me that people from the UK, US, and Canada were telling her that there’s been an influx of racist content towards Indians on the platform, and not just on Tik Tok either, but also on Instagram too. I recently saw a video that looked like it was from South Africa basically showing a lot of fighting between immigrants and native South Africans. I checked with a friend of mine from there and she told me this is not accurate to how most South Africans view immigrants and it was showing fights in the run down areas there.

I would like someone to legitimately change my view on this topic, because if what I am seeing is true along with much of what I’ve learned in my IT studies, social media is being used as a weapon to cause us to hate each other….

Hey, I know you’re gonna think I’m batshit crazy for sending you this, especially after all I said in the final message I sent to you. A lot of what I said to you was from emotions and a lot of built up anger. You were my first real girlfriend and you broke my heart on a random Tuesday, and not just that, while I was at work! No final goodbye, no FaceTime call, no explanation….just “things are too taxing for me”…

I’m not gonna lie, that tore me apart 😢, i lost my appetite for a few days after you sent me that. It hurt sooo bad because I believed so much in you. I actually believed you loved me the same way I loved you. I love you unconditionally and even though you dumped me, i still truly believe we were meant to cross paths and that you are (one of my) soulmate(s). You taught me that sometimes some people aren’t ready to be vulnerable and may even push away or hurt those who want to help them the most because they were afraid. I regret how I sent you the last message I sent but I meant every word of it. You hurt me with how much you were drinking, the way you talked about yourself, how you always seemed to bring up your ex in our conversations despite knowing she clearly demonstrated she didn’t love you…..you weren’t healed, but you didn’t want to be alone. Just because others have hurt you doesn’t make it okay for you to do the same to me, even if you weren’t fully aware of it.

I get it, I’ve been there. That doesn’t make it okay to hurt other people. I said some horrible things to you out of fear of abandonment and unhealed childhood wounds. I was completely wrong for comparing my dad to you. You two may struggle from the same disorder, but you are nothing like him. You are extremely intelligent, caring, hilarious, give great advice, and also thoughtful. I loved the way you got excited talking but your stories, your favorite books, your day at work, a new style of makeup, your pet cat, I love it all. You were one of the few people I genuinely loved to just be around just because I could be myself, not put on a front, just breathe, or as your worded it “just exist with you”. I miss your voice, I miss our 12 am phone calls, how you took me away from this world and its problems for a while, I miss just talking to you about anything and feel like no time passed by…..I loved you, in a way you’ll probably never understand.

But I understand….you weren’t fully there yet. Your disorder causes a lot of hurt to those around you when you don’t care for it properly and you simply didn’t want to hurt me anymore, and I was afraid your were gonna hurt me 😣, so many have in the past and I thought you were going to be the one to change that. I was naive, you are a human too that’s hurting just like I am. And although I don’t fully understand what you experience, I know you have gone through a lot and you are coping with it the only way you know how….

I’m sorry for not fully understanding that, but I wish you would have taken time to understand me too. The way you spoke to me when I disclosed issues with my mental health felt dismissive, I was there for you when you disclosed your experiences to me, do I not deserve the same? 🥺. I want back and read them and you were genuinely trying to help me and I am sorry I didn’t pay attention to it. I honestly thought you would leave me after finding out. For you, I will get better 🧡.

Sometimes throughout the day I think about you, our first kiss, holding hands, staring into your beautiful eyes, those warm hugs, I miss them, because when I did those I felt safe with you. You simply are a piece of artwork to me….i miss it and i miss you so much…

If you happen to read this message by some miracle, just know I always have and always will love you. We can’t change what happened yesterday, but I will always have the memories in a very special place in my heart ♥️. And as you told me before, it doesn’t matter if you are moving forward or backwards, as long as you are going somewhere that’s all that matters. I understand you were more mature than me in so many areas, and I was more mature than you in some areas. We learned from each other here, and if one day we cross paths again and want to be apart of each others lives again, we can share how much we’ve learned since we’ve been away…

As always, take good care of yourself, focus on what you want to become not where you’ve been. I love you forever….

Sincerely, your honeybee 🐝