19, alone in university. Seeking wisdom or just an ear.

I've always had trouble making friends. I've had different conclusions my entire life that have evolved. I still can't figure it out. I think there is just something about me thats fundamentally impossible to tolerate I guess. I have 'friends' but I never feel like it's deep or substantial. Even if someone considers me a close friend I'm very confused because to me they're more like an acquaintance?

I already understood maybe my standards were too high. Maybe disney made me think friendship is something it's not. Okay my standards are low. Does anyone else feel like they're the only ones putting in effort into every single connection they're in? I also feel like a different person when I socialize. I dont like who I am when I socialize because it' not really me. I have tried to stop, I really have but its like automatic at the point. And it terrifies me. And then I start to not even know who I am. People always assume I'm an extrovert. It makes me want to cry. Does anyone really know me? No...I'm just trying to build a relationship with you. Because...if I don't do all the work..I'll just sit here. No one comes up to me.

My therapist says it's just severe masking, which I guess makes sense. I remember as a kid forcing myself to change how I acted because for a while I thought it was my personality that was driving people away. I honestly think it's a mix of my high intelligence, my autism, my generally quiet nature, and my craving for something DEEP. If it's not deep it honestly feels painful to me. Anything you say about me I've already questioned myself.

My conclusions were all over the place. It's because I am ugly. It's because I'm too quiet. It's because personality sucks It's the way that I talk Theres a sign on my face that says "STAY AWAY" It's because I'm boring It's because I'm... I just dont know. What is it? What is wrong with me? Why? Tell me. I cant understand why its so easy for others to have connections but so hard for me. I have had 3 relationships in rhe past. My last one ended because she treated me like shit. I'm now in a university setting. This is it. This is what everyone told me to wait for. Where I would find my people. Hello..? Where are you? I'm so lonely. You know what really hurts? Being an introvert who wants deep relationships. It always hurt hearing other introverts complain about their extrovert friends inviting them out to places or showing up unannounced. Yeah...that must suck...it must suck to be invited places. It must suck to be remembered. It must suck to be wanted. I feel so bad for you.

What is the answer? What is wrong with me? I will fix it. I promise. I can be loved. I think.

And then. What kind of person cries when someone does something for them. When someone remembers something for them. When someone initiates something with them. And why dont I get it? I dont know yet. But I know its my fault. Yeah. It's that simple. "You were thinking of me when I wasn't there?" I'm yours. Yeah. How pathetic.

reddit.com
u/EepyNerdGeek — 1 month ago
▲ 105 r/bedrooms+1 crossposts

Dorm apartment, what do you think?

I know it may look like a lot but because my childhood was so traumatic and I never felt safe, I always dreamed of having a mini sanctuary surrounded by my favoirte characters, soft thing and soft colors. I am actually quite frugal 😌 Finally a place my nervous system can heal! Let me know if you have any questions regarding where I got any of my things.

Ps. On my tv is a cozy video of Chada the bear relaxing. I wish her all the best. Poor angel.

u/EepyNerdGeek — 2 months ago

I would really love Anime's that dont have romance or fanservice

Dont suggest Frieren. The entire reason it exists is because she falls in love with her former companion. And the running gag is her getting her ass stuck in a box and theres about 100 pieces of merch of that very scene. Just saying this because it gets suggested a lot, and if it werent for those elements it would be one of my favoirte animes.

To give you an idea of what I DO love

  1. Mushi-shi
  2. Natsume's book of friends

okay guys I am pivoting, if you can also just help me just deal with some romance and fan service if it means getting a great story I would really appreciate that.

u/EepyNerdGeek — 2 months ago
▲ 783 r/plushies+1 crossposts

Heartbreak...please show more of that support. This is the safest corner of reddit.

Hello everyone, if you dont recognize my user, maybe you will recognize the last two pictures. I am the guy who cried put of pure overwhelm and joy after I secured 4 items in my Cubone collection, and the guy who had the brief issue of wetting the bed due to an extremely strong medication that soothes the nervous system. Everyone was so incredibly supportive and sweet. I'm coming back again to tell you something awful.

Today, I lost my sitting cuties Cubone plush somewhere in my campus dining hall. I cried very hard. Cubone isnt just some random plushie, she is my favorite character in all of media. I already ordered her again but it was extremely upsetting. Anyway, that's all I just wanted to share that with you all. Would you please show me a plushie you would cry about if you lost? Sending lots of love. 🧡🦴

u/EepyNerdGeek — 2 months ago
▲ 995 r/PokeCorner+1 crossposts

I'm gonna do it. Show me your all time favorite (ONE) Pokémon, and why. Here's mine

My favorite pokemon is Cubone because she's just a little angel who needs protection and love to heal from her trauma. You ever love something so much for so long you dont even really remember or know why anymore? That's me with Cubone. Her name is Almond by the way.

I did some research and her english name is actually Cute + Bone. She was specifically designed to be adorable, which is why she's so teeny. The basic premise was to ask kids, "What happens if a Pokémon dies?"

u/EepyNerdGeek — 2 months ago
▲ 1.4k r/plushies+1 crossposts

Please be gentle and understanding

Guys...okay so..I have horrible anxiety and a very dramatic nervous sytem due to a combination of trauma and just how I was born and how I experience the world. I take medication for it. Dw mods I wont go into detail. But all you need to know is it works absolutely amazing by stopping the fight or flight response and completely calming your nervous system. It makes me very sleepy so I take it at night.

The problem is it works too well...it calms my body so much it doesnt wake me up when I need to go to the bathroom at night. Which is often because I drink lots and lots of water...so it's been making me wet the bed..my baby here (His name is Wasabi) was where....yeah...

He's 24inches very firm so I dont trust the washer to keep him safe. If anyone knows how to properly clean him and..the smell please let me know. If you've gotten this far without making fun of me you're an amazing person and Growlithe will give you fire puppy kisses. 🔥​🥺💕

u/EepyNerdGeek — 3 months ago
▲ 307 r/Coloring

Do you guys think my coloring is too childish or maybe even ugly?

I love coloring while I watch my favorite anime or cartoons. Even seeing these pages again makes me remember when I watched the new Gumball season!

edit: You guys are absolutely wonderful thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺

u/EepyNerdGeek — 3 months ago
▲ 1.8k r/Cubone+3 crossposts

Please take the time to see this

I just recieved the last one today. I am autistic and currently overwhelmed with joy. I'm crying and cuddling with my Cubone family. I promised myself I'd buy every Cubone product (within reason) because she's my favorite Pokémon. Please say hi to my Cubone family. I'm already so happy with how far I've come.

For fellow nerds!!

Cubone Jazwares 24inch JUMBO plush - Target around $53

Cubone sitting cuties and Cubone Marowak Support plush - Pokémon center, bough together for free shipping $51

Cubone Pokémon center 12'' sleeping plush (NEW) - Bought second hand from an amazing Japanese ebay seller who lowered the price as much as possible $80

Bye bye 🧡🦴

u/EepyNerdGeek — 3 months ago

My angel

My daughter coming with me to college (+several more but she doesn't get crammed in a box)

Her name is Almond and there are several more cubone plushies on the way to us currently!

She got the princess treatment, sat in the passenger seat during the drive! Dw I fed her yummy berries to keep her strength up!

I love my girl!

u/EepyNerdGeek — 3 months ago

Mangle and I donated plasma!

I woke up extra early to get there with my boyfriend. I was turned away for 10 minutes because my blood pressure was too high. I got really nervous and scared I wouldn't be able to donate. My boyfriend handed me mangle and helped me take deep breaths! The second time my blood pressure was normal! Mangle and I went on the floor and donated. It was a bit scary but I just watched Natsume on my phone. It took around 35 minutes! And I ordered Nyanko sensei plushies with some of the money!

u/EepyNerdGeek — 3 months ago