u/Either-Vehicle2544

Living with husband’s parent and a 24x7 nurse. The house includes 4 people (husband, myself, parent and nurses). We are newly married.

It’s been a few months now and I’ve realised that my husband is deeply enmeshed with his parent. He wants to do everything for them - from daily care to having meals with him, to every other small aspect. The only time we get to ourselves where there is full privacy is when we are out of one house or in bed just before sleeping. I know this is not normal and I have said to him several times that we need to carve out time for ourselves, irrespective of who is around. But it’s been months and there has been no initiative from his side - or rather no initiative that lasts more than a few days after an argument or a fight.

Because he does all this, I feel like I’ve also been forced to follow the same? But lately I’ve really been trying to do things that make me feel at ease and not constantly on guard (as you can imagine living with 3 men is not easy). So I spend a majorly of time by myself in our bedroom. I grab meals with the family but after and before that I don’t think it mandatory for me to sit around and small talk.

I’d like to know from women living with your husband’s parent/s, how does this arrangement work? Are there any more boundaries that I need to bring in? I need advice on navigating this very challenging marital situation.

Living with husband’s parent and a 24x7 nurse. The house includes 4 people (husband, myself, parent and nurses). We are newly married.

It’s been a few months now and I’ve realised that my husband is deeply enmeshed with his parent. He wants to do everything for them - from daily care to having meals with him, to every other small aspect. The only time we get to ourselves where there is full privacy is when we are out of one house or in bed just before sleeping. I know this is not normal and I have said to him several times that we need to carve out time for ourselves, irrespective of who is around. But it’s been months and there has been no initiative from his side - or rather no initiative that lasts more than a few days after an argument or a fight.

Because he does all this, I feel like I’ve also been forced to follow the same? But lately I’ve really been trying to do things that make me feel at ease and not constantly on guard (as you can imagine living with 3 men is not easy). So I spend a majorly of time by myself in our bedroom. I grab meals with the family but after and before that I don’t think it mandatory for me to sit around and small talk.

I’d like to know from women living with your husband’s parent/s, how does this arrangement work? Are there any more boundaries that I need to bring in? I need advice on navigating this very challenging marital situation.

My current living situation is with my husband, his father, and his father’s full-time nurse. Before we got married, my husband’s sibling also lived in this house, but moved out after I moved in. Although they technically lived here, they were rarely around and usually spent most of their time outside with friends.

Since moving out, they have developed a habit of visiting without any prior notice. They simply enter the house, regardless of the time of day. This is not a one-off incident; it has happened at least three or four times now.

What particularly upset me happened last weekend. I was chatting with the sibling on WhatsApp, and barely five minutes later, my husband told me they had come over. I was travelling at the time, but I still found it incredibly disrespectful that they were actively speaking to me and did not think to mention that they were stopping by. I understand that they mainly visit to see their parent, but that does not mean I should be completely excluded from basic communication about who is entering the home I live in.

On its own, this may sound like a small issue, but it is part of a much larger pattern that has left me feeling invisible in this household. At times, I feel as though I am only here to make my husband’s life easier, contribute financially, and pay bills, while having very little say or consideration in the home itself.
This feeling is reinforced by the language my husband uses, such as referring to it as “my house,” and by the constant expectation that his parent must be prioritised over everything else. I feel like I am repeatedly having to explain that this is supposed to be our home and our marriage, not a household in which I am expected to quietly fit into an existing family structure.

I am honestly exhausted from constantly navigating these dynamics. I do not want to keep fighting for basic respect, communication, and a sense of belonging in the place that is supposed to be my home. FYI, we are renting.

(Used ChatGPT for better flow)

Looking to buy a 2bhk. Genuine advice on where to start, and how to go about the entire process will be appreciated 🙏

My husband and I have been having ongoing issues about finances. He believes I should split 50-50 all household expenses, including costs that existed long before I moved in—expenses related to his parents, their 24/7 caretaker, the maid, utility bills, and everything else.

I didn’t think that was fair. My view was that only expenses we incur as a couple should be shared equally. The remaining household expenses should be divided among the four people living in the house.

Because this argument kept coming up every month, I suggested we open a joint account to make things simpler. I opened the account and deposited my share. My husband, however, contributed only a tiny fraction of what I did—roughly a 1:14 ratio between his contribution and mine. Despite that, he’s been using the joint account to pay for virtually everything, which effectively means he’s spending my money on most of these expenses. What makes this worse is that he’ll even use the joint account for something as small as a 80 rupees purchase.

What do I even do?!

Been married for under year now. Married and moved to a new city where I’m living with my husband and his father who is sick. I never wanted to live with in-laws but I didn’t have much of a say in it unfortunately.

My problem is that although it’s been a few months now, I just don’t feel like home. It could be because of a lot of things - in-law, moving into an existing set up, husband wants a say in every small thing around the house etc etc.

But I want to speed up this process because it’s affecting my mental health. I’d appreciate help from women who have experienced this. Pls share your tips and advice. Do I need to be more assertive, what is the secret sauce?

We had a huge argument yesterday over a chore that has always been my husband’s responsibility: his dogs. He’s had two large dogs for years, long before we met, and he always fed and walked them himself. After we got married a few months ago, I offered to help by feeding and walking them on some days each week. Mind you, I haven’t grown up around dogs so all of this is a huge adjustment in itself. Additionally, I’ve always been clear that I’m helping him, not taking over responsibility for them. Last week alone, I walked them four times, and I help whenever my schedule allows.

Yesterday I had the evening open and wanted to head out for my daily walk. He almost matter of factly said that I should walk them. I said no, I’m off work early today so I wanted more time for my workout. He threw a fit and started yelling talking about all the chores he did through the day - these are chores that are his to do btw. He eventually walked them by himself but as he left the house, he locked the door from the outside - not sure if this was accidental but it almost seemed like he did it out of spite from me refusing to walk them.

Since the start of the marriage, there has been some expectation that I take over his chores, take over his expenses. I pointed out to him that I’m only “helping” - the dogs have been his since before I met him and it’s not a responsibility I’m going to share either. Even has even mentioned that we aren’t splitting the expenses for the dogs etc.

I’m actually so furious. I should have never agreed to feed and walk them from the start. My niceness has almost backfired on me.

My husband’s parent and nurse lives with us in the same apartment. How should we share housing expenses?

In the first few months, husband was paying for rent and bills, and I was paying for food and maid and cook. But now he’s begun to ask me to pay more and has been taunting me etc. I asked for an exact breakdown of expenses he’s paying for but it’s been months and he hasn’t yet shared it.

Would appreciate responses from people who’ve lived with in-laws and worked out finances.

I moved to my husband‘s city after marriage, he lives with his father and a full time Caretaker. Unfortunately his father needs 24x7 care. My husband and I have been going back-and-forth about splitting expenses and I need a perspective. We earn about the same income and my husband expects me to contribute 50-50 to the household expenses.

However, I do not think that a 50-50 split is fair because his father and a full-time caretaker live in the apartment, which means we need an extra room. There is more consumption of resources utilities as well.

My husband also has two siblings who are doing really well financially and are not really taking on any caregiving responsibilities right now, other than paying a few bills for their father.

My husband and I had initially agreed that I take care of the Groceries and the maid and a cook and he takes care of the rent and the utilities. But over the last few months, he has been really rude, making a lot of snide comments in arguments about how I should also pick up paying for the utilities because the split on Groceries and maid and cook is not significant enough. My whole point to this is that he was paying for everything before we got married, which is just a few months ago. But after the marriage, he suddenly wants me to pay for things, pay 50-50 and split a lot of expenses in the house.

Please help.

Because I moved into his rented apartment and I’m using his existing appliances etc. he says that I should upgrade furniture etc with my money.

Newly married. I thought we were starting a new chapter together…sigh.

Been married less than a year and we’re having some very serious financial disagreements. For context I moved from a different city to be with my husband. He had been living with his parent (and a paid caretaker) who has been home bound for over 5 years.

In the first month of marriage I had suggested we discuss finances and splitting expenses. I had suggested we do a 3:1 split to which he suggested that I can take up food, and maid and cook expenses. And he will take up rent and utilities. I was a bit unsure because I wasn’t really comfortable taking on expenses for his parent and caretaker, but agreed to it. I’m not sure what resentment he has built against me but he’s now asking me to also cover utilities and has been saying that I’m not really “helping with finances”. He’s gone so far as to ask me to pay for his parking for using his car which he drives for grocery shopping because groceries are “my responsibility” and he should not have to pay for anything around it.

Frankly I think I’m doing him a favour by even paying for food for his parent and his help because why should that be my responsibility when he has siblings who are doing well financially who can chip in and pay for it. I would understand if there were financial issues. More over, I’ve moved and just been thrown into a situation where I’m almost forced to take on responsibilities that are not really mine and then listen to constant bickering around it, accusations of being cheap, not doing the shopping “well enough”, his parent wanting to eat meat, etc etc.

I think the lowest low was when he asked me to send him money for a box of chocolates and a cane basket (a total cost of 600) I wanted and he happened to pay for. This was on a recent trip we took where I paid for 95% of things including stay, coffee runs, meals, gifts for HIS SISTER, HIS FRIENDS). I am just appalled!!!!!

What’s the solution to this?