u/Either-Vehicle2544

Been married for under year now. Married and moved to a new city where I’m living with my husband and his father who is sick. I never wanted to live with in-laws but I didn’t have much of a say in it unfortunately.

My problem is that although it’s been a few months now, I just don’t feel like home. It could be because of a lot of things - in-law, moving into an existing set up, husband wants a say in every small thing around the house etc etc.

But I want to speed up this process because it’s affecting my mental health. I’d appreciate help from women who have experienced this. Pls share your tips and advice. Do I need to be more assertive, what is the secret sauce?

We had a huge argument yesterday over a chore that has always been my husband’s responsibility: his dogs. He’s had two large dogs for years, long before we met, and he always fed and walked them himself. After we got married a few months ago, I offered to help by feeding and walking them on some days each week. Mind you, I haven’t grown up around dogs so all of this is a huge adjustment in itself. Additionally, I’ve always been clear that I’m helping him, not taking over responsibility for them. Last week alone, I walked them four times, and I help whenever my schedule allows.

Yesterday I had the evening open and wanted to head out for my daily walk. He almost matter of factly said that I should walk them. I said no, I’m off work early today so I wanted more time for my workout. He threw a fit and started yelling talking about all the chores he did through the day - these are chores that are his to do btw. He eventually walked them by himself but as he left the house, he locked the door from the outside - not sure if this was accidental but it almost seemed like he did it out of spite from me refusing to walk them.

Since the start of the marriage, there has been some expectation that I take over his chores, take over his expenses. I pointed out to him that I’m only “helping” - the dogs have been his since before I met him and it’s not a responsibility I’m going to share either. Even has even mentioned that we aren’t splitting the expenses for the dogs etc.

I’m actually so furious. I should have never agreed to feed and walk them from the start. My niceness has almost backfired on me.

My husband’s parent and nurse lives with us in the same apartment. How should we share housing expenses?

In the first few months, husband was paying for rent and bills, and I was paying for food and maid and cook. But now he’s begun to ask me to pay more and has been taunting me etc. I asked for an exact breakdown of expenses he’s paying for but it’s been months and he hasn’t yet shared it.

Would appreciate responses from people who’ve lived with in-laws and worked out finances.

I moved to my husband‘s city after marriage, he lives with his father and a full time Caretaker. Unfortunately his father needs 24x7 care. My husband and I have been going back-and-forth about splitting expenses and I need a perspective. We earn about the same income and my husband expects me to contribute 50-50 to the household expenses.

However, I do not think that a 50-50 split is fair because his father and a full-time caretaker live in the apartment, which means we need an extra room. There is more consumption of resources utilities as well.

My husband also has two siblings who are doing really well financially and are not really taking on any caregiving responsibilities right now, other than paying a few bills for their father.

My husband and I had initially agreed that I take care of the Groceries and the maid and a cook and he takes care of the rent and the utilities. But over the last few months, he has been really rude, making a lot of snide comments in arguments about how I should also pick up paying for the utilities because the split on Groceries and maid and cook is not significant enough. My whole point to this is that he was paying for everything before we got married, which is just a few months ago. But after the marriage, he suddenly wants me to pay for things, pay 50-50 and split a lot of expenses in the house.

Please help.

Because I moved into his rented apartment and I’m using his existing appliances etc. he says that I should upgrade furniture etc with my money.

Newly married. I thought we were starting a new chapter together…sigh.

Been married less than a year and we’re having some very serious financial disagreements. For context I moved from a different city to be with my husband. He had been living with his parent (and a paid caretaker) who has been home bound for over 5 years.

In the first month of marriage I had suggested we discuss finances and splitting expenses. I had suggested we do a 3:1 split to which he suggested that I can take up food, and maid and cook expenses. And he will take up rent and utilities. I was a bit unsure because I wasn’t really comfortable taking on expenses for his parent and caretaker, but agreed to it. I’m not sure what resentment he has built against me but he’s now asking me to also cover utilities and has been saying that I’m not really “helping with finances”. He’s gone so far as to ask me to pay for his parking for using his car which he drives for grocery shopping because groceries are “my responsibility” and he should not have to pay for anything around it.

Frankly I think I’m doing him a favour by even paying for food for his parent and his help because why should that be my responsibility when he has siblings who are doing well financially who can chip in and pay for it. I would understand if there were financial issues. More over, I’ve moved and just been thrown into a situation where I’m almost forced to take on responsibilities that are not really mine and then listen to constant bickering around it, accusations of being cheap, not doing the shopping “well enough”, his parent wanting to eat meat, etc etc.

I think the lowest low was when he asked me to send him money for a box of chocolates and a cane basket (a total cost of 600) I wanted and he happened to pay for. This was on a recent trip we took where I paid for 95% of things including stay, coffee runs, meals, gifts for HIS SISTER, HIS FRIENDS). I am just appalled!!!!!

What’s the solution to this?