u/Elohims-sixth-wife

I got a lot of pollock for free with my food order, but I’m running out of ideas. You can only pan fry a pollock with lemon+some seasonings so many times before it starts to get old. I am a pescatarian, my partner is not.

I’m interviewing with them and there are a few places I could relocate to with family but certain ones I could not. I would have to work long distance and then they could come later. Is there any way to predict where they might send me? Do preferences at all matter?

Is there also an opportunity to work for a while, and then later relocate to a different base? Or is this basically a zero chance on the seniority list?

I’m just worried about the time between job offer, training and start date could be feasible to relocate myself, my partner and a baby.

I’m nonbinary lesbian (but not out to my family as nonbinary) and my partner is transmasc non binary. We have discussed the future but aren’t getting engaged until January.

What are things you did for your wedding, or future plans you want? I have only been to 1 queer wedding but it was only 10-ish people. Weddings in general are so heteronormative so I don’t know what a queer wedding would look like but it’s exciting as well to decide how to orchestrate the day. Some big things I want in my wedding:

-combined bachelor/bachelorette party since we have a lot of shared queer friends

-discarding gendered roles and sexist language in our vows

-both my nieces and nephews as flower children

-I have heard of some people who put Obergefell v Hodges on the back of their invitations to deter homophobes from attending. It’s not 100% fool proof though but I like the concept

Other ideas? What queer weddings have you seen that you liked?

One thing I haven’t seen pop up very often in this sub is LDS culture regarding bridesmaids. Have any of you been asked to be a bridesmaid for someone that isn’t a close friend? This has happened to me a few times.

I had a friend I knew for maybe 3 months in the singles ward and although we hung out quite often, I was pleasantly surprised but also taken aback that she considered me close enough to be maid of honor. She ghosted me 2 months later.

I know this story isn’t unique to me either. I feel like Mormon friends treat you like you’re the most in the world and then completely forget about you as soon as you leave their peripheral view. It’s such a weird culture.

This came up because I asked my partner how many people we should limit our wedding party to (because I have more sisters) and I learned that they wanted to invite every single close acquaintance. While I do want photos of my wedding, I don’t want my wedding party pictures to be full of people I won’t know in 5 years.

I’m going with my TBM (nuanced) partner to the Sunstone magazine conference. We went to another conference I can’t remember the name of but it was also a more nuanced/queer friendly mormon conference as well.

I’m a little nervous but since there will be speakers from all parts of the faith spectrum (some ex-FLDS members, current LDS members, exmormons, etc), I feel better about going.

I’m just curious, did any of you explore support groups on your way out? I was too old for encircle because I just turned 26 when I found out about it but I can’t help but wonder if it would have changed my faith trajectory. My partner seems to be faring much better than I did with crises.

Did you seek out or receive social support from groups or conferences? Do you still go to any of these conferences as an exmormon?

For a myriad of reasons (that I’m sure other fast food/retail workers understand), this industry isn’t working out for me. I’m pushing 30 years old and nowhere near close to being able to start a family. I want to break out of fast food and retail but it’s not working out. Jobs that say “entry level,” or “no experience required,” still want some level of experience.

What are some industries where this might be a transferable skills or other ways to get employment without investing years into school?

I know jobs everywhere suck, but retail and fast food is a special kind of hell. I feel that customers genuinely don’t see me as a human being and at 30 years old, I’m so over getting talked to like a teenager by managers and customers (I still kind of get mistaken as a highschooler sometimes). I don’t deserve to get cussed out by someone’s grandma over a sandwich.

I could pursue team lead and then management. But crunching 45-60 hour work weeks for $45,000 a year (with nonexistent bonuses being dangled over my head) doesn’t really do it for me either. I’ve seen friends and coworkers get fired for so little because you get the brunt of everything. I’m so over this industry.

How have you guys managed to climb out of this pit? Are there other industries worth trying to pursue?

It’s just not making enough to survive where I live. Most of them are paying just above minimum wage even though rent costs are astronomically high.

How do I break out of the retail/fast food cycle? I’m reaching 30 and I’m tired of not having any progress in life. I don’t see myself supporting a family in this industry. Have any of you successfully broke into desk jobs or unconventional industries?

I am a trans person living in America and I have been struggling on choosing a name I like. I came across a content creator I like and I was really enamored with her name, Nova, and I had a Latino friend in highschool with a variation of that name. I asked my partner to start calling me Nova and I introduced myself today in a new friend circle with it. I thought everyone was nice but now I’m wondering if I accidentally cold shouldered some people?

I liked it because it reminded me of Supernovas and I’m really into astronomy. I’m wondering if I’m being insensitive, doing something wrong or just overthinking it. I don’t want to fall into the trend of gentrifying things like a lot of racist shit online (such as calling Afros cloud bobs, etc).

Do you hate it when white people choose African American names for themselves or their babies?

My controlling best friend broke up with me, but won’t let me move on. Unfortunately we still live together and leaving isn’t an option because of our lease conditions. I could theoretically pay on my own with my partner but she decidedly does not want to leave. The landlord said all parties need to sign off and she dangles leaving over my head then changes her mind. We still have a year left on our lease.

Living is a nightmare and stonewalling isn’t working because a non reaction just makes her more mad. I’m at a loss. Shes blocked me but won’t leave me alone. She bangs on my door a lot and I’ve taken to hiding in my room and never answering, engaging or talking to her. Her behavior is baffling because she instigates to get a reaction but says she wants no contact. I just don’t answer anymore and it makes her more mad.

How did any of you survive living with a narcissist (or are currently living with one?). It’s not a romantic relationship so I’m sorry if it doesn’t fit a lot of the circumstances others have posted about (although she has said she’s in love with me in the past).

My ex-best friend won’t respect the no contact she started. For context, me, my partner, and her live together. Initially, she blocked me and I assumed that was the end of it. Then she unblocked me and wanted to resume contact, only to block me again after cussing out my partner for some dishes. She’s now fully blocked us both on everything but confronts us in the house. We moved communication to email to make living together more feasible. She respected the low contact agreement with us for a bit because we couldn’t talk without escalations.

Well, now for the past 3 days she has been knocking on my door, confronting me in main spaces and yelling at my partner. At this point it’s so trivial and tiring because I’m emotionally frazzled from contact with her. Low to no contact was working for a fair bit, until it wasn’t.

I apologize, there’s a lot more details and this is the abbreviated version. I’m so tired of it all. We can’t leave the lease but I need some kind of reprieve from her. We opened our home to her in good will and now it’s a disaster.

My ex-best friend of 13 years is a narcissist and I unfortunately found out after she moved in with me and my partner. We opened our home to her rent free. In that 5 months, life has been hell and I wish I could grieve the friendship. She doesn’t want to be the friend I need but she also won’t let me move on. I think part of why she torched the friendship was also because she was still holding a candle for me.

She’s blocked me on phone, discord and other social media we used to talk but confronts me in the house. She harasses me until she gets the response she wants. It’s just so confusing and her behavior is baffling because she’s the one who blocked me.

When I look back at my memories, I don’t see the monster I’m dealing with now. I’m so confused because she’s a different person entirely. I knew she had a mean streak, but I guess I never minded it because it wasn’t ever directed at me. That’s on me for ignoring the red flags. I saw her as a victim of family circumstances because she’d been kicked out of 3 different family members homes.

We’re stuck in a lease together for 9 more months and I don’t know if I’m gonna be sane. I need to move out but our leasing agency said they need all 3 people to sign the release agreement and she’s pulled out several times. She’s also entertained the idea of leaving the lease and says dates but I think it’s just bait at this point. I’m so tired. I don’t know if I can mourn the friendship I had because I’m not sure I ever really knew her.

I have moved around a lot and unfortunately, I don’t see school in my future unless I can do it online. I have moved around a lot due to caring for family members and I have accumulated credits from a community college and 3 different universities.

I’m 28 now and I feel bummed. I have quite a few credits now and I feel like I’ve sunken so much into it that it would be pointless not to finish.

However, an art degree is still an art degree. Not particularly useful because most artists don’t land a job. Does a BFA in graphic design on a resume still count as a bachelors/could get me out of fast food and retail? I’m so tired of dead end jobs.

Is it worth it to enroll in an online school and finish?

A lot of books make the exmo rounds here but I have yet to see many discuss this one. I read it because my TBM ex swore by it.

I was genuinely confused as a TBM why this book was so popular. It made me look at the person I was dating very differently because I questioned all their life skills. There is an epiphany where the author realizes that imposing toxic masculinity and bullying your untalented son into sports might actually… make them sad? Who would have thought!

I feel that most of this book’s success can be attributed to coming from a Mormon nepo baby. It is a bunch of gospel buzzwords bundled up to be marketable. I have yet to meet a nevermo in the wild who has read this book.

Maybe I’m being too critical, did anyone genuinely like this book? Did it help you through major life changes or is on par with the same level of inspiration conference gives?