please, I need some support because I can't talk about this with anyone
I went through some triggering events, last year a guy I was seeing is a heavy smoker and offered me weed already knowing that I'm sober and asked him to not offer me.
and I didn't use it, however I see people smoking everyday at my uni and I'm really missing "the old times"
I can't go back, but I'm struggling so hard right now. I tried therapy again, but today was our second session and she didn't communicate that our session would be earlier this time, and got angry at me for arriving at the same time of last week. she apologized when she realized that she didn't communicate, but I felt more shame and guilt because she was talking about how I'm not committing to therapy and I was already hesitant about trusting a therapist again
on top of that, my old friends/classmates stopped hanging out with me because I moved to another city to get sober and tried to avoid parties etc
now I feel like a fool. can't leave the shitty situationship, I miss my old friends, and am losing my mind with the reasons that made me smoke in the first place. I feel like I lost trust in myself and am getting resentful of my own sobriety. I just wanna use again and be accepted :/ I'm on the spectrum and felt that smoking helped me with socializing