u/Embarrassed-Tea6675

I'm (25F) going back to the city I study next week. It's the best decision at the moment, but my father (that I'm low contact with) is triggering me and I'm worried. I'm just looking for some reassurance because I know that I'm on the right path, but I'm triggered. (this is my second language, sorry for any mistakes)

I left my hometown 4 years ago to go to college, and cut contact with my mother and her family, but kept in touch with my father for financial support. Turns out he's still abusive and it led me to 4 years of lows and pain.

I was living in a small city, and then I moved to another city, because I felt so depressed during college breaks... seeing everyone visiting their family while I didn't have a safe place to stay at my hometown led me to addiction and other unhealthy habits.

So I moved to a city 20km away and got sober, and I was travelling every day to go to the classes, but I realized that I can do better now. I'm healing, 2y and 3m sober, I need to graduate asap, I can't afford the rent here, and would like to spend more time with my friends and in projects.

I found a nice place to live, cheaper, close to the uni, and I'm moving there next week.

I'm just worried because now I REALLY don't have a room to stay at my hometown during college breaks. Even thought my current routine suucks, "at least" I could take a break from the city.

After moving, that will change. But I realized that there's no easy way.

My father thought that it would be a great idea to have an unplanned baby with my stepmother while struggling financially and in a unhealthy marriage. I used to stay at this house while the whole family was away, but now they're 24/7 with the baby, and the last time I saw him, he was rude, aggressive, and told me that he wants to die because he feels stuck in his life, with the baby and the financial issues. for more context

He told me that he won't be able to help me with the moving, and then suggested me to talk to my uncle (from my mother's family) so he could help me.

I said absolutely not, since I reached out to him months ago so I could talk to my younger cousin that I miss, but he told MY MOTHER that I messaged him, and wanted to see me in person. so I blocked my uncle. Unfortunatelly they know where I study, but not where I live.

I'm so pissed that my father is also NC with my mother, but keeps pushing me to talk to them.

I'm feeling so ashamed of myself for not cutting contact with him sooner, for still relying on him. I'm autistic and looking for a job, but struggling to find. and also for letting him disappoint me multiple times, for everything.

I just want to trust myself that now I'm going to maintain the LC boundaries and my life will get better. I'm healthier now, made new friendships, I have a great relationship with my professors and I realized that I don't need to stay away from the city "just because" my family isn't safe. I can and need to build my own life. I'm just feeling terrified since I also like the city I'm in and know that I'll miss it. My mind is a mess rn

TLDR: I'm grieving the family I'll never have and am looking for some encouragement because I'm overwhelmed. This is my second language so sorry about any mistakes

My father (56) thought that it would be a great idea to have a baby with my stepmother, they're going through financial and compatibility issues and fight a lot. But they had an unplanned baby, and I'm grieving the safety I'll never have.

He was embarrassed to tell me that they had unprotected sex and she was 5 months pregnant. And he kept venting with me about how he's always exhausted because the baby cries a lot, and that he doesn't have money to do anything, even asked me for money to buy some diapers. I set boundaries after that and he stopped, but keeps complaining about being busy all the time. Like dude, what did you expect?

I'm (25F) autistic, CF, moved out for college, and I really miss my hometown, I'm living in a small city

I used to stay at his house when I visited my hometown because I'm no contact with my mother, but I'm also going low contact with him, since he's being abusive for a decade.

Before the baby was born, they were using my room for their mess and old furniture, so I didn't have a place to sleep anymore and only would go to his house when he's out of town. Now they also don't have a place for me, because my stepmother's mother will be living there to help with the kid. And even if I had a place to stay, I would be living with a baby screaming and crying all the time and I'd have meltdowns due to my sensory issues.

I felt betrayed because he knew the pain we both went through with my mother, and made this choice anyway.

But then I realized that it wasn't personal: he's ruining his own life. He's unhappy with his job, is verbally abusive to his wife, has anger issues, doesn't eat well and doesn't know how to cook and even more. He was already drowning in financial issues and decided to have unprotected sex anyway. The only thing I can do is graduate, become financial independent and cut contact.

Before my brother, I already wanted to leave the state when I graduate, and I won't change my mind.

That's what I want to do, but I'm also terrified of failing. I'm just looking for some encouragement because it's too overwhelming now. I'm also going through some big changes in my personal life so sometimes I feel paralyzed by fear and grief.

TLDR: é normal um amigo ficar duro ao abraçar apertado uma mulher? ou depende muito de cada contexto?

pra maior contexto:

convivemos diariamente, temos amigos em comum. eu tinha uma queda por ele antes de nos aproximarmos, agora ainda o acho interessante, mas não pretendo dizer ou tomar iniciativa.

nossas interações uma época já escalaram pra muito contato físico, de abraços de mais de dez segundos, ele tomando iniciativas de me abraçar várias vezes, elogiando meu abraço, apertando minhas bochechas, e uma vez ficamos numa posição meio constrangedora (ele sentado e eu em pé, ele ficou com a cabeça nos meus seios por bons segundos), e fingimos que nada estava acontecendo kk

hoje ele veio me abraçar apertado novamente, um abraço bem longo, e nossos corpos estavam tão próximos que eu senti que ele estava duro. eu fiquei surpresa, porque havia sentido isso outra vez em que nos abraçamos, mas pensei que fosse coisa da minha cabeça.

hoje tava bem perceptível. fico me perguntando se isso é comum entre amigos, já que vejo falando que muitas vezes é involuntário.

mas o que me chamou mais atenção do que isso em si foi ele não ter disfarçado, ter continuado me puxando pra perto.

não sei se ele percebeu que estava, se foi proposital ter continuado o abraço, e não sei com quem falar sobre, já que todos conhecem ele k

TLDR: I (25F) have a crush on my guy friend (27), he doesn't know, and our interactions changed after I hugged him longer, now I have no idea if he's being friendly/extroverted or something else is going on.

I hugged him weeks ago and he was surprised and said “what a tight hug!” 

after that day, he started hugging me more times than the “normal amount”: we would only hug twice, to greet him and say goodbye

After that day, he’s hugging me out of nowhere: one day he said “happy bday!” (it wasn’t my bday and he knew) and then hugged me. and then hugged me again when I left the bathroom, and carried me in his arms for a second. our hands also touched for a while. our hips touched and our bodies were very close and I felt something in his pants but I believe it was because of the proximity.

he holds me tight and our hugs last at least 10 seconds. He’s very extroverted and loves hugging people, but I never saw him hugging any of our girl friends that long. plus,

• he offered me to lay my head on his shoulder because I was tired and I rubed his back during that
• when i was at a party, laying down on the couch, he came in my direction, got on his knees, squeezed my cheeks and said, smiling “how sweet, what a cutie!”
• last week I hugged him to say goodbye, he held me tight and said “what a great hug”. I asked him if he likes hugging me, he confirmed, and then I pulled him closer again, but he was sitting on a chair and I was standing, so when we hugged again, his face was on my chest, touching my boobs.. I realized immediately, but didn’t have any reaction and neither did he, so we spent 10 seconds or more like that, and I was playing with his hair. until a friend of mine greeted me and we stopped hugging. he smiled and I said that I need to go back to class, and he said something along the lines of “you need to go back, and after a hug like that…” and didn’t finish the sentenced, he was smiling, looking shy. I said that it was the longest hug of the week for me and he laughed.
• last week he touched my cheeks again when wishing me good luck at my exam.
• he fixed my hair immediately when it got messy because of the wind
• I also told him that his perfume was in my shirt after that tight hug and he asked if it was a good one, and smiled and did this 👉👈 with his fingers

I don't want to assume that he's flirting because I know he's outgoing and popular, but at the same time I'm surprised that our intimacy increased like that.

TLDR: I (25F) have a crush on my guy friend (27), he doesn't know, and our interactions changed after I hugged him longer, now I have no idea if he's being friendly/extroverted or something else is going on.

I hugged him weeks ago and he was surprised and said “what a tight hug!” 

after that day, he started hugging me more times than the “normal amount”: we would only hug twice, to greet him and say goodbye

After that day, he’s hugging me out of nowhere: one day he said “happy bday!” (it wasn’t my bday and he knew) and then hugged me. and then hugged me again when I left the bathroom, and carried me in his arms for a second. our hands also touched for a while. our hips touched and our bodies were very close and I felt something in his pants but I believe it was because of the proximity.

he holds me tight and our hugs last at least 10 seconds. He’s very extroverted and loves hugging people, but I never saw him hugging any of our girl friends that long. plus,

• he offered me to lay my head on his shoulder because I was tired and I rubed his back during that
• when i was at a party, laying down on the couch, he came in my direction, got on his knees, squeezed my cheeks and said, smiling “how sweet, what a cutie!”
• last week I hugged him to say goodbye, he held me tight and said “what a great hug”. I asked him if he likes hugging me, he confirmed, and then I pulled him closer again, but he was sitting on a chair and I was standing, so when we hugged again, his face was on my chest, touching my boobs.. I realized immediately, but didn’t have any reaction and neither did he, so we spent 10 seconds or more like that, and I was playing with his hair. until a friend of mine greeted me and we stopped hugging. he smiled and I said that I need to go back to class, and he said something along the lines of “you need to go back, and after a hug like that…” and didn’t finish the sentenced, he was smiling, looking shy. I said that it was the longest hug of the week for me and he laughed.
• last week he touched my cheeks again when wishing me good luck at my exam.
• he fixed my hair immediately when it got messy because of the wind
• I also told him that his perfume was in my shirt after that tight hug and he asked if it was a good one, and smiled and did this 👉👈 with his fingers

I don't want to assume that he's flirting because I know he's outgoing and popular, but at the same time I'm surprised that our intimacy increased like that.

please, I need some support because I can't talk about this with anyone

I went through some triggering events, last year a guy I was seeing is a heavy smoker and offered me weed already knowing that I'm sober and asked him to not offer me.

and I didn't use it, however I see people smoking everyday at my uni and I'm really missing "the old times"

I can't go back, but I'm struggling so hard right now. I tried therapy again, but today was our second session and she didn't communicate that our session would be earlier this time, and got angry at me for arriving at the same time of last week. she apologized when she realized that she didn't communicate, but I felt more shame and guilt because she was talking about how I'm not committing to therapy and I was already hesitant about trusting a therapist again

on top of that, my old friends/classmates stopped hanging out with me because I moved to another city to get sober and tried to avoid parties etc

now I feel like a fool. can't leave the shitty situationship, I miss my old friends, and am losing my mind with the reasons that made me smoke in the first place. I feel like I lost trust in myself and am getting resentful of my own sobriety. I just wanna use again and be accepted :/ I'm on the spectrum and felt that smoking helped me with socializing

please, I need some support because I can't talk about this with anyone

I went through some triggering events, last year a guy I was seeing offered me my DOC and I didn't use it, however I see people smoking everyday at my uni and I'm really missing "the old times"

I can't go back, but I'm struggling so hard right now. I tried therapy again, but today was our second session and she didn't communicate that our session would be earlier this time, and got angry at me for arriving at the same time of last week. she apologized when she realized that she didn't communicate, but I felt more shame and guilt because she was talking about how I'm not committing to therapy and I was already hesitant about trusting a therapist again

on top of that, my old friends/classmates stopped hanging out with me because I moved to another city to get sober and tried to avoid parties etc

now I feel like a fool. can't leave the shitty situationship, I miss my old friends, and am losing my mind with the reasons that made me smoke in the first place. I feel like I lost trust in myself and am getting resentful of my own sobriety.