u/EmperorRoccoBecht

Whenever I think of the core of Penn State's fanbase, I think of the states of Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and parts of New York. Especially the corridor from Harrisburg down the Turnpike to the Philly suburbs then up the other part of the turnpike across the Delaware river to Springsteen country and the shore (I hate PENDOT so much).

However I was just in Hampton Roads, Virginia and I was shocked how much Penn State stuff I saw around, pretty much the same amount as VT and UVA, I guess being a Philly guy I never thought of that area as part of "Nittany Nation" especially outside of the DC area where a lot of Penn State alumni move after college to work for defense contractors. I suppose that's a big tourist area so some people could've been from further north but a lot were definitely locals, I know that's traditionally an area we recruit heavily but I didn't think that translated to fan or alumni interest (maybe that will change with Franklin at VT). Anyways it was fun to get a lot of WE AREs.

(Also random but one time I was backpacking in rural Romania and saw some guy wearing a Penn State wrestling hat)

When I was a real little kid, I asked my pops why the Philadelphia Eagles never play against Penn State and then got mad when he said the Eagles would kill Penn State and tried to argue with him (It's worth pointing out this was 2004 when Penn State was in our dark ages and went 4-7 while the Eagles that year went 13-3 had Mcabb, Brian Westbrook, & TO and made a super bowl before falling short to the better video cameras the patriots had)

Also, for years I thought Longhorn Steakhouse was an official part of the University of Texas and Colt Mccoy himself must've been prepping those steaks.

Much has been said about Penn State's hire of longtime Iowa State coach and noted connessuier of bending his hats in strange ways, Matt Campbell. One overlooked factor for Campbell is his head coaching experience from 2011 to 2015 at Toledo in which he won 9 games his last two seasons there and was seen as a solid coach for the Rockets.

To quote the late great Norm MacDonald, "I'm not sure if any of you are students of history", but between 1835-1836 Ohio and Michigan fought a war over the Toledo strip, a short piece of land on lake Erie that has lots of value. All I know about Toledo is that it has some very affordable and surprisingly nice hotels in its downtown for those who don't want to pay $20 million a night for a room in Ann Arbor on GameDay and are coming from the east

This anger and hate has fueled the Michigan-Ohio State rivalry for a century and created largely a duopoly in the Big Ten. Since Penn State joined in 1993 and then rightfully won the national title the next year, the Eastern power, not familiar with Midwestern blood feuds (As Northeastern hatred exists between cities not states, usually Philly vs whomever), the team struggled to maintain the same level of consistent dominance post 1994 and remained an odd out of place geographic and cultural fit(lol little did they know what was coming) without a proper rival (except Iowa, fuck those guys).

After our past 3 coaches were from New York, Boston, and Philly respectfully, we went out and hired the most Midwestern man to exist since Jim Harbaugh ordered milk with his steak; Matt Campbell. You may ask how any of this is relevant; well according to esteemed Pennsylvania legal scholar Charlie Kelly, who created the legal theory of "Bird Law", along with the original 1682 William Penn Charter, the hire of Matt Campbell, a former Toledo man, means the Toledo strip is now legal and sovereign territory of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. You may ask how this is the case but Bird Law is not governed by reason This completes Harrisburg's long-term goal of finally establishing a warm water port on Lake Erie as Toledo becomes the Kaliningrad of Pennsylvania.

You may ask is Ames, Iowa now also part of PA, and the answer is maybe but I'm not sure if there's anyone left in Ames after well, sorry about that guys

Matt Campbell and the Pennsylvania irredentist movement have effectly taken the biggest piece off the chess board for Michigan and Ohio State, which can be clearly seen in the recent comments from Coach Kyle Whittingham and Bryce Underwood, who no longer show the same venom once demanded in this rivalry as claiming the beautiful shores of Toledo for the Maize and Blue is no longer of primary motivation in Ann Arbor in a world in which the strip is now governed by people with hard to place accents and gas station turf wars.

Forget college neutral site neutral games at souless NFL dome stadiums when southerners are too soft to play outside in September (except Texas they always just bake in the sun there in Austin early in the year, respect). I raise you an even more unhinged idea, college football neutral site games at other universities, so we still get the college atmosphere but also get three fanbases we get to anger.

Some unhinged ideas;

Florida State vs Miami at the Swamp in Gainesville, FL

Michigan State vs Notre Dame at the Big House, Ann Arbor, MI

Pitt vs West Virginia at Beaver Stadium, Happy Valley, PA (would require deploying the national guard to the tailgate lots)

Texas vs Nebraska at Gaylord Stadium, Norman, OK

Penn State vs West Coast Big Ten Team at Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, NE(the West Coast is too far for our itty bitty runway and Nebraska fans are so hospitable they'd probably love more random teams just playing there)

Texas vs Arizona State 2 Electric Skataboo Boogaloo, Sun Bowl, El Paso, TX (nvm this one is awesome and should happen)

I don't know if they still count as a rival in the truest sense but in a just world they would, but I would definitely say West Virginia. First of all, it's where one of the classiest acts in sports; Bobby Bowden began his career. Secondly I have a lot of friends and family from Pennsylvania that went there (even from the Philly suburbs there was always a pipeline there) and their fans are unhinged and dangerous but in a fun way like eagles fans. Thirdly we share a common enemy in the Oakland Shit Eaters (and I guess now VT bc that's a thing now I guess). Also, our glorious Emperor Rocco Becht's father Anthony Becht (I guess that makes him emperor dowager or something) went there. Finally they have "Country Roads" which in my opinion is the greatest American song (and before some nerd says it's about Western Virginia instead, it has west Virginia).

I guess if I had to pick a big ten team probably Wisconsin bc cheese getting shitfaced and the jump around is fun.