u/Exact-Difference-422

I genuinely thought everyone just tolerated their parents. I really thought people pretended to care about their parents because it was expected of them. When I got far away from the abusive home, I saw that my friends actually loved their parents and enjoyed holidays and looked forward to visits with excitement. They don't cringe when they're expected to hug them. They miss them when they're not around. My family AND my extended family are all peas in a pod, and it wasn't until I left the country entirely that I saw how people really lived, and how bad it was where I grew up.

Now I'm just so disgusted as an adult that I have to even make time for these people. They haven't changed, and in some ways they got worse. The idea of hugging them or telling them that I love them seems as forced as can be, and now I don't even want to play pretend anymore. It just feels like I'm placating them until I can go no contact again, honestly, and after over 3 decades I've just had enough pretending.

I still struggle with it at nearly 40 years old. I always have it in the back of my head that every genuine apology is an "excuse". It's rare anyone says that to me as a grown ass adult, but even when I explain myself my heart races and I imagine they're going to say it. My parents still pull that shit, though. Going no contact as soon as I'm financially stable.

People don't understand how bad it is when you lose interest in the things you love. Losing interest is such a mild way to put it. I have the entire day to do anything I want, and all I want to do nothing. I did this yesterday and bedrotted and I felt worse for it. I even pushed myself to put on a movie and immediately zoned out. Opened my fave video games one after the other and closed them because I just don't have interest. The easiest forms of escape and fun seem like a chore. It's sad but the only thing that lights up my brain and passes the time is when I actually eat something - but even food doesn't have much flavor. I thought seeing a psych, getting meds and having weekly therapy would help but I'm still in this place. I hate it.

This is a not so thinly veiled attempt to find a new place to live because here the buses barely run and I can't take it anymore. I lived in NYC and London a long time ago and I yearn for the public transportation. I need to move.

Three hours later here we are. Sucks that I have to be up in a few hours too but the horrors persist...

I've been struggling to stay employed since the pandemic, which has made me go from no contact to low contact because I'm one step away from homelessness. I have never been this low in my 37 years and I feel ashamed about my situation because it keeps getting worse. Just lost my job again recently and I spent all day crying. I imagined the parent I deserved to have who would be there for me and tell me it's going to be okay. It only made me cry harder. I can't even tell my mother because she will make it about her despite her living in a different country than me. I felt so low and weak that I called my father, who is 2k miles away from me (by my choice).

Instead of support and care and empathy I got an hour long lecture about how I'm the failure in his life and he thinks about that every day. He doesn't understand why I can't hold down a job and took the opportunity to explain his successes and outline my failures. He compares me to his stepson who has two parents who love and support him and he is very successful. I wish I could have told him that I'd be happier if he didn't think about me at all, but I hold my tongue to keep the peace and wait for him to run out of hot air.

Who in their right mind would think I'm struggling on purpose? I'll never have children, but I could never say or think those things about them. What's insane is he hasn't realized that any perceived failures reflect back on his parenting. Funny how they never seem to put that together.

ETA he also asked me how old I was, and guessed 7 years younger. Doesn't even know how old his first kid is.

Longtime support main. I've come back to OW when Mizuki was added and I've nearly reached level 100, so I'm really comfortable with his way of causing damage and escaping when I need to.

I'm trying to now find a DPS that's similar in weapon damage to how Mizuki works I'm not really tuned in to the mechanics and damage numbers or anything, so that's why I'm asking for some help.

Is there a DPS that plays similar to Mizuki's weapon and movement abilities? (I am also learning Orisa as she's the tank I'm finding I'm best at if that helps)

Thank you and may the spirits begone

I can't seem to hold down a job. I used to be able to, but now I split on any job and quit after only a few months. Once I reach an invisible point of no return, I can't make myself go back there ever again. I don't know how I used to do it ten years ago but now one or two small things push me too far. I'm worried I'll never be able to handle working long term again and just trying to force myself to keep going in only made my mental health way worse.

Unfortunately I have no skills and no college education so it's already slim pickings finding jobs to begin with and I feel guilty whenever I lose jobs because I'm so poor and need the job so badly.

Any tips? Tricks? Advice? My therapist isn't really helpful in this aspect and I'd like to hear from people who know what its like firsthand.

Social circles for women only or men only don't really make much space for nonbinary people. The same goes for bathrooms, public showers and bath houses. It's especially hard when you are suffering from dysphoria to begin with. Sometimes women are accepting and welcoming in their spaces but I feel like I'm making them feel uncomfortable. I can't really relate to traditionally male social activies and unfortunately they are less welcoming. I just wanna fit in and be one of the people too 😞

I know a global pandemic is something you don't bounce back from easily in general. However I lost my sense of stability since then and haven't been able to get it back. I feel like I no longer have a place to belong either, like the world went on and left me behind.

I can't stick to routines, I lost all my discipline, and I barely take care of myself. I used to be functional but now I can't even hold down a retail job when I used to be a hard worker. I can't fathom how I used to have ambition and energy because now I can't get anything back on track. Worst of all, my friends found new friends and drifted away from me during the past few years too.

Am I the only one struggling like this since then? Everyone I know is neurotypical and bounced back immediately but I've lost six years to trying to get back up. The idea of working full time makes me feel claustrophobic. I just can't seem to resume who I once was. I've tried setting routines in all kinds of ways, but I always give up after a few days because I can't take it. Does anyone have any advice???

Note: I am being treated by doctors for BPD and anxiety but I do not have depression. It's more like I don't know how to do what used to be somewhat easy before. (edited to make wording clearer)