u/Expensive_Bid_2617

I have never been to Burning Man and don’t know anyone who’s been (I know I’m lame 😭) so sorry if this is obvious to you guys, but every year I would see a headline of how bad the traffic jam is leaving the site. Thousands of people, 10+ hours is crazy but 10+ hours in the desert in a car just seems lethal. Does everyone just know to save an extra days worth of water knowing traffic? How do you poop?
Educate me 🙏

I (34m) am seeking to better understand things that are perhaps lost in translation between my culturally Chinese aunt (and by extension my family) and myself who was born and raised in America.

My cousin (30f, let’s call her Jane) has been mostly “home schooled” by my aunt until the age of 18. I put that in quotes because my aunt didn’t actually teach her subjects like math, science, or history. It was mostly Buddhist philosophy and Chinese herbalism. My aunt has always maintained that these are far more “useful” things for a person to know. They also never stayed in one place for more than a few months in Jane’s childhood mostly traveled around China so she never developed good social skills and never had friends because of it. I’m pretty sure this was also on purpose. She lives with her mom (in the US) to this day and has never had a relationship or stable group of friends her age. She’s a sweet girl but at the age of 30 she has the emotional intelligence of a teenager. She’s been conditioned to never leave the care of her mother/another aunt and I don’t think she has ever worked a job nor developed any marketable skills. She spends her days like how I imagine a medieval princess would. Piano lessons, traditional Chinese dancing, calligraphy, etc.

What I find even more disturbing than how my aunt raised her is the complacency of the rest of my family about this. Every time I ask about it, they give me the same half hearted “its her daughter not mine”. I worry about Jane’s future in the back of my mind though I’m not in any financial position to help her in any way.

So my question is, is there some culturally specific logic in Chinese culture that allows for this kind of parenting or has my family just completely lost the plot?

For context, I had a pretty normal upbringing. Public school k-12, divorced parents, small group of friends, dated around, state college, and now working a 9-5.

I think I’ve only met 2 other Benjamins. One in college and one from work.

After all the important stuff is paid and you put some away for savings, what do you do with what’s left?

I’d be curious to know your age and what part of the world you live along with your answer if you feel comfortable. Can totally be something general like “30’s, Western Europe”

Obviously I know money is tight for a lot of folks so if that’s the case what would you like to spend it if you could?

Thank you gentlemen!

In USA. My Chinese mom doesn’t really speak English very well. Enough to order food and small interactions with businesses/services. My Cantonese is at the level of a 6yo (that’s when I started school in US, I’m 35 now). We try to communicate in Cantonese with English sprinkled in when needed. Our interactions are terribly simple and frustrating on both sides even for small stuff. We don’t talk often even now that I’ve moved back in with her. It’s mostly “you hungry?”, “I’m home/going out”, things like that. She’s not overbearing, not like some of the stories I read here but growing up both my parents were pretty emotionally distant (dads not in the picture anymore). I think they just assumed I’d magically pick up Cantonese appropriate to my age without their input.

Do you guys have similar dynamics? How do you get on?

By means of some unknown sorcery you have a whole year of free time. You don’t have to worry about money and you don’t have to worry about taking care of anyone during that year (kids/elders/spouse are all being well looked after) what you do for the next 12 months is entirely up to you. You can obviously spend time with these people but you’re not bound to any of them by obligations for this year.

Let’s also suppose you already traveled to all the places you wish to visit. Obviously you can keep traveling but I feel like this is a very common answer to questions like this and I’m just curious about other ways you’d spend that time.

Also please be specific. Don’t simply put “my hobbies” or “whatever I want” I’d like to know what hobbies and what do you want?

Thanks yall!

I don’t think any of us are strangers to the absolutely disrespectful and insulting things that waltz out of our parents mouths. But sometimes they do a sudden 180 and say something kind and gentle immediately after. I get pistol whipped every time. But when I don’t immediately get over being called fat or stupid for some cut up fruit they have this dumbfounded shock on their face as if my annoyance has no precedent.

Is it ignorance or entitlement? Do they know and not care or do they simply not know? What do you yall think?

I’m 34m in US. Looking to change careers. I used to work at a dental lab making crowns but at least my area that profession is on the decline.

What’s it like being locksmith? How difficult is it to get started at a shop with no experience? How’s the pay early on and later on with some experience? How’s work/life balance?

I don’t mind working with people or customers in person but I do have phone anxiety. How much will this hamper my growth if at all?

Thanks!

New landlord here, inherited a property with a tenant few months ago.

I’ve skimmed the website at the suggestion of non landlord friend and it seems like a good thing to be a member of but I’d like to get other opinions before I add yet another recurring payment. It’s only $250 a year but I’d like to know if it’s worth it.

Have you had good experience with membership? Do they have some sort of “explain like I’m 5” resources for folks not even a year in the game?

I have some books that are in pretty good condition and much of it is textbooks. Architecture, dental lab manuals, math books, etc. I feel like they’ll just go to waste if I take them to Goodwill or another clothing heavy thrift shop.

I was talking to a friend of mine about our friends in high school (we graduated 2010 in US) and we remembered this guy who transferred in our 2nd year. He was white (not wasian), spoke perfect American English but said he lived in China his whole life and didn’t speak any Chinese. We all thought it was BS but he was a nice guy so we hung out with him. The more time we spent with him the more plausible it seemed. He didn’t understand any recent US slang, cultural references, celebrities. I thought perhaps a VERY closed off expat community or something like that. What do you guys think, was he BS’ing us or were/are there pockets of non Chinese people that can exist in China without learning any Chinese (or at least depend solely on a family member to do all the Chinese language stuff)?

None of us really asked details at the time and he’s long out of touch with anyone we know.

I was talking to a friend of mine about our friends in high school (we graduated 2010 in US) and we remembered this guy who transferred in our 2nd year. He was white (not wasian), spoke perfect American English but said he lived in China his whole life and didn’t speak any Chinese. We all thought it was BS but he was a nice guy so we hung out with him. The more time we spent with him the more plausible it seemed. He didn’t understand any recent US slang, cultural references, celebrities. I thought perhaps a VERY closed off expat community or something like that. What do you guys think, was he BS’ing us or were/are there pockets of non Chinese people that can exist in China without learning any Chinese (or at least depend solely on a family member to do all the Chinese language stuff)?

None of us really asked details at the time and he’s long out of touch with anyone we know.

Google searches are giving me very mixed reviews. Who do you guys use and how much do they charge?

Just looking for simple grass cutting, a couple hedges kept and power washing.

Thanks!

Been wanting to start fishing. Never done it in my life, I know nothing about it in terms of the rules, places, etiquette, unwritten expectations, etc.

Any experienced anglers willing to share wisdom? I live in Bellevue if that matters. Thanks!

Edit: I’m super grateful to the folks who offer detailed descriptions their techniques for the actual fishing part but I was actually hoping for things like your favorite locations, where to buy licenses/passes, etiquette dos and donts, that sort of thing.

I’m not in the hobby but I’ve seen some vendor videos and the prices of everything is mind blowing to me. This stuff makes Warhammer look cheap.

Especially now with cost of living going up everywhere, stagnant wages, and terrible job market how are people casually dropping $100 on a single piece of cardboard? Let alone the ones that go for thousands??

Edit: to clarify I’m referring to collecting cards not the actual playing of the game / deck building

Anybody a member of Rental Housing Association of WA? Are their resources worth the fee?

I inherited a rental unit recently and have no previous experience managing. Heard of RHAWA a few times in passing as a good place to start but the annual fee is almost $300.

I’m a guy, straight. Once in a while I’ll get a random person in my chat wanting to discuss my posts in further detail. They’ve mostly been just that. Talk about the subject and then done.

I recently had one of these chats but when the discussion (about dating exp) was over he asks if I’m only into women or do I like men too. I said women only and he said same. Immediately after that he asks if he can send me some dic pics. I’m like wtf dude why?!?! He said “I dunno sometimes it’s just good to check them out”
That was enough internet for one day.

Fellow men, please help me understand this.
Dic pics for women or gay men sure I can sort out see the logic. But another straight man??? What is there to gain? Is it a kink?

Hello friends. I’m 34m, ethnically Chinese, born and raised in the US. I speak a tiny bit of Cantonese but at the level of a 6 year old. This is gonna be part asking for thoughts and opinions and part me simply getting out some lingering emotions.

Walk with me if you dare.

About 3ish years ago I briefly dated a Chinese girl (let’s call her Daisy) who came to the states for school around 18yo but then stayed in the states after graduating. I met her through a mutual friend’s wife when Daisy was 28 and I was 31. It was the strangest 8 months of my life with another human being I had ever experienced in the realm of dating. Lots of highs and lots of lows, and I guess I’m wondering how much of the strangeness was due to cultural differences and how much of it was her being…her.

First off. She was married. I know, not my finest hour. I was lonely, she was lonely, but strangest part was that my friend and his wife were the ones who pushed for us to get together and they pushed HARD. They’re both also international students who stayed in the states after graduating, we’re all around the same age (28-35). Apparently her husband was a real scumbag and they all hated him. I never met him. He had a place with Daisy but moved out under the pretense of mental health. He was actually seeing another woman, they had concrete proof. It was an open secret but they continued to play dumb when he was around.

Daisy had plans to divorce him but was waiting on some immigration docs to go through so that the process would be easier. I wanted to wait until all that was done before dating but our mutual friends were absolutely feral for us to get together immediately. I gave in one night and went for it. BEST goddamn sex in my life.

After some weeks of barely leaving the bedroom I got to know other sides to her personality. She was the most spoiled out of touch girl I’ve ever met. She couldn’t even look at people she thought was too poor and hated any length of walking. She drives to the gas station 1 block from her place. It was amazing to me how she was able to hide that part of herself for months. Her parents are upper level government officials in China. She never wanted for anything ever.

The first few times we hung out she kept saying how she likes simple things and mostly just stayed at home watching shows and reading. 3 months later she does a complete 180 and literally said she lied about all the simple stuff she said before and that she’s actually “accustomed to a high standard of life” the subtext being “if you’re poor, I can’t be with you”. Now I’m not poor but I also don’t believe in going out to expensive restaurants 3 times per week dropping $200-400 per person each time which she fully expected me to pay every time. We fought a lot over her (what I considered to be) ridiculous views about money. She also thinks any talk of money or budgets is too cringe to have. She’s never worked a day in her life. She said she “deserves” all the things people spend on her.
She laughed in my face when I said relationships aren’t solely about spending money. I could go on but it’s just more of the same theme and this post is already massive.

One day I had enough and I broke up with her and she proceeds to drag me through the mud with every cheap shot and personal trauma I told her in confidence she could think of for 30 long minutes. I didn’t fight back, I just took it. Ripping apart her personality would have been too easy and classless of me. When she was done I told her to leave. Never saw her again or the mutual friends. I could only imagine the things she said about me which I have no doubt they took completely at face value.

How common would you guys say this behavior is in China? Or did just roll snake eyes?

If you made it this far, I’m deeply ashamed that I can’t reward you with anything more than a strangers gratitude. Thank you 🙏 may this kind of love never find you my friend

My parents are immigrants from southern China. Until the age of 5 I only spoke Cantonese until I started school in America. I learned English quickly but my Cantonese was frozen at a 5yo level. We lived in an area with no other Asians at all. I didn’t have an Asian friend until probably high school. My parents speak enough English to get by in America but any topic deeper than the weather is off the table.

Growing up they were working sun up to sun down. I mostly only saw them on weekends and true to Chinese cultural norms they didn’t really talk to me with any expectation of me having a response. They never felt the need nor had the ability to develop my Cantonese. They just assumed it was automatic because that’s how it was…in China. They seem to have the idea that culture/language is a genetic phenomenon and my American-ness is my own personal failure which they are not shy in reminding me. As a kid, this made me absolutely hate Chinese culture and destroyed any desire to learn Cantonese or Mandarin (they speak both) on my own. You can imagine how infuriating this was when arguing because of course it’s done in Cantonese and I quite literally can’t say anything even if I wanted.

I’m 34 now and they’ve stopped blaming me for the most part but we’re still not able to really have complex conversations. I haven’t met anyone else in this situation before and wherever I tell my friends or therapist this they get really sad for me.

Any of you in a similar boat?