u/FairMeat5432

Need some honest co-parenting/custody perspective from people who have dealt with high-conflict exes.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for around a year and 6 months. She’s amazing with my son and our relationship has honestly become pretty serious, but we’ve kept things more private than normal because my ex found out about one incident that happened between me and my girlfriend early in the relationship and has apparently held onto it ever since. Said he didn’t want her around the kid etc
There were no police reports, no domestic violence charges, no CPS involvement, nothing involving my child, and no ongoing legal issues between us. It was basically one bad situation that my ex became aware of, my son wasn’t present for and now I constantly feel like if she finds out we’re still together she’ll try to create problems or threaten custody stuff just to make our lives difficult.
My girlfriend and I have both talked recently about how exhausting the secrecy feels. We’re at the point where it feels weird building a real relationship while also feeling like we have to constantly think about what reaction it could cause.
For people who’ve dealt with difficult co-parenting dynamics:
how much weight does something like that realistically carry months later if there’s no actual pattern of instability or danger?
how often do exes threaten emergency custody just to intimidate/control the situation?
how do you eventually move into a more normal/public relationship without causing unnecessary chaos for the kids?
Not looking to get roasted or told I’m a terrible parent. Just genuinely trying to understand what realistic progression looks like in situations where there’s tension with an ex involved.

ETA: she’s been in therapy and sober since the incident.

“Incident: Long story short she was drunk, I had no idea she drank like she was. The incident was “physical” per se but was more so me trying to leave and her in a drunken panic trying to pull me back and her long ass nail scratches the fire out of my arm. My CP found out that she had an issue with alcohol and tried to frame her as violent. In the past she’s threatened emergency custody or other legal action for far less and I decided that I wanted to help my girlfriend if she wanted help and she has done wonderfully in therapy and maintaining sobriety and has even gotten medicated for what she was self medicating with alcohol. I haven’t had her around my son during this time and I feel like it’s been long enough that I should not fear repurcussions but just from what I’ve dealt with in the past I’m a little timid.

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 10 months. I’m 33 she’s 34. Up until recently, we talked constantly every day. Multiple phone calls, FaceTimes, seeing each other regularly, very affectionate relationship, etc. We’ve had some recurring issues though, mostly around emotional pressure/cycles during conflict.
About a week and a half ago, things hit a breaking point. She said she felt like the relationship had become emotionally heavy and that it felt like a chore instead of something exciting/light. She said she felt like we kept having the same conversations and repeating the same patterns. She eventually told me she felt like she needed to step back and later said she didn’t think she could be in the relationship anymore.
The important context is that in previous conflicts, I would usually react anxiously. I’d want reassurance, want to solve things immediately, text too much, try to fix it right away, etc. This time I didn’t do that. I sent one voice message taking accountability for my side of the cycle and then gave her space. Since then, across almost 10 days, I’ve only sent a short “hope you’re having a good Saturday, I love you” voice note, a heartfelt Mother’s Day text. No spirals, No repeated calls, no blowing up her phone, no begging.
What’s confusing me is that before going mostly silent, she said she still wanted us to sit down and talk sometime this week, likely Wednesday. It’s now Thursday and I still haven’t heard from her. She’s gone silent before and came back around almost like nothing happened but it’s still worrisome.

I genuinely can’t tell if:
She’s emotionally overwhelmed and avoiding the conversation because she doesn’t know what she wants yet
or

She already made up her mind and the silence IS the answer

I don’t feel like in our 30s a text message is an acceptable break up after 10 months Part of me feels like reaching out calmly is reasonable since she mentioned talking this week. Another part of me worries that ANY outreach from me just feels emotionally exhausting to her right now and that more space is the better move.
For people who have been on either side of this dynamic:
Would one calm, confident check-in text be reasonable at this point?

Or does continuing to give space usually help more in situations where someone says they need out/need a step back?

If you were her, would you likely already know whether you wanted to reconnect or not by now?

Trying to be self-aware and not repeat old patterns, but also struggling with the uncertainty.

The reason I think it’s toxic or could be is because this is like the third time something of this nature has happened, always during her luteal phase and when her period begins she comes back like nothing happened until the cycle repeats… also the “talk” she initiated was going to be “most likely Wednesday night”. But it’s been crickets since Saturday.

My girlfriend (29F) and I (29M) have been together for almost 10 months. Up until recently, we talked constantly every day. Multiple phone calls, FaceTimes, seeing each other regularly, very affectionate relationship, etc. We’ve had some recurring issues though, mostly around emotional pressure/cycles during conflict.
About a week and a half ago, things hit a breaking point. She said she felt like the relationship had become emotionally heavy and that it felt like a chore instead of something exciting/light. She said she felt like we kept having the same conversations and repeating the same patterns. She eventually told me she felt like she needed to step back and later said she didn’t think she could be in the relationship anymore.
The important context is that in previous conflicts, I would usually react anxiously. I’d want reassurance, want to solve things immediately, text too much, try to fix it right away, etc. This time I didn’t do that. I sent one voice message taking accountability for my side of the cycle and then gave her space. Since then, across almost 10 days, I’ve only sent a short “hope you’re having a good Saturday, I love you” voice note, a heartfelt Mother’s Day text. No spirals, No repeated calls, no blowing up her phone, no begging.
What’s confusing me is that before going mostly silent, she said she still wanted us to sit down and talk sometime this week, likely Wednesday. It’s now Thursday and I still haven’t heard from her. She’s gone silent before and came back around almost like nothing happened but it’s still worrisome.

I genuinely can’t tell if:
She’s emotionally overwhelmed and avoiding the conversation because she doesn’t know what she wants yet
or

She already made up her mind and the silence IS the answer

I don’t feel like in our 30s a text message is an acceptable break up after 10 months Part of me feels like reaching out calmly is reasonable since she mentioned talking this week. Another part of me worries that ANY outreach from me just feels emotionally exhausting to her right now and that more space is the better move.
For people who have been on either side of this dynamic:
Would one calm, confident check-in text be reasonable at this point?

Or does continuing to give space usually help more in situations where someone says they need out/need a step back?

If you were her, would you likely already know whether you wanted to reconnect or not by now?

Trying to be self-aware and not repeat old patterns, but also struggling with the uncertainty.

TL;DR: Girlfriend of almost 10 months said our relationship had become emotionally exhausting/repetitive and that she felt like she needed out. In past conflicts I reacted anxiously, but this time I’ve given her space and barely contacted her for almost 10 days. Before going mostly silent, she said she still wanted us to sit down and talk this week, but now it’s Thursday and I still haven’t heard from her. Trying to figure out whether one calm check-in is reasonable or if continuing to give space is the better move.

Lawyer is going for dismissal or at the very least a diversion program. My question is, if I get pre trial diversion will that effect my Georgia license or will it only effect them if I am later convicted? Thanks

Location: Alabama.

My dad was driving home from a friends house a town over from ours back during the holidays. He apparently passed a vehicle on the road way that said his driving was “wreckless” and they followed him into a shopping center parking lot and called the police. Confronted him and wouldn’t let him get out of his vehicle. He couldn’t leave because they parked behind him. Some real citizens arrest type stuff. He was in a parking spot and the cops did not witness him driving but when the police made contact they said he exhibited signs of impairment and arrested him for dui. He hasn’t went to court yet but he’s really struggling with this. Been sober since and even started therapy. My question is has anyone ever experienced or heard something like this?

Edited to add: he did refuse the breathalyzer but won the appeal on that.

My girlfriend of a year has wanted to break up with me during her luteal phase 3 out of the last 4 months. Oddly enough, her period was late last month and she didn’t act like the previous months or this month. Which I’m now learning could very well be why this month is worse.(?) we do have relationship issues but the last few months, like clockwork when her luteal phase hits, so does the shift. I can almost quite literally feel the change and silence coming in the air. 😅 We do track her period together so I know for sure as well. Communication slows, she gets more irritable, small things start upsetting her quicker and then she eventually gets to a point where she’s questioning the relationship, our problems become magnified 100x and she goes no contact. She goes silent for 4-5 days, gets her period and returns almost like it never happened. This time it’s lasted a little longer, we’re on day 27 of her normally 28 days cycle and the only contact we’ve had in the last 6 days is her doubling down on feeling she needs to leave. I’ve tried to bring up PMDD in the good weeks but it sort of gets swept under the rug bc things are “better”. Her text sound more final this go around but I think it’s too coincidental that it happens at the same exact time each month.. idk how to handle this or if she even returns this go around. I sent a loving, thoughtful Mother’s Day text last night to which she did not respond to either. It’s tough.

My girlfriend of a year has wanted to break up out of almost nowhere 3 of the last 4 months at the same time each month. We do have our issues because I am an anxious attachment and she is an avoidant and sometimes it causes unnecessary stress or pressure on the relationship. But things have been good physically and mentally for the most part other than the luteal phase. I’ve also been spending more time with her and around her daughter. We usually figure it out and move on. But now 3 out of the last 4 months during her luteal phase she’s wanted to reevaluate our relationship or just plain end it and she ends up taking silent space for 3-4 days and returns almost like clockwork when her period starts. We skipped last months “break up” but we’re back again this month 😅. This time I was ready and validated her and gave her grace, didn’t chase or ask to talk it out immediately etc. I did a soft check in at around day 4 and she came back with saying she thinks she needs to step back, the cycle is draining, that I exhaust her etc. day 6 now. We track her period together and she’s on day 27 of her normal 28 days cycle today. We haven’t spoken since she doubled down and stepping back and I validated her and gave space. I did send a Mother’s Day text last night but she didn’t respond. Normally, when her period starts she comes back and we go back to normal. We have discussed PMDD but she didn’t want to think about it at the time. It just seems too coincidental that it happens during luteal every month. I don’t know how to handle this.

My girlfriend ‘F 35’ and I ‘M34’ have been together around 11 months and the relationship became very emotionally intense very fast. We genuinely love each other a lot, but we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle where things get really good, then pressure/anxiety builds up, we have emotionally heavy conversations, she pulls away needing space, and I panic and try to fix things immediately.
A lot of the stress comes from circumstances around the relationship too. She’s a mom, and because of life dynamics/external factors, the relationship has had a level logistical stress that eventually started making her feel emotionally exhausted and like the relationship wasn’t sustainable or healthy anymore.
She recently talked about ending things saying she loves and respects me, but she can’t continue the relationship because it’s affecting her mental health and how she shows up as a mom. She said we keep repeating the same cycle every few months and she’s scared it’ll eventually end in a huge falling out.
For context, I’m sober now and have genuinely made a lot of personal progress emotionally compared to earlier in the relationship, but I think I still carried a lot of anxiety/fear of losing her that unintentionally created pressure on the relationship.
What makes this hard is that the relationship still had a lot of love, affection, intimacy, future talk, etc. right up until this breaking point. It doesn’t feel like two people who stopped loving each other. It feels more like two people who became emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted at times. For a little more context it seems that everytime we have a rupture it’s during her luteal phase and she does agree she has symptoms of PMDD.. not saying the problems aren’t real but amplified. She’s done this a couple times before and came
Back after a few days of silence/when her period started.
My question is:
Can couples realistically heal from repeated rupture/repair cycles like this with time apart, therapy, and actual change, or does reaching this point usually mean the relationship is too damaged to recover?

My girlfriend (35) and I (34) have been together around 11 months and the relationship became very emotionally intense very fast. We genuinely love each other a lot, but we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle where things get really good, then pressure/anxiety builds up, we have emotionally heavy conversations, she pulls away needing space, and I panic and try to fix things immediately.
A lot of the stress comes from circumstances around the relationship too. She’s a mom, and because of life dynamics/external factors, the relationship has had a level logistical stress that eventually started making her feel emotionally exhausted and like the relationship wasn’t sustainable or healthy anymore.
She recently talked about ending things saying she loves and respects me, but she can’t continue the relationship because it’s affecting her mental health and how she shows up as a mom. She said we keep repeating the same cycle every few months and she’s scared it’ll eventually end in a huge falling out.
For context, I’m sober now and have genuinely made a lot of personal progress emotionally compared to earlier in the relationship, but I think I still carried a lot of anxiety/fear of losing her that unintentionally created pressure on the relationship.
What makes this hard is that the relationship still had a lot of love, affection, intimacy, future talk, etc. right up until this breaking point. It doesn’t feel like two people who stopped loving each other. It feels more like two people who became emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted at times.
My question is:
Can couples realistically heal from repeated rupture/repair cycles like this with time apart, therapy, and actual change, or does reaching this point usually mean the relationship is too damaged to recover?

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

3 days ago my girlfriend texted and said she doesn’t know what else to do other than take a step back. Says that she felt like she may be at her breaking point and feels as if she’s ignored problems hoping they’d get better. She has communicated since then. I did send her a voice message not long after her message that explained how I felt and she saved it but did not reply. There has been a lot of pressure in our relationship mostly from my side trying to fix problems faster than she could get over them. This isn’t the first time she’s taken space, but she’s came back each time after 3-4 days. Her message didn’t say she wanted to break up but it feels a little more final as I sit in ambiguity. I use to chase when she took space like this but I haven’t reached out since the voice message 60+ hours ago. I have no clarity about what’s going on or where we stand but I also don’t want to break the space and cause more pressure. How do I handle this?

I also think she may have PMDD as this seems to happen during her luteal phase each time, along with other symptoms. Not downplaying our problems, just more information.