u/Fast_Ratio3000

My husband and I are newlyweds, living together for about 7 months, married for 4. I have always known that depression was something he struggled with. He's on at least 2 SSRIs, sees a therapist and psychiatrist, and does DBT.

However, since we've moved in together, he has become impossible to live with, in large part due to his depression. He will come home from work (a desk job) completely exhausted and go to our room to sleep for like 2-3 hours at a time. So from like 5:30-8:30/9:00 some nights. Some nights, it's only an hour or so, but he takes significant naps daily. Then he'll come upstairs and we'll have a late dinner, maybe watch a show, and then he'll go back to bed. On weekends, he'll sleep from like 11:00a.m./12:00 p.m. until 5:00 sometimes. We don't do anything fun during the day and I've learned not to even ask. Today, we had a huge fight in the morning (at like 9:30a.m.) and he has slept for 12 hours. His fuse is incredibly short and he blows up at the smallest things. He cannot handle much stress and has also stopped showering consistently.

We rarely do things together as a couple because he is always so exhausted, depressed, and just generally miserable. Our sex life is dead and I've never felt more alone in my life. I am reaching the end of my sympathy for this because it just keeps getting worse and I don't see a way out of this. I feel almost completely abandoned as a wife; other times, I feel like an emotional punching bag for his misery. When he is awake, he is often really miserable, harsh, and has said incredibly cruel things to me. To say that I'm heavily considering divorce is an understatement.

Tonight, I went to our room and asked if he was going to come upstairs. He screamed at me to stop judging him (I wasn't, just pointing out that it had a long time and to ask if he was coming upstairs), and to just leave him alone. I told him that I felt sad and abandoned all day, especially since a few hours before, he said he'd be up so we could connect and have dinner. He basically said that he couldn't deal with that and that I needed to get away from him.

I've never lived with a partner who has behaved like this. He's medicated and sees a therapist, but he seems worse than ever. I suggested that maybe he find a new therapist or try a new med and he flipped out at me.

I am considering divorce, but am worried that I'm overreacting to this. I don't want to implode our lives for nothing, especially so soon into our marriage. But i'm so exhausted by this and don't see this improving any time soon. Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

My husband and I are newlyweds, living together for about 7 months, married for 4. I have always known that depression was something he struggled with. He's on at least 2 SSRIs, sees a therapist and psychiatrist, and does DBT.

However, since we've moved in together, he has become impossible to live with, in large part due to his depression. He will come home from work (a desk job) completely exhausted and go to our room to sleep for like 2-3 hours at a time. So from like 5:30-8:30/9:00 some nights. Some nights, it's only an hour or so, but he basically takes significant naps daily. Then he'll come upstairs and we'll have a late dinner, maybe watch a show, and then he'll go back to bed. On weekends, he'll sleep from like 11:00a.m./12:00 p.m. until 5:00 sometimes. Today, we had a huge fight in the morning (at like 9:30) and he has slept for 12 hours. His fuse is incredibly short and he blows up at the smallest things. He cannot handle much stress and has also stopped showering consistently.

We rarely do things together as a couple because he is always so exhausted, depressed, and just generally miserable. Our sex life is dead and I've never felt more alone in my life. I am reaching the end of my sympathy for this because it just keeps getting worse and I don't see a way out of this. I feel almost completely abandoned as a wife, like I don't even have a husband. When he is awake, he is often really miserable, harsh, and has said incredibly cruel things to me. To say that I'm heavily considering divorce is an understatement.

Tonight, I went to our room and asked if he was going to come upstairs. He screamed at me to stop judging him (I wasn't, just pointing out that it had a long time and to ask if he was coming upstairs), and to just leave him alone. I told him that I felt sad and abandoned all day, especially since a few hours before, he said he'd be up so we could connect and have dinner. He basically said that he couldn't deal with that and that I needed to get away from him.

Is this normal depression? I've never lived with a partner who has behaved like this. He's medicated and sees a therapist, but he seems worse than ever. I suggested that maybe he find a new therapist or try a new med and he flipped out at me.

I'm just at a loss for what to do. I want to be sympathetic, but I'm also completely exhausted by this. It's like we have daily fights and then he's too tired and miserable to do anything else. I'm reaching the end of my sympathy. If any partners of depressed people in particular could weigh in and provide some guidance, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

This is a long one. My husband (49M) and I (36F) got married about 4 months ago. We've been together about 2.5 years and were engaged in fall 2025. I had a hard rule about not living together until getting engaged and now I'm really regretting that.

Not long after we got engaged, he sold his place and we bought a new one, moving in together about 3 months before our wedding. To say that our engagement was really unhappy was an understatement. We fought constantly. Like huge screaming matches, lots of unkind things said, etc. We only had sex twice in 5 months. It was certainly not the way I had imagined my engagement being and nothing like what I witnessed my friends have. I was so close to calling off the engagement so many times, but I felt trapped. I had sunk a lot of my money into furnishing the house and had depleted a lot of my savings. And I felt shame in calling off the wedding when we had already spent so much on it and invitations were already sent. I know, in hindsight, that I fell victim to the sunk cost fallacy.

We pulled it together for our wedding and it was nice. On our honeymoon, however, the first time we had sex, he yelled at me for giving "conflicting demands" in bed. I recoiled and cried. Again, not how I imagined my honeymoon being. He has a hard time finishing and sex never really seems enjoyable for either of us. Since we came back from our honeymoon, we've had sex once (and haven't had it in over 2.5 months now). He didn't finish then either and pouted the rest of the night. He doesn't look at porn or anything and says this has been an issue in every relationship, but it's really hard not to feel like I'm not attractive enough to him. It also makes me dread having sex because he's unlikely to finish, he gets frustrated, and then he gets upset. I'm also left totally unsatisfied and frustrated.

We have also had lots of fighting since we got married. So much that we're now seeing a marriage counselor. He thinks this is a great idea since he's been in therapy for many years, but I feel completely ashamed that we need this so early in our marriage. He says he'll try to work on his problems, but I don't see any evidence that he's working on anything related to our marriage. One thing I have repeatedly asked for is more physical affection, more initiation (i.e. planning dates without me having to ask first), and just small acts of affection (like picking up my favorite snack when he goes to the store, etc). He says these things don't occur to him but I don't see any effort in putting in systems to remind him. So that need goes unmet a lot of the time. I swear I have asked for this like 50 times. Sometimes he'll do it, but it only lasts like a week.

He gets very triggered very easily and small things set him off. One of the biggest fights we had was the other day when my alarm went off too many times in the morning (I pressed snooze too much). He screamed at me to shut it off, then I screamed back. We got into a fight and he called me a bitch. I was shocked. I told him I will not be spoken to like that. He said if I act like a bitch, he can call me a bitch. He later apologized and said it was not okay to do and that he wouldn't do it again. But he can't unring that bell. It was so hurtful and I felt numb all day.

I feel like, overall, our marriage has more neutral days, punctuated by almost weekly fights. I can't even say that there are too many highs unless I plan it. He just seems like a passive participant in this relationship sometimes. His first marriage ended within like 2 years and I'm starting to wonder if she experienced what I'm experiencing.

I don't want to be the person who bails after 4 months. I made vows to him and I want to stand by them. But this relationship has been pretty miserable since we got engaged (about 9 months ago). I know therapy can take some time to work, but I worry that there are much deeper issues here that can't be fixed, like we just fundamentally aren't compatible. I miss the peace I had when I was single. My life was much less complicated and easier to navigate.

I know that Reddit forums are often quick to encourage divorce. I'm just looking for some guidance. I don't feel like I have many people in my life I can turn to about this. Thanks in advance.

My husband and I are beginning the process of looking into adoption. I have read a lot, both here and on other sites, about the ethics of adoption. My own grandmother was adopted, so I want to be very mindful of the process and the ethics of it.

Does anyone have any recommendations for ethical adoption agencies in the Chicagoland area? Any advice/guidance would be greatly appreciated!

I ordered some shirts from Everlane on 5/13. It was marked as "out for delivery" on 5/18 via UniUni. Everyday since then, it'll show that it's currently out for delivery to be delivered that same day, and everyday at around 5:00 pm, it'll update to be delivered the following day. This has been going on for almost 10 days.

What is going on? I just want my stuff! I contacted Everlane, but cannot get through to a human. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this?

My husband is a III and we're thinking of names for future children (planning to TTC this fall). Girls name is picked out and done (Eleanor Anna). But if we have a boy, he wants it to be a IV. We're only planning on having one and I'm not super keen on being "shut out" of the naming process for my potential only child. He is open to being flexible, but his preference would be to carry on the name. Alternatively, we have talked about the child having his middle name (so as to honor my FIL) and we pick a first name together. This is my preference, but I can understand that you don't want to be the person that "ends the line." However, this just puts more pressure on our son to name his son the V...and so on and so forth. How long does he expect this to go on??

My husband's first name is Delfin. I don't hate that name, but would not pick it as a name for my son. He goes by his initials and his father goes by Del.

He suggested the child go by Finn. I'm mostly Irish and Finn is a very Irish name, so it's kind of paying an homage to my side. I'm open to this, but it feels clunky. The name Delfin is not Irish at all, so it seems strange to have such disparate names. I also struggle to imagine a grown man with the name Finn. It seems very boyish (at least in the US where I live). Finn is also very popular in my area. If this weren't a potential nickname for my husband's name, I wouldn't even consider it.

Names I like for boys instead are Samuel (Sam), Emerson, Reed, Henry, Graham, Rowan/Owen, Leo, and Bennett.

What are your thoughts on Finn, both as a name for an adult man and as a nickname for Delfin? What are your thoughts about a IV as a whole?

Thanks, NameNerds!