u/FearlessStudio8737

(14 m) maybe tw idk. I don’t know what to do or what not to do. i see no future where im happy. i want to be able to dress act and express myself how i want but i can’t. i’m gonna get bullied and lose almost all friends. i have like 0 real hobbies or passions. all i do is sit in my room and rot. i hate this so much even my friends think this i know it. i’m scared of talking to people that i don’t know and even that i do know im scared of talking to them. not like i can’t make any more friends if i wasn’t scared because i don’t have hobbies like i said. worst part is im not straight. i can’t come out because my dad doesn’t like that stuff and most of my friends also don’t. idk if this is all a phase. i only feel comfortable online. and lets say i do come out and all goes well. i’m still lonely because im ugly asf. even if i would wear what i wanted to wear i would be an ugly guy trying to act feminine like a creep. i probably wouldn’t even like me in that because i would look so ugly. i’ve been going trough a lot lately and its all in my head. it’s not like my family is abusive or anything like that. they are very loving. idk. i’ve got death treats online and im starting to feel more and more unsafe in this world. speaking of which. i dont want to be in this world. i dont want to work until im 65 just to survive. there’s nothing good i see for the future of me and the rest of humanity. there’s so much hate in this world. i hate it. i hate all of this.

so, i’m M14, i’ve always been overweight almost my whole life basically. about 8 months ago i had a checkup at a Municipal Health Service place. basically she said that i was overweight for my age and i should try and lose weight. i ignored that for the first few months and thought nothing of it until like 3 months ago when i realized i didn’t like my body and i knew i was unhealthy so i wanted to change. i tried but didn’t succeed so i almost gave up. but then a month ago i REALLY wanted a slimmer body. so i started eating less calories and working out more. my parents didn’t really notice at first until like few weeks ago when my mom asked my if im losing weight. i said no. why? well, my family kinda has a bad reputation with losing weight if that’s how you say it. my sister had anorexia so if someone wanted to lose weight they would probably be concerned. so that’s that. so i continue eating less and stuff but its now gotten to a point where im eating less and less food and i deal guilt after eating to much, and if i feel like i ate “too much” ill like skip breakfast the next day or just eat even less. idk.

i just can’t handle the dysphoria anymore. i want to be a girl so bad, i can’t even look at girls without feeling insecure and or disphoric. i try to act more feminine with walking, body language. but that only gets me so far. also im afraid of coming out. my dad doesn’t really support the lgbtq, neither does my mom. my sister kinda and my brother also not really. i came out to my best friend already. luckily he supported it. i just know ill get bullied if i come out to anyone else in class. i’m sure 95% of my classmates and school aren’t supporting the lgbtq community.i’m just kinda stuck right now between coming out and keeping it to myself. i just wanna be a girl.

I’m 14, Mtf pre everything. he was on the back of my bike seat, and i was bringing him to the bus stop. we were almost there so i was very nervous about if i should say it or not. eventually i did say it. i said (translated): "i need to tell you something, you can’t tell anyone else and you’re the first person im telling this." he said "okay" then i said "im transgender" then he said something like "ok tuff. why is bro lying." i said “im not, im serious" then he said "why is he lying" so i said again "im not" then he said "okay"…. sooo akward. i know he supports the lgbtqia+ community, i don’t know if the thinks its a joke or not.

i hate myself i hate how i look how i sound i hate everything about me. i want to be a girl and not have to go through this. i hate all of this.