u/ForsakenCup2124

I'm the most loneliest and depressed I've ever been and can't seem myself wanting to live after 30. I have the energy of a 70 year old man, don't even want to go to the gym anymore. Can't even pull a girlfriend, I have no hobbies aside from videogames and even that got boring and tiring. I'm constantly thinking about ending it every day, and I don't even have an unhealthy diet or horrible sleep schedule, it's just that I don't fit in this society. Even if I managed to pull a girlfriend, she would eventually go away due to my really bad social skills, since I'm like NPC, I have no interest in music, dancing, running or anything at all, my life is just working a shitty job and paying useless bills. If I get rich, it won't also matter that much, since I have no personality.

I'm just tired, some kind of tired that can't be fixed with sleep.

Para mí en 2022, el salvador se volvio invivible e infumable. En 2016 aún con las pandillas, inseguridad y violencia, salíamos con mi familia al bahía del sol, todo estaba más vivo, más alegre, y no teníamos tanto dinero.

Let me explain myself, I severely missed out on my teenage years and didn't experience highschool love and also will not experience university love, and I don't want it to be in corporate. However, as a 23 year old being a college student and working part time, I have gone to parties, travelled to countries like Spain, Italy, Hungary, had pool parties, visited nice beaches, went to paris on new year, got drunk and got high with mates, but experiencing all that by myself made me realize it doesn't fulfill me travelling to other countries and going to nice restaurants. That's the reason I don't want a transactional relationship where it all about travelling to restaurants, other countries, museum, concerts, etc. Cuz I already did all of that by myself and it would just be boring.

I'm looking for the purest form of love possible, like going to a park and acting dumb, playing basketball at 3 am while drunk, skateboarding, having a campfire in the forest, paintball, playing games on the phone together grinding them, getting so excited for little things, going to arcade games together, jumping on trampolines, watching movies all day, trying any hobby that crosses our mind. Everything that costs very little money and it's fun. Sure you can maaaaybe do few of these things with a normal adult relationship from time to time, but a normal adult relationship like if I go into corporate and meet someone there, it's usually about a routine, clocking in 9-5 shift and then maybe going to watch a movie at the cinema, waking up for the gym at 7 am and then going to work and then saving up for a vacation in Spain, waiting for the weekend to maybe go to a bar or some restaurant, thats booooooring. I want something spontaneous, pure, sincere, where money barely plays a role, something intense and not a boring routine of work and bills to afford nice dates.

I'm 23 years old and I come from a third world country but studied in Germany, I am an only child and given that I couldn't enjoy my younger years with a girlfriend, I now what to get rich after getting my degree, but to stack tons of money, so I can be eventually be financially pretty well off before 30 and have all the fun dates I want with a girl, I don't want kids, worrying about rent, I simply want to be free and not tied to a job and be pretty busy the whole time worrying about bills.

I wanna grind right now, so I can stack as much money as humnaly possible before 30 and then experiencing love in its purest form and have all the fun dates I dreamed about since I was a teenager. Arcade games, paintball, picnics, pool parks... you name it, I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now because it will feel like transactional love, worrying about work, renting an apartment together, worrying about bills in the restaurant, etc. It's not that I want a luxury life, vacations in dubai, I just wanna have fuuun like a teenager but a rich one. I don't want to wait till the end of the day after a 9-5 shift to have fun with a girl, y'all know what I mean? I want something real, pure, young love instead of a trip to Spain just to watch some buldings and sunset, I simply wanna get all back what I couldn't as a teen, so I prefer to suffer right now and stack as much as possible and live frugally.

Like when I was a teenager I thought the adult world was different and I played videogames with my friends, everything was colorful, joyful and amazing, but as soon as I finished highschool everything went downhill pretty fast. I had another girlfriend who was still in highschool and I couldn't see her or hang out, nothing. I was forced to work some job I hate till I quit but then she started uni and was pretty busy again and my friends too. What I mean to this, is that life pretty much sucks once you start uni or the working world, it ruined my relationship with her and also my concept of love and friends. The only solution to this is to either get rich so I dont have to worry about money ever again at a young age or be borned rich. I despise every single bit of adulthood for this reason and the whole concept of capitalism. I now understand why some people completely refuses to work or go to uni and just play videogames and stay bums in their parents house cuz they are happier than working a stupid job that barely pays the bills.

I come from a family in a third world country, where they think education --> bachelor title is the ticket to golden life, they think someone who was no bachelor is a failure, someone dumb, uneducated. So, I'm here in Germany studying something I don't even like --> CS, just to make them happy. They do not understand, university is not what it used to be, and everyone has masters or bachelors nowadays and end up working menial jobs, specially in my home country. There are many engineers, lawyers, in my country working as food delivery or uber drivers and in Germany the situation it's not that different.

So, here we are in 7th semester with few subjects from 6th semester left, and hoping I can finally live my life and be out of the education system forever and eternity and not worry about an exam ever again in my life. I know in Germany, not even native germans are getting jobs in IT, so why would I think my case is different or special? I also find IT tedious, boring, repetitive and despise the corporate environment, if it were for me, I would have never left my home country and would have done some business, dropshipping or some get rich quick scheme lol but that's not realistic, so I see university more like an experience to make friends and socialize cuz I met good people and I'm still grateful I could study in Germany, although I lost many friends in my home country, I lost my girlfriend due to my parents mentality but yeah this are my thoughts.