u/Freya_1917

We got stationed at Fort Bliss in El Paso last summer. I was pregnant and had our baby in February this year. I thought initially I didn’t like it here because I was pregnant, sick and miserable. I was also incredibly home sick as it was our first PCS together. I left my career, family and friends behind. Fast forward to now, I still hate it here. I seriously cannot wait for these 3 years to be up and go somewhere new. I’m thankful we do get to move and are not stuck here. Im trying to find the good in it, but it’s hard. Especially being a new mom and having no one here. Add the heat, so I can’t just take my baby and go do the things I would have done before. Such as hiking, going for walks, just getting outside during the day. (we came from WA state) Im pretty independent so I don’t mind doing things solo, or with my little side kick now. We are also older. I’m 38 and my husband is 36, so it’s harder to find friends in this world. We don’t drink a ton or party. My husband has been in for 15 years, he is a lot more used to this than I am. It’s not the military life though for me, it’s really just El Paso. I’m thankful the base itself isn’t bad. We live off post but I actually don’t mind going to the PX area. Anyway, just my little rant right now. I know there’s good too, but I’m just struggling right now.

FTM and my son is 3 months old. I absolutely love and adore him, I didn’t know love like this could exist. When I think about returning to work, leaving him for 8-10 hours a day, putting him in day care with strangers, or even leaving him for that long with a family member it hurts my heart so much and almost makes me sick. I know women have been doing this… but I seriously do not know how to return to work and be ok. What if he needs me? What if something goes wrong? All the thoughts flood my mind and tears fill my eyes when I even think about it. I struggle still to even leave him for a couple hours. How, like HOW do we move forward?
I NEVER knew I could be this way. I’ve never been a super soft person. I’ve always been very independent, worked and prided myself on that. Now I could care less about it.

I had a baby 3 months ago. Prior to the baby, my MIL and I got along fine. She has lived with us in and off at times, and she lives back and forth between our house and my BIL house. She moved in to stay with us indefinitely right before the baby was born to help out. Needless to say everything has changed. A lot of it has to do with her over stepping, out dated practices when it comes to the baby, unsolicited advice, and just constantly hovering over me. It’s taken everything in me not to become disrespectful to her. When I have spoken to my husband about the issues going on, he is either A. Very defensive of her. B. Makes excuses for her. Or C. Tells me to just ignore her. We have had some serious arguments about her at this point. I feel bad because in no longer want her living here. She creates more work for me than anything else. I end up hiding in my room with the baby just so I don’t have to hear her comments or deal with explaining why I’m doing something with the baby. My husband loves his mom and has always wanted to take care of her. So I’m in this position where she stays, I am miserable and am becoming resentful. She leaves, my husband becomes resentful of me.
Some important context- she doesn’t work or drive, she’s in my house all the time. My BIL lives in another state, as we are military. So there’s no where for anyone to go to have a break easily. She is also Hispanic, so we have some cultural differences but they have never been an issue until now with the baby.
Guys, if you were a traditional mamas boy I would love some input. If you went through struggles with your wife and mom having issues I’d love some advice from your perspective.

This post is primarily to vent because I can’t vent to my husband about his mom. My MIL lives with us, and I have a 12 week old baby boy. FTM for me. Since the baby got here, I have had my share of challenges with her… I’ve discovered that my husband is incredibly defensive of his mom, so after many fights, I no longer bring anything to him. I just take the baby and go in the other room. We are currently dealing with the day time nap battle. She constantly makes comments to let the baby cry instead of soothing him or picking him up. It’s pissing me off more and more. It’s not a method I care for. I do not always pick him up right away, as I can usually tell if he just needs his pacifier and my hand on his chest, or when he is fully awake and I need to maybe rock or bounce him some. Or when the nap is crap and I need to just surrender it. I usually let him fuss a little after I gave him the pacifier if he does, sometimes he goes to sleep and sometimes he escalates. Anyway, she has so many out dated methods and so much unsolicited advice that it is making me crazy. She’s also Hispanic and we have a language barrier between us, that doesn’t help the situation. I’ve had so many conversations with my husband where he either tells me to just ignore her (which is impossible since we are both in the house all day every day together. She can’t drive and doesn’t work) or he gets defensive of her. We are also military, so I’m way away from any family where I could go to get a break or something. Anyway… just venting. I’ve learned that if someone hasn’t had a baby with in the last 5 years, 10 years max, I don’t want to hear it from them.

If you changed what you were eating due to your babies gas, what actually helped? My 12 week old has had very bad and painful gas the last couple days. It’s affecting him even eating and staying latched at times. I currently do gas drops, tummy massages, all the leg movements recommended and it seems like it barely helps, if at all. I don’t know if there’s something I’m eating specifically making it worse, if that really plays a big role into things? He has recently been more vocal, both in giggles and in crying at times, so I know he’s taking on more air too. Just curious what worked for others?

My little man is 11 weeks old and I love him like no other. A void in my life was filled when I had him. Now that we are 11 weeks in, I am starting to miss having some life of my own. I used to workout, 6 days a week. I was independent and got out of the house when I wanted to. Now, I hardly leave the house. My husband encourages me to go to the gym, but it’s hard to leave my baby. I BF and only use bottles when it’s an absolute need. I don’t know why but I hate giving him a bottle. So I’m constantly trying to figure things out between feedings and hoping if I’m out of the house he isn’t hungry. I try to explain this to my husband, how it’s like you want a break from the baby but you don’t all at the same time. It’s so easy for him to just maintain his normal life, and I can’t seem to find a sense of normalcy at all. I don’t know how to find the balance back. I also handle all nights because my husband works, so sleep is a whole other thing. Often times I have to pick between taking a nap or running errands, going to the gym, things like that. I don’t know.. it’s like I want a new normal but I don’t know how to find it..

The internet is such a great and terrible tool all at the same time. It gets me in my head about what I should or shouldn’t be doing all the time.
FTM- 11 week old- when it comes to sleep, I can only get him down in his bassinet by rocking him to sleep or holding him at least on my chest until he is completely out. When my husband watches him he uses the swing to get him to sleep. I’ve tried putting him down sleepy, but it ends in disaster every time. Recently when he wakes up 20-30 minutes later, I put my hand on his chest, give him his binki and try to sooth him back to sleep. It only works if I can keep my hand on his chest for at least 10-15 minutes. Sometimes it works, more often than not it doesn’t work, I have to pick him up and rock again.
Is it just something I need to stay consistent on? Have I done something wrong? Created a bad habit? Any tips?

UPDATE-Thank you so much for all your comments! It has been so reassuring as a FTM to know what I’m doing is good and what my baby really needs. Society makes it so hard sometimes. I appreciate everything everyone said!

Those who were prescribed Zoloft for PPA, when you first started it, did you have side effects? If so, did they go away? I’m on day 3, and I’m only taking 25mg because when I took 50mg on day 1 it messed me up badly. Currently I have zero appetite, which is a problem because I’m breastfeeding. I’m tired but cannot sleep to save my life, and I feel like I’m in a fog. I feel like this is worse than dealing with my anxiety

Just curious to know how much people really use their baby swing every day, I know the recommendations but sometimes the swing is what saves us!

This is the only place I can say any of this. I’m 11 weeks PP and I think about divorce often. I day dreaming about scenarios that could justify it.. it’s not because my husband is a terrible person or bad father. He’s been helpful around the house and tries to ensure I have everything I need as a breastfeeding mom. Having a child though has exposed some real differences in us. Especially culturally. He is Hispanic, his mom is also and she lives with us. I am white, and speak a little bit of Spanish but not enough to keep up. Him and his mom only speak Spanish together and speak Spanish to the baby. I have to constantly ask what is being said and I hate it. They both refuse to speak English to our son. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely want my son to be bilingual, but I hate feeling like I’m being shut out about my own child. We have some other cultural differences too that I am open for our son to be a part of both worlds, where my husband thinks it has to be his culture only. There’s some other issues regarding my MIL living with us through me being a new mom, but that’s for another post. I often want to take my baby and leave. Unfortunately we are a military family and I am across the country from my family, so I don’t really have any place to go to get a break. When I talk about the future and things I want to do with our son, example would be camping- my husband is quick to say no because he thinks it’s dangerous. But camping is one of my favorite child hood memories. When I’ve brought up things like swim lessons for when he’s older, my husband says no because he could drown. (My husband can’t swim) I try to explain I want him to have swim lessons so he KNOWS how to swim when he needs to. Those are just a couple examples of many. This post is already getting to long..

I love my husband, I can’t stand my MIL living with us, I think about leaving… I don’t know if all this is just postpartum hormones or real.. just wondering if any other women have been through this?