u/Ghost_0_4

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

\\- Is she emotionally ready?

\\- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

\\- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

\\- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

I would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

TL;DR: I’m in a new long-distance relationship with a girl who has been hurt badly in past relationships and is scared of getting attached again. She recently opened up emotionally to me and said she feels comfortable with me but is also scared of being hurt. I genuinely care about her and want advice on how to navigate this relationship in a healthy way without overthinking or rushing things.

​

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to a girl (27F) for around 3 months after meeting through a matrimonial app. We met a few times before I left India and have become emotionally close since then. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office commute late at night because she works night shifts.

Yesterday we had a very emotional conversation that has been on my mind.

She told me that before talking to me, she had been feeling emotionally low and briefly considered calling her ex, but stopped herself because she knew things were over. Then I texted her and we ended up talking for a long time instead.

During the conversation she opened up a lot about her past relationships and how being cheated on has made it hard for her to trust people fully again. She also lost her father a few years ago, whom she was very close to, and said she often feels scared of getting attached because people she becomes emotionally close to somehow end up leaving her life.

She told me things like:

- “I feel comfortable sharing everything with you.”

- “I’m hoping things work out, but I’m scared at the same time.”

- “My brain and body are sceptical and not ready to get hurt again.”

I reassured her that I’m not trying to rush her into anything and that I just want to build things slowly and consistently over time.

She also mentioned feeling guilty because she thinks I put in more effort than she does. I told her I’m not expecting equal effort all the time and that her honesty and emotional openness already mean a lot to me.

This is my first serious emotional connection/relationship experience, so I’m trying to understand how to approach this in a healthy and emotionally mature way, especially with long distance involved.

I would really appreciate advice from people who have been in similar situations:

- How do you build emotional safety and trust with someone who has been hurt before?

- How do you balance being emotionally supportive while still keeping the relationship healthy?

- What are good ways to navigate long-distance emotional closeness early in a relationship?

I genuinely care about her and want to approach this situation thoughtfully and patiently.

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

\\- Is she emotionally ready?

\\- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

\\- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

\\- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

I would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

- Is she emotionally ready?

- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

I would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

\\- Is she emotionally ready?

\\- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

\\- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

\\- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

I would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

\- Is she emotionally ready?

\- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

\- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

\- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

I would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

I (28M) recently moved abroad for work and have been talking to this girl (27F) for around 3 months now after meeting through a matrimonial site. We’ve met a few times in person before I left India, and since then we’ve grown really close emotionally. We talk almost daily, mostly during her office travel time late at night since she works night shifts.

Yesterday something happened that made me emotional and also confused about how to navigate things further.

Usually we talk around 3–4 AM IST while she travels back home from work. I always wait for her because it’s the only uninterrupted time we get together daily. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for her text, but randomly woke up at 3:30 AM and texted her immediately. We talked normally over call and later she texted me this:

“I was actually feeling low while I was in cab before talking to u

I even thought should I call my ex

Then I thought I shouldn’t because things are over

Then I got ur text and told u to call me

Thanks for saving me from doing the mistake of calling him”

I replied saying I’m always there for her whenever she needs me, even if it’s late at night, and one thing led to another emotionally. Then she asked:

“Do u really like me that much??”

I told her honestly that yes, I do care deeply about her and that getting attached to her happened naturally.

Then the conversation became much deeper. She shared things like:

“It is getting really hard for me when I think all this”

“People to whom I get close somehow end up going away from me including my dad”

“Now my brain and body is sceptical and not ready to get hurt again”

(For context, her dad passed away 5–6 years ago and she was very close to him. She has also been cheated on in previous relationships.)

I tried comforting her and told her I don’t want to rush her into anything and just hope that slowly with time I can become someone who brings her peace instead of fear.

She later said:

“Actually I’m also hoping the same

But then I’m scared at the same time

I like sharing everything with you

I’m comfortable that way”»

Then she also said:

“I feel guilty because u put so much effort and maybe I’m not able to put that much”»

To which I told her that I’m not expecting her to match efforts equally and that her honesty, comfort and presence already mean a lot to me.

At one point I also asked how she feels after I have met her and she simply replied:

“I like ur company”

After this entire conversation, I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed myself. I appreciate her honesty and vulnerability, and I know opening up like this is not easy for someone who has been hurt before.

But at the same time, since this is my first relationship experience and now it’s long distance too, I keep overthinking:

- Is she emotionally ready?

- Am I becoming too emotionally invested?

- Should I just continue being patient and consistent?

- How do I support someone like this without emotionally exhausting myself too?

Would really appreciate advice from people who’ve been in similar situations, especially long-distance relationships where one person has emotional trauma from past relationships.

I’ve been talking to a girl for around 2 months now. We talk almost daily, have met a few times, and both genuinely like each other. We’ve also discussed serious topics like marriage, family responsibilities, future plans, etc.

Recently, when things started becoming more real, she said she needs a little more time to think about us moving forward, which I completely understand. I do feel I slightly rushed things during our recent meet because of my feelings.

The main thing is I’ve never been in a relationship before, while she has been in past relationships. Recently I asked her what she expects from me, and she mentioned that her exes used to be more expressive emotionally, compliment her often, and naturally do small things that made her feel appreciated.

I’m naturally introverted and not very expressive emotionally, even though I genuinely care deeply. When I told her I’d try improving in those aspects, she said:

“It’s okay, this is who you are, don’t push yourself too much.”

But I still feel I should improve certain things as a partner and learn how to express myself better naturally instead of staying emotionally reserved all the time.

Another thing is that we’re already around 700 km apart, and in a few days I’ll be moving abroad for work, so this will become a very long-distance situation. Because of that, I feel communication and emotional expression will matter even more, and honestly I’m scared I might fall short there due to my lack of relationship experience.

So I wanted advice:

- How do you become more emotionally expressive naturally?

- What are some small things that actually matter in a relationship, especially long distance?

- How do you improve as a partner without pretending to be someone else?

Would appreciate genuine advice from people who’ve experienced something similar.