u/Ghostbange

Hi. So, maybe you remember me posting about a crisis I had some weeks ago. I got out of the most acute phase but it has been creeping back.

So, without going into too much detail, I constantly look into true crime cases of violent offenders, their psychology, how the world hates them. I imagine how devastated my family, my friends, my grandparents would be if I turned out to he such a person. One of my friends being pro death penalty and pro torture doesn't help much.

How can I break out of that loop? What techniques do I use? What rules do I set for myself?

To seek God's forgiveness, one must repent. But what if someone is, for example, a psychopath and is fundamentally incapable of feeling regret for their actions? Can God save those born without the ability to repent in their hearts?

Maybe it's because of my mixture of OCD, autism and ADHD but I don't really "feel" news.

As part of my mental compulsions, I watch a video about a horrific murder and the comments are full of "What a monster!", "Burn him at the stake!" And I think "Damn, I'm really not feeling it as intensely as them."

Maybe it's partly out of self-preservation, but I often intellectualize such cases like "Let's look at the criminal's backstory" and "The death penalty is still bad because it risks convicting someone innocent" which I genuinely believe

On the other hand, I feel for things that happen in my vicinity. I feel guilty for a moth I crushed, I get sad when I imagine old people cry, such and such

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I think my game is broken. So, I play Exodus on a shitty 2010s level PC. I turned the graphics and such down and the performance was still laggy but manageable.

It said my save files got corrupted but I was still able to continue.

Then I got to the Caspian desert, everything seemed okay at the start and now that I'm about to rescue Giul, it constantly freezes. First it took several hours. Then a couple of minutes. And now it froze after 3 minutes.

I think I'm fucked here. Doesn't help that I have to turn the PC off once it freezes because I can't exit the game window while it's active.

People often complain about a lack of professionalism in modern Trek and how modern writers have never served in the military and only in retail (Despite some of Trek's best writers like DC Fontana, and Ira Steven Behr never having served but whatever)

So, as the son of two senior nurses, let me tell you how "professionalism" looks like

Nurses and general medical staff frequently get involved in petty disputes and banter. Nurses WILL gossip about you in the office or at home depending on your behavior. When I was hospitalized, a nurse and family friend channeled her Asian heritage and asked "Do you want a beating?" for not taking good care of myself, even if she was very nice

A doctor can hold a grudge for someone taking "his" computer desk. Surgeons, as they cut you open, chatter about the newest Taylor Swift song or whether they want to go to a Chinese restaurant after shift

Outside that field of work, scientists will capture a rare squid species on camera and say "PFFF, look how silly it looks!" And they will often name new species as a joke or as a nerdy reference to something

One firefighter on YouTube said he intentionally put his helmet in the fire during one assignment to light it up because it looked cool

Militaries, particularly the British military in the 2000s, was known to constantly joke around and focus on adaptability. They were pranksters who were competent when entering their fighter jets

There is a video of the Canadian military waking a sleeping soldier up by firing a howitzer and laughing when he jolts up

One German frigate played the imperial march from Star Wars as it arrived in England just recently