u/Glittering_dihh_7421

Having made someone else a reason to live might have been a mistake. Now I don't even have her, still she is a reason to live.

Realisation that humans are just social animals is kinda sad. Maybe the feelings that makes us inevitable human , more of a nuisance.

I think i should message her, I know I will feel happy. And it is not unlikely that she will eventually accept me. But somthing stops me. The feelings, mixed and unclear. From guilt and regret to ego, it makes me weak. Do I not have free will then?

What is free will if not being able to attempt anything I imagine? I can attempt to fly, maybe I will fail but I can attempt. We were not compatible, knowing that , I don't think I can ever not love her? It is the love that restricts my free will to not love her? I won't try to walk naked in public? I know I won't. Then is it really free will if I with my human and societal prejudices am "allowing" myself to do something?

It's like the dove of free will has wings but is already at the horizon of emotions. Maybe emotions are realest . And maybe free will is closer to emotions than itself.

I should get drunk to allow myself to do what it wants. Or maybe I should kill myself as a huge fuck you to all my emotions as the ultimate act of free will.

....

Not sucidal ... Was just writing ...not really litrature tbh

Having made someone else a reason to live might have been a mistake. Now I don't even have her, still she is a reason to live.

Realisation that humans are just social animals is kinda sad. Maybe the feelings that makes us inevitable human , more of a nuisance.

I think i should message her, I know I ll feel happy. And it is not unlikely that she will eventually accept me. But somthing stops me. The feelings, mixed and unclear. From guilt and regret to ego, it makes me weak. Do I not have free will than?What is free will if not being able to attempt anything I imagine? I can attempt to fly, maybe I will fail but I can attempt. But I believe feelings are more real any anything else. I know for a fact I don't like turmoil, still I don't think I can ever not love her? It is the love that restricts my free will to not love her? I won't try to walk naked in public? I know I won't. Then is it really free will if I with my human and societal prejudices am "allowing" myself to do something?

It's like the dove of free will has wings but is already at the horizon of emotions. Maybe emotions are the real . And maybe free will is closer to emotions than itself.

I should get drunk to allow myself to do what it wants. Or maybe I should k¡ll myself as a huge fuck you to all my emotions as the ultimate act of free will.

...

Im not sucidal

I can do pretty decent Khoomei and Kargyraa voice. But I have no experience in singing, how do I sing in Khoomie and Khargyraa ? I can control pitch a bit but it still sounds terrible to sing in. I can do a pretty good DUNE Sardaukar chant but anything singing related sounds terrible. Any videos, or any material to look at.

maybe it was of 2024 ig...lectures are fuking dense, prerequisite was just class 12th maths but it's fuking dense af. It takes me about 3-4 hours to complete 1h lecture. How tf are people understanding anything in that pace. Im managing somehow but there are no notes no practice problem nothing in the NPTEL site. I got lecture notes by searching for in IITK site. Can anyone share any sort of reference to supplement this course. It's not naive set theory, it's not axiomatic either. It's good but kinda hard to follow for me without reference. Any books to supplement it?

maybe it was of 2024 ig...lectures are fuking dense, prerequisite was just class 12th maths but it's fuking dense af. It takes me about 3-4 hours to complete 1h lecture. How tf are people understanding anything in that pace. Im managing somehow but there are no notes no practice problem nothing in the NPTEL site. I got lecture notes by searching for in IITK site. Can anyone share any sort of reference to supplement this course. It's not naive set theory, it's not axiomatic either. It's good but kinda hard to follow for me without reference. Any books to supplement it?

Hi, I'm 17 and in 12th grade PCM. Next year I should be starting college but I don't want to really dedicate myself to study a subject, I feel like that's too big of a choice. I want to study, especially maths but going to a college would mean you get 'in' an academic environment. I really hate it, I don't hate studying just hate the consept of college and school in general. I want to take up open university like IGNOU or NSCB open university or something else for BSc in maths. I like maths (the syllabi offered by almost all<affordable> open university for math is very basic, so I would love to supplement them with NPTEL courses ) recently studying philosophy, really like that too. But I don't know tbh. I want to study to just study, I like maths(I'm not good tho, even if I wanted to I might not get into a college with a decent maths honours degree without a drop year) I like other subjects, history philosophy, political science almost all humanities subjects. So why not regular college: everyday for 3 years is a lot to dedicate to a subject that I don't know if I want to study. And regular full time session is too much for me. For the last 2 years I am studying on my own. I was prepping for ISI BMath, did that for 1 year seriously then just stopped. I would say I was doing pretty good but then it just wasn't something I wanted to do anymore. My 11 grade was pretty bad because of that and in 12 I just couldn't bring myself to study. I was not doing good, and just a lot happened and i couldn't bring myself to study at all. Now things have changed a bit. I am a bit better and i kinda enjoy maths again,but I don't want to force study and exhaust myself. I really want to move out. I was never close to my parents but after me wasting "11th grade" doing nothing at home ,not even going to school , none of us ever talk except me getting taunted on everything that I do expect study. This was probably the reason I could bring myself to study, I just hated it. Now I don't care much... Attainment fuking moksha.... They are probably right but still. I don't want to discontinue my education because I came to hate studying. But I don't want to study with pressure. I might just kms than being taunted how im living wrong everyday. Fuk there was I time I resonated more with the students who committed suc¡De than anyone. I had no ambition to live. Im trying to find things to live for, that's why I don't want to take pressure anymore. I just don't want to feel like dy!ng everytime anything bad happenes. It was like if I have nothing to live for, why should I even push through the day. Im not sure¡C¡Dal these days and am trying to get back and do stuff. I want to do some polytechnic course along the open university to get a job quickly and move out. I don't really want to be a huge financial burden to my parents either. I would not be fully financially independent from start but anything would be better.

Does anyone have any tip for getting a job and continue higher education with that?

Tldr: op was pretty su!c¡dal , recovering now and wants to move out . Want to do a blue collar job while taking a maths honours open university class.

I feel the world is obligated to me. For it brought me here.

Obligated to provide me with a reason, or might have I committed grave sin before.

I say , unpurposeful life is the meanest of all punishment if it is.

Not to be confused with sloth, for that is being ungrateful of having provided a body to soul. Though he who suffers sloth, not be wrong. The world must have did him wrong, for he no longer is grateful.

I am not him who suffers sloth today. But a lost life may make me a sloth Tommorow.

I am scared to sloth. I feel my optimism bleeding, still scared for it turning cold.

Till that Tommorow, I shall be grateful. Thou shalt gave me opportune life , to find what thou might not hast for me.

...

Super new to poetry. Started writing this week, I was never exposed to much litrature before but some changes and now I am really enjoying writing. This is one of the two i wrote ever, and I'm proud enough to share this. Any advice or anything... I would really appreciate.

I feel the world is obligated to me. For it brought me here.

Obligated to provide me with a reason, or might have I committed grave sin before.

I say , unpurposeful like is the meanest of all punishment if it is.

Not to be confused with sloth, for that is being ungrateful of having provided a body to soul. Though he who suffers sloth, not be wrong. The world must have did him wrong, for he no longer is grateful.

I am not him who suffers sloth today. But a lost life may make me a sloth Tommorow.

I am scared to sloth. I feel my optimism bleeding, still scared for it turning cold.

Till that Tommorow, I shall be grateful. Thou shalt gave me opportune life , to find what thou might not hast for me.

...

Started writing this week, I was never exposed to much litrature before but some changes and now I am really enjoying writing. This is one of the two i wrote ever, and I'm proud enough to share this. Any advice or anything... I would really appreciate.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u92mu0/comment/osczmt4/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1u90219/comment/oscyr7d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Envious of them whose first love works out.

It teaches you. It answers you what couldn't be described in words.

Questions that used to sound alien seem clear,yet not fully articulable.

You touch the highest highs and sink to the lowest lows.

Making effort for someone, being present, being cared for, all this makes you understand how mankind has yet survived on this planet.

Being ignored, feeling betrayed, makes you understand how it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I might never feel as wanted, as cared for. Nor might I ever make that much effort for someone else. Neither may I be naive enough to make someone else the reason I feel gratified. The greed of pure love ,such as the first still lingers. Hoping shall I forget the lessons and love again, without constraints to protect myself.

I wish I could go back to who I was before loving someone. But now I have become greedy for I know the delight of loving. This sinking is what is left of me.

Envious of them whose first love works out.

It teaches you. It answers you what couldn't be described in words.

Questions that used to sound alien seem clear,yet not fully articulable.

You touch the highest highs and sink to the lowest lows.

Making effort for someone, being present, being cared for, all this makes you understand how mankind has yet survived on this planet.

Being ignored, feeling betrayed, makes you understand how it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I might never feel as wanted, as cared for. Nor might I ever make that much effort for someone else. Neither may I be naive enough to make someone else the reason I feel gratified. The greed of pure love ,such as the first still lingers. Hoping shall I forget the lessons and love again, without constraints to protect myself.

I wish I could go back to who I was before loving someone. But now I have become greedy for I know the delight of loving. This sinking is what is left of me.

Man wth... I don't even enjoy p*rn now. I never really liked it but now it's super boring.

But still I just give in to boredom 🥀

And this is my pre nut delusion talking.

And something interesting... Once I had a holy hard morning wood and I was running late for school. I was in toilet waiting for morning piss but it wasn't coming out. Neither was it going down. So I had to , yk jerk it to let bro calm down so i could get ready. And slept like a baby on my way to school 🤘

(Post nut clarity speaking: porn is still shit but imagination takes mind and I would just think of my ex so i pretty much had no option. Question... Do people really goon to others shitting hard 🥲. I watched euphoria (anime) a few years back and it was kinda awful. I just don't understand how tf can someone get aroused by that... Well people are sexually attracted to numbers, so this should not be that big of a shock.)

So I'm a total novice in economics and I was just curious why would foreign companies like cocacola would invest in a market like India when the rupee is at its all like low? Is the company still profiting? Is the number of consumer the only reason they are profitable? I can't really imagine the numbers or anything so pls explain.

The idea of making CJP seemed a big joke to me at first , but it got some traction and well we now know that the insta Handle of CJP is quite big.

I'm not really a guy who is too much into politics, my reason for that is my personal opinion doesn't affect the society much, but if I have to opportunity to support somthing bigger that I like I would love to be a part of that.

So CJP seemed like voice for the youth, but until now, it's just been guys sharing reels and posts supporting CJP and gaining traction by stuff like govt trying to push the voices away.

It haven't yet gained any respect from me as a political party, atleast not until it becomes a proper party with clear memorandum. Until now , it's just mocking the current govt, and how india is not ready for this. .

Well this is not inclined to any political ideology, I'm just asking for opinion so mods plss don't ban me.