u/Haunting-Suit9699

I think it would be cool as fuck to reconnect. 😅

Edit: this is Mariogirl!

Hey all,

I’m not voluntarily doing this, but having pharmacy/ doctor issues.

I take 0.5mg/day, every day, was on a higher dose for a number of years and then tapered to this (have been stable on it for 2 years). I’ve gone a day without it sometimes, but never more. I’m currently just on day 1, so nbd, but I’m worrying since I’ve had bad experiences with the chain pharmacies.

Theoretically, if someone goes 2 days without 0.5mg, is that a big deal? When does the danger hit?

On day x, would yall go to the ER? Urgent care? Would they label you a drug seeker if you’re stabilized on your dose or treat the problem temporarily?

Def going to taper further but not tell my doc so she doesn’t prescribe me less and make me this reliant. 😬 learning my lesson…

Curious how many people gained weight after quitting. I’ve not gained yet, but holy shit - whenever I’m craving kratom I think it may just be hunger. I’m eating so much more and worried about just how much pleasure food is causing me. 😅 it’s even worse when I lift.

How much, if any, weight did you gain when quitting?

I’m not bad enough (or rich enough) for rehab, but for my long term health am in need of some irl person to hold me accountable.

Not looking for a zoom therapist, but an irl, drive to their office type.

I also want someone who is stern, who will call out my bullshit and not just agree with me because I pay them like most therapists these days seem to.

My problem is this constant awareness of the discomfort in my body that gets in the way of social interactions and enjoying life. I have grown the habit to take a drug immediately instead of sitting through the feelings and evaluating if a substance is necessary. It’s compulsive and extends to abuse of things like Tylenol when I don’t have the “fun” drugs.

Any recommendations of anyone who may have openings?

I’ve had an apex 2 for like 3 years. An auto update suddenly made it stuck on this “scan the QR code to pair to your watch” screen. I scan it, and it does not pair. 😩 it just keeps buzzing and repeating. How do I go back to my watch working perfectly fine ? I didn’t ask for this update. 😭

Anyone else experiencing this? I’m overreacting to funny things to the point my friends and coworkers are looking at me weird. but the other day it turned into genuine sobbing, and I had to leave the room.

I’ve been asked a lot if I’m high on something, which I find funny. I know I used to laugh a ton, but I don’t remember if it was this intense or what.

Anyone else?? This is week one (again - I keep jumping back, but to lower and lower doses, so I’ll call it a win), was only in 5gpd for a number of months after using daily for 14 years at significantly higher doses.

I feel sluggish and weird usually, but it does feel nice (sometimes) to laugh. It’s just bugging me when it becomes inappropriate. Anyone else????

Curious if anyone else has this issue. I’ve passed great for the past 10 years (almost) on T, but I’ve been told when I do shave my head I look female (my ex’s sister said “oh yeah, I can see it now!” In regards to my transness, after shaving my head several years ago). And more recently I had a friend tell me “not to go bald” (which could just mean I’m ugly, but enough people have made comments over the years that I’m insecure about it — I have a lot of autistic friends btw; they aren’t trying to be mean).

I see pics online of other people in a similar boat to me, where the lack of hair brings out something (in the eyes? Skull shape? Not sure) where I’d be able to clock that person irl when bald but may not notice otherwise.

I realize the majority of cis people haven’t seen enough trans faces to become aware of whatever these traits are, but as more people see trans and GNC faces online and irl, I worry about my future safety. I have a small frame and small skull.

I’ve seen some guys who can pull it off, but they’re usually bigger framed and grow out their beards.

I’m not as concerned about being ugly as I am my safety. And I wouldn’t mind not passing had my gender not been such an issue pre T. I just want to blend in but feel stuck: getting off T will make me look more in between, and staying on it will as well due to balding and getting smaller with age.

I’m applying topical fin/min at night, but it’s only been a couple months. I will continue to do so, but I’m looking for fashion tips or other advice that is not medical in nature. For smaller frames and smaller skulls. Anyone in a similar boat as me? Do you still pass when bald? Have you felt safe? Do you do anything special that helps you go under the radar in public? Clothing or hat choice wise. When not wearing hats, is there anything special you do that helps you pass as male better?

Thanks!

I read somewhere that the health decisions you make from 35-45 are some of the most vital years for aging healthily, and I am officially 36. Decided to quit for my birthday. 🎉

This is the first time I’ve made it a full day in TEN YEARS (minus a surgery day, but I was on opioids so it doesn’t count), and…wtf? Not what I expected. (Technically I’m like 36-40 hours in.)

I feel mildly uncomfortable- the leg thing is going, but I slept okay last night (watch says I got 6 hours of “fair” sleep, but it felt better than expected ), and I had one vivid dream before waking a couple hours earlier than I’m used to.

Staying near a toilet, but not exactly the ex lax type experience I was expecting.

Just feel restless and like I have allergies. That’s it. I hear it gets worse, though, so not trying to get cocky.

Hey all,

I’m a daily user of 12 years (but an intermittent one of 14), and I’m recognizing that more of my use now that I’ve tapered to 5gpd relates to the act of dosing with something rather than any discomfort from k withdrawal itself.

I successfully quit smoking 10 years ago by literally moving apartments and switching to a stick shift car to have something to do with my hands (driving was my trigger). The new environment and different car was a GAME CHANGER. The quit felt so easy after trying and failing for so long (I hear we release more dopamine in new environments).

I’m considering moving apartments soon and trying to find other rituals for when I start getting the desire to dose with kratom.

In the mornings, there is absolutely a mild restless / tired discomfort that causes me to want to dose, but the rest of the doses seem to be boredom related (I work alone at my higher paying job).

Triggers for me: boredom/being alone for long periods, cravings after lifting or heavy activity (esp when I’ve overdone it or my body is aching a lot), low blood sugar, and dosing before social events (but I tend to go longer periods without re-dosing when out at said events).

What are your triggers, and what behaviors have you replaced kratom with in those situations?

Hey all,

I work for myself and also a second job. Both are stressful and need me to be 100%. But I’ve been addicted to kratom for too long now. I’m having some health issues that I’m 100% are caused by kratom (at least in part). I’m ready to quit, but I need a slight break. A week is probably as good as it’ll get for me (but maybe I could do 10 days?).

How long would you take off work withdrawing from a tapered dose to 5-7GPD (I’ve been tapered to 5.5gpd for months now but sometimes take 7 and am hitting a wall with decreasing - I need to jump I think)? And how long until you seem semi normal? How do you will yourself to stay off once quitting? So many questions but I’m tired of this.

Daily user for 14 years now. Highest dose was high. But we aren’t there anymore.

Alright yall. I grew up in Kentucky. Gay dating was always super lonely in the state (only have had one gf in the entire 27 years of existing here). I lived in two other places and was able to find someone both as a passing trans guy and pre t too, so it feels like the location. But I’m stuck here (older parents - I love them too much to leave).

I force myself on a couple online dates per year when I get matches and if the person shows me signs they’re genuinely interested.

Someone matched with me and we hit it off on phone calls and texting for a week or so. I drove an hour and a half to her, and the date felt like it was going well for once. It felt nice to flirt (and I guess? Be flirted back with). She seemed genuinely into me for the first couple hours of the date (it was like a 7 hour date; I should’ve left when I started getting tired but felt excited to maybe find a short term/long term/anything at all person).

But at some point in the date she started talking about the trans thing more. Initially I thought I was her first trans guy, which, yeah. I’m usually people’s first (AFAB, trans guy, etc). I hate it, but it’s just life at this point. It’s usually some type of deal, whether they’re coming out to parents or deciding whether to hide me, so I’ve grown numb to that.

But no, she kept going about how she wasn’t sure if she’s into trans guys (despite going on and on about her newfound trans ex she broke up with a week ago - red flags all around were all popping up on that last hour or two of us chatting, which mostly turned into a monologue of hers ). Then she keeps fucking going about all sorts of details like not knowing if she could kiss someone with facial hair (literally in my profile pic) and shit like that.

Needless to say I texted her after leaving that no thanks, but I don’t think she understands just how much that broke me. I sobbed the entire stupid drive home and have that sick feeling in my heart this morning.

I was genuinely excited that someone I actually found cute (and a bit weird like myself) was showing any interest in me at all - usually people ghost if they match. There’s usually one word responses if they respond at all. No questions, no fucks given. I haven’t felt stoked about a date in literal years.

I, once again, feel ugly and unlovable. I don’t necessarily know if I regret transitioning as a whole, but there’s a part of me that wonders if someone would love me if I’d not transitioned. The negative talk about men and even dehumanizing of cis men especially (“men are so ugly” type talk) in the queer community has really accumulated over the years, and i don’t know how to feel attractive or lovable at all at this point. ((I’m also reminding myself that as a butch pre t I also felt similarly when single, which was indeed the vast majority of the time. Because back then men were the super hot thing, and the issue was always that I wasnt a man.

Idk. I feel like I’m always doing something wrong. I feel repulsive like my last ex said to me four years ago at our breakup. Every dehumanizing comment made about either gender feels painful to me, because I feel like a bit of both (or at the least, I’m seen in both ways). I wish people would say nicer things about groups of people if they’re going to do the identity politic shit.

Idk. How do we restore some sort of balance with gender? It feels like the men vs women thing is breaking my soul. I always feel like I’m inhabiting a body that is considered uglier or less than at any given moment, and also…I’m tired of gender as a whole, tired of rehashing all the stupid gender questions at the beginning of every relationship, and I’m just fucking tired of feeling so unlovable.

Anyone relate?

I’ve had a few remarkably low blood glucose readings when getting morning blood draws, and I was wondering if kratom use could cause this. They’re all routine doctor blood draws, and the readings have been as low as the 40s, causing doctors to say there must’ve been a “miscalculation.”

It’s happened enough that I think the glucose readings must be real (or close to the actual blood glucose value). I don’t take my first dose before noon anymore, and I do feel cloudy headed (and other symptoms that seem blood glucose related) until I take it each day, which makes me wonder if it’s related.

Is this the use causing issues or the withdrawal? Or is this unrelated? The doc is doing a follow up about it so I’ll update if I learn anything, but I have no plans to share my kratom use with him, unfortunately. ((A doctor friend told me they put it on the patient charts and can label you as “drug seeking” for it. 😬 ))

Will be glad to be fully tapered…one day.😅

Hey all,

I’m freaking out about the oil crisis going on - I predict it will lead to mass med shortages. I have drug friends, but none of them seem to have benzo access for whatever reason.

I’ve taken benzos for 13 years and was tapered to 0.5mg from 2mg a day - I can’t seem to go below it for some reason (unless I sit in the house all day).

I have a nurse practitioner that won’t over prescribe and can’t give more than a month at a time.

Worried that it’s dangerous to get off 0.5mg if I can’t taper for whatever reason (due to a major med shortage crisis because of the oil shortages that are imminent).

Has anyone gotten off 0.5mg daily without taper? How dangerous is it?

Hey all,

I’ve had panic disorder for about 20 years now. My first attack was around puberty about an hour after lunch time. I was calm, nothing stressful was happening in my life, but as you all are probably used to, the doctors are quick to assume it’s “all in your head,” not testing for any issues. I think I had like a heart eval, where they found I was fine, but Idr anything else (grew up in a small town with shitty medics access). I’ve had a number of abnormally low glucose tests over the years, and the docs usually say it’s so low that it *must* be a miscalculation (but GIRL - if 1 out of 3 tests are miscalculated, something is wrong 😂).

It’s happened again. I forgot I was supposed to fast and ate a full meal (carb heavy 😬) before my draw. My glucose was at 58, higher than some tests have shown.

Everything I look at is talking about “reactive hypoglycemia.” I take benzos daily, which masks my fear response, so I have trouble knowing when I’m low beyond testing. But now I’m wondering if I’ve solved my puzzle 20 years later.

Hoping the doc will listen to me and give further testing for diabetes or anything related to pancreatic function. Does anyone have this issue, and what tests would be helpful for us to figure this out? Has anyone solved their panic attacks via diet only? Did you have diabetes or something else causing the huge drop in sugar?

I’ve been taking topical min for a few months, and I feel like my hair looks thinner (unsure, didn’t document it). Assuming this is just “the shed” but I don’t know how thin I was to start with.

Started on a topical min/fin thing a week or two ago. I have no issues getting it on the crown of my head while my hair is so short. Wondering if anyone sees as good of results from topicals.

Anyone had good results? Why do most people seem to take the pills? Assuming it works better once you have thicker hair as a maintenance thing.

(Note: I don’t have any pets.)

To start off, I like most of the physical changes I’ve experienced in transition (except balding), but I do have one drawback: dating has been insanely nonexistent in the last 5 years (not too bad my first 5 years on T, but something shifted once I started looking like a middle aged cis man). Also I’ve moved somewhere where dating has gotten harder, so maybe it’s nothing to do with being trans.

Unfortunately, the desire for a partner is a huge part of my life, and recently I started getting promoted these videos of masc lesbians, with heads full of hair and muscles, seeming to attract hoards of women. I deeply desire for literally any attractive woman to laugh at my jokes, to desire me the way they do the women in those videos (or the way they acted around guys before the anti men thing got big online).

I hang with mostly queer women, and it feels like they all prefer cis women (there’s the other type in my friend group who seems to only date cis men but are queer) but none of my trans masc friends *who only like women* are in relationships. The gay ones seem ok.

When I was pre t, all my exes ended up with cis men, and now that I’m on T, it feels like there’s been a shift from the women who lived as straight for their first 30 years to being exclusively into (cis) women.

Apparently there was some study about how women get more gay after age 30, and I deeply fear this is true, and I wonder if women would’ve become more interested if I’d just waited through the deeply isolating decades in my teens and twenties? I spent most of my time single then too, but this decade has been worse. Dating felt easier then only because I was visibly queer, and women knew what they were getting into when they saw me.

I can’t stop thinking about it: I wonder if I’d still be alone if I’d not transitioned. Transitioning is great, but in all honesty i care more about being loved than anything else in life at this point. I am me regardless of a stubble or not.

I just want to be desired. I’m so tired of doing life alone that I feel like I’d change any aspect of myself just to be cared for. I feel deeply depressed about how long it’s been, about how much longer I can go on like this.

Anyone relate?

Hey all,

I graduated with a bio/chem b.s in 2012 and have worked lab jobs ever since (well…also in college). I’ve found many of the jobs to pay very low (40k was my max salary as a lab manager) and also be incredibly isolating.

I enjoy science itself, however. I do wish there were more problem solving and more human interaction, but the technical part is fun (and the rare time something would go wrong and I was allowed to use my brain to troubleshoot).

I’m willing to go back for a masters, but not looking to do undergrad again. I got briefly stoked about genetic counseling until seeing the total lack of job listings on indeed. I would love *some* sort of work that could build off my genomics/microbiology experience, but with more human contact (and preferably more brain usage - tired of loading plates on a thermocycler and browsing the web alone all day).

Also better wages would be awesome (like 60k/yr would be so amazing).

Anyone here have ideas?

Let me try again being less wordy.

I have 10+ years of lab experience in a variety of things (foodborne illness testing, water testing, genomics, NGS, etc). All my lab jobs have been solitary or close to it (and also very low wage).

I’m looking to do something more social but with a salary of 60k minimum. I like the technical side of things but am looking for more human interaction at work (as well as a higher wage - never made more than 40, which feels crazy with as much experience as I have).

Any ideas?

Edit: willing to go back and get my masters but not a PhD.

Hey all,

I majored in bio (minor in chemistry) and have worked various lab jobs (on and off) for the last 13 years. I have a cycle where i work a lab job for a few years, am isolated and miserable, quit and work a low wage service job for a year or more (and love it, but $$$ is limiting), find something that I think will be more of a team environment, quit my low wage service job (love those jobs but I need to pay rent), and then i become extremely isolated / depressed again. Last cycle was partially because of covid, and I quit my last science job in 2022, but have been struggling hard money wise.

I was thinking about genetic counseling because I have sequencing/genomic experience, but indeed is showing like 5 jobs in the entire US.

I don’t have a masters yet but am absolutely willing (and able) to get one *if and only if* the probability of getting a decent wage (I’m looking for at least 60k) job that involves *some degree* of human interaction is high.

I’m a slight introvert, paradoxically, but the labs I’ve worked in have been PAINFULLY isolating, like I’ve either worked completely alone (“lab manager” which involved managing samples and projects for the grad students with almost no interaction) or the team is silent, like listening to NPR all day, every day. Or staring at their emails during down time.

The lab jobs have never paid more than 40k anyway, which…in this economy doesn’t feel worth the isolation. I see offers for 50, but they’re always overnight/12+ hour shifts, which…I also want work/life balance.

Tldr: i love science (love hyper focusing on new skills/information), have plenty of lab experience, but I also want human interaction, the paradox being the desire for a decent enough wage to pay for (at least) a 1 bedroom apartment by myself. 😭 and also the freedom and time to form human connections outside of work.

Ideas? Help??

Curious if it’s just hidden somewhere. I forget to turn on the exercise feature for my watch for casual jogs and just go by the step count. I am not seeing a place for total step count on the app itself, but it’s on my watch.

Where do you find your daily step stats now?