u/IAmKrasMazov

My wife and I have been married for five years. Since we started dating, I had known that she was in poly relationships in the past, and I always just thought “that sounds cool”. I’m all for being open, and not enforcing archaic ideas of property in relationships. When we got married, we decided that it would be an open relationship, and for the majority of the time, nothing has really come of it.

About a year in or so, she had a couple flings that didn’t last long. Not long enough that I figured that I would really struggle in the long run with it. I just pushed down whatever emotions I was having, and I’ll admit, grew a bit distant, but just as an attempt to support her and not interfere with any relationships that might be forming.

About a month ago, she started seeing another guy, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t let myself withdrawal this time. I would be just as present, and give her as much love as I ever have. The guy seems nice enough. She seems happier than ever. She’s happier with me, and our relationship even feels stronger. I just can’t stop having panic attacks that I can’t explain.

I suppose a lot of it comes from my own insecurities. I’ve had bad experiences with dating where I’m forgotten or ignored the second that anything more interesting than me comes along. When we’re together, all is well. When I’m at work though, and she’s with him, I’m suddenly hit with the fact that I don’t have anyone to turn to for support. I work full time, and despite all my efforts, I haven’t been able to maintain any sort of social life. I’m just alone, and all my worst thoughts start to surface in a way that I can’t cope.

I only want to be there to support my wife in every way, but the emotional distress over all of it is tearing me apart, and no matter how I explain it to her, I can’t make it make sense. I don’t want to be a burden, but I’m relying so heavily on her for emotional support, that I’m worried that it’s spoiling the whole experience for her. Even my therapist doesn’t seem to understand, and although she won’t say it, I get the feeling that she just disapproves of me.

Within SF, who would you think has written the most novels that are more than just worth a read? Like, really good A tier stuff. I’m not talking about the Kevin J. Andersons with 100+ books that go straight to the TBDNF shelf.

I get that that it’s hard to consistently churn out gold, and burnout will almost always catch up to a good writer. I’d just like something that will keep my attention for a good while, and not just read their seven books or so and be done with them forever.

Lately I’ve been making an effort to branch out of the sci-fi rut that I’ve been in for a long time, and dip my toes into the waters of other genres. Mostly fantasy so far, starting with some of my favorite SF authors who have crossed over into other genres. I thoroughly enjoyed the Earthsea books by Ursula K. Le Guin, and I’ve always liked all of Kurt Vonnegut’s stuff.

In the last month, I’ve started getting into China Miéville’s work, having read Embassytown a while ago, and now The City & The City, and the Bas-Lag books. I can’t say specifically what it is that I love about them, but some combination of the maximalist prose, minimal exposition, and political themes is really hitting in just the right way for me.

Since I come from an almost exclusively SF background, who are some other authors I wouldn’t know, that I might enjoy based on these qualities?

I’ve seen this go both ways. In some countries, people will use nationalism to rally the people in a fight for independence from colonization or foreign influence. In others, it’s used to other immigrants and exclude those who don’t conform to some imagined ideal image of that country.

Which is the case where you live? Was there a point where a switch happened? Like, your country won independence, then started to oppress native minorities using the same language?