u/I_dont_know_man_tf

How do you guys deal with the carefully constructed persona that lures other people in and keeps you trapped? Where your mom is the neighborhood mother/general charmer and long suffering and "you're her reason for being", but behind closed doors you've dedicated your life to being her emotional support and you're constantly walking on eggshells and glass or risking her ire?

I've recently cut ties with my mom and I am anticipating some major fallout.

I think a lot of my behaviors are subconscious and often when I feel like I'm advocating for myself/being honest it becomes a lot because I'm used to bottling everything up. Then if that person becomes distant or gets mad I retreat within myself. I don't yell or get mad. I internalize and shut down. I'm realizing that in close relationships this too can be abusive, but I don't know what to do. How do I not "play the victim", but advocate for myself and sit in the discomfort of other people's reactions (even if that means "abandonment")?

I'm just curious about how the definition of "loser" has progressed from the tropes of when we were teens/young adults to how we view it as adults now.

Does anyone else with BPD or in remission feel that they are/have overcompensated for having BPD by trying to be "perfect"? I.e. doing everything in their power to meet everyone's standards of perfection so as not to incur a negative reaction? Is it just with close family and friends? Acquaintances and in social settings? Larger societal values/norms/beauty standards?

For me it's all of the above (or as close to it as I can get) and it's exhausting. I feel like I'm constantly tightrope walking, and if I dip a toe out of line (being too needy or withdrawing into myself) in seeking my own support I'm "too much" or "not enough", but wrong either way. I've reached a point where I really don't know what to do. If I admit to being overwhelmed I'm "weak" (not "strong"). If I rely only on myself I'm anti-social ("masculine" *).

*As it is leveraged against a particular subset of cis women, not in anyway meant or intended to be transphobic. Thank you for reading and considering my perspective.

People who have had serious shifts in weight because of their ED: What, if any, differences in treatment have you noticed?

And what do you think was the deciding factor in people withdrawing their support?

>!For me it was age and weight. Some people seem to link aging and weight gain with recovery, or else feel you've missed the window altogether.!<

Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down for bigotry/exclusionary practices (please read until the end!), but I want to know how belonging to a minority group has affected your ED. I'm talking about race/ethnicity, sexuality/sexual presentation, religious affiliation, etc. How has deviation from the "norm"/"standard" of your country influenced your ED?

On the other hand, if you feel you fall into the "norm"/"standard" of your country, even if only "technically", how has that influenced your ED?

I really want folks to think critically about this because I'm really interested in how the conversation develops.

This is a question for people with uteri. Do you find that your symptoms get worse when your period is about to start? Like however your BPD presents (Quiet, Impulsive, etc.), do you feel like it gets worse when you're PMSing?

As someone in their mid-30s still battling this, it's changed over time. Right now I am using it to "make up for" my complacency in life, as well as a coping mechanism/something to focus on.

Not going to go into too many details, but because of other mental health related factors I don't have much community or support outside of my elderly and aging parents and my therapist. I have negligible work experience (have been unemployed for quite some time) and mild to moderate education. I've been slowly descending back into a restrictive diet and compensatory exercise behaviors, but technically still classify as obese right now. This feels like something I can actually do that will actually make me worthy by societal standards again, especially since the last time I was as skinny as I'm aiming for was in college. I've rapidly fluctuated in weight for 16 years. I'm 35. Every time it feels like a reset. Like a means for redemption in a way.