I really do despise dating. I hate small talk, I hate pleasantries, and I hate those conversations where you feel like you’re both just going through the motions.
I’d rather get straight into the cracks of a conversation. Tell me what you really think. Tell me the weird stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, what makes you laugh, what keeps you awake at night. Just be real.
The problem is, I know that kind of directness can be off-putting, especially when you’ve only just met someone. Most people probably need time before they go there.
So how do people who hate the whole dating ritual actually meet someone? How do you get to something genuine without having to wade through weeks of surface-level conversation first?

I’d really like to hear people’s honest experiences. By neurodivergent, I mean people with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other differences in how their brains work.

Has being neurodivergent affected how you connect with someone or approach dating? What about things like sharing the same sense of humor, understanding each other’s jokes, or feeling comfortable being yourself?

I’m also curious about affection and physical touch. Do sensory needs or personal boundaries affect what you’re comfortable with? Is it easy to talk to a partner about touch and what makes you feel safe?

If you’ve dated a neurodivergent person over 40, I’d love to hear your side too. What have been the challenges and the positives, and what do you wish more people understood?

What’s something a person said or did on a date that made you question their empathy and ability to be kind/compassionate…?

What happened, and what about it didn’t sit right with you? Did you catch it in the moment, or did it only feel like a red flag after the date?

I’m starting to feel I let things slide and I’m trying to get a balance between picking up on these things and not being an old fart/judgemental towards a persons humor…

I’ve been seeing a guy who is very honest and open about pretty much everything and at times it’s refreshing. I normally appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like he shares things I really don’t need to know. We were on the phone recently, and he casually told me that after we hung up, he was going to masturbate to free camgirls on OnlyFans in bed and then go to the bathroom to poop (although he put it a bit more crudely). It came completely out of nowhere, and I honestly didn’t know what to say.

When I told him I found it a bit much, he implied that I have sexual hang-ups. That bothered me because I don’t think I’m prudish, I just don’t necessarily want that level of detail. To me, being honest doesn’t mean saying every single thought out loud.

Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting or if we simply have very different ideas about what should remain private. Would this put anyone else off? He’s fun to be around, but I feel on edge around him and kind of disrespected?? I don’t know if I’m just an old fart.

Where wouldn’t you like to work when you’re 45 years old?

Ever since my last relationship 3 years ago, my confidence just hasn’t been the same. I used to be very playful, funny and laid-back. I could chat to someone without thinking too much about it. Now I feel guarded, I overthink everything I say, and I just feel like a bit of a drag.

I don’t know how to be lighthearted anymore or get that side of myself back. Therapy hasn’t helped either. I don’t like going over the same stuff again and again, and I’m tired of being told to just put myself out there and see what happens. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t work. I still don’t feel like myself.

It’s been like this for a long time now, and honestly, I don’t know how to change it. Has anyone else felt this way and actually managed to get their confidence and personality back?

I recently went on a first date with someone who took me to a museum. I thought it was a thoughtful choice until he casually mentioned that he takes every single one of his first dates there.

What have your experiences been with this? Do you tend to take different dates to the same restaurant, bar, or activity for a first date because you know it works? Have you ever realized that someone was taking you on their standard date?

Did it bother you, or do you think it is completely normal and practical?

For me, it made the experience feel slightly less personal, but I’m curious whether I’m reading too much into it.

Is this a flaw in Jungian thinking? some kind of inability to adjust?

Or a virtue?

The guy I’m seeing can be really warm and is an attentive lover. He is clever and can be very witty. The thing that trips me up is he says he has a really dark sense of humor, but a lot of his jokes are about things like abortions, little people, disabled people, gay people, OnlyFans, perverts and race (listing that was weird!). I know everyone has a different sense of humor, but it’s just not mine, and I’ve told him I don’t find those kinds of jokes funny when most jokes return to those topics.

The problem is that whenever I say I don’t like them, he gets really upset and says I always think the worst of him or that I’m judging his character. It somehow ends up with him feeling like the victim because I said I don’t enjoy that kind of humor.

I’m genuinely wondering if this is just a compatibility issue or whether it’s something else. Is this the sort of behavior people mean when they use the term “cry bully”, or is that not the right description?

Has anyone else dated someone like this? Did you just accept you had completely different values around humor, or did it end up being a bigger issue?

I’ve noticed this a few times while dating, and I’m curious whether anyone else has experienced it.

A guy will tell me, “I’m not looking at other women,” or “I don’t want anyone else, I’m happy with you.” That’s lovely to hear.

But then he’ll follow it up with comments like:

• “Women are always approaching me.”
• “I had to turn someone down the other day.”
• “My inbox is full of messages.”
• “At the gym I’m always getting compliments on my body, and women have even come over and touched my arms or muscles without me asking or giving permission.”
• “I could date someone every weekend if I wanted.”
• “I’ve had to let a few women down since we’ve been seeing each other.”

And I just think… why tell me that?

If the goal is to reassure me that you’re choosing me, why also remind me how many other women supposedly want you?

I’d honestly rather hear, “I’m happy with you,” and leave it at that.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why do you think this happens?