Where wouldn’t you like to work when you’re 45 years old?

Ever since my last relationship 3 years ago, my confidence just hasn’t been the same. I used to be very playful, funny and laid-back. I could chat to someone without thinking too much about it. Now I feel guarded, I overthink everything I say, and I just feel like a bit of a drag.

I don’t know how to be lighthearted anymore or get that side of myself back. Therapy hasn’t helped either. I don’t like going over the same stuff again and again, and I’m tired of being told to just put myself out there and see what happens. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t work. I still don’t feel like myself.

It’s been like this for a long time now, and honestly, I don’t know how to change it. Has anyone else felt this way and actually managed to get their confidence and personality back?

I recently went on a first date with someone who took me to a museum. I thought it was a thoughtful choice until he casually mentioned that he takes every single one of his first dates there.

What have your experiences been with this? Do you tend to take different dates to the same restaurant, bar, or activity for a first date because you know it works? Have you ever realized that someone was taking you on their standard date?

Did it bother you, or do you think it is completely normal and practical?

For me, it made the experience feel slightly less personal, but I’m curious whether I’m reading too much into it.

Is this a flaw in Jungian thinking? some kind of inability to adjust?

Or a virtue?

The guy I’m seeing can be really warm and is an attentive lover. He is clever and can be very witty. The thing that trips me up is he says he has a really dark sense of humor, but a lot of his jokes are about things like abortions, little people, disabled people, gay people, OnlyFans, perverts and race (listing that was weird!). I know everyone has a different sense of humor, but it’s just not mine, and I’ve told him I don’t find those kinds of jokes funny when most jokes return to those topics.

The problem is that whenever I say I don’t like them, he gets really upset and says I always think the worst of him or that I’m judging his character. It somehow ends up with him feeling like the victim because I said I don’t enjoy that kind of humor.

I’m genuinely wondering if this is just a compatibility issue or whether it’s something else. Is this the sort of behavior people mean when they use the term “cry bully”, or is that not the right description?

Has anyone else dated someone like this? Did you just accept you had completely different values around humor, or did it end up being a bigger issue?

I’ve noticed this a few times while dating, and I’m curious whether anyone else has experienced it.

A guy will tell me, “I’m not looking at other women,” or “I don’t want anyone else, I’m happy with you.” That’s lovely to hear.

But then he’ll follow it up with comments like:

• “Women are always approaching me.”
• “I had to turn someone down the other day.”
• “My inbox is full of messages.”
• “At the gym I’m always getting compliments on my body, and women have even come over and touched my arms or muscles without me asking or giving permission.”
• “I could date someone every weekend if I wanted.”
• “I’ve had to let a few women down since we’ve been seeing each other.”

And I just think… why tell me that?

If the goal is to reassure me that you’re choosing me, why also remind me how many other women supposedly want you?

I’d honestly rather hear, “I’m happy with you,” and leave it at that.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why do you think this happens?