u/Icy_Laugh5134

I was recently told by a guy I’m seeing that I “don’t know how to be in a relationship” and that they need to teach me.

The thing is, I can see where they’re coming from to some extent. I’ve had relationships, but if I’m honest, some of them weren’t especially close or emotionally intimate. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life being quite independent, and there are probably things about being in a deeply connected partnership that I’m still learning.

One thing is particular he spoke about is that he would like to be kept in touch with if I make plans with friends in the evenings. I don’t feel the urge to tell him every time I spend time with friends in the evening but he says couples do keep each other in the loop. 

At the same time, being told I need to be “taught” felt a little strange. Not offensive exactly, just something I’ve been thinking about.

I’m curious how others would interpret it. Is it just another way of saying that every relationship requires learning and growth? Have any of you found yourselves learning relationship skills later in life, even after having had previous relationships?

If someone said this to you, would you take it as helpful feedback, a slightly awkward choice of words, or something else?

Interested in hearing different perspectives, especially from people who’ve had to figure out intimacy and partnership later than they expected.

How would you respond if your partner got drunk and said an obnoxious comment about your mom who had breast cancer getting their body part “chopped off”? boyfriend got drunk and said this. He didn’t seem to understand why I felt this was insensitive as a joke. In fact he doubled down on it. Am I overreacting?