u/Idk_fvcking_gender

Her name is Clarissa and I even listed her charges alphabetically

So I have mentioned this before in a few comments, but I was thinking of making my chosen name Pedro. Dw I'm half Cuban so it's not like it would be COMPLETELY out of line (of course I should probably learn more spanish, barely can speak it, plus learn more about my hispanic side)

It is a nickname my family has for me because it's what my parents deemed the Spanish male version of my name (Payton), this started bc my sister (not gonna share her name) got the nickname José for the same reason. And my sister saw that dancing raccoon meme, showed my parents and they all knew I am OBSESSED with raccoons so they started calling me that sometimes. Now my parents aren't transphobic so don't take it like that, but they don't really believe me and I tell them I feel like a boy and shut me down when I offered for them to pick my new name. SO I was hoping in the future (maybe when I'm like 17-18) offering that as my new name, I like it so it's not like I'm picking sm I hate. Hoping that will make them more comfortable.

So this has two main questions

1. Is there a genuine possibility of that working? Like has someone else done sm similar?

2. Would it be inappropriate for me to name myself sm Spanish while only being half Hispanic? Like I said I would 100% learn more Spanish (already am in highschool, just finished Spanish 1) n stuff. I wasn't really raised around Hispanic culture, but more so it was just watching my dad's side of the family cook and speak to each other. I look very white tho so I am a bit consider that I might get side eyed 😭 (like WHITE white. Blonde hair, blue eyes, not being able to tan, low spice tolerance. My grandmother is genuinely questioning if someone in her side is European cuz my dad is the same)

Thanks sorry if this is weird!!! I've yet to learn how to properly organize posts.

The fat tuxedo cat is Hoodie and the other one is Lucy (fun fact she has thumbs and seven toes on her hind legs)

I am also their favorite person bc they can fall asleep on me and I can stay still for several hours at a time

Just wanna mentioned that I am 15 and my mom definitely has dark humor

So for my art insta (ran by my mom, like she posts and checks comments) I made one of my first animations, one I was very proud of to. (I would love to post it here but idk how to post the video) but she said it was to violent and inappropriate to be posted. The thing is she said for ANYONE to post, not just me. ​so yeah. It's the Chainsaw Man 'Bang Bang Bang' animation trend, I put in some screenshots of my animation to so you can see if sm is wrong

Like is my mom being overprotective or does what she say seem valid? My therapist (I wanted another adults opinion) agreed with her, and that I am to young to joke about murder and that my generation has been to desensitized to violence in media so...

Yeah thanks!!!

quick edit- I forgot to mention when I talked to my mom about how she makes dark humor and laughs at it, she explained that dark humor is joking about your parents who are dead being dead, not threatening to kill someone. tho I made it clear these characters are oc's and the girl in it looks NOTHING like me and isn't my persona :|

ANOTTER WDIT IM SO SORRY

just to add to my confusion, I have a lot of memories of my parents exposing me to to 'dark' (not really but u get the point) things as a little kid.

I have a lot of memories of my mom playing inappropriate songs when I was little (but like in the look as this kid they don't know lol), my mom making me watch Beetlejuice when I was like 2-4, and just showing me a lot of her childhood shows that creep me out (Idk how to spell it but like the one with the Goblin king who served cunt and trapped this girl in a maze) like the only movie she showed me I like is Coraline

Just kinda tired, drawing isn't as fun as it used to, I dislike texting friends, and I don't really like going to group things. I think it's been like a year since I got in trouble and I got my phone back recently (first thing I did is post on ao3 lol)

I'm recovering from a c.ai addiction so that's already frustrating when I don't really have much to do or motivation, and I'm to scared to re download discord to talk to my old friend group so I just kinda lay in my bed until 2am pretending to be doing something, but honestly I'm just day dreaming, which is also getting boring. I've tried writing but that is a hassle to.

I wanna talk to my mom but I went through a major depressive episode and took like 15 ibuprofen pills, and she said some things on the way to the hospital that just shattered the relationship I had with her (it was high stress, I'll give her that) but sometimes I regret saying anything and wish I just went to bed.

I'm not stable enough to date, so I kinda just obsess over a fictional character, to the point I worry it could get unhealthy. Idk. I've been sleeping less to, staying up until 3am just doom scrolling hoping I find sm to fill the time, but it makes days melt together.

I thought once I had my phone that everything would feel a bit better but it feels like nothing has changed. I still feel as isolated as I did Christmas break when I couldn't talk to any of my friends and was stuff with my aunt who just called me manipulative the whole time. I get up at noon, brush my teeth, skip lunch, doing random things, greet my dad, eat dinner so my mom doesn't get mad at me, say bye my dad as he goes to work, and then just do things before going to bed and it cycles.

Ig I'll give it until my 16th birthday (this July) and if it's ass then I might just not come home from school in August, maybe I'm just having another episode. Last year I attempted like 3-4 times so it wouldn't be a shock. Atp I might even try to find someone a bit older to spice up my life (not really attractive enough for someone to even risk it for the biscuit tho) but I might actually be murdered by my parents if I did, barely can be on here anyway

Sorry if this was heavy I've been keeping this in since everything happened. Any thoughts?