u/Inevitable_Map6550

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

UPDATE:

After reading everyone’s comments, I’ve decided I’m not going to stay with him long-term or have a child with him just because of financial stability. I think deep down I already knew that would only make my life more complicated emotionally.

One important detail: he doesn’t know that I found out about the cheating yet because I haven’t confronted him. Right now I’m trying to think carefully and plan my next steps safely before I say anything. I also have all the evidence I need.

We’ve actually been together for 4 years and married for 1. Looking back now, I realize he was cheating throughout different parts of our relationship, especially when we were long distance. I genuinely had no idea at the time.

Another reason I sounded so focused on money is because I honestly have nothing financially. No savings, no family support, and no assets of my own. He’s the financially stable one. Even the properties he wants to buy in both our names would mostly be from his money, not mine. That’s what made me think maybe I should stay long enough to at least leave with some stability after everything he’s put me through.

The child part also came from fear and timing. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I truly think I’d be a good one. I’m almost 30 and started panicking that I’m running out of time and might lose both the relationship and the future I imagined.

I know some people thought I sounded manipulative or transactional, but honestly I’m just hurt, scared, and trying not to make another emotional decision. Part of me also struggles with the idea of leaving with nothing while he continues life comfortably after betraying me for years.

Still, I know bringing a child into this situation or staying only out of fear probably isn’t the right answer.

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

UPDATE:

After reading everyone’s comments, I’ve decided I’m not going to stay with him long-term or have a child with him just because of financial stability. I think deep down I already knew that would only make my life more complicated emotionally.

One important detail: he doesn’t know that I found out about the cheating yet because I haven’t confronted him. Right now I’m trying to think carefully and plan my next steps safely before I say anything. I also have all the evidence I need.

We’ve actually been together for 4 years and married for 1. Looking back now, I realize he was cheating throughout different parts of our relationship, especially when we were long distance. I genuinely had no idea at the time.

Another reason I sounded so focused on money is because I honestly have nothing financially. No savings, no family support, and no assets of my own. He’s the financially stable one. Even the properties he wants to buy in both our names would mostly be from his money, not mine. That’s what made me think maybe I should stay long enough to at least leave with some stability after everything he’s put me through.

The child part also came from fear and timing. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I truly think I’d be a good one. I’m almost 30 and started panicking that I’m running out of time and might lose both the relationship and the future I imagined.

I know some people thought I sounded manipulative or transactional, but honestly I’m just hurt, scared, and trying not to make another emotional decision. Part of me also struggles with the idea of leaving with nothing while he continues life comfortably after betraying me for years.

Still, I know bringing a child into this situation or staying only out of fear probably isn’t the right answer.

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?should I stay or leave him even if that means I’ll be broke in the first 5 years ? Advice

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

UPDATE:

After reading everyone’s comments, I’ve decided I’m not going to stay with him long-term or have a child with him just because of financial stability. I think deep down I already knew that would only make my life more complicated emotionally.

One important detail: he doesn’t know that I found out about the cheating yet because I haven’t confronted him. Right now I’m trying to think carefully and plan my next steps safely before I say anything. I also have all the evidence I need.

We’ve actually been together for 4 years and married for 1. Looking back now, I realize he was cheating throughout different parts of our relationship, especially when we were long distance. I genuinely had no idea at the time.

Another reason I sounded so focused on money is because I honestly have nothing financially. No savings, no family support, and no assets of my own. He’s the financially stable one. Even the properties he wants to buy in both our names would mostly be from his money, not mine. That’s what made me think maybe I should stay long enough to at least leave with some stability after everything he’s put me through.

The child part also came from fear and timing. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I truly think I’d be a good one. I’m almost 30 and started panicking that I’m running out of time and might lose both the relationship and the future I imagined.

I know some people thought I sounded manipulative or transactional, but honestly I’m just hurt, scared, and trying not to make another emotional decision. Part of me also struggles with the idea of leaving with nothing while he continues life comfortably after betraying me for years.

Still, I know bringing a child into this situation or staying only out of fear probably isn’t the right answer.

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

My husband and I have been together for about a year, and I recently found out he’s been cheating on me with multiple women. I feel completely broken and honestly lost.

The difficult part is that aside from the cheating, our life is financially stable. We live comfortably, and we’re planning to invest in property together soon. I come from a poor background and even though I’m educated and work hard, I’m almost 30 and feel like I have nothing financially solid to show for my 20s. My husband comes from a stable family and is doing very well financially.

I’ve always wanted kids, but now I’m questioning everything because I don’t trust him anymore.

Part of me thinks:
- stay for 5 years, build financial security, maybe have a child, then leave later if things don’t improve
- or leave now, start over, and try to build a healthier life with someone else

I know this probably sounds transactional or messed up, but I’m trying to think logically for once instead of making emotional decisions I regret later. I also don’t really have close family or trusted friends to talk to about this.

For people who have been in similar situations: what decision did you make, and do you regret it?

UPDATE:

After reading everyone’s comments, I’ve decided I’m not going to stay with him long-term or have a child with him just because of financial stability. I think deep down I already knew that would only make my life more complicated emotionally.

One important detail: he doesn’t know that I found out about the cheating yet because I haven’t confronted him. Right now I’m trying to think carefully and plan my next steps safely before I say anything. I also have all the evidence I need.

We’ve actually been together for 4 years and married for 1. Looking back now, I realize he was cheating throughout different parts of our relationship, especially when we were long distance. I genuinely had no idea at the time.

Another reason I sounded so focused on money is because I honestly have nothing financially. No savings, no family support, and no assets of my own. He’s the financially stable one. Even the properties he wants to buy in both our names would mostly be from his money, not mine. That’s what made me think maybe I should stay long enough to at least leave with some stability after everything he’s put me through.

The child part also came from fear and timing. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I truly think I’d be a good one. I’m almost 30 and started panicking that I’m running out of time and might lose both the relationship and the future I imagined.

I know some people thought I sounded manipulative or transactional, but honestly I’m just hurt, scared, and trying not to make another emotional decision. Part of me also struggles with the idea of leaving with nothing while he continues life comfortably after betraying me for years.

Still, I know bringing a child into this situation or staying only out of fear probably isn’t the right answer.

I (28F) found out my husband (35M) has been cheating on me with what looks like 20-30 different women throughout our relationship and marriage, and I honestly feel like my brain has broken.

For context, we’ve been together 4 years and married for 1. He has always been extremely secretive with his phone. He takes it everywhere, even the shower, hides the screen when typing his password, and acts weird if I’m near it. I finally got access to it while he was drunk and what I found completely destroyed me.

There were messages, videos, nudes, payments to women from different countries, fake promises of love, future plans, flirting, everything. Some of these women were getting hundreds of dollars from him monthly for explicit content while one of our biggest arguments in marriage has been money. Whenever I ask for help financially, he talks about debts and acts broke.

What hurts even more is realizing he used the same songs, words, compliments, and emotional intimacy with them that he used with me. Things I thought were “ours” were never special. He never told these women he was married either. In many chats he acted single and promised them love and a future.

The worst part is this seems deeper than normal cheating. It feels compulsive or serial. During times we were long distance, while I thought he was in America working, he was apparently flying out to see other women. We’ve also had long periods of dead bedroom issues where he rejected me constantly, so seeing him sexually invested in dozens of other women destroyed my self esteem.

I genuinely thought I found a good man because he’s introverted, nerdy, quiet, and acted like a “nice guy.” Instead I feel like I discovered a completely different person living a double life online through Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. He lied about not even using social media.

I’m not ready to confront him or divorce immediately because I need time to prepare financially and finish some courses I’m taking. I currently still depend on him financially to some extent. But mentally I’m falling apart. I can barely act normal around him. I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep, and I don’t think I’ll ever trust him again.

How do you survive living with someone for another year after discovering something like this? How do you keep yourself emotionally stable enough to plan your exit without losing your mind?

I (28F) found out my husband (35M) has been cheating on me with what looks like 20-30 different women throughout our relationship and marriage, and I honestly feel like my brain has broken.

For context, we’ve been together 4 years and married for 1. He has always been extremely secretive with his phone. He takes it everywhere, even the shower, hides the screen when typing his password, and acts weird if I’m near it. I finally got access to it while he was drunk and what I found completely destroyed me.

There were messages, videos, nudes, payments to women from different countries, fake promises of love, future plans, flirting, everything. Some of these women were getting hundreds of dollars from him monthly for explicit content while one of our biggest arguments in marriage has been money. Whenever I ask for help financially, he talks about debts and acts broke.

What hurts even more is realizing he used the same songs, words, compliments, and emotional intimacy with them that he used with me. Things I thought were “ours” were never special. He never told these women he was married either. In many chats he acted single and promised them love and a future.

The worst part is this seems deeper than normal cheating. It feels compulsive or serial. During times we were long distance, while I thought he was in America working, he was apparently flying out to see other women. We’ve also had long periods of dead bedroom issues where he rejected me constantly, so seeing him sexually invested in dozens of other women destroyed my self esteem.

I genuinely thought I found a good man because he’s introverted, nerdy, quiet, and acted like a “nice guy.” Instead I feel like I discovered a completely different person living a double life online through Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. He lied about not even using social media.

I’m not ready to confront him or divorce immediately because I need time to prepare financially and finish some courses I’m taking. I currently still depend on him financially to some extent. But mentally I’m falling apart. I can barely act normal around him. I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep, and I don’t think I’ll ever trust him again.

How do you survive living with someone for another year after discovering something like this? How do you keep yourself emotionally stable enough to plan your exit without losing your mind?

I’ve been married for a year and my husband is so close to men everyone he goes and it doesn’t look like normal friendships. We’ve had sex like 2 times this year and i initiated it he’s not really attracted to me I can see that even tho im beautiful. I’m 28 he’s 35..
I wish I would know why he gives so many guys his number in clubs is he attracted to them or what ? Tbh he loves talking to random men to the point it makes me uncomfortable also I saw a message he sent to a girl saying his dark fantasy is to be tied up and be fucked and no be allowed to cum until he is given permission to . Is this straight man fantasy or gay ? English is not my first language but doesn’t to be fucked mean you’re a bottom or submissive that kind of stuff ? Maybe I’m reading into it so much I’m sorry but plz give me an advice . I want to get out of this shithole called marriage I’m not happy at all . No sex no intimacy no sweet words it’s literally a marriage just on pictures and public display nothing else . I thought he was asexual because sex is a topic he truly avoids but after seeing him multiple times approaching guys he doesn’t know getting drunk and exchanging numbers with guys I’m suspicious plz help .