u/InitiativeOk485

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. Three days ago, I asked if we could meet and talk because I never really got closure when we ended things. I didn’t ask enough questions during the breakup, and ever since then I’ve been overthinking everything constantly.

We met at a park around 5 PM, and before we started talking I asked if she was comfortable having the conversation. One thing I asked her was to tell me the “bare minimum” she wanted from me in the relationship, because that was one of the issues between us. Even during the relationship, whenever I asked her directly what she needed, she would hesitate a lot. She said she knew the answers in her head, but struggled to actually say them out loud.

As we talked more, I finally got clarity on the things I did wrong:

1. I let her go to sleep angry instead of fixing things before ending calls.
2. One time when she was on her period, I made a joke and said “nice,” which hurt her feelings badly.
3. I gave her the silent treatment a few times.
4. I forgot to properly call her on her birthday. She was out with friends, I had a busy day, and when she said she’d call back, I fell asleep shortly after.
5. She said I have a big ego. I don’t think I’m extremely egotistical, but I do think my pride affected how I handled conflicts.
6. She said sometimes she didn’t want solutions, she just wanted me to listen.

After the park, it started raining, so we went to a cafe to continue talking. The atmosphere honestly felt weirdly romantic, and I joked that we should leave because the songs were too lovey-dovey. We ended up going to a bar instead, had some food and beer, and started talking even more openly.

At one point she said the place was expensive and suggested we could’ve just bought a bottle and gone somewhere else. Since I didn’t have a place to stay that night anyway, I booked a room mainly thinking we’d just continue drinking and talking there.

But once we got there, things didn’t really feel “just friends.” She was being playful, pulling on my clothes, sitting close to me, putting her head on my lap, playful biting, things like that. She asked if I had a spare shirt and wore one of mine. As we kept drinking and talking, I started confessing a lot of things I had been holding in.

Eventually we started making out, but at the same time both of us kept questioning what we were doing because technically we’re still exes. At one point she asked me, “Why did you let me go?”

That question has honestly messed with my head since then, because from my perspective, she was the one who walked away from the relationship.

Now I’m confused. Part of me feels like we still deeply care about each other and maybe acted too emotionally during conflicts. Another part of me wonders if this is just attachment and loneliness pulling us back together.

So I genuinely want outside opinions:
Does this sound like a relationship that could actually work if both people improve communication and emotional maturity, or does this sound like two people who love each other but are ultimately incompatible?

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. Three days ago, I asked if we could meet and talk because I never really got closure when we ended things. I didn’t ask enough questions during the breakup, and ever since then I’ve been overthinking everything constantly.

We met at a park around 5 PM, and before we started talking I asked if she was comfortable having the conversation. One thing I asked her was to tell me the “bare minimum” she wanted from me in the relationship, because that was one of the issues between us. Even during the relationship, whenever I asked her directly what she needed, she would hesitate a lot. She said she knew the answers in her head, but struggled to actually say them out loud.

As we talked more, I finally got clarity on the things I did wrong:

1. I let her go to sleep angry instead of fixing things before ending calls.
2. One time when she was on her period, I made a joke and said “nice,” which hurt her feelings badly.
3. I gave her the silent treatment a few times.
4. I threatened breakups during arguments around 3 times.
5. I forgot to properly call her on her birthday. She was out with friends, I had a busy day, and when she said she’d call back, I fell asleep shortly after.
6. She said I have a big ego. I don’t think I’m extremely egotistical, but I do think my pride affected how I handled conflicts.
7. She said sometimes she didn’t want solutions, she just wanted me to listen.

After the park, it started raining, so we went to a cafe to continue talking. The atmosphere honestly felt weirdly romantic, and I joked that we should leave because the songs were too lovey-dovey. We ended up going to a bar instead, had some food and beer, and started talking even more openly.

At one point she said the place was expensive and suggested we could’ve just bought a bottle and gone somewhere else. Since I didn’t have a place to stay that night anyway, I booked a room mainly thinking we’d just continue drinking and talking there.

But once we got there, things didn’t really feel “just friends.” She was being playful, pulling on my clothes, sitting close to me, putting her head on my lap, playful biting, things like that. She asked if I had a spare shirt and wore one of mine. As we kept drinking and talking, I started confessing a lot of things I had been holding in.

Eventually we started making out, but at the same time both of us kept questioning what we were doing because technically we’re still exes. At one point she asked me, “Why did you let me go?”

That question has honestly messed with my head since then, because from my perspective, she was the one who walked away from the relationship.

Now I’m confused. Part of me feels like we still deeply care about each other and maybe acted too emotionally during conflicts. Another part of me wonders if this is just attachment and loneliness pulling us back together.

So I genuinely want outside opinions:
Does this sound like a relationship that could actually work if both people improve communication and emotional maturity, or does this sound like two people who love each other but are ultimately incompatible?

For women, people usually say it’s stuff like:
\- going on dates
\- dinners
\- flowers
\- reassurance / saying the right things

So what’s the version of that for guys?

Feels like the standards are talked about very differently depending on gender, and I’m trying to understand where the actual baseline is vs what people just want.

Curious what you all think — what counts as “bare minimum” for men vs what’s actually effort?