u/Instant-Lava

Part of my CPTSD is medical trauma, and before starting EMDR I would get very dysregulated prior to doc's visits...which would in turn make my BP look high and I'd have to have it taken twice to get a good reading no matter how much calming I tried to do before being called back.

Today after several great EMDR sessions my brain had some safety noise but not nearly as much and my body felt way less stressed. I enjoyed humming to music before going in and when they took my BP it was perfect and on the first try.

It means a lot to me to have less stress with healthcare because I have chronic illness and I do have to go regularly. So, yeaaaa EMDR!

Larely I've come to the realization that I've got more grieving and acceptance work to do. And it's hard to fully lean into the reality that I need to do less and live a simpler life - that my prized "drive" is a symptom and not helpful. It's also difficult to admit that my perception of what's simple is distorted.

The moment I think I've evaluated my mental and physical load realistically...wham...here's the symptoms that tell me this isn't be true even though I've already adjusted so much of my life.

The insight to know this - I have gratitude for it and also it stings. Just needed to get that out.