u/JaniJames420

questioning 16, really want to be boy but I have many signs I’m not.

-I never really had signs as a child, not anything that truly counted, I never felt anything, no emotions, I was always very blank. I feel like I only have dysphoria because I want to have it so I can be a man, I probably secretly don’t even want male parts and I just wish I wanted it.

-I have really bad thoughts that I’m girl, that i’m faking, that if I find a girl pretty I’m secretly envious of her and if I‘m envious of a man, I’m just attracted to him, I don’t want it to be true but it feels so real

-i want a man’s body but I’m afraid it wouldn’t look or feel right because I don’t deserve it

-I become sexually aroused at the idea of being forced to be female/people being transphobic to me, if I was a real man, I wouldn’t feel that way. i have an odd thrill of seeking people that won’t treat me nicely because when people gender me correctly, I feel guilty for feeling comfortable because I think it means I must only have social dysphoria and I’m faking. I also feel guilty if I’m not dressed like a girl and I like it, my parents force me to wear bras that make my chest look big so I’m also not used to hiding my chest.

I always see cis girls say “they hate their boobs” or are ”scared of sex” and that makes me even more afraid I’m just a confused girl

i do try to force myself to be a girl sometimes and it does work if I convince myself girls can want to be boys too

I get dysphoric if cry, or if I’m able to multitask because I think it means I have a girls brain, I got so grossed out because there was this app that matched people based on personality types, there was one that said mine was associated with lesbians, obviously it’s made up but that made me want to change the way I act.

questioning 16, really want to be boy but I have many signs I’m not.

-I never really had signs as a child, not anything that truly counted, I never felt anything, no emotions, I was always very blank. I feel like I only have dysphoria because I want to have it so I can be a man, I probably secretly don’t even want male parts and I just wish I wanted it.

-I have really bad thoughts that I’m girl, that i’m faking, that if I find a girl pretty I’m secretly envious of her and if I‘m envious of a man, I’m just attracted to him, I don’t want it to be true but it feels so real

-i want a man’s body but I’m afraid it wouldn’t look or feel right because I don’t deserve it

-I become sexually aroused at the idea of being forced to be female/people being transphobic to me, if I was a real man, I wouldn’t feel that way. i have an odd thrill of seeking people that won’t treat me nicely because when people gender me correctly, I feel guilty for feeling comfortable because I think it means I must only have social dysphoria and I’m faking. I also feel guilty if I’m not dressed like a girl and I like it, my parents force me to wear bras that make my chest look big so I’m also not used to hiding my chest.

I always see cis girls say “they hate their boobs” or are ”scared of sex” and that makes me even more afraid I’m just a confused girl

i do try to force myself to be a girl sometimes and it does work if I convince myself girls can want to be boys too

I have dreams where I’m penetrated but sometimes in that dream, i remember that I’m supposed to like this or I really don’t like it, often it’s forced on me. But in dreams where I have a dick, Im happier and it feels better, especially with no remembrance of me being trans

I have dreams where I’m penetrated but sometimes in that dream, i remember that I’m supposed to like this or I really don’t like it, often it’s forced on me. But in dreams where I have a dick, Im happier and it feels better, especially with no remembrance of me being trans

I have dreams where I’m penetrated but sometimes in that dream, i remember that I’m supposed to like this or I really don’t like it, often it’s forced on me. But in dreams where I have a dick, Im happier and it feels better, especially with no remembrance of me being trans

my thoughts are so bad that I can’t go anywhere, I can’t listen to people, I can’t do anything. I’m always afraid when I look in the mirror, I think I’m pretty but it feels so wrong, I start crying. i also do checking rituals to see if I want to be a girl/ get intrusive thoughts I want it, or am afraid I do when I am attracted to a girl. I really do want to be a boy, even if I deny it. I‘m so envious around real men, it’s pathetic. I visibly shake when I see any man I’m jealous of. thats why I don’t think I deserve to transition, I also realized like a faker too, I think I just want to have dysphoria so I can be a man, no real trans persons questions themselves this much

I literally dissociative everytime I look at myself.I feel like I look nice but it feels so wrong. I never realize that person is me and I get surprised but sometimes… I’m honestly too used to how I look now and seeing my body just angers me. does this mean I’m faking? All my thoughts aren’t helping me either🥀

(Sorry for all the posts, I’ll hop off reddit after this, or at least off trans subs) I feel so fucking fake and pathetic. I swear I don’t even have dysphoria anymore, but I wish I did. Every time I look at my body it feels more like disgust and hatred but I’m now so used it, it feels normal or I feel numb and I hate it, I hate it so much. I don’t think I’m deserving of transition because of this.  There’s also other reasons I don’t deserve to be a man, I get intrusive thoughts that are so intense that I feel there is no way it’s actually just OCD, I can’t find a woman attractive without being afraid I secretly want to be like her when in reality I really don’t want to.i still genuinely want to be a man more either way even if my thoughts are real, I’ll try to get a therapist if I can but it’s hard

(Sorry for all the posts, I’ll hop off reddit after this, or at least off trans subs) I feel so fucking fake and pathetic. I swear I don’t even have dysphoria anymore, but I wish I did. Every time I look at my body it feels more like disgust and hatred but I’m now so used it, it feels normal or I feel numb and I hate it, I hate it so much. I don’t think I’m deserving of transition because of this.  There’s also other reasons I don’t deserve to be a man, I get intrusive thoughts that are so intense that I feel there is no way it’s actually just OCD, I can’t find a woman attractive without being afraid I secretly want to be like her when in reality I really don’t want to.i still genuinely want to be a man more either way even if my thoughts are real, I’ll try to get a therapist if I can but it’s hard

personally it’s cause Dirty Looks just sounds better especially instrumentally imo

I just wish I was born a normal boy… I have really bad intrusive thoughts that make me scared I’m a girl when I really don’t want to be one. I can’t get a therapist, I can’t go anywhere, I can’t start T, i can’t do anything and even if I could get a therapist, I’d be scared they make me a lady. I clearly don’t think like a normal man either, i just wish I was one when I don’t deserve it. I was never masculine enough nor will I ever be. My parents often force me to wear feminine clothes and show off my chest, it hurts so much it starts to become arousing, what kind of real man feels that way? I’m already trying to force myself to detransition/rep and I think it’s working because now I just feel numb. maybe if I keep convincing myself, being attractive means being comfortable, I can force myself to be like this forever.

I really hope it’s just my intrusive thoughts😵‍💫… I suddenly feel less bottom dysphoria and I wonder if it was ok for men to have vaginas maybe I wouldn't hate mine so much. but I really want to be a boy… I feel like I’m getting more used to my body everyday and it just makes me want to kms. I usually feel like there is something missing between my legs and I can’t even piss or shower without gagging. I really don’t want to be a girl….

(throwaway acc, cause my other one got mistakenly banned) I desperately wanna be a cis man, I do not want to be a lady but my thoughts are ruining me. I either am scared that I’m not attracted to girls at all all/when I’m attracted to them that secretly means I envy them. I started feeling numb about my body, voice, how I look and now I feel nothing anymore, almost feels like I don’t have dysphoria. I really do want to be a man, I’m very envious of cis males and I would give anything to be one. I attempted many times because I believed I would always be a girl. why can’t I just be a cis man?

I really hope it’s just my intrusive thoughts😵‍💫… I suddenly feel less bottom dysphoria and I wonder if it was ok for men to have vaginas maybe I wouldn't hate mine so much. but I really want to be a boy… . I usually feel like there is something missing between my legs and I can’t even piss or shower without gagging. I really don’t want to be a girl….

(throwaway acc, cause my other one got mistakenly banned) I desperately wanna be a cis man, I do not want to be a lady but my thoughts are ruining me. I either am scared that I’m not attracted to girls at all all/when I’m attracted to them that secretly means I envy them. I started feeling numb about my body, voice, how I look and now I feel nothing anymore, almost feels like I don’t have dysphoria. I really do want to be a man, I’m very envious of cis males and I would give anything to be one. I attempted many times because I believed I would always be a girl. why can’t I just be a cis man?

I really hope it’s just my intrusive thoughts😵‍💫… I suddenly feel less bottom dysphoria and I wonder if it was ok for men to have vaginas maybe I wouldn't hate mine so much. but I really want to be a boy… I feel like I’m getting more used to my body everyday and it just makes me want to kms. I usually feel like there is something missing between my legs and I can’t even piss or shower without gagging. I really don’t want to be a girl….