u/Jeshuuu

I started this year with full of joy and excitement, I was stepping on a much larger lever, starting my masters abroad and that too in UK, I had a lot of things set up and planned out, moved into a room with some people, who are my first cousins, and it was great initially but later I got this feeling that I’m stuck, I’m stuck and I can’t get out, I lost all the focus on my modules, I know my degree won’t bring me anything of value. I fight suicidal tendencies everyday. I can’t kill myself. My parents have so many hopes on me, I can’t throw all their love away now, and the thing that is very hard to digest is I share room with a person who sexually assaulted me throughout my childhood and still jokes and blames me telling that I wanted him to do that to me. I used to beg him to do that to me, I never spoke out about this other that on Reddit, If I do it will break my family and no one would ever believe a guy dealing with sexual assault. I’ve been keeping short notes on ways to die on my iPhone, everytime I come across something new that could harm me, I’d add that to the notes app as a way to kms, I have found 5 ways until now and I think it’s near..

I plan on watching 4 movies this Monday, Harry Potter and the philosopher’s stone (rerelease), the dog stars, la la land(rerelease) and one night only, I’ll be at odeon since morning, anyone interested? u know where to find me!!!!

I want to try it for a while

Hey there I moved to the UK this January and I don’t have any friends, I do really interesting stuff by myself and I’m looking for mates to go watch movies with or play games or just to have drinks or anything. It would be preferable if you’re around my age.

I’m happy that you are reading this, and I’m sorry I didn’t write this sooner, I’m proud of you, I’m proud of who you are as person and I’m proud of what you want to become, I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I can’t not appreciate the fact that you’re still there, the battles you fight, the emotional weight you carry, I’m proud of you, all your accomplishments, no matter what happens, no matter how you end up, remember that I will always love you and I will always be here for you, you are not alone.

These are some words I wished people would’ve told me, I’m glad I got the chance to say these to you.

I don’t really feel this statement well, my whole life is currently shit, I’m an international student doing my masters in the UK and my life is nowhere near as I imagined it to be, I don’t have one single person in my life to talk to, I used to think if I moved out of home I could get rid of my loneliness and misery, but it’s still the same, I do everything alone, and I love doing things alone, I go watch movies alone, I roam around the city streets alone, I go shopping alone, but I’ve become lonely, I have no one to talk with about my day or my week or to atleast ask how they’re doing, I have friends back one, I got no one here, the way my life is moving isn’t very good either, I don’t have a part time Job, my accommodation hosts(my family relatives) they don’t want me here, they were never vocal about it but I could sense things, they’re doing things that would trigger me to leave, and I am planning to leave soon, but I can’t find any at the moment, there are lot more things happening but I can’t get the words to describe or make sense of what is happening in my head, but now getting back to the title, with all this happening and I feel like it will all be okay in the end, like I can get my way around things, but no it won’t be ok, but somewhere in my subconscious mind I feel like it will, I don’t know if it’s because I gave up on everything and anything more won’t make any difference or something else. I’m not sure if I can stop feeling like this

I don’t really feel this statement well, my whole life is currently shit, I’m an international student doing my masters in the UK and my life is nowhere near as I imagined it to be, I don’t have one single person in my life to talk to, I used to think if I moved out of home I could get rid of my loneliness and misery, but it’s still the same, I do everything alone, and I love doing things alone, I go watch movies alone, I roam around the city streets alone, I go shopping alone, but I’ve become lonely, I have no one to talk with about my day or my week or to atleast ask how they’re doing, I have friends back one, I got no one here, the way my life is moving isn’t very good either, I don’t have a part time Job, my accommodation hosts(my family relatives) they don’t want me here, they were never vocal about it but I could sense things, they’re doing things that would trigger me to leave, and I am planning to leave soon, but I can’t find any at the moment, there are lot more things happening but I can’t get the words to describe or make sense of what is happening in my head, but now getting back to the title, with all this happening and I feel like it will all be okay in the end, like I can get my way around things, but no it won’t be ok, but somewhere in my subconscious mind I feel like it will, I don’t know if it’s because I gave up on everything and anything more won’t make any difference or something else. I’m not sure if I can stop feeling like this

I’m losing interest in things which I used to love the most, I miss the joy I used to feel when I do something, I’m not excited about life, lost interest in video games and the only form of joy I feel is when I see Messi playing football, I feel ashamed to say that I’m the least interesting person anyone can talk to, i wish I could feel excited about something again.