u/Kenney93

It’s easy to communicate and face people when you know they will not: shout at you, belittle you, make fun of you, tell on you, ignore you and will understand and love you. Being raised by my nmom i realised that, communicating and confronting her leads to nothing, which made me gave up communicating with other people when in conflict (unless they show me they are kind).

Im VERY and I say extremely scared of power tools! I used my hand n finger to unscrew the legs from my table using a manual screwdriver and bru did my hand hurts especially my Osteoarthritis… i saw that ikea drill is very tiny n looks harmless so what do u guys think?

Visually please and maybe a cookbook too? Istg each one says n swears by something and there is so many contradiction and you cant trust everything on the internet. So does anyone have something they are 100% used and sure its real? I dont test my blood sugar cause im scared of needles, i go by my guy feelings and how i feel and the 3 months blood test. Im just diagnosed with pre-diabetic but its more IR than PD, all my previous were fine until the last one n im on metformin for a month now…

(Alot of examples at the end cause my brain gradually remembered while i was trying to find a youtuber name in the examples)

For as long as I remember, some stuff takes long for me to understand like it takes years for it to finally click! Examples: we dont have daylight saving here and no matter how much i read about it or my american friend told me (this was 14 years ago) i couldnt understand why… i only did like 4-5 years ago… n like idk what happened to my brain after it hit 30 (3 years ago) it felt like my mind is clearer and i was suddenly more mature like i was so dumb socially i didnt understand anything like, i dont understand people or expression or social cue n it all suddenly click when i turned 30 without me even realising it, like my brain suddenly started working better or analysing better idk… but i still cant understand what people eat for breakfast.. like how do people know what to eat? How do they even eat meals, like all of this is foreign to me,… tbh rn my brain is not working but i had more examples to prove my point but im now blank… i also need to watch videos speeded up to 1.5x, 1.75x or even 3x to understand something cause if its slow i lose concentration even when people talk to me … i even get bored of teachers unless they add stories or make it fun and exciting or i like them and they challenge me… my psychiatric said years ago its not adhd n its my anxiety but idk tbh i dont think its dyslexia cause im fine with words and stuff so idk… anyone has any ideas?

Ps another example i just remembered! I used to think the only reason im not rested well is my cpap not working well until i was watching a youtuber randomly n it was not even an education video it was just a normal one… he said something that made it click for me “if i eat too much sugar in breakfast i get tired afterward unlike if i eat protein high food” bru i understand biology and i have so much knowladge on things to the point its crazy (i love to watch and learn all type of things depending on my interest at that time) but it never crossed my mind that maybe it wasnt only cpap, but what i eat for breakfast is what causing it!

Another thing is punctuation! For years, i never understood them! not in my language and not in english! I memorised the text book explanation but never got how to use them in practice and i write alot… like okay they are used for this and this but i cant for the life of me use them well or correctly that i used to just write everthing in a long loooooong text with nothing and maybe now i add … it took 30 years for it to finally click… pls dont police my writing rn cause im not feeling well to care about my writing…

Another one is from drawing.. i draw and something for me in drawing never clicked like to explain shortly there are things you add to your art to make it better and its a formate that alot of people use… i know the technicality but i never got how to make it work well for me like i know how to use it but i just cant make a good result idk how to explain it n usually people think its easy… like how people?!!
I also for the past 5 years have to close my eyes when i explain or talk because i cant concentrate otherwise.. which to alot of people its weird to see someone close their eyes for few mins while explaining something or talking..

Another example, i was trying crocheting a stuffed animal beginner kit and bru was it hard to figure out the closing knot… saw the guide videos n many MANY others n tried many times for me to later realise u only do one hop not all of them like i did! Like i think even a kid would have understood that but i didnt smh…

Another example (yes im remembering) i never understood what men wears… my male friend 14 years ago kept explaining its just a normal shirt n pants but i couldnt understand n ik it sounds stupid but istg im not making it up! I had a hard time back then drawing men n drawing what they wear like i cant comprehend it ..

for some reason im bad with drawing shapes like petals or stuff like that the motion is hard for me
I sometimes confuse two people faces idky, like an example on my mind is, the dude with the iron city in youtuber (i think magnify) n the dude that talk about science n history (took me days of obsession n playing the algorithm for him to show up n find him: thomasmulligan)… their faces r not the same ik but, idky i confuse them n it happens from time to time that i confuse 2 different humans like they r the same when they are not like in cartoons i would said alphys from undertale and ralsei from deltarune and ik they r different things but idk what does my brain do in these situation!!!

Im also bad with names (all type:human, object, country u name it).. i cant remember them or remember people’s i see faces, cause i kinda dont stare at their faces n only remember their voice .. which is funny cause i need to look at someone face to learn (visual learner) but i kinda understand y i do that with the faces but still…

Also if i get hyper fixated on finding something i will go ages obsessing about it n leave people who asked me wait for hours (even when they r next to me and start going to their phone cause they cant get me to stop) cause i must find it, wether its a song or someone or something n i cant drop it until i find it or learn it n people will get annoyed cause i will excuse myself n ignore them until i find it …
I even have ARFID and problem with smells and textures, like i would remove my shirt to sleep cause its too much sensation idk how to explain it. I would smell things people cant normally notice n taste different things n notice if something is different making me more n more picky in eating..

Doctor said I have Obsession but not ocd and most my symptoms are not adhd (that was before corona) but anxiety, though im not sure. He is a psychiatric that gives meds not a therapist … idk guys… what do u think?

I suddenly 8 years ago became so germaphobic i had alcohol spray n gel before covid n even mask before 2020 that i was fine in corona. Which leads me to say, 10 years ago i gradually started being physically unable to wash dishes by hand or touch them, or clean the bathroom because i felt sick from the look, smell and texture that even gloves and mask dont help (seeing it in videos n game too), n the feeling of wetness makes me sick n i dont mind cooking, i just hate the cleaning part that i dont cook.. i even have to wear gloves to take the trash and stop breathing until im done so i dont smell anything … sometimes i thought maybe if i wear a protective body suit i will be able but nah… i hate anything sticking to my body n i hate wearing pants unless they r baggy or dresses but nothing that stick to my arms or legs … like texture of fabric in my arts n legs makes me sick… i even hate socks that i only wear home shoes n never wear socks even when my flat foot insert is scratching me… i later bought those very thin type of socks that i wear with them as a layer but they r so thin… let me google the name.. Low Cut Footsies! I even hate the feeling of moisturiser in my hand or body n hate the stickiness i tried spray, wearing plastic gloves and stuff .. i would rather drink 20 cups of water (ik thats not the ideal number) than put moisturiser and i bought some n have many kinds n have eczema n dry skin. I even bought silicon applicator to not touch it when applying to my face n such, even silicon gel (had many surgery scars) texture annoys me!!!

(Alot of examples at the end cause my brain gradually remembered while i was trying to find a youtuber name in the examples)

For as long as I remember, some stuff takes long for me to understand like it takes years for it to finally click! Examples: we dont have daylight saving here and no matter how much i read about it or my american friend told me (this was 14 years ago) i couldnt understand why… i only did like 4-5 years ago… n like idk what happened to my brain after it hit 30 (3 years ago) it felt like my mind is clearer and i was suddenly more mature like i was so dumb socially i didnt understand anything like, i dont understand people or expression or social cue n it all suddenly click when i turned 30 without me even realising it, like my brain suddenly started working better or analysing better idk… but i still cant understand what people eat for breakfast.. like how do people know what to eat? How do they even eat meals, like all of this is foreign to me,… tbh rn my brain is not working but i had more examples to prove my point but im now blank… i also need to watch videos speeded up to 1.5x, 1.75x or even 3x to understand something cause if its slow i lose concentration even when people talk to me … i even get bored of teachers unless they add stories or make it fun and exciting or i like them and they challenge me… my psychiatric said years ago its not adhd n its my anxiety but idk tbh i dont think its dyslexia cause im fine with words and stuff so idk… anyone has any ideas?

Ps another example i just remembered! I used to think the only reason im not rested well is my cpap not working well until i was watching a youtuber randomly n it was not even an education video it was just a normal one… he said something that made it click for me “if i eat too much sugar in breakfast i get tired afterward unlike if i eat protein high food” bru i understand biology and i have so much knowladge on things to the point its crazy (i love to watch and learn all type of things depending on my interest at that time) but it never crossed my mind that maybe it wasnt only cpap, but what i eat for breakfast is what causing it!

Another thing is punctuation! For years, i never understood them! not in my language and not in english! I memorised the text book explanation but never got how to use them in practice and i write alot… like okay they are used for this and this but i cant for the life of me use them well or correctly that i used to just write everthing in a long loooooong text with nothing and maybe now i add … it took 30 years for it to finally click… pls dont police my writing rn cause im not feeling well to care about my writing…

Another one is from drawing.. i draw and something for me in drawing never clicked like to explain shortly there are things you add to your art to make it better and its a formate that alot of people use… i know the technicality but i never got how to make it work well for me like i know how to use it but i just cant make a good result idk how to explain it n usually people think its easy… like how people?!!
I also for the past 5 years have to close my eyes when i explain or talk because i cant concentrate otherwise.. which to alot of people its weird to see someone close their eyes for few mins while explaining something or talking..

Another example, i was trying crocheting a stuffed animal beginner kit and bru was it hard to figure out the closing knot… saw the guide videos n many MANY others n tried many times for me to later realise u only do one hop not all of them like i did! Like i think even a kid would have understood that but i didnt smh…

Another example (yes im remembering) i never understood what men wears… my male friend 14 years ago kept explaining its just a normal shirt n pants but i couldnt understand n ik it sounds stupid but istg im not making it up! I had a hard time back then drawing men n drawing what they wear like i cant comprehend it ..

for some reason im bad with drawing shapes like petals or stuff like that the motion is hard for me
I sometimes confuse two people faces idky, like an example on my mind is, the dude with the iron city in youtuber (i think magnify) n the dude that talk about science n history (took me days of obsession n playing the algorithm for him to show up n find him: thomasmulligan)… their faces r not the same ik but, idky i confuse them n it happens from time to time that i confuse 2 different humans like they r the same when they are not like in cartoons i would said alphys from undertale and ralsei from deltarune and ik they r different things but idk what does my brain do in these situation!!!

Im also bad with names (all type:human, object, country u name it).. i cant remember them or remember people’s i see faces, cause i kinda dont stare at their faces n only remember their voice .. which is funny cause i need to look at someone face to learn (visual learner) but i kinda understand y i do that with the faces but still…

Also if i get hyper fixated on finding something i will go ages obsessing about it n leave people who asked me wait for hours (even when they r next to me and start going to their phone cause they cant get me to stop) cause i must find it, wether its a song or someone or something n i cant drop it until i find it or learn it n people will get annoyed cause i will excuse myself n ignore them until i find it …
I even have ARFID and problem with smells and textures, like i would remove my shirt to sleep cause its too much sensation idk how to explain it. I would smell things people cant normally notice n taste different things n notice if something is different making me more n more picky in eating..

Doctor said I have Obsession but not ocd and most my symptoms are not adhd (that was before corona) but anxiety, though im not sure. He is a psychiatric that gives meds not a therapist … idk guys… what do u think?

I suddenly 8 years ago became so germaphobic i had alcohol spray n gel before covid n even mask before 2020 that i was fine in corona. Which leads me to say, 10 years ago i gradually started being physically unable to wash dishes by hand or touch them, or clean the bathroom because i felt sick from the look, smell and texture that even gloves and mask dont help (seeing it in videos n game too), n the feeling of wetness makes me sick n i dont mind cooking, i just hate the cleaning part that i dont cook.. i even have to wear gloves to take the trash and stop breathing until im done so i dont smell anything … sometimes i thought maybe if i wear a protective body suit i will be able but nah… i hate anything sticking to my body n i hate wearing pants unless they r baggy or dresses but nothing that stick to my arms or legs … like texture of fabric in my arts n legs makes me sick… i even hate socks that i only wear home shoes n never wear socks even when my flat foot insert is scratching me… i later bought those very thin type of socks that i wear with them as a layer but they r so thin… let me google the name.. Low Cut Footsies! I even hate the feeling of moisturiser in my hand or body n hate the stickiness i tried spray, wearing plastic gloves and stuff .. i would rather drink 20 cups of water (ik thats not the ideal number) than put moisturiser and i bought some n have many kinds n have eczema n dry skin. I even bought silicon applicator to not touch it when applying to my face n such, even silicon gel (had many surgery scars) texture annoys me!!!

I was a kid and went late at night to see what tv was showing behind my parents. I saw a girl being held captive and i think she or the kid killed the man in the bathtub and she noticed the attic is open so she went running to the basement to hide from the child who was wearing a rob hiding his face and stabbing her from behind the iron shelves with an ice pick. And when she was running up the door was closed and she found him behind her ready to kill her or something. Hope that helps.

Had Anker and had Goui and both didnt last, and were so annoying that you needed to put the cable at the certain angle or hit it like old style to make it work, and they are new not old… so is this one good? Ps I will use it all the time and everyday.

My current annoying one is Anker PowerCore+ 26800 PD 45W with PowerPort Ill Mini and since day one it was hell and stopped working at 6 months and took it to shop for it to magically work and couldnt exchange it since it’s “working”. Its 2 years warranty but its already past that. Its been 3 years and 6 months maybe

He is pretty new like past 6 years, shows his face and has his hair back and blondish and i think his eyes are light coloured and he always looks to the side cause he is reading from a screen and he usually just tell facts not doing science lab stuff or anything n he shows his face all videos oh n he does only shorts! Anyone knows the name? He is also american

He is pretty new like past 6 years, shows his face and has his hair back and i think his eyes are light coloured and he always looks to the side cause he is reading from a screen and he usually just tell facts not doing science lab stuff or anything n he shows his face all videos oh n he does only shorts! Anyone knows the name?

Like i cant eat eggs daily cause im mildly allergic to it if i eat alot but i wouldnt mind but idk what to eat… i bought alot of cereals because i hate cooking n if i dont have easy food to reach i dont eat for a whole day but they r high in sugar so idk what to do…
Ps i cant eat nuts

I wish I had a better family, i wish i had a loving mom, i wish my enabler but kind dad was alive, i wish i had good siblings, i wish i had a job, I wish I was loved, cared for like someone to give me kindness that i never get from this family, i wish i could go to another world another fantasy or be reincarnated into a loving family, i wish life was kinder to me, i wish it got better, afterlife has hell n this life is hell like where do i run to? Where do i escape this madness?! Why cant my family treat me well? I always dreamt of dragon ball capsules that i can put everything in it n run away far away from home… when i was the golden child i always worried about my siblings n always protected them but the moment i wasnt i was never protected. Left with trauma since 6 years old… they say it gets better but when??? When?! Y do i always give people my everything but no one tries to help me n treat me well? I hate life, im starting to hate god that hates me… ik i might get divine punishment for finally saying it out load but god u hate me so much n push me away n make me live in this misery… i try to be happy i try to work hard but the moment i finally find happiness it comes crushing at me… never was i given what i really wanted n it lasted… i feel god the moment u see me happy u decide to make my life miserable again like i cant be happy for a while. Communication my ass… we people in this distorted families have a hard time having communication n confronting people cause we r tired of drama, tired of physical n mental abuse n tired of never being treated well or having a right… i understand y korean n japanese kill themselves believing isekai n reincarnation or that it all ends after death.. but in my belief ik i will go to hell… so im like.. life is hell, afterlife is hell… can i get a break…? Pls can i be happy? I heard romeo’s blue sky op recently n years ago (13 years ago or 12) i recorded a song with its piano cover n to this day i remember the last lyric “i want to be happy” ya my past self im so sorry its only getting worser… n im still a failure like my nmom says n i have no one… im sorry my young self either someone give me a time machine to go back to 1997 or isekai me or reincarnate me im done with this shit!

Its stuck and all! But between it and my mouth there is alot of drool collected. I tried many layers and different angles but nothing work! My problem its not that its unstuck… my problem is that the drool is all over though my mouth is close… i think it leaks idk help pls!

Ps i always was a side and stomach sleeper but it only started this year

Sometimes i think maybe dying would make them realise how bad they treated me… but then i remember how my Nmom think of my enabler dad’s death n think she will be relieved n happy i died. I envy people’s with good family… i mourn the family i never had.. I just did an open myomectomy 2 weeks ago and im still recovering… i wish life was kinder to me…

I had the surgery last wed n even though i told them im allergic to latex, the only bandage they had was what im on rn. The oncall doctor (not my surgeon) said to keep it until i meet my doctor but that would be 3 june n my body is itching badly that i have redness n bumps n stuff. I did msg my surgeon 2 days ago but its holiday for all so i think he will only answer me next week. What to do u guys think? I had a drain that was removed before i was discharged so i was afraid that would not be closed yet so i kept the bandage just in case but today its going to be a week so hopefully it closed? Ps The bandage is half open because of all the scratching

Everything makes me sick, smell, thinking of food n i even puked alot today around 4-5 am cause i couldnt hold my nausea (its noon now) anymore after suffering for 4 hours n sadly i only puked water n acid cause i ate nothing n my surgery location hurts. What did u guys eat in the first week cause im so tired of this shit. Mom keep asking me what i want to eat but i told her unless i crave it i dont think i can eat it. Which is true cause if i crave the food i somehow can stomach it but currently im so hungry but craving nothing n thinking of food is making me sick

I had open myomectomy last wed n now food smells makes me so sick i want to puke n food taste awful n i cant eat alot. Did this also happen to any of u?

Pray for me, IM SO SCARED N ALONE!!!
Edit: btw guys, should i send it to pathology? Its alot of money n im wondering if its worth it for peace of mind?

Cant figure it out!!!!!