u/KeyTheZebra

Quick run down, ive posted here a few times and always get help. Thanks.

Mid 2023 i got mentally stable as a 25 year old after Covid depressed me deeply, bought a used decent car with cash, built an amazing life with therapy and got a girlfriend who i loved all in about 3 months, from zero to hero. I had like 12,000 thousand saved from the previous 9 months tho living with family and working my first real adult job (i spent $6,000 of that on the car). I didnt take my mood medicine correctly tho, which didnt help me long term. Classic case of “i dont need the help”, but I was stable for the next 18 months.

Then in late 2023 i found out about dave ramsey (and caleb hammer) at the same time and quickly got obsessed with the idea of retirement. I tried to introduce the love of my life to these ideas. She was 23 and wasnt on board to watch, thought he was boring and didnt like how i wanted to be intense. She wanted to move at her own, slow slow pace, a pace which she hadn’t even really developed. Her words “i didnt think i would even make it to 50, so who knows about 65.” But i loved her, truly, so i was hoping to teach her things, and i thought actions were the best way. Go make money and save and invest and show her the way, i mean i wanted to spend my life with her, i realized that about 6 months i to our relationship.

Early in 2024 i was peaking in life, and wanted to take the next step and wanted to make more money and save and make our dreams come true, so i got my CDL (quick, cheap, easy to quit if i didnt like it). If the cdl didnt work out, i would pivot maybe to school, or start a business or something, but cdl made sense money wise: live cheap, save big. I couldn’t think of any other job that would do that for me.

So life was amazing, but i shortly realized i would have to sacrifice much of it to become a trucker since you have to be away from home for so long. (Aka Gazelle intensity - sacrifice for what you need. I took it to the truly extreme level, which fulfilled me in a way, oh how, I wanted to be able to tell my story on the show one day). I didnt consider this when i first started (i thought you could quickly get a local job - you cant if you wanna make big bucks) but i didnt want to quit the cdl plan, i wanted to give it a chance and get some driving experience, so I decided to go drive over the road.

It took me three months before I finally started my truck driving job after getting my license (now its mid 2024), I was very apprehensive to start because I didn’t want to lose a lot of the things that I came to know and enjoy. But during the three month break I started getting rid of everything and replacing it mentally with the new life i would have longterm. “ can’t wait to get a new car. Can’t wait to meet my new trucker friends. Can’t wait to start new hobbies because I won’t be able to play basketball every week anymore. Can’t wait to get a new girlfriend because I’ll meet someone who actually wants to believe in Dave Ramsey.” (My girlfriend at the time worked at Starbucks, had an art degree but was very money conscious and was a big saver, and on top of that everything else about her was amazing, but since she wasn’t gazelle intense, I decided I could live without her).

So I move in with her, but in the background I had a sex addiction (that I told no one else on the planet about) that I kept in check for the most part since we met, but combining that with the fact that she wasn’t gazelle intense and thus wasn’t going to be a partner for my biggest goal of my entire life, which was to become a millionaire by the time I was 40, I cheated. I cheated because of the sex addiction, and that was inevitable, but it was certainly something that was brought on by the lifestyle changes that would come too, and i blamed the cheating on “we were growing apart anyway”. Obviously i was a pos, but it was hard to process in the moment because i was so driven to get my goal, i didnt want to let potential depression and loss get in my way.

For a few months after I cheated, we broke up and we talked, but it was never the same. Meanwhile, I was around the country driving a truck saving up money just like I want to. After a few months of me starting, she met someone new and me and her didn’t talk anymore and I got extremely depressed. I still wanted to be with her tho. I was finally on the path to my goal, I wanted to tell her about it. I wanted to show her about it. I wanted to explain to her how much she means to me. I wanted to spend money on her. I wanted to improve her life and show her how retirement is possible even in today’s day and age I want to show her the math and the Dave Ramsey videos. I didn’t really enjoy trucking at all, but I enjoyed chasing the goal in a lot of ways. I would sit there while driving and just obsess about what ways I can cut spending in what ways I can do to increase my income.

But I got depressed and didn’t have any other pillars in my life to lean on at this point, I didn’t have my friends anymore because I hadn’t talk to them or seen them in person for almost 9 months I didn’t have my hobbies because I was always on the road, I didn’t have the new living place that I has just began sharing with her back home because we broke up and I moved out, i didnt get to see my family much, etc etc. after about nine months I quit trucking Because I could not focus enough to drive the truck safely, I needed professional mental help that point. I had saved up a total of $12,000 in nine months (at this point i had $15,000 total to my name, the most i ever had). During those nine months, I did not eat out one time I bought cheap, but healthy groceries and I didn’t do anything to spend money. I had no rent to pay. I had no car payment. I just wasn’t making money as a truck driver the way that I thought I would, so unfortunately, I only ended up with a $12,000 increase.

During this whole nine months of trucking, I was extremely depressed after I came off the road in early 2025 I blew all my money trying to cope. I got medicated and went to therapy after working a very low paying Uber routine. I did this for 6 months while i job searched. But at this point, I was living off credit cards and paying rent now and wasn’t making a lot of money and what not.

I blamed a lot of my problems on the fact that I got so obsessed with making money and a lot of that came from the ideas that I learned from watching Dave Ramsey. Obviously the sex addiction caused my break up, which was the biggest loss I’ve ever felt in my life, but i still resent the ideas of those videos because it felt like that mindset took a lot of my self away from myself.

So for the last year I have been living not very financially conscious, depression took its toll and job opportunities are scarce. However, I have been mentally stable for at least nine months and the last few I have been on a great medication that is having me operate at the highest level. So I feel like I do when I was in 2023 right when I was healthy, except I don’t have the love of my life I no longer have a car because it broke down, I’m in credit card debt now from the last 12 months just trying to survive from blowing my $15,000 (i spent it all on paying bills for random women, because i wanted long term to pay the bills for my ex but as we were together forever kind of thing, dumb so dumb), and I am broke as hell now and i actually make slightly less money than i did in 2023 at my low paying job i had before trucking.

I’m scared to get back into the world of Dave Ramsey because I’m too scared that I’m going to get more obsessed with money and lose some of the things I still value today because that’s what happened last time. Thanks.

I’m a shift manager making $17.50, the absolute best job I have been able to get is either like $19 an hour (or going long distance as a truck driver again but I got so depressed I am scared of doing that again for mental health reasons.) But even then that’s not much at $19 driving a box truck, at least I thoroughly enjoy my $17.50 an hour job plus it’s management experience which maybe in a few years I can leverage into a better job. I’ve job searched for a while for something better, but I’ve been needing money so bad I had to take something for now. I would hate to quit after a few weeks or months just to move to a similar paying job. My car died, I have $45 to my name living off credit cards to catch the bus and Ubers to work (sometimes the bus doesn’t come). It’s really too far to bike to work because of there being a highway and whatnot, but when I can buy one I’ll try it out.

But idk what I’m supposed to exactly do. After student loans, rent, and everything else (my budget is very lean and cut to almost as minimal as possible, my rent is $600 for example, cheapest in the city.)

But I might be able to save maybe $1500? Dollars a month or something, I have to start seeing some paychecks with this new job to really see what is possible.

But idk if I’ll be able to save $1500 or not right away, that’s best case.

My plan is to save for 3-6 months and buy a car with cash and just hope it lasts, but it’s exhausting and my motivation is a little down. Thanks.

I told her and she promptly left after a short while. I have since gotten help for it, and have more support and understanding for it.

Anyways my point of this post is that it’s so sad to seek help from others because I feel alone in the fact that most of the people I talk to, or the stories I read, the partners don’t leave, they stay.

“I get so much support from her and I love her for it” and blah blah blah, it’s exhausting, I don’t even go to SAA meetings anymore because it’s mostly porn addictions and guys who are in deep relationships.

My favorite person and the girl I wanted to spend forever with left, I hurt her because I couldn’t control myself, owned up to it instantly too, and I will never talk to her again and my life is forever on a different path. Lesson learned, but it still hurts me daily and it’s a lonely road.

In the 2 years, I’ve only met one guy who cheated and lost everything the way I did, and he had kids and cheated for over 10 months straight until he got caught. He also hasn’t seen his kids in years because of it and lost his successful business.

He’s the only person in the world I can relate to and he was just some stranger in a car. It’s lonely. I’m 28, I think about my ex more times in a day than I do about anything else overall, it’s been 2 years, and it’s lonely.

I am down to my last dollar after being let go (temp-to-hire job a few months ago. I looked for a “good job” but couldn’t find anything in my field. So u took one of the few other jobs that would hire me. I make $17.5 an hour now, but my car died the week before I was let go a few months ago so I have been bussing.

The bus runs to this new job, but sometimes it’s finicky. I have to walk 20 minutes to the stop, and it only runs once an hour, it will drop me off 45 minutes early to my job because that’s when the route show up, I have changing a schedule and time every day, the bus doesn’t run late nights home when I close, and I work weekends at the bus doesn’t run on the weekends past the morning (my job opens at 12pm).

With that said, I have barely been able to get ANY other job, and I need this money now to not get kicked out.

I just wonder if there’s ANY options, and none of my new coworkers live near me, plus everyone’s shift if different anyways to that’s not reliable.

I like the job so that’s a plus. Thanks.

After years of depression, in mid 2023 I had a mental break, was let go from my job and went into 30 hrs per week of therapy. After three months, I “graduated” and I was an amazing version of myself, the best version I had ever been.

I quickly (but at the same time slowly and thoughtfully) built an incredible life, got into an amazing relationship, and thrived. Many habits formed in therapy then are still with me.

After about 5 months, I slowly stopped caring about keeping it all afloat (thinking there has to be more to life than this boring mundane day to day living) and got extremely obsessed with making money, stopped doing my hobbies and stuff to take classes to become a truck driver (which was so random for me, but hey big bucks right?), and fell into my vices over time to cope with not doing my hobbies and such, and eventually gave into my sex addiction and cheated on my partner like a loser.

I also became a trucker driver the same week we broke up. So then I got solo, with a new and unstable lifestyle, no hobbies, no friends, no love of my life, depression, grief, everything. Easily the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

This was fall 2024, and luckily I survived.

It’s been 1.5 years since that time period and I’ve barely recovered. I have been medicated for months, but I just don’t have that same “attract things that are meant for you” feeling that I did have in mid-late 2023 after all the therapy. I’m a positive and nice person, I really try to help people, and I try to take good steps for me too, but nothing is sticking. In 2023 everything went my way. That’s why I met a great partner. In 2026, things objectively are not going my way even if I try to frame them like they are.

I wasted all the $15k money I saved from trucking after I quit mid depression in early 2025 on some random local girl off Facebook, thinking she would be my true friend if I did that, as I needed a true friend cuz I was lonely, and I just ended up broke and in debt and she recently ghosted me anyways.

I have an objectively shitty life, (no job, but I’m about to start a basic one), and I go to therapy weekly with a new therapist but it’s truly not enough.

I don’t know what to actually do. A job isn’t going to save me, neither is a single hobby, or a girl, or even praying. I need a full life again, but it’s SO HARD TO REBUILD. Like it was only built up because my mind set was that of an ideal therapist’s patients dream, and EVEN THAT COLLAPSED IN ON ITSELF WITHIN A YEAR in humiliating fashion.

I’m depressed but I’m not like, FEELING depressed. My life is just so miserable and boring I’m in a loop, it it’s not easy to break. A good 30 minute walk might help me have a good evening, but then I fall back into the same bullshit again for like a day or two, and the cycle repeats.

The easy solution is “break the cycle” but like nothing is sticking like it did back in 2023.

I (28m) have struggled to have decent income. I was let go from a $24 per hour temp job after 90 days and haven’t found anything in a few months. Before that I was ubering, and before that truck driving, before that serving, and before that in a call center.

I have a final interview to start at a Go-Kart place as a crew manager for $17 an hour. Assuming I’ll get the job, the first hiring guy almost assured me, the last round is just a 15 minute phone call with the owner. If I don’t get enough hours after a few weeks or something, I will quit and go be a waiter or something else where I can get 40 hours.

I have not been able to FIND ANYTHING with my business Bachelor’s Degree in months (thru the temp agency, but it’s been years before that) so I’m starting to question its validity and value (go back to school? But for what?). And honestly I have not been able to find ANY job. this sounds lazy, and it’s not like I have sat there for 16 hours a day for the last 3 months, but I’ve truly applied for EVERYTHING, serving positions, McDonald’s positions, and every single relevant job I could find on indeed in my area and even the jobs people have recommended to me. I just keep applying and keep getting rejected. But anyways.

With that said, hopefully I get this Go Kart job, I only have a few hundred dollars left.

ALSO my car engine died and I had to scrap it back in February - I am stuck with buses and Ubers.

I am a guy in the US, 28m, 5’7”, fit, with a very confident and out going personality that I’ve came to develop. I am very comfortable talking to anyone in any situation, from job interviews to a new girlfriends parents. My social skills are one of my better traits, and I am mostly a positive and energized type of social person.

There’s a lot of girls my height and shorter out there that date and have flings with guys my height, and some taller that will too so I don’t find height to be an issue at all personally, although some of you might say this can be an issue naturally. I am told my friends and girls that I’m handsome and have a nice body, I’m not no model, but I dress well, style my hair well, etc etc. Now I am a fairly nice and polite person day to day, many of us are, but I can “turn it on” tho, get flirty, play hard to get at times if the situation calls for it and whatnot, etc, and can do confident things with women in situations that call for it, make plans, cold approach etc etc etc. However my gut tells me this is my downfall, like I’m still too positive and youthful, not immature but sort of like very optimistic, but internally I truly find it as a strength and if the “right people come along to appreciate it” then it makes it even better, but seems like I don’t get the same reciprocation when I walk around optimistic, except for friend building (doesn’t help with girls so I have toned it back a little bit).

I went to the club alone the last couple of weeks, had some drinks, and talked to a bunch of girls, danced with many, kissed one (even went home and ended up cuddled for the night), and overall was very outgoing with the women I came across, both while I was tipsy and sober. Very few girls overall were feeling me (I think that kind of comes with the superficial-ness of the club), but I was always able to surround my self with some sort of people, girls and guys, and had some decent convos beyond just giving names, but most were a 2 minute dance then they would kind of fizzle out, ya know. They wouldn’t like be feeling me too much, you can tell, it was giving “hey dancing friend, hey bar friend” vibes despite me flirting and being outgoing without being too cringe or anything imo, lol. So I would move on until I found someone who vibes more. Maybe a lot of the girls truly just came there to dance, but I believe a lady at the club in general is open to being attracted to the right guy. Many girls are open and looking I find.

I also talked to a bunch of guys and offered to be a wingman and stuff. That comes really easy, some guys are so scared and i remember when I was like that, so I try to help if they want.

Anyways, as a man I have hobbies and a pretty fulfilled life for what it is. I’m secure in myself. I like to tell people about myself, I am proud of myself. I play volleyball, make music, go to the gym a lot, cook, go on adventures around my city, enjoy my career field, have friends, etc. Obviously not every girl gets that info from me, I don’t like info bomb people trying to impress them or anything, depends on how the convo goes, but my point of this post I’m writing is that despite my overall confidence and best attempts, nothing sticks with these girls. I don’t ONLY meet girls at the club or through cold approaching, but my hobbies haven’t better me much. Sometimes I can seem a little desperate and chase and that never works, but I’m a human so sometimes my nerves get the best of me, usually I’m a socially adept person though.

I’m a kind person first and foremost, and maybe girls just see that as unattractive, but like thats just who I am. I’m not shy and mysterious naturally, I’m not a tough guy who has an edgy personality, although I try to add that kind of stuff into myself at times to have a more well rounded personality. Have fun with it, ya know.

I naturally start my conversations with a similar or maybe +-10% more energy than they have, sort of go with the vibe tho. Not a lot of people are like that I find. There’s a lot of chill people, a lot of pretty people who are in their own world too, but not a lot of “sunshine” people. It’s easy to make friends for me, but even with my best flirting and leading and talking, girls just don’t naturally feel magnetic too much at all, if that makes sense, I swear, despite me being myself and even trying to be mysterious and what not. But I’ve seen like shy guys have girls, I’ve met self proclaimed “gangsters” (lol) get girls out of their league at these clubs, and all types of guys have what looks and sounds like success. I meet guys that have two girlfriends, a girlfriend and a wife, guys who go out and leave their girlfriends at home despite being in relationships, like ALL types of stuff that just blows me away.

But obviously not every guy gets a girl like that. It’s like they either come with a group that has girls, but the ones who don’t, seem too shy and dance alone, or the girls just magnetize themselves to them (because they’re just being themselves), no inbetween. The wall flowers don’t have great success I come to find, so I choose to not be a wall flower. I also just be myself too, abundance mindset, and after self reflections, I feel like I should be in the latter category, the outgoing successful with ladies, type of category. When I chase, it doesn’t work too well, so I try not to chase, just vibe from one lady to the next, letting the wind take me, just being myself

I meet guys in the club all the time with gorgeous girls who have such wild stories that never happen to me.

Random guy I met last night: “we met recently, She ghosted me three weeks ago, then randomly unghosted me and now we go out a lot.” There’s a lot of evidence I find that girls will do a lot of interesting stuff to get the guy they want. Meanwhile no girls chase me like that, except for the girls I’m just not attracted to at all, unfortunately. The girls attracted to me seem to be really shy and modest, which is great! I love that personality (my ex had this personality and it was awesome), But that’s the trend I find and the type of girls I attract, but within that I legitimately don’t find these specific girls I’ve met attractive (sometimes even for superficial reasons, I’m not perfect), unfortunately for different reason so I kind of let them know without being a jackass too. No random ghosting from my end. But the cute ones, the ones that initially peek my interest for all types of reasons, are the ones I can’t get attraction from. And I don’t treat them any differently.

I had one ex (aka one relationship) in the last 6 years, and she chased me hardcore pretty quickly (didn’t love bomb) that I was attracted to and quickly chased back to reciprocate the energy, but she never was in a relationship and was shy before, so I think she was very excited for a chance and absolutely came to adore me right away for just being a normal person. (We kissed the first night we met after a very cheap and fun date, made it to her place, planned to go to her friends wedding in three weeks, and she didn’t flake or anything. Note: we tried to talk years before while in college for a week, but it fizzled. She said this was very important factor because I wasn’t a complete stranger). Anyways she’s out of the picture but I have felt what it’s like to be met half way and it’s amazing.

Girls that I’m attracted to, who I feel like are in my league (some are certainly out of my league, but hey shooters shoot, I don’t take rejection personally and it builds confidence) don’t ever do that kind of stuff towards me, at least not yet, and I truly don’t get it. It’s been months if not years.

I’m not no 10/10 but I’m definitely a good package deal I feel. Plenty friends, girls and guys say “yea idk what’s wrong with you, maybe just try not focusing on going out and trying to date or have flings, just focus on yourself right now” but I don’t like want to like, stop looking for opportunities I want. I do focus on myself everyday. I do want to go out, be social with everybody from the grocery store to the clubs, see were things go with people, make friends, have relationships etc etc. I find companionship to be very enjoyable. And so I do that and don’t find anything wrong with it. It develops me as a person in a lot of healthy ways, even if their is some lows that come with it at times, especially as a solo guy that goes out. That’s hard!!!! I am proud of myself for that.

Side note, I also romantically talk to trans women sometimes, and have enjoyed dating them, and with all due respect, I find that they generally have lesser dating options, and they seem to see as a more attractive guy in the dating pool, and give me more chances and chase me more in general. I feel like I am more attractive person in this context, and that has been backed by more relationships, friendships and flings than with cis women. Not every attractive trans girl reciprocates my vibe, but definitely more than the cis women I talk to. No hate ment, just years of observation. My point is that I feel what it’s like to be chased. Also guys chase me too, so there’s some confidence boost there too, lol.

Long winded post, but there’s a lot here, hopefully this post is allowed here and can stir discussion, and maybe I can even be given tips. I will try not to be defensive and take all criticism. Thanks dating_advice.

I have a 4 year degree in Business (with some engineering studies tacked into the title of the degree but I’m not an engineer) with a few engineering classes taken and a dual major in supply chain and project management studies.

My main “career” so far has been in Supply Chain, but its lack luster. I have not been able to get a relevant full time position for years.

I was in a trucking call center for 9 months until I had to take a medical leave (due to mental health) and they let me go.

Then I was a server at a retirement home for a year.

Then I became a truck driver because I couldn’t find a better job than my serving job and wanted to improve my life.

Then trucking was horribly depressing for me (plus I went through a break up) so I had to quit after 10 months due to safety reasons (mental distractions are the most dangerous issues for truck drivers and even with therapy I could not get out of my severe depression and I REALLY didn’t want to crash the truck or kill someone. Quitting was a good decision as it allowed me to get in-person therapy, get medicated, and calm down and get mental clarity last summer. I am now operating at a 10/10 mentally).

Then I got an actual good relevant temp job last November (supply chain data work) but they didn’t sign me on full time after the 90 days and my temp agent who WAS AMAZING at helping quit the job and field a month before I was finished working. And my new agent didn’t help me at all and hasn’t responded to my emails in 2 months while I’ve been unemployed (and his boss hasn’t responded either. I never met them in person either).

Side note: I have fluffed the HELL out of my resume. Some experience on there is a little “Covid shut us down” type of experience, so I’m really trying to maximize my resume despite my experience. I am relatively good at interviewing as well, confident and I can relate every single job in some way to the job I am applying for, every-time. I mentioned how trucking is relevant to my McDonald’s interview for example.

Now I’m taking the only job I can get, it’s either McDonald’s or working at a go kart place as a shift manager. The shift manager job pays $17 an hour at 35 hours a week + tips from patrons and parties.

Please note: I have my CDL but I do not have a year of experience which is required to get a local truck driving job. Local jobs WILL NOT accept 10 months experience and since it’s been a year, my timeline has reset and I would need to drive for 12 more months straight around the country and while I am considering it because it’s easy to save cash in the bank (I saved $9,000 in three months when I finally got my higher paying trucking job 7 months into my experience) I am terribly scarred from my last experience (dangerous, lonely, depressive, physically demanding to the point of exhaustion, shower 3 times a week max, etc). Note I did the math and I averaged about $22 dollars an hour after taxes per week, $27 before taxes, not considering the weeks when my truck was broke down. 70-75 hours per week to get an average of $1400 after taxes. Not bad at all money wise, but trucking is a HARD lifestyle for me.

Also my car engine died the week I was let go from the Data Job (2 months ago), and I didn’t (and don’t) have any money to get a new car. (I basically had to scrap it, and got $500.) I am down to my last $1,000 and have had to live off a credit card. It sucks but I have job searched for 1.5 months seriously and haven’t gotten ANYONE to hire me, despite 5-6 interviews. So I have no car and have to bus everywhere including work. This makes having a second job almost impossible unless I find a Goldilocks situation.

As a last resort I could go into sales but that is also irrelevant to my career path, so it’s a moot point, but it would be short term survival.

I don’t even know what to do to improve my career. Let’s say I stay at this Go Kart job for all year or two, to keep myself alive while I rebuild my life (car, get an apartment with privacy, tackle some basic debt etc etc) I’m going to be 6 years removed from graduating with barely an experience, and I’ll be 30 years old. Also the Go Kart job is nights and weekends, this can be an advantage or disadvantage.

Living with family is not an option. My expenses after rent, minimum debt, and food, phone are maybe $1,100 a month.

I have paper-napkin-math considered going back to school and learning a healthcare role, but that’s not exactly something I am interested in deeply considering the cost of school (although through a community college I could get into something like nuclear medicine fairly cheaply, graduate in 2 years for an associates degree which would still get me a license to practice, while studying spring, summers and falls) and maybe get out making above $30 an hour with potential to grow. But that’s a big commitment.

Finally, all my savings went to get my CDL and then when I quit trucking, all the money I saved, I blew on women and getting into an apartment to try and cure my depression. I blew $15,000 in about 7 weeks last spring and have severe regrets about that. But I have learned that mental stability can keep my from falling into a hole like that again.

WWYD?