u/Kitchen_Increase1970

I feel really not hot as a lesbian and have been considering I might be trans transmasc.

I feel like I can't live up to what lesbians want me to dress like and act like. Lots of high fashion choices, still girly inside, have masc hobbies but not too masc, etc. have the sort of butch haircut either wolf cut or that shaved edgy sides. Be a hey mamas confident lesbian when out.

I've always felt self conscious about how I look and now I think it's not only body dysmorphia but also gender. How I act and my hobbies. How I carry myself. Penis envy. Wishing I had the V taper line body, etc.

I'm someone who dressess like your straight male cousin with a bit of a West coast vibe and maybe it's where I live but I just feel invisible to everyone else with tons of piercings and rings, and laced doc martins, etc. that's just not me. I'm to bro-ey compared to butch. I'm too boring compared to eccentric There's different vibes.

Maybe I'm not lesbian? Maybe I'm just a trans man? I feel like if I were a guy I'd have more confidence and people wouldn't brush me off as she's butch and still can't act or dress lesbian enough or lesbian coded.

How do I feel less invisible? I feel like no woman would wanna date me or see me more than just a cool friend.

I'm kinda shy. I'm more of a let's hit the pub, go to the beach, relax in the park, hit the gym, throw a football around, kinda dude than a let's hit the club.

Where can I find people to hangout with that are transmasc here in NYC that doesn't surround drinking and/or drugs?

For the longest time I was tomboy, then tried to be femme, then chapstick, then butch, and now I'm coming into myself as transmasc and really accepting that I'm trans inside.

But on the outside as well, I never realized the body dysmorphia I was and still am having is due to gender dysphoria as well!

I never really felt totally at home seeing butch lesbians be really fit and muscular, I was still envious but nothing scream I wanna look that.

That is until I found the gym and trans masc gymfluencers. God they're so hot, and man do I wanna have a body like them!

I'm not on T right now, but I workout 6x a week and have little visible results despite being an athlete my whole life. Trying to fit into the feminine constructs of athleticism always felt off to me, and now I know why.

Dam to think I can go on T and get visible muscle, and begin to get the V shape, and be able to dress like a dude and feel valid for that... 🤌 That's all :)

For the longest time I was tomboy, then tried to be femme, then chapstick, then butch, and now I'm coming into myself as transmasc and really accepting that I'm trans inside.

But on the outside as well, I never realized the body dysmorphia I was and still am having is due to gender dysphoria as well!

I never really felt totally at home seeing butch lesbians be really fit and muscular, I was still envious but nothing scream I wanna look that.

That is until I found the gym and trans masc gymfluencers. God they're so hot, and man do I wanna have a body like them!

I'm not on T right now, but I workout 6x a week and have little visible results despite being an athlete my whole life. Trying to fit into the feminine constructs of athleticism always felt off to me, and now I know why.

Dam to think I can go on T and get visible muscle, and begin to get the V shape, and be able to dress like a dude and feel valid for that... 🤌 That's all :)

I've been exploring my gender identity and I think I've come to the realization I'm transmasc in some flavor.

I've always chosen male characters, done male things, and preferred male style and chivalry. I dress highly cis male (not queer fashion at all if that makes sense), and I'm starting to feel more and more comfortable socially as I pass 90% of the time out in public.

I'm definitely not cis, but I'm still figuring out whether I'm trans ftm or NB. I have a hard time having to possibly leave the lesbian community since it's been my safe space for years and I'm hesitant to be thrown in cis male culture completely. The lockeroom talk, the broing each other up in toxic way, and the loneliness all scare me. But I do feel too male too be a butch lesbian in the way I dress and wanna look like, but hesitant to go all in.

How did others figure out transitioning fully was the way to go and how'd they assimilate, did they leave the queer community (as in completely assimilate into cis culture)?

I'm transmasc NB, I'm in the weird in-between where I'm not on HRT, look too masc for lesbians and too femme for cis women since I'm not on T.

The apps kinda suck for me. What're your secrets to navigate dating as trans? This is all so new to me.

I'm transmasc NB, I'm in the weird in-between where I'm not on HRT, look too masc for lesbians and too femme for cis women since I'm not on T.

The apps kinda suck for me. What're your secrets to navigate dating as trans? This is all so new to me.

I'm NB and beginning my transition journey slowly but surely, and I wanna find inspo in other Asian guys who've gone through this. There's so many white dudes but not as many asians.

Where y'all at?

EDIT: seeing y'all reply is making me so happy, thanks y'all!

I feel like there's very few Asian transmascs/ftm out there.

When I try to find inspiration in beginning my transition journey it's mostly white dudes, which is great and I'm so happy I've found them, but the way scars heal, and not having white male privilege is a very real thing and that's when I remember and I then realize I ain't white, I'm short, and I'm well... Asian.

Are there any of you out there, my Asian homies? What's up!

I feel like there's very few Asian transmascs/ftm out there.

When I try to find inspiration in beginning my transition journey it's mostly white dudes, which is great and I'm so happy I've found them, but the way scars heal, and not having white male privilege is a very real thing and that's when I remember and I then realize I ain't white, I'm short, and I'm well... Asian.

Are there any of you out there, my Asian homies? What's up!

Too straight for the gays, too gay for the straights

I don't know where else to post this as I'm kinda in-between rn. I'm having a hard time dating and I'm figuring out my gender and gender expression.

I'm right now she/they but I feel like how I'm dressing is matching more of a male appearance. I've been slowly realizing I might be trans in some flavor or another, and I'm in that weird transition phase with having terrible body dysmorphia and trying to dress more guy like but also still being in lesbian spaces and currently identifying as one.

Currently I'm very surfer boy aesthetic for casual and old money surf ish type for going out. Flip flops or vans, jeans or khaki like shorts, tshirt or button down with a cap, little jewelry. And then at night, trousers with a button down with a necklace and a few rings.

The nyc lesbians online have expressed I'm too tech bro in my outfits. I don't wanna change how I dress, but it's clearly not doing me any good for the dating scene. And it's hard because I just am not attracted to dressing with a bunch of rings and see thru shirts and a bunch of gothy makeup. Makes me feel really inadequate, ON TOP OF trying to figure my gender out and not being accepted into either grp (lesbian or trans atm).

I thought I was cis but I'm examining now my behaviors and how I dress and how I go about the world and that I may be trans or NB at the very least.

Any advice? I'm like going thru an identity crisis 😭🥲🥹

Too straight for the gays, too gay for the straights

Too straight for the gays, too gay for the straights

I don't know where else to post this as I'm kinda in-between rn. I'm having a hard time dating and I'm figuring out my gender and gender expression.

I'm right now she/they but I feel like how I'm dressing is matching more of a male appearance. I've been slowly realizing I might be trans in some flavor or another, and I'm in that weird transition phase with having terrible body dysmorphia and trying to dress more guy like but also still being in lesbian spaces and currently identifying as one.

Currently I'm very surfer boy aesthetic for casual and old money surf ish type for going out. Flip flops or vans, jeans or khaki like shorts, tshirt or button down with a cap, little jewelry. And then at night, trousers with a button down with a necklace and a few rings.

The nyc lesbians online have expressed I'm too tech bro in my outfits. I don't wanna change how I dress, but it's clearly not doing me any good for the dating scene. And it's hard because I just am not attracted to dressing with a bunch of rings and see thru shirts and a bunch of gothy makeup. Makes me feel really inadequate, ON TOP OF trying to figure my gender out and not being accepted into either grp (lesbian or trans atm).

I thought I was cis but I'm examining now my behaviors and how I dress and how I go about the world and that I may be trans or NB at the very least.

Any advice? I'm like going thru an identity crisis and hate myself for this flip flopping back and forth 😭🥲🥹

I absolutely love my family. They're all super supportive of me being lesbian and all that came with that.

But I'm worried as I figure my gender out and realizing I may be on the trans or nb and I don't know how to deal with telling my immediate family about pronouns and hrt and any of that if I do choose to come out.

I don't have a mom anymore and my dad means so much to me. My dad in particular was rlly nice about me being lesbian but I don't think he fully understands lesbianism let alone being trans. He dead names people sometimes, and mockingly used they/them when trying to explain about his best friends daughter dating a NB person.

I thought he was really open but maybe that's the line of his liberalism? I just don't know or feel comfy coming out, not that he'd do anything or disown me. But I feel like I'd loose the last part of myself in his eyes, his perfect princess. I know he already felt his world shatter a bit when I came out as lesbian cuz it wasn't what he had envisioned for me.

How do you go about telling family, and friends, and long time neighbors, etc. it seems scary and embarrassing. I don't know how to tackle this topic.

I absolutely love my family. They're all super supportive of me being lesbian and all that came with that.

But I'm worried as I figure my gender out and realizing I may be on the trans/nb and I don't know how to deal with telling my immediate family about pronouns and hrt and any of that if I do choose to come out.

I don't have a mom anymore and my dad means so much to me. My dad in particular was rlly nice about me being lesbian but I don't think he fully understands lesbianism let alone being trans. He dead names people sometimes, and mockingly used they/them when trying to explain about his best friends daughter dating a NB person.

I thought he was really open but maybe that's the line of his liberalism? I just don't know or feel comfy coming out, not that he'd do anything or disown me. But I feel like I'd loose the last part of myself in his eyes, his perfect princess. I know he already felt his world shatter a bit when I came out as lesbian cuz it wasn't what he had envisioned for me.

How do you go about telling family, and friends, and long time neighbors, etc. it seems scary and embarrassing. I don't know how to tackle this topic.