u/KneezMz

Perguntas da noite que eu não sei responder mas minha psicóloga perguntou para mim

If it's offline, Blizzard can't find you, if they can't find you, they don't know... duh

Note: MtF (?), 29yo, level 2 autistic, posted in another subreddit looking for an answer.

Basically, I’ve lived my whole life in this male body: people refer to me as “he” or “his,” but internally I refer to myself as “she” or “hers.”. I don't mind people saying he/him, it is what I look like externally to them... :shrug: I realized I can't just walk up to someone and force them to correct themselves and use my correct pronouns when I myself don't look like who I really want to be. It has to come naturally. I know I'll be who I want to be when an elderly woman comes up to me and asks, “Why is such a pretty girl wearing men's clothes?”.

I always have this question in my head: “If I tell my life story, will people be able to tell if I’m really trans? Because I’m not entirely sure, but I believe I am.”

I’m emotionally sensitive to everything plus autism; I was born XXY (Klinefelter syndrome, infertile, low testosterone); I love stuffed animals and cute stuff online; I almost never leave the house (except for work and the gym); I love gaming, I don’t know how to apply makeup (though I’m open to learning if I need to), I’ve worn painted nails in public, I have women’s clothes at home that I wear in the summer, every week I’m talking to my therapist about transitioning in a very discreet way, and I dated a man who made me think if I was really gay, after thinking the whole time I'm a woman trapped in a man’s body.

When I was a kid, I remember one specific incident that I thought was really unfair to me: We were at a school party, and the teacher asked us to put on our school T-shirts to help out with an event. In the classroom, she handed us T-shirts and told us to change into them. It took me a while to change because I kept asking myself: Why did the girls can go to the bathroom to take off their T-shirts, but I can’t? What’s different about me that they can do it and I can’t? They thought it was just me being fussy for wanting to go to the bathroom to do that; they wouldn’t let me go. I was so embarrassed to do it that I did it behind the door. The teachers laughed at me, saying, “Stop being so fussy, boy” and the girls kept pressuring me to take off my T-shirt. (That was in 2007; I was 10 years old.). No idea why this memory stuck in my mind, been thinking about the trans question since 2014-2015.

Around 2012, I didn’t understand anything about pride; I became a terrible person (I was prejudiced) and wouldn’t accept anything. When I started high school in 2013, I met someone let’s just say that was when this person introduced me to the pride community.

In late 2015 and early 2016 after school, I started taking English classes (I live in Brazil) and met someone (religious gay man). I was 19 at the time, and… I’m very proud to say I dated this dear man, with whom I shared a beautiful love story. Unfortunately, I moved to another country and had to end the relationship. But he lives in my heart, and all those memories are cherished forever. <3.

Between 2016 and 2020, I felt that I was bi, but one thing didn’t quite made sense: if I’d never dated a woman (I always tried, but never succeeded cry emoji), then how could I be bi?

In 2021, I remembered this old high school classmate who showed me the ways and who has always been a trans man. So I went to check out his livestreams to see what they were like. In 2012, I was very skeptical about hormones, and years later I was surprised when I saw him. I thought: “Wow, this hormone thing really works.”

2022+ It's basically me trying to figure out.

Note: MtF (?), 29yo, level 2 autistic.

Basically, I’ve lived my whole life in this male body: people refer to me as “he” or “his,” but internally I refer to myself as “she” or “hers.”. I don't mind people saying he/him, it is what I look like externally to them... :shrug: I realized I can't just walk up to someone and force them to correct themselves and use my correct pronouns when I myself don't look like who I really want to be. It has to come naturally. I know I'll be who I want to be when an elderly woman comes up to me and asks, “Why is such a pretty girl wearing men's clothes?”.

I always have this question in my head: “If I tell my life story, will people be able to tell if I’m really trans? Because I’m not entirely sure, but I believe I am.”

I’m emotionally sensitive to everything plus autism; I was born XXY (Klinefelter syndrome, infertile, low testosterone); I love stuffed animals and cute stuff online; I almost never leave the house (except for work and the gym); I love gaming, I don’t know how to apply makeup (though I’m open to learning if I need to), I’ve worn painted nails in public, I have women’s clothes at home that I wear in the summer, every week I’m talking to my therapist about transitioning in a very discreet way, and I dated a man who made me think if I was really gay, after thinking the whole time I'm a woman trapped in a man’s body.

When I was a kid, I remember one specific incident that I thought was really unfair to me: We were at a school party, and the teacher asked us to put on our school T-shirts to help out with an event. In the classroom, she handed us T-shirts and told us to change into them. It took me a while to change because I kept asking myself: Why did the girls can go to the bathroom to take off their T-shirts, but I can’t? What’s different about me that they can do it and I can’t? They thought it was just me being fussy for wanting to go to the bathroom to do that; they wouldn’t let me go. I was so embarrassed to do it that I did it behind the door. The teachers laughed at me, saying, “Stop being so fussy, boy” and the girls kept pressuring me to take off my T-shirt. (That was in 2007; I was 10 years old.). No idea why this memory stuck in my mind, been thinking about the trans question since 2014-2015.

Around 2012, I didn’t understand anything about pride; I became a terrible person (I was prejudiced) and wouldn’t accept anything. When I started high school in 2013, I met someone let’s just say that was when this person introduced me to the pride community.

In late 2015 and early 2016 after school, I started taking English classes (I live in Brazil) and met someone (religious gay man). I was 19 at the time, and… I’m very proud to say I dated this dear man, with whom I shared a beautiful love story. Unfortunately, I moved to another country and had to end the relationship. But he lives in my heart, and all those memories are cherished forever. <3.

Between 2016 and 2020, I felt that I was bi, but one thing didn’t quite made sense: if I’d never dated a woman (I always tried, but never succeeded cry emoji), then how could I be bi?

In 2021, I remembered this old high school classmate who showed me the ways and who has always been a trans man. So I went to check out his livestreams to see what they were like. In 2012, I was very skeptical about hormones, and years later I was surprised when I saw him. I thought: “Wow, this hormone thing really works.”

2022+ It's basically me trying to figure out.