u/Last-Comfortable-599

I'm a physician, and soon to be first time Mom! ...I also have T2DM and PCOS, which means I need to pay attention to my health. And also from a culture with patriarchial norms...

My question is, how do you guys do it? We can afford maybe a weekly cleaner, but that doesnt substitute for daily tasks. Things like preparing breakfast, lunch, and dinner, everyday. Cleaning the kitchen afterward. Making the bed. The laundry (we live in a big city, high COL, and NO in unit laundry). Washing the dishes (we have no dishwasher in this stupid apt). I want to be a present mom. Sure, hire some help part of the time, but I want my kid to know me. Work is demanding as ever, being expected to see late and walk in patients and being available to them 24/7 despite only being really paid or contracted for 50 hours a week. Later this summer my in laws are coming, and from a country where they had maids do everything. I'm sure they'll be visiting time and time again. I dont know how to balance work and childcare with their daily chores. Their maid back at home did daily mopping, dishes, laundry-cooked 3 fresh meals everyday...it's exhausting for me to do here all alone, on TOP OF my job as a doc.

I simply dont know how I'll balance it all. Would love any and all advice.

I just wanna say, that I really appreciate this show. Even though it's a drama, it's so realistic and realistically made. The female leads-Minah, Saniya, Farheen...are all so carefully thought out!

As a female doctor myself I can vouch for the details of that show being very accurate. Agreed not in every case but def in mine and many people that I know. Saniya's mother is spot on how many girls' mothers actually are (def mine)

I do wish Salman was a stronger character though. His insecurities really take away from his character.

I'm a physician, married to a physician, and expecting our first kid soon. Excited, but also wondering how to make it all work.

People have said, hire cleaners. But that probably is only affordable once a week or biweekly, not everyday. And no cleaner I've found ever does laundry. How do you handle work + childcare + laundry + meals? In pregnancy, the meal part is exhausting me. Takeout is not healthy, so I try to not rely on that, but then it's really difficult. Packing lunches everyday. Making breakfast + dinner. Did you guys have favorite meal prep recipes you liked?

People also say hire good childcare-which we will-but I also want to be there for my child somewhat, not just have him or her raised entirely by someone else.

To make it worse...every job I'm interviewing for now expects you to work as if you have no kids. When they see I'm showing, they get alarmed. I've been asked how I'd feel, working after having a baby. I've been asked if I plan to have more kids and WHEN. These questions make me want to give up on my career. It's insane how we're expected to work as if we have no kids, yet also handle a household and do everything.

I'm a 30F. Growing up, my parents emphasized education and hard work, I even brought up that if I were to do medicine it may be hard to be a domestic goddess bahu but they said "Cross that bridge when you get there. For now, only education".

Sure enough, I'm a doctor. But...my parents nag me incessantly to be submissive bahu. They insist I cook for my husband 3 times/day and get mad when I don't. They insist when in laws come I dress in sari everyday, cook even fancier 5-course meals, and act totally, totally submissive to them and my husband. What they say must rule. I'm not allowed to express any opinions. If they want me to be their house maid, so be it-I have no say. But also, I still have to work full time as a doctor 60 h/week. They over analyze anything in laws say, extract meaning from their words that isnt there (MIL may casually say in passing she hasn't spoken to me last 3 days and ask how I am-parents translate that to I'm a horrible DIL for not spending hour on the phone with them everyday. MIL states her son my husband doesnt speak to them much, parents ream me for not MAKING UP FOR HIM and talking to them instead everyday. husband is upset I didnt come home and do laundry/dishes and my parents ream me. My in laws themselves dont feed my parents bad info, but my parents call them adn try to seek it out

Any other girls relate? It's kind of a betraying feeling when your own parents do this. To this day, not once are they concerned-how is their daughter faring, working 60 hour weeks and then coming home to do endless chores and cooking, not taking care of her health? They just throw a fuss that I'm not sanskaari enough.

Is there ever a way to be "good enough"? In your 30s, career is demanding. Pressure to be a good parent. And also, to be as good a bahu as someone in the 1920s who didn't have work pressure on them.

Husband and I are both doctors (30ish). I can't shake off the irritation that so many women hit on my husband. He's a well accomplished, good looking doctor, but makes it clear that he's married (I'm also recently pregnant). Our pics are everywhere on his social media and he brings me to his work gatherings (where plus ones are invited).

But despite all this-there is a solid clan of single women in his workplace, all doctors in their late 20s/early 30s-who hit on him. They call him late at night on the pretext of work, but then change the topic and flirt. There are some of them who insist on carpooling with him (one on one) to work events. I've seen flirtatious messages on his phone from them. He doesnt initiate or flirt back however is very friendly. But they keep at it. He's a nice guy and truly naive when it comes to this. There is a girl who has asked him out to lunch and dinner one on one and he, thinking her just a friend, accepted...but with the context of her other behavior it's not just a friend!! a few years ago in residency we had a similar situation where he kept giving the girl benefit of doubt being friendly to her, she was sending him such flirty messages, eventually once when my parents were visiting she tried her moves on him and my parents got super offended.

How do I cope? I trust my husband not to truly cheat, but he's naive and friendly and will unfortunately entertain such flirtiness thinking that everyone is as innocent as him. I'm pregnant, last thing I need is this extra stress. why can't girls just back off married men?!

I'm terrified of being hyperglycemic again. I'm on metformin 500 BID. really dont want to go on insulin if I dont have to, the doctor said it would basically "make you fat and make the baby fat". Ofc, if it must be done I will but...

anyone else here been in a similar boat and if so what did you do to prevent complications and spikes in pregnancy?

I'm a 30F female and a doctor. I aim to have a balanced diet. Also diabetic so that plays a role...but in general, even with my non diabetic family members I discuss the importance of a balanced diet. Avoid excessive sweets, some is ok. Important to have veggies, fiber and protein. Not to do away entirely with carbs (roti and rice)-but also, dont have in excess. I personally am non vegetarian, but I fully respect anyone who is vegetarian and know there are vegetarian sources of protein too.

My parents, for the most part, actually listen to me on this aspect.

My husband and I struggle with the in laws, though. They dont believe in modern medicine and rarely go to doctors for check ups. Their diet is very heavily carb based, not balanced. I'd say 60% of it is just rice and roti, with the other 20% being a very tiny amount of vegetables, and...20% sweets. every single day, they eat ice cream and force me to eat it too. they are non veg but do not actually eat chicken much which is fine.

the weird thing is...they tell hubby and I we are unhealthy, for eating salads everyday (that its not as good as cooked subzi), and for eating chicken everyday (not from a religious aspect, but rather the belief that all meat even lean meat is unhealthy). they think they are SO HEALTHY just bc they dont eat meat more than once a month-but unhealthy food can be so much more. again none of this is religiously based. it's just a belief in certain food being bad vs good.

but in all reality-how to convince elders to be healthy? not sure going to a doc would help when hubby and I are docs ourselves and not listened to...

Just interested in what people have to say, as I've heard varying things. This post is just meant to foster discussion, not sarcasm or anything like that.

I know Wills has one. By this I mean a dedicated Ophthalmology ED or Urgent Care that's open extended hours and staffed by Ophthalmologists as well as nurses who are also trained to do tech work? One, depending on demand and acuity, with imaging capabilities?

I say this because I do feel that there are many emergencies, or situations that COULD be emergencies, in Ophtho. I am a newer provider (~1 year), in an area with several established Ophthalmologists who are booked out months in advance. Everyday I have people who are unable to see their own emergencies and send them to me and now 50% of my patient panel daily is same-day or 1-2 day emergency/emergency rule outs, mostly from other doctors (because I'm seeing so many emergencies, I don't have much of my own established patient panel but my own patients do sometimes have emergencies as well and I see them too). Granted this is an urban area, maybe it's different in the suburbs but I'm sure eye emergencies still occur.

Conditions commonly encountered include:

-Corneal abrasion

-Foreign body in the eye

-New floaters and flashes (of which most are not RDs but you never know til you see)

-Red eye often from conjunctivitis or EKC

-Preseptal cellulitis

-Orbital cellulitis

-Sudden onset esotropia

-Sudden onset double vision

-Transient Visual Loss (I'd say this one should go to the ED first but some patients are unwilling to go before seeing an eye doctor so their doc sends them to me)

-Corneal ulcer

-Generic complaints such as eye pain, eye redness, decrease in vision

-Post op complications. While I can handle cataract post op complications, I admittedly struggle with stuff outside my purvue like complications from detailed Oculoplastics procedures

The patients often tell me that before I was here, they truly struggled to get in anywhere because their established doctors would often not take them due to being booked out months in advance. They were then directed to the ED but hated waiting there forever so either left AMA or just didnt go. Not to mention that no one in the ED could handle complicated post op complications. My office (hospital based, so not private practice) doesn't have the resources (B scan, corneal culture plates, CT scan) to treat or eval really bad emergencies. And, nothing against the residents who handle emergencies in the ED, kudos to them for their hard work! But in cases of complicated patients, I think it's better to also have an attending on site.

I think the presence of such a dedicated ED, eliminates a delay in care. A patient who had these symptoms starting Monday, who calls their Ophtho asap but is refused ("next available in 6 mo") and is is directed to my front desk who books them to next available which is Thursday-is now at increased risk of permanent vision loss. Or worse, if I'm out of the country for a week-they don't see anyone for a week.

But also, the secondary gain of a dedicated eye ED is that it helps doctors...I rarely ever have same day availability so I take all my established patients' emergencies, and overbook generously for all the other docs' emergencies -but word has spread that all the emergencies come to me, and I'm staying 3+ hours past my end time for that now. Our office including security actually closes after that point in time. So after a certain point I do tell them (particularly, those that I think the ED can handle) to go to the ED. Some choose not to and wait 3 days to see me, although against medical advice-they say " It's still sooner than my own Ophth seeing me in 6 months". Again, this is in an urban setting, curious what the frequency of emergencies is in suburbia/rural.

But in general I feel that for patients, and doctors alike, a dedicated Ophtho ED would be the way to go...thoughts? Maybe a regional area that serves a couple of suburbs if emergencies are not as frequent there?

This post is just meant to foster discussion. Interested in what others have to say.

My parents provided for me financially throughout my life. Paid for my college and medical school. Did a lot for me.

But, they were also emotionally very controlling at times. Constantly nagging me, being critical. Nagging me about my weight and body and personality an everything basically expecting me to be a people pleaser.

I married someone who was not of the same race as us. We have a happy marriage. But my parents never stop mentioning race-tinged comments. "Everyone from X race is bad" "Your problems are because you married into X race". My husband feels bad. My in laws dont know but would have felt bad if they knew. Each time, I've politely stopped my parents-but it doesnt help and they keep at it.

So finally yesterday I raised my voice. Not a lot. Just a firm tone. And they could not take it. They retorted by saying MORE racist comments. I told them "You yourself say generalizations are wrong, isnt this a generalization?" When confronted with their wrongness instead of accepting it they said:

"It's your fault because you are LOOKING for racism in our words"

"It's your fault because you're speaking rudely"...and turned the entire convo about my "tone" which wasn't even that bad, just not a scared whisper

They then proceeded to DENY ever having made racist comments before, which is false as my brother, husband and I all witnessed it, and I don't think they have dementia where they truly don't remember...it's a case of them falsifying stuff.

They then said "You have to accept us as a package-our comments and all". I told them they are entitled to their opinions and I won't say anything, but in front of me or my husband (or future kids)-no racist comments. To be fair, hubby and his family are never racist against me.

My parents made me out to be a monster, an ungrateful brat, and went on to say just how hurtful I am and how hurt they are. I don't know what else I could have done. I tried to ignore it, then speak to them nicely, but nothing ever worked. When I got upset they could have just apologized and actually not said more racist things, defending their actions and words, and blaming me for "looking for racism".

Anyone been in a similar boat? What do I do?

I have increased family responsibilities at home and am considering going part time.

In general what's the best way to seek this out? Apply for a job, but when negotiating salary, negotiate to a .7 FTE? Or better to apply to jobs that are explicitly part time? If so where can I find them? I'm finding it difficult...is my best hope with larger practices and private equity? Would love if anyone with some experience could pitch in.

Just throwing it out there as I feel it may be asked-Unfortunately not an option at my current job

I'm wondering if this is something other women face...

I'm 30F, married to 30M. We are both physicians. I work about 50 hours a week. He works about 40 hours a week. No kids yet.

The load of working full time and then handling the home is tiring me out. We live in a very high COL area and have debt (his student loans), so hiring a maid is not an option. For dinner, I cook about half the time and the other half the time we rely on pre cooked meals from local services. But...the burden of planning healthy, balanced meals is entirely on me. I also pack the lunches and make breakfasts. I'm aware that it's very easy to lapse into unhealthy eating otherwise. My husband is also very picky about what he will and wont eat, so I keep that in mind.

Chores: The laundry is entirely on me. Apartment has no in unit laundry, and the building's machines wrinkle clothes so bad most need ironing. Husband wants me to launder and iron his clothes at least twice a week. No dishwasher, and 60-70% of dish washing is on me as well. Getting meals ready (regardless of pre-cooked outside or not), cleaning up after meals, retrieving our packages (no delivery at building, it's at a nearby Amazon locker), taking out the trash, weekly mopping/vacuum, making beds. Even during dinner, husband often asks me to get up to get him water or salt or pepper-only time I eat uninterrupted is if eating out somewhere. Or he will decide he wants a snack while watching TV and asks me to fix it. I realize that a lot of these are chores someone living alone would do too, but it also is more time consuming to be cooking for/cleaning up after two people instead of one.

I know the ideal answer is that we split chores 50-50. But I also know that it isn't going to happen. I've spoken to my husband many times, and the truth is he grew up in a different country where domestic labor is cheap and he had a maid clean up after him every single day. I've tried to "let things go" but that means we end up eating very unhealthy junk food and putting on weight (which has happened in the past), or we get a bug infestation due to home being dirty, etc. He also doesn't see the value of investing in a maid service; relative to income it is much more expensive here than in other countries and he doesn't want to have to work into our 50s or 60s because we hired a maid.

I'm wondering if any women here have decided to quit work or scale back to part time due to such factors. Surely, I'm not the only one in this position, I read that there's studies showing women do more housework...not legitimizing it but just wondering how is it handled? I should add I do want to have at least one kid, and at this rate I feel most childcare would be my responsibility. I don't feel right asking my parents to shoulder household chores for me in their old age, but they've offered to help with some childcare.

But I also went to medical school + residency, now I feel bad having to quit and give up my entire career.

Anyone have similar experiences?

For those of you who got a dog in residency, any recommendations as to where and how to get a trained dog?

I'm not a resident, but rather an attending, and I work full time, and my husband is a fellow. So we don't work from home and are away from the home 9 hours a day. We can hire a dog walker, but I'm more worried about the initial training period. We won't be home to train the dog and be with it all the time. So is the solution to stay away from puppies, and get a rescue dog? Any and all ideas appreciated.

If it matters, we live in a big city in an apartment-so no doggy door or yard

30F, oldest daughter with a younger brother, raised in the USA to Indian parents. From day 1...I was the poster child. I studied hard, they yelled at me for getting a 97 and not 100% on exams. I took all the tough classes, did well at studies. I was also sanskaari. Learned how to cook, made tea when they had their guests over. I speak multiple indian languages incl Hindi. I ended up becoming a doctor-out of my own desire, but yes...it gave them bragging rights and a face in society. But many things I did were not as per my wishes. I wanted to take some time off between undergrad and med school which many people here do-to avoid burnout, to get work experience. My parents refused and made me slog through and get burned out. In college I wanted to major in Psychology but they refused because "log kya kahenge". When I met my husband (love marriage), there was a strict no s*x, no vacations together policy...until marriage.

My brother never studied hard, ever. Partied through his life, didnt get into good college. Was never sanskaari. Never even learned any Indian language. I was modest and never bragged but he felt insecure around me when our family friends praised me. My parents made it their life goal to protect his fragile ego. They constantly put me down and continue to put me down just to make him feel better. He's an accountant, and nothing against them at all... but...my parents keep saying "Accountants are so much better than doctors, doctors are idiots, you and your husband (also doctor) have so much to learn from him and he's so much smarter than you both, you will achieve nothing in life". Whenever anyone says good job to me-my parents butt in and say "good job to BOTH of them". Another day, I saved the life of a guy who was lying on the street about to die-people, paramedics, commended me-my parents said "good job to OP and her brother" and people legit got confused because my brother wasn't even there when the incident happened. And now he has a gf and they're allowed to travel to Europe together without even engagement. The worst part? My brother is abusive. Always puts me down. Calls me dumb and stupid, gets jealous of people praising me.

Anyone relate? I'm done trying to be the good girl. The one who always tries to make parents happy and to what avail, they never respect me. They even told me in the future my brother can move wherever he wants, but I have to give up my career to come move to their village and care for them (as they refuse to move out of it to be near me in the city). I'm done being shat on, told I'm a "dumb doctor"-my patients love me, so objectively I dont think I'm bad.

Is it better to keep distance? My parents guilt me about that and say I shouldnt be the one to break a family but what else to do?

Comp Doc looking to switch jobs.

When applying for my previous jobs geographical constraints meant the search was relatively easier. Only applied to a few and went from there.

Now I'm applying to a broader range, several states due to a change in life situations. I have more flexibility. But what is typical? I already reached out to a few places assuming not all of them would want to take things further but most of them now want to talk which is great. I can see myself at any of them. However-I know each place likely would want to talk on the phone then meet in person. I'm working full time and havent informed work I'm looking to leave, so all of a sudden asking for X day off, a bunch of times, looks oddly suspicious, not to mention tough on patients who must reschedule. Should I only apply to my 5 top choices, and go from there?

Genuinely curious...when someone is on call for the practice, does that mean you are simply on call for established patients who have ocular emergencies? What counts as "established"? In other words, if I saw someone for a corneal abrasion five years ago and they're now calling in the middle of the night with eye pain, is it fine to send that person to a resident staffed ED or must I see them in my practice in the middle of the night? Or what if it's someone who's never been seen at the practice before?

And...from a safety POV...what do you guys do if you do have to open the practice in the middle of the night to see a patient, with no one else there? As a resident I've been hit by patients before and admittedly am very petite and short-have also had patients hit on me even when I asked them to stop...what would one do if such a patient asked to be seen in the middle of the night? Do you have provisions to have an escort/security?

Just want to hear people's thoughts and experiences

30F with PCOS and T2DM. I really want to get pregnant. And I'm willing to do clomid/IVF if needed but ideally would love to just do it naturally.

I'm on Metformin 500BID. Also on mounjaro, and within a month of that plus dieting and some exercise I lost 15 lbs and want to lose about 10 more. I recently upped my dose of mounjaro to 5 mg though and experienced very horrible nausea and vomiting and some hypoglycemia.

I also have a TON of chia seeds, flaxseed, and cinnamon. Wondering if I should try inositol 4000 daily as well.

Anyone have any other tips and tricks?