u/LawLoud2070

I did three egg retrievals last fall/winter, retrieved 2-5 eggs each time, only one made it to blast but it was aneuploid. Husband had variocelectomy and we waited 4 months for healing and then some delay for other things (unrelated surgery). His DNA frag shows about 24% which RE says is workable. My AMH was .41 to begin and recent bloodwork showed a drop to .27. I am 37 with no children.

I went in for my first monitoring appt after estrogen priming (2mg twice daily) for about 7-10 days. There was only one observable follicle and I immediately started crying. I try to manage my expectations, but it’s so hard. It’s also hard to accept that a “good” AFC for me would be 3-4. And it will continue to decline… I felt so defeated. I’m going back in a few days to see if any more follicles crop up. I know part of this could be my response to priming as my one cycle with priming before was the worst one. But every delay and set back HURTS 😓

I tried to emotionally prepare for the return to IVF but still it felt like someone had swung a bat to my knees and knocked me down. And this was just the first monitoring appt!! Right now I’m feeling like how in the world am I going to go through this again? How do we do this??

You’re being towed

Trying not to stress bc I know it won’t help. My AMH was already low at .41 but I just did updated bloodwork and now it’s .27
Not to mention the fact that I’ve been having menstrual-like bleeding every two weeks since my last period in May… I know rationally “AMH fluctuates between cycles” but I don’t think it’s going to fluctuate in the other direction anytime soon. I’ve been doing all the things, NAD injections, red light panels, other supplements. Does this ever get easier or do we just accept worse circumstances?
And I apologize if this is triggering to anyone with lower AMH than what I have. I know it can go much lower and there’s probably people out there who would be happy with .27 comparatively. It’s just so hard watching it go lower and lower, I feel like my chance of becoming a mother is slipping away. “It just takes one” but what if I don’t have any 😓

My older sister decided a few months ago that her and her longtime BF want to have a baby. She never wanted kids before. She told me this after I poured my heart out to her about IVF struggles and said, “How cute if we have babies together?!”
Well now she’s pregnant because for other people they can just decide and it happens for them. I am heartbroken and feeling like I can’t be part of my family anymore because I can’t be around her pregnancy and motherhood journey.
I feel awful that I feel this way, I want to be happy for her, but I am crushed. When my friends who did IVF got pregnant I was elated for them because I know how much they had to go through. But my sister just had to have the thought and now it’s a reality for her. I am the bitter, broken infertile and I hate that so much.

ETI: Thank you for all the support ❤️ I hear what people are saying about leaning into happiness for others and of course I will try… I have two close friends with IVF babies (one still cooking, one just born) and I am truly elated for them. Rational or not, fair or not, when someone hasn’t gone through the struggle of infertility I just don’t feel as happy for them. I know it’s selfish, and I know it’s because I am heartbroken by my own journey. It’s been traumatic for me and we don’t have any embryos to comfort ourselves with. We have a $30,000 investment in three more cycles of hell with no guarantee that it will work this time, either. And then what? I would love to live in the dream of simultaneous pregnancy with my sister but there is no evidence to suggest it’s even a remote possibility. I am worried how it will affect my ability to show up at family events, not only because of the deep sadness I feel but also the profound sense of otherness and alienation that comes from being on the outside of basic biology. To feel others watching me and knowing how much I wanted something that I just can’t have. To feel them feeling sorry for me. For those of you who feel excitement and joy, I am happy for you. I hope you can hold onto that. Maybe I will feel that again at some point, nothing is black and white with this. But for now I feel depleted and sad. Thank you again for the supportive comments and virtual hugs ❤️

Hello, new here and grateful to have found this community. I’ve been married to my dx (newly medicated, intermittent therapy) husband for a little over a year, together for 3 although friends for much longer. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around a difference in perspective that we are having.

It started this morning when my husband asked me to do something that’s usually his responsibility (take the dog out). He had hours to do it, but did other things instead, and then realized when he was getting ready to leave for a computer repair appt. I work overnights and had already done a million things, and was about to get in the shower and go to bed. It really bothered me that he asked when he was just relaxing all morning while I was running around, and the one task he had to be responsible for someone else, he didn’t do. This has come up before and I always tell him how I feel. I do not want to be responsible for his time management failures! I feel like I’m enabling him by picking up the slack, and I feel taken for granted. I want to feel cared for by my husband, not treated like a backup plan. I told him all this and his response was, “I want us to be able to ask each other for help”. This upset me even more because obviously I want that too, and 95% of the time when he asks for help I’m there. Unfortunately a lot of the time when I ask for help with parking in the mornings he “doesn’t see the text” or doesn’t hear his phone. I can feel the resentment building and I really don’t want it to continue like that. How do you deal with your partner’s time management issues? Do you consider this type of thing to be normal helping between partners or do you set boundaries around what type of help you’re willing to provide, if it relates to a behavior that he’s working on? I feel like I’m in the deep end here and we’re having a hard time communicating about it.