I’ve heard mixed answers on this subject, including from traditional/protective men.
I’m not religious or waiting for marriage. I’ve been stuck in this near-perpetual mentality of ‘I’m not thin enough/good enough right now, I’ll fix that soon and then date’. (This has been the case regardless if I have a ‘normal’ BMI or am in the ‘overweight’ category). I have dated a little over the years, but haven’t been in an actual relationship.
IMO, I have plenty to offer- I’m not hideous (I like my face), I’ve had cool experiences/adventures, I have interests and hobbies, I’m financially stable and secure, I’m clean and have a warm and well decorated home, I can be shy at first but once comfortable with groups/people I’m funny and playful, I’m empathetic and a good communicator, I think I’d be very genuinely affectionate (physically and verbally) once in a relationship I felt comfortable and safe. I’m far from perfect but feel I could be a really good girlfriend/partner.
If relevant, the area I live is politically mixed (in the US) with both conservatives and liberals and a fairly educated population. I’m on the liberal side. I only mention this because I suspect attitudes about sex/virginity do correlate with some political spheres.
I’m planning on getting on the apps and trying some in person events and meetups.
I’m straight and would be looking for a monogamous relationship.
I’d mostly like to hear perspectives from men 30+, as that’s the demographic I’d be trying to date.
What’s your preference on gender roles? If you could design a perfect relationship dynamic, what would it be? Does this depend on the girl?
I often won’t ask for something because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone or be a burden (thanks for the lingering childhood trauma, mom- yay for being told you’re the worst thing to ever happen to someone).
I do fine politely delegating at work or requesting help when I could use it and others seem able- I never demand it and offer help frequently.
In my personal life it’s another story. I have to be very good friends with someone before I’d ask them for anything, and struggle to do even that. I don’t feel entitled to help/favors. In relationships/dating, I don’t want to ask for things I’d like because I would hate for them to do something they don’t want to purely because they feel they have to. Some part of me fears being resented, annoying, or a chore, even if rationally I feel it would be OK to ask and reasonable to want support in a serious relationship.
For example:
- If I’m cramping on my period, I’ll want to stay in bed but also really want cuddles. Feeling cared for and warm and safe and wrapped up is the number one thing I crave when in pain and tired like that. I’m a physically and verbally affectionate person, but worry about being too much.
- If I’m a bit weirded out by a guy or something inside tells me I’m unsafe I hesitate to call because I tell myself it’s probably nothing.
Etc.
I often won’t ask for something because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone or be a burden (thanks for the lingering childhood trauma, mom- yay for being told you’re the worst thing to ever happen to someone).
I do fine politely delegating at work or requesting help when I could use it and others seem able- I never demand it and offer help frequently.
In my personal life it’s another story. I have to be very good friends with someone before I’d ask them for anything, and struggle to do even that. I don’t feel entitled to help/favors. In relationships/dating, I don’t want to ask for things I’d like because I would hate for them to do something they don’t want to purely because they feel they have to. Some part of me fears being resented, annoying, or a chore, even if rationally I feel it would be OK to ask and reasonable to want support in a serious relationship.
For example:
- If I’m cramping on my period, I’ll want to stay in bed but also really want cuddles. Feeling cared for and warm and safe and wrapped up is the number one thing I crave when in pain and tired like that. I’m a physically and verbally affectionate person, but worry about being too much.
- If I’m a bit weirded out by a guy or something inside tells me I’m unsafe I hesitate to call because I tell myself it’s probably nothing.
Etc.
I (30F) am strongly considering quitting my job due to severe burnout. I might just take a long break and then resume work part or full time (either in my same industry or another), or I might just… retire. I’m in a very unusual and very lucky position to be able to consider that.
I’m also hoping to date again soon and am quite worried about how men would perceive me (would they think I’m lazy, spoiled, out of touch, etc?) I would consider my lifestyle middle class.
I have hobbies, interests, and would like to spend more time on those (as well as resting and taking care of my home, etc) visiting family, some other travel, volunteering. I wouldn’t be just bumming it on the couch all day every day, but I also desperately want a rest and don’t feel guilty about that.
I’m not interested in funding a man’s life, and would expect us to keep finances separate at least until marriage or serious long term commitment. I feel like things would be easiest if I dated men who are financially secure as well and with a lifestyle at least at my level.
Anyways- how would you personally feel?
Ugh, ignore my typo in the title. Sorry.
I’m wondering how people who’ve FIREd approach dating- especially people in their 30s or 40s who’ve retired or work very lightly and yet are totally financially secure.
I’m (30F) not in a position to FIRE but am strongly considering taking a long (half year or so) break from full time work- hoping to work maybe a day or so per week due to intense burn out.
I’m also hoping to start dating again soon, and am nervous about being judged or seeming suspicious. I don’t know how to address the obvious questions men might have about my financial situation.
If you’ve been in my shoes or have any advice, I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks!
Be detailed. Help me.
Be detailed. Help me.
I attended a (fairly prestigious) university for one year before going on a leave of absence and eventually withdrawing. Should I put it down under ‘education’ or leave that section blank?
I have some pride about being accepted and attending that school, but don’t want to seem like I’m claiming I graduated when I didn’t.
What’s best?
I might be overthinking this. If a woman cuts her hair or grows it out, should she only use pics that show her current haircut/length?
I feel like hair grows and people might go shorter or longer as they want.
I know photos should be relatively recent.
Thoughts?
I attended a (fairly prestigious) university for one year before going on a leave of absence and eventually withdrawing. Should I put it down under ‘education’ or leave education blank?
I have some pride about being accepted and attending that school, but don’t want to seem like I’m claiming I graduated when I didn’t.
What’s best?
I (30F) am technically a multimillionaire but work 25-30hrs/week and don’t earn much. I’m really nervous about how to approach this as I get back into dating.
Weird situation, I know. I haven’t really dated in a few years, and inherited a lot of money from a loved one passing away (currently it’s about $3,500,000). The inheritance was structured as a trust from which I receive a small fraction of yearly, and for most situations I can’t withdraw from the bulk of it. It’s invested and so far has grown varying amounts yearly. I am very private about this money and only one friend knows about it, and some family (who, fortunately, I trust). I don’t discuss this with anyone else, ever, because I don’t see any upside to that (I have nothing to brag about- I didn’t earn this money, I don’t want people trying to use me, I don’t want to complicate friendships, and it’s my business).
I’m now financially secure and very fortunate. I no longer need to save for retirement or worry about money. I have no debt and plan to keep it that way. I know I’m now very wealthy compared to most people, but in most ways, I don’t live a ‘luxurious’ lifestyle. I drive a safe and sensible car I purchased new for the safety features, rent a slightly worn but nice-ish mid range apartment, and work part time (25-30 hours on average per week) in a low-ish earning job in medicine. At a glance, I may seem middle class (I live in the US). To those who take a closer look, some things probably don’t ‘add up’- my apartment is very nicely furnished (not gaudy, but nice, timeless furniture and decor) and my housing etc would be a huge stretch to most people on my solo income, I travel some (recently internationally), I have an expensive-ish hobby, etc.
HOW and when do I discuss this when dating? I obviously won’t bring it up early. I don’t want to seem sketchy or secretive, and suspect any financially literate guy would suspect that I either spend beyond my means or have some weird secret money. I also obviously don’t want guys who would try to use me for my money (not that they really could get much from me- all together, my earned income and trust distributions yearly are less than $100,000/year).
I’m unsure of how men will perceive me, and what to be open about and what to be private about. I don’t want to be resented, I don’t want to be used, I don’t want a guy to feel emasculated, and I don’t want them to assume I’m doing something like OnlyFans. I don’t think I give off that vibe, lol- I’m very girl-next-door and kind of insecure physically, but still. I worry what they’d assume and I worry how they’d feel as they learned more of the details.
I would want to date men who are also financially literate, reasonably comfortable, and who live a similar lifestyle. I don’t want a man’s money, and I don’t want him to want mine- I just don’t want money to be a source of weirdness or emotional strain or conflict in a relationship.
Thoughts? Please help.
Weird situation, I know. I haven’t really dated in a few years, and inherited a lot of money from a loved one passing away (currently it’s about $3,500,000). The inheritance was structured as a trust from which I receive a small fraction of yearly, and for most situations I can’t withdraw from the bulk of it. It’s invested and so far has grown varying amounts yearly. I am very private about this money and only one friend knows about it, and some family (who, fortunately, I trust). I don’t discuss this with anyone else, ever, because I don’t see any upside to that (I have nothing to brag about- I didn’t earn this money, I don’t want people trying to use me, I don’t want to complicate friendships, and it’s my business).
I’m now financially secure and very fortunate. I no longer need to save for retirement or worry about money. I know I’m now very wealthy compared to most people, but in most ways, I don’t live a ‘luxurious’ lifestyle. I drive a sensible and safe car, rent a slightly worn but nice-ish mid range apartment, and work part time (25-30 hours on average per week) in a low-ish earning job in medicine. At a glance, I probably seem middle class (I live in the US). To those who take a closer look, some things probably don’t ‘add up’- my apartment is very nicely furnished (not gaudy, but nice, timeless furniture and decor), I bought my car new (due to safety features), my housing etc would be a huge stretch to most people on my solo income, I travel some (recently internationally), etc.
HOW and WHEN do I discuss this when dating? I obviously won’t bring it up early. I don’t want to seem sketchy or secretive, and suspect any financially literate guy would probably start to suspect that I either spend beyond my means or have some weird secret money. I also obviously don’t want guys who would try to use me for my money (not that they really could get much from me- all together, my earned income and trust distributions yearly are less than $100,000/year).
I would want to date men who are also financially literate, reasonably comfortable, and who live a similar lifestyle. I don’t want a man’s money, and I don’t want him to want mine- I just don’t want money to be a source of weirdness or emotional strain or conflict in a relationship.
Thoughts? Please help.
Whether it seems obvious or something you wouldn’t admit, what information do you need or hope to find out about women based on their dating profiles?
Do you care about their job title itself?
Would you be embarrassed by them working a low status job?
Would you feel insecure or emasculated if she earned more than you or had a more ‘impressive’ job title?
How do you feel about being the primary or sole provider?
How do you feel about them being the primary or sole provider?
Do you care about their job title itself?
Would you be embarrassed by them working a low status job?
Would you feel insecure or emasculated if she earned more than you or had a more ‘impressive’ job title?
How do you feel about being the primary or sole provider?
How do you feel about them being the primary or sole provider?
I’m curious how our generation might compare with gen x and gen z on this.
If you picture your ideal relationship, what would it look like in terms of physical affection? If you can give specifics on what you’d want and how often, that’s helpful.
Can you give examples of what you want?
To put it another way- what resources (tangible/quantifiable or not) do YOU think are necessary or helpful for pregnancy and parenthood to feel overall joyful, not too draining on your life or health, sustainable, and ‘worth it’?
How much financial security SPECIFICALLY do you think you need as an individual/couple?
What about traits in a partner/husband?
Space at home?
Time?
Health when you start?
I’d really appreciate any thoughts.
Thanks!