u/LeoTheFloofyDragon

TL;DR I am having a hard time trying not to smoke more than once a month

I stopped smoking daily over 2 years ago. I resolved to only smoke once a month, as the prospect of quitting all together made it feel impossible to stop at all (harm reduction and all).

After about 3 months of being sober, I smoked and had no symptoms at all. After that, I smoked about once a month with only very mild symptoms (basically, just a bit of stomach sensitivity and minor digestive issues) that would only last a couple of days, which was a completely managable tradeoff.

Then, a year ago, I started smoking once every 2 weeks. This caused mild symptoms (consistent digestive issues and stomach sensitivity) that lasted for the entire time till I would smoke next. At this point, I knew I was pushing it, but I couldn't stop myself, I wasn't puking and wasn't in pain, so I kept going.

Then, I had 2 weeks where I ended up smoking once a week. This very nearly caused me to have a full-on episode, I was much more nauseous and having pretty bad digestive issues. Luckily, I made it through that without actually puking, but it was very scary.

I haven't smoked for almost 3 weeks since then, and im trying to hold out until my birthday celebration (which is the 17th), but i am really struggling. The physical symptoms of CSH are almost nothing if I smoke only once a month, but it's the psychological aspect that is fucking with me. As soon as I hit 2 weeks from smoking last, all I have been able to think about is wanting to smoke because I know I could technically do it and only experience mild symptoms that are manageable.

I'm battling heavily with myself. I know from experience that I am physically fine continuing to smoke as long as I only do it once a month or less. Mentally, however, I am constantly craving weed. I can't stop thinking about it. Part of me thinks that just quitting fully is the best bet, not because of the physical symptoms, but because of the mental affect its having on me. But at the same time, the thought of never smoking again is miserable. It's also extra hard because all of my friends smoke (not very often, but still), including people I live with, and being around them while they're high is so hard.

I dont really know what I'm looking for with this post, advice, sympathy, similar experiences? I think I just needed to rant to people who understand. While all the important people in my life know about my CHS and try to be as supportive as they can, none of them have it and haven't actually experienced what it's like, and none of them knew me when I was actually experiencing symptoms and having regular episodes, so they've never witnessed it either.