u/Lost_Garlic1657

Thank you

I am a naturally shy / quiet and listen more than talk. Don’t get me wrong, I can talk and present on calls etc. I’m a hard worker and my senior can see that but I struggle with visibility. So obviously I want to change that.

Has changing strategy benefitted you? I want to hear your story. Also do you have some concrete tips like align with senior person every other friday or something like that

I am a naturally shy / quiet and listen more than talk. Don’t get me wrong, I can talk and present on calls etc. I’m a hard worker and my senior can see that but I struggle with visibility. So obviously I want to change that.

Has changing strategy benefitted you? I want to hear your story. Also do you have some concrete tips like align with senior person every other friday or something like that

I mean restaurants and takeaway places.

Trying to lose / keep weight off for summer. No food allergies or restrictions. Thank you.

I tried calling the number and it’s just automated AI speaking to me. Please help.

I did the taxes myself. Is it time to get an accountant?

Looking for yummy savoury potatoes but the recent ones i got are either sweet or takes a long time to cook all the way through. Recommendations please. No waitrose as don’t have one near me

I’m starting a new job after 9 months unemployed but I’m also interviewing with another company which is my preferred option (better company name, career prospects, pay etc)

I might not get an offer but if I do I will accept but i’m terrified of the repercussions like what will my previous company say? What will the colleagues say? I’m sure they’ll talk and forget about it but I feel like I’ll be the butt of the joke.

I probably shouldn’t care but I do.

Hi, I recently moved here from Notts and was part of Lonely Girls club. It was a great club with lots of activities throughout the year like happy hour, walking etc. great way to meet

Ofc Notts is a big city with uni students and professionals but was wondering if there’s anyone in this sub that would be interested in something like this?

I currently rent my property for £900pm. I got an email from my agent that in line with the current market, we should bump it up by £25pm.

I thought no but my family friend is telling me that if I dont do it, it will affect my property value in the future.

It’s my only property and my first time so I don’t know. Please can someone shed some light on this?

When she first appeared on my fyp, i thought wow what a drop dead gorgeous couple, which they absolutely are, but the number of wedding tiktok posts is a bit much?

It honestly baffles me how many times on Reddit I hear that candidates are no-show. I’ve not missed not 1 interview in my life. I’m 31. So i’m curious, is it like 1% of the candidates and was it for a job that salary wasn’t competitive? Can someone help put it into context for me please?

I’m a type A and it’s exhausting. Sometimes I wish I was more type B and more spontaneous. Like i want to do something unhinged / do something I want to do without thinking about it.

For e.g. I want to get my nipples pierced. But then I think about the pain, recovery time and getting it stuck in my clothing and it puts me off.

Are you type A/B but wish you were the other type instead?

Company A: same pay as before. Title is Snr Cons (previously Cons). You’ve already got the offer. No harm in asking for Manager position, is there?

Company B: Pays better. Still in the interview process. Even if you get Manager position and pay from Company A, pay and company name is better.

Thanks in advance

I 31F recently had a screening call with a recruiter. They’re a tech start up working with central gov clients. Since I have been out of the country for more than 30 consecutive days in the last 5 years and it would be a problem to get security clearance, they said they could not progress my application. I was gutted. Since I wasn’t born here, I go back to my home country. I was wondering if the average brit leaves the country for 30 consecutive days at a time. I’d imagine not but could be wrong.

Recently I’ve seen job ads saying European language (Spanish, French, German etc) is a plus. Is there one European language you recommend is beneficial long term in this sector?

I had a second stage interview on 16/04. Had a great chat with the HM.

Since then I’ve reached out to the recruiter 3x and they’ve said they’ve not got any update / feedback from the company.

The HM had said “you’ve got my email now, feel free to reach out to me or connect on linkedin if you have any questions.”

Also they’ve announced two new people for the role on LinkedIn.

Company 1: Rejected after first round. “We enjoyed speaking with you and appreciated the conversation. After careful consideration, we won’t be progressing your application. This was not an easy decision, we had a high volume of strong applicants and we had to make difficult decisions.”

Company 2: Rejected at the screening round bc I have been out of the country for 30 consecutive days in the last 5 years and it’s going to be an issue getting security clearance for a small company.

Company 3: After second round of case study which included preparing slides 24 hrs before the call. I worked very hard on the slides and also practiced presenting with a friend before the call. I unfortunately had some technical issues during the call. They emailed me a week later asking for feedback on their hiring process where they also said sorry that we are not moving ahead.

Company 4: Company hasn’t provided recruiter any feedback after 3 weeks.

I didn’t apply for jobs while my interviews were happening. Back to job applications I go … sigh

Here is mine:

(31F) broke up with my ex bf (31M) of ~2 years, 1.5years later after the breakup, I’m still discovering what a shitty boy he was.

As the saying goes: hindsight is 20-20, I’m looking back and discovering who he was / things that he did and said that were so shitty.

No respect for my boundaries

1. Silent treatment. ST happened ~4 times over a two year period. The first one was bc I refused to have sex without showering first. When we had our closure conversation he said he went silent to not take the anger out on me. This is so absurd and I’m realising now that he didn’t respect my boundary.

2. I lived alone 3hrs away from him. He lived with his family. Bc we’re both South Asian, our parents couldn’t find out about us so he came over to mine. I said that I only want him to come over the weekend but he pushed for 7 days almost monthly and said if I can’t live with him for a week, how can I live with him 24/7 after marriage? If I could go back in time, I’d tell him, this is my home, not a space for us to hang out.

1. He also planned to have a party at my house. I mumbled a couple of times he brought it up but the third time, i said no. This one pisses me off cos what went through his head thinking it’s ok to plan a party in someone else’s house?

**Prejudiced / ignorant**

4. He was prejudiced towards certain caste / race (brahmin / Indian). When I confronted him, his reason was that it’s bc he grew up hearing bad things from his dad / grandad. My thinking is that he’s an adult and should be able to form his own opinions / views.

5. He was also prejudiced towards a race (Black) and said they’re too vocal. I’m realising now that he was uneducated.

6. He also held the belief that all Asian women / White men relationships were a fetish. When I said what about your auntie who is married to a white man. His response was “it could well be a fetish, who knows.”

**Wild expectations**

7. When he came over to mine for 7 days, he expected me to pick him up / drop him off at the train station. He also expected me to make him 3 meals a day 7 days while he was over. Never once contributed to the mental load of planning / food shop. I honestly felt so relieved when he left. This makes me so sad bc it was my space. As a South Asian woman, I’d worked so hard to have my own space. None of the women in my family / friends circle live alone and to think that I inconvenienced myself for this pos makes me angry.

8. When I asked him about getting married, he cited not having large savings as if I wouldn’t pay half of the wedding costs and on one occasion said, how do I know you’re not going to leave. In hindsight, I think why was the onus on me, and not you, like ask yourself why you would do something that would make me want to leave?

**Other:**

9. Telling me to go to therapy bc I shut down at times when he also needed therapy. He had porn addiction. During our closure conversation I shared that I’d gone to therapy after our breakup but he still hadn’t. Although, if I’d taken his advice and gone to therapy while we were together, I’d be able to be honest with myself.

10. Poor hygiene.

11. When we had our closure conversation few months after breaking up on the phone, he said he wanted me back bc he wanted to be a ‘stand up guy / couple in the society / be examples to his younger cousins’. He cared about his image, not me. I don’t give a fuck what the society thinks. I care about how I feel.

12. Read my journal without my consent.

13. I had a falling out with a “friend” who said I was toxic and don’t know maintain a relationship. During an argument he brought this up and said the friend was right.

… and the list goes on.

Now quickly onto why I dated him, when we met we had an instant connection and I fell for him head first. Bc we’re from the same background there was a level of trust there already. My sister knew of him and said ‘he’s not like the other guys, he’s respectful’. He seemed like a nice guy, I was lonely, in my late 20s, thought I’d hit the jackpot meeting him. Now I realise that he just had a nice guy act on. I’ve learned so many lessons about setting / articulating my boundaries and to understand a person’s character and to not fall so blindly etc.

I’m currently unemployed despite applying for jobs. I applied for UC but they rejected my claim saying my capital exceeds £16k (my house). Am I entitled to anything please?