Did I heal from childhood narcissism?
MY SELF CHILDHOOD IMAGE:
My childhood involved being the class topper. I lied to my friends that I live in a huge mansion. I told them that I have 30+ unofficial names. I saw them having bfs in primary school and I wrote myself a letter faking the handwriting that it came from a neighbour who was in love with me. I was ashamed of my dad's age and told them that my dad was very young and that this dude was my uncle.
WHAT CHANGED?
I'm not proud and feel heartbroken about not acknowledging my dad.
MY FIRST LOVE?
My first ever crush rejected my proposal. How dare he? As a 13 years old child, I abused the hell out if him like a grown adult. I'd wear nice clothes around him and even joined the same tuition. I would walk for 15 mins till I reached his area and buy snacks at the mini shop. He later found my cousin pretty. She was, no doubt. They dated and I went through a mental breakdown. My cousin broke up from him in a week. He used to laugh at my cystic acne. He later told my first bf that I'm a sl*t. Not true at all as I never dated before. But he was someone I literally deleted from my mind. He never liked me..
WHAT CHANGED?
HE DIED from organ damage from drugs.. My heart broke into pieces and I cried so much. I went to his funeral in his new house. He had everything set. He was about to get married. We became usual friends and texted occasionally. He had even asked me to meet him near the supermarket before he died. I refused as he is engaged. He always texted me when he saw me walking and always honked and smiled at me. He was an exceptional person. I wish the world had created more people like him. I once felt a hand on my shoulder while crying. I think it was him. Thinking about his pure love for others is healing. He spoke highly of his fiancé.
So my question is, how did I reach here?
From pure hatred towards people who hurt me to actual love?