AIO UPDATED-My sister and husband text privately and spend time together. Should I be concerned?
Since my last post, I found out more context that made me feel even less like this was “just one weird moment.”
I learned from my niece that during the purse-shopping trip, my sister encouraged her son to leave and go with his sister, which left my husband and my sister shopping together. My husband then took multiple photos of my sister trying on purses. My niece also later mentioned that the sales associate assumed they were husband and wife. My sister corrected her, but apparently found the whole thing funny and entertaining.
I’ve seen the purse photos now, and they do not feel like “quick shopping reference photos.” They feel like my husband photographing my sister modeling.
There was also another visit where my husband stayed at my sister and her husband’s house. After her husband left, my sister did her hair and makeup, modeled a winter coat, and my husband offered to take photos so she could see it. Later that night, when she was dressed up for an event with her husband, she sent my husband a photo of herself with no comment attached.
Again, any one thing could maybe be explained away. But added to the private texting, the skirt saga, the jeans gift, the dress/top opinions, the way she seems to care about his reaction to what she wears, and the fact that she keeps creating these little moments where he becomes her photographer or appearance judge it started to feel like a pattern I could not unsee.
So I talked to my sister first.
I told her I needed to discuss something awkward, and I tried to be calm. I said I was uncomfortable with the texting, the outfit photos, the shopping, and the way she seems to use my husband as an audience for how she looks.
She immediately got very calm. Almost too calm.
She said, “He’s my brother-in-law. We get along. I didn’t realize that was a crime now.”
I told her it was not that they get along. It was how they get along.
She asked, “How do we get along?”
I said, “You use him as an audience.”
That was when her tone changed. She gave this small smile and said, “Or maybe I’m just comfortable in my body and you’re uncomfortable watching someone else be comfortable in hers.”
I told her that was unfair.
She said, “Then what exactly was I doing? Modeling too aggressively? Wearing leggings at you?”
I said I was trying to set a boundary.
She said, “No. You’re asking me to shrink so you can feel bigger.”
That one really hurt.
When I brought up the photo she sent him after the coat situation, she said, “I sent a photo in a conversation we were already having.”
I said, “With no comment.”
She said, “Because it didn’t need one.”
Then she said, “Maybe you should try sending him photos. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so worried about him looking at mine.”
I told her that was unnecessary, and she said, “So is accusing your sister of trying to tempt your husband because he took a few pictures while shopping.”
I asked if she would stop texting him privately about clothes, outfits, shopping, and photos.
She said, “Stop what, exactly? Existing around him? Being friendly? Letting him take a photo if I ask? Laughing when something is funny?”
I said, “You know what I mean.”
She said, “No, I don’t think you know what you mean.”
The conversation ended with her saying, “If your issue is with your husband looking, talk to your husband. If your issue is that I look good, that’s not mine to fix.”
That was probably the most painful part, because she made me feel insane and jealous for noticing something that still feels real to me.
She did not apologize. She did not agree to stop. She basically framed the entire thing as my insecurity and said I was trying to control a normal family friendship because I felt threatened.
I walked away feeling worse, not better.
And honestly, that conversation left me more confused. So do I now have the same
embarrassing convo with my husband…?