u/MelancholyBean

I'm an avoidant person anyway but I behave like I don't know them.

I have a crush on this woman who was a former account manager for the company my work uses. She's now a manager and she comes in every few weeks or so.

I find her attractive but started liking her when she showed interest in me. At the start of the year she came in and walked by the desk I was sitting at and looked at me and smiled and I was confused. Her expression was the I'm interested in you look. I'm not used to people smiling at me.

Later on I walked by her and she looked at me and smiled and unintentionally ignored her. I was spaced out and not used to people smiling at me. I was confused at why she was smiling at me like that. She looked sad afterwards and didn't say bye to anyone when she left.

She came in two months later and she insulted me thinking I didn't hear. She seemed standoffish. But she was standing at a colleague's desk and turned to look at me when I walked by. That day a few colleagues made it obvious that I like her. When she came in a few weeks later which was two weeks ago she was dressed up and very social. She came by my desk area to talk to my colleagues. I walked by her and said hi but she didn't acknowledged me. I wasn't offended because she probably didn't registered it or felt awkward. When I walked back to my desk and she finished up the conversation with my deskmates I walked by her and she looked awkward.

She came in today which I was surprised at and she was social with everyone. I was nervous and went from having the shakes to feeling fine. But I ignored her. I was filing away paperwork when she was leaving and I got up as she walked by and she flinched away.

It's probably a good thing so I know to not be delusional.

I act like they don't exist, especially when I only see them every now and then.

People who consider themselves as normal are not, especially neurotypical people.

They worship social hierarchies, are blindly obedient/loyal to people with authority and toxic people, view people and behaviours in black and white, lack empathy, are bothered by the lives of other people.

They have no issues tearing others down but will get offended and hold grudges when someone doesn't acknowledge them in passing without being able to think of different perspectives. They are not able to self-reflect. They have emotional reactions of children.

I'm starting to grey rock my deskmate. Although we joke around and bully one another her aggression and negativity towards me is bothering me. She's combative over anything I say. I'll tell her something and she would get unnecessarily aggressive and negative over it. I've told her about craving certain foods and she would chime in with so you're eating this and that and you're so fake because you pretend to eat healthy at work then go home and eat fried food.

Last Friday the team leader asked if anyone wanted to work early on Monday. I said I would if other people didn't want to and my deskmate got aggressive over it and ranted about how I don't even come in on time working my normal hours and that I think I could start early. It was so unnecessarily aggressive. If she joked about it in a humored way then it would have been fine but she was so aggressive over it. Today although I came in a few minutes late it was earlier than when I usually come in and she said snarkily "you came in bright and early today".

I started grey rocking her and she feels awkward. She didn't try to say anything.

The constant aggression from people in some form is dehumanizing.

I deal with constant microaggressions and in the past few years hostility and disrespect.

With most interactions people express some form of aggression towards me.

I thought my previous workplace was the twilight zone with how weird people are but my current workplace is making me insane.

I work in customer service with mostly women over 30. They've all commented on my looks, calling me ugly and finding any opportunities to make comments about me, even when it's not disrespectful and rude it's just unnecessary. I used to internalize what they say but I know how insecure they are and they are projecting. They are not attractive themselves.

I don't understand why they are obsessed with me. Some men in other departments are the same with them making comments about me.

It's normal and human to but sometimes I get annoyed at myself for thinking too much into it.

I know people who make unnecessary and cruel comments about me are weird and pathetic, but it's difficult to not internalize what they say.