u/Miss-busy-b

My (28M)husband and I(29F) have been married for 7 years, together for almost 10 and have a toddler. One week ago he came clean that he had gambled large amounts of money again (He always liked gambling but he has has 3 really big gambling episodes back to back and this was the worst one yet)

We purchased a home in May 2025, by August he had already gambled his last 4k in savings. Said he would never do it again. In November, I went to my home country for 2 weeks because my grandmother had passed away. When I got back, he confessed he had gambled the little money he had saved up again plus got a 10k loan. Imagine how upset I was. We have a new home, our toddler has needs like daycare and extracurriculars and he had got himself in a loan. Said he would never do it again.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I thought he had been paying the loan, I was happy (or at least I thought) already planning for a trip, getting an estimate to do a remodel on the home. And he comes home to tell me he had gambled again. This time, he got another 10k loan, maxed out 20k in a credit card, cleaned out his 401k, gambled the money for mortgage for July. As you can imagine I was in complete shock and I had told him that if he gambled again I was out the door.

He admitted to have a problem; started Gamblers Anonymous, did a lifetime self exclusion from the apps, installed an app to prevent him from gambling and started doing Uber Eats to make more money to pay off his debt.

On my end, I wanted to do a postnup, to protect my assets (we have separate accounts and he hadn’t touched mine. However, he wanted me to help him with the loan payments that I said no). As I was considering that, he came to me on Tuesday saying that I wanted to screw him over because I was going to put on the postnup that if he gambled again, he would have to temporarily help out with the mortgage (like 25% every month) so that I could not absorb the hit and keep our son in the home he knows. He said he would never agree to that. (A day later he said he regretted that and that he would sign if that made me stay. But by then I had already told my family)

Then Wednesday I ended up telling my family, and they all told me to get out, that a gambling issue would put my sons and I’s life at risk financially, emotionally. That if he gambled again he wouldn’t even be able to pay up child support, or help with mortgage.

My family also said that if I leave, they will put money for my house so that my mortgage pay will be lower and I can have more equity.

And that’s where I’m now, I feel stuck because I feel like he is doing changes, he is trying (even though it’s only been a week) and of course I didn’t stop loving him. But if I stay, my family would be upset and what happens if he does this again? How will that affect my son and me?

How could I live without trusting him? And I’m so so scared.

I also told him that if we get a divorce and in a year I can see that he has been consistent in recovery and I feel like I could trust him again, that if we both realize we were meant to be we could come back. And he said that why would I spend all this money in divorce, refinancing the home, paying him out, paying more every month when all that money I could use it to bail him out and start fresh.

EDIT: I will like to preface that my son loves him, and I do believe he loves my son as well. He is always taken care of him, played with him. But also my family said if he would love us he wouldn’t put us in this position.

——

Hi everyone,

My (28M)husband and I(29F) have been married for 7 years, together for almost 10 and have a toddler. One week ago he came clean that he had gambled large amounts of money again (He always liked gambling but he has has 3 really big gambling episodes back to back and this was the worst one yet)

We purchased a home in May 2025, but August he had already gambled his last 4k in savings. Said he would never do it again. In November, I went to my home country for 2 weeks because my grandmother had passed away. When I got back, he confessed he had gambled the little money he had saved up again plus got a 10k loan. Imagine how upset I was. We have a new home, our toddler has needs like daycare and extracurriculars and he had got himself in a loan. Said he would never do it again.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I thought he had been paying the loan, I was happy (or at least I thought) already planning for a trip, getting an estimate to do a remodel on the home. And he comes home to tell me he had gambled again. This time, he got another 10k loan, maxed out 20k in a credit card, cleaned out his 401k, gambled the money for mortgage for July. As you can imagine I was in complete shock and I had told him that if he gambled again I was out the door.

He admitted to have a problem; started Gamblers Anonymous, did a lifetime self exclusion from the apps, installed an app to prevent him from gambling and started doing Uber Eats to make more money to pay off his debt.

On my end, I wanted to do a postnup, to protect my assets (we have separate accounts and he hadn’t touched mine. However, he wanted me to help him with the loan payments that I said no). As I was considering that, he came to me on Tuesday saying that I wanted to screw him over because I was going to put on the postnup that if he gambled again, he would have to temporarily help out with the mortgage (like 25% every month) so that I could not absorb the hit and keep our son in the home he knows. He said he would never agree to that.

Then Wednesday I ended up telling my family, and they all told me to get out, that a gambling issue would put my sons and I’s life at risk financially, emotionally. That if he gambled again he wouldn’t even be able to pay up child support, or help with mortgage.

My family also said that if I leave, they will put 100k for my house so that my mortgage pay will be lower and I can have more equity.

And that’s where I’m now, I feel stuck because I feel like he is doing changes, he is trying (even though it’s only been a week) and of course I didn’t stop loving him. But if I stay, my family would be upset and what happens if he does this again? How will that affect my son and me?

How could I live without trusting him? And I’m so so scared.

I also told him that if we get a divorce and in a year I can see that he has been consistent in recovery and I feel like I could trust him again, that if we both realize we were meant to be we could come back. And he said that why would I spend all this money in divorce, refinancing the home, paying him out, paying more every month when all that money I could use it to bail him out and start fresh.

Would love your advice

EDIT: I will like to preface that my son loves him, and I do believe he loves my son as well. He is always taken care of him, played with him. But also my family said if he would love us he wouldn’t put us in this position.

——

Hi everyone,

My (28M)husband and I(29F) have been married for 7 years, together for almost 10 and have a toddler. One week ago he came clean that he had gambled large amounts of money again (He always liked gambling but he has has 3 really big gambling episodes back to back and this was the worst one yet)

We purchased a home in May 2025, but August he had already gambled his last 4k in savings. Said he would never do it again. In November, I went to my home country for 2 weeks because my grandmother had passed away. When I got back, he confessed he had gambled the little money he had saved up again plus got a 10k loan. Imagine how upset I was. We have a new home, our toddler has needs like daycare and extracurriculars and he had got himself in a loan. Said he would never do it again.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I thought he had been paying the loan, I was happy (or at least I thought) already planning for a trip, getting an estimate to do a remodel on the home. And he comes home to tell me he had gambled again. This time, he got another 10k loan, maxed out 20k in a credit card, cleaned out his 401k, gambled the money for mortgage for July. As you can imagine I was in complete shock and I had told him that if he gambled again I was out the door.

He admitted to have a problem; started Gamblers Anonymous, did a lifetime self exclusion from the apps, installed an app to prevent him from gambling and started doing Uber Eats to make more money to pay off his debt.

On my end, I wanted to do a postnup, to protect my assets (we have separate accounts and he hadn’t touched mine. However, he wanted me to help him with the loan payments that I said no). As I was considering that, he came to me on Tuesday saying that I wanted to screw him over because I was going to put on the postnup that if he gambled again, he would have to temporarily help out with the mortgage (like 25% every month) so that I could not absorb the hit and keep our son in the home he knows. He said he would never agree to that.

Then Wednesday I ended up telling my family, and they all told me to get out, that a gambling issue would put my sons and I’s life at risk financially, emotionally. That if he gambled again he wouldn’t even be able to pay up child support, or help with mortgage.

My family also said that if I leave, they will put 100k for my house so that my mortgage pay will be lower and I can have more equity.

And that’s where I’m now, I feel stuck because I feel like he is doing changes, he is trying (even though it’s only been a week) and of course I didn’t stop loving him. But if I stay, my family would be upset and what happens if he does this again? How will that affect my son and me?

How could I live without trusting him? And I’m so so scared.

I also told him that if we get a divorce and in a year I can see that he has been consistent in recovery and I feel like I could trust him again, that if we both realize we were meant to be we could come back. And he said that why would I spend all this money in divorce, refinancing the home, paying him out, paying more every month when all that money I could use it to bail him out and start fresh.

Would love your advice

My(29F) spouse(28M) and I have been together for almost 10 years, married 7 and have a 2 year old toddler.

He comes from a family that has a lot of addictions (gambling drugs and alcohol) and has a lot of trauma. I in the other hand, didn’t have contact with anyone that had an addiction before I met him.

He always had an addictive personality in the sense that he would get super passionate about something. It would be stocks at some point, sports cards, buying things in Walmart and reselling. You name it. Always trying to make extra money. But he was also very responsible in the sense that he would never pay anything late, almost didn’t use credit card, and hated financing things.

Fast forward to last year, I knew he would do sports betting from time to time, talk to his friends in the fraternity, and they would all just do the next pick together. On August, he ended up losing 5k from his savings and said “I will never gamble again.”

Then November hit, I left for 2 weeks at my grandma had passed away and she lived in a different country. He got into gambling again, and this time lost his last 3k plus got a 10k loan. I was shocked. He said it was the worst moment of his life, that he was in the whole and hated everything. That he once again would never gamble again but also that I needed to trust him because he didn’t have an issue, that he had the willpower.

Last Thursday, he came home from work and looking down said “I did it again” this time, he took another 10k loan, maxed 20k on a credit card and cleaned out his 401k.

When I say I’m so in shock I can’t even breathe I mean it. I’m thankful we don’t have joint accounts and that neither my savings nor 401k nor credit cards were touched. However, the amount of money is insane, he doesn’t make that in a year.

This time, he did recognize he has a problem. He also started lifetime self exclusions from the apps he used, self exclusion from the casinos even though that wasn’t his gambling of choice, added Gamban on his phone, went to 2 GA meetings, and is okay with giving me full control of financials.

My problem is that I don’t know if I can take all this stress. It’s a lot he put on me. I was literally planning my second ptegnancy (which I know now I won’t.). I’m an only child and I’ve always dreamed of my child having a sibling and it’s the most heartbreaking thing I have to go through.

Im going to at least get a postnup to ensure I’m safe in this situation, but I wonder if leaving is my only option at this point.