u/MondoMania9

Sorry if this sounds silly or not. But I always had an issue with boxers. I mostly chaff in them, especially at work during summer/winter. I also hate how very loose boxers just feel. They always feel like I am shoving a giant bed sheet in my pants. Are they the way to go? I live with a mother and would be nervous her reaction to seeing me cleaning jockstraps and thongs in the laundry.

For the past year and a half ive had consistent waves of gender envy. Towards cis women, trans women and fictional women. I feel like its me projecting how much I hate my body. Ive been a fat kid for most of my life and I am still very fat. 276 for fucks sake, I can workout, I can lift, I can run and I can take fucking peptides. Nothing can fucking work for me. I just hate how large I am. I hate how ugly and worthless I look. I am bald due to alopecia, I have a large overbite and I look old and young at the same time. I just constantly see myself envying these trans people or cis women. I just wish I can throw my consciousness into a different body that isn’t look at weird like an alien. I can’t even change my diet. I can’t even enter into a body positive cope because I feel so worthless around other men. Im not deep into redpill stuff but appearances always matter. Its a very common fact of nature and life. I look at tons of transformation porn. Ive been looking at it since I was a kid. I do tons of erp sessions that involve transformation and it just something I envy. I just hate myself.

The tldr of it, my dog has two tumors. We were using meds to slow the growth, of them. But he still couldn’t really move as well and looked like he was in pain/uncomfortable. There is a procedure to remove them but we don’t have the money for it. I just feel a bit of guilt deep down? Im not even a believer, more of a skeptic that is very anti authority/a punk. I just don’t know why I feel a deep guilt.

I guess I am notorious for posting on here questioning if I am trans or not. My trans thoughts kind of fuse with my thoughts about how much I hate my life. I see a lot of timelines where the person transitioning looks so happy after they transitioned. It irks me and makes me wish I can be like them. It also combines with the thought that “I shouldn’t be living like this.” This thought really hit me when I realize I only have two days of my week where I feel free and able to do what I want. Then I go clock in and waste hours of my life. I just feel like I am living for someone else and not on my own terms. But I guess I get written off as a pessimist for being realistic.

I don’t think I can transition, move out, find a better job, lose weight or anything like that. Because of my financial situation, where I live and etc. I just hate this sinking reality feeling I guess. What can I do? Is there any self help resources?

I guess I am notorious for posting on here questioning if I am trans or not. My trans thoughts kind of fuse with my thoughts about how much I hate my life. I see a lot of timelines where the person transitioning looks so happy after they transitioned. It irks me and makes me wish I can be like them. It also combines with the thought that “I shouldn’t be living like this.” This thought really hit me when I realize I only have two days of my week where I feel free and able to do what I want. Then I go clock in and waste hours of my life. I just feel like I am living for someone else and not on my own terms. But I guess I get written off as a pessimist for being realistic.

I don’t think I can transition, move out, find a better job, lose weight or anything like that. Because of my financial situation, where I live and etc. I just hate this sinking reality feeling I guess. What can I do? Is there any self help resources?

Kind of self explanatory, I am curious about sermons and your guy’s favorites. It can be really any of them as im curious. I guess I really like intense or thought provoking ones? Especially as someone that deals with some internal identity stuff. I was curious about Billy Graham but thats the only one I know.

I know im a bit notorious for constantly posting here. I guess I have a bad habit of having a transitioning fantasy to distract me from how much I can’t change my life? Someone said it was like an isekai fantasy and I get it a bit. I just hate how a lot of people think I can pull stuff out of my ass and just change my life.

“Move out then!” I don’t have money

“Find a new job” I live in the middle of nowhere where part time jobs are sparse

“Go to therapy” I do go to therapy but I can’t see a gender therapist due to being on my mom’s insurance. Idk my therapist listened rather than give advice about my trans stuff.

I just can’t make large changes without the fear of losing everything or hating my life more. I just hate how everybody thinks I can pick up everything and change when I can’t. Then I see these before and after trans timelines and it hurts me.

Im sorry if I post around here often. I just haven’t had any other places to ask for advice. I guess for the last year and a half I have had waves of gender envy? Towards cis women, trans women, fictional women, even female customers I help at work. It will come in waves and I will sit on it. I just kinda ruminate on it.

I feel like its me projecting. Projecting how much I hate my life situation that I can’t change. I live with a bipolar mom, I work a job I hate, I am broke, I am going through the motions in college, estranged from my dad, can’t move out, irl friend group is breaking apart, no love interests, I live in the midwest, im autistic and so much more. I also feel like its me projecting how much I hate my body.

Im bald due to alopecia and no eyebrows. I am skinnyfat, I do workout and I am trying to do a peptide stack. But I have a large overbite and I just look so unnatural/creepy/awkward and depressed in so many photos. Apart of me just doesn’t want to be me y’know? I used to look at a lot of gender swap/body swap comics when I was a kid.

I do go to therapy but I just barely mentioned the trans thoughts after knowing her for 2 years. She just kinda listened rather than offer advice. Im also wondering if transitioning would be worth it. Im 23 so long after puberty, all of my personal irl relationships all hate trans people and I am on my mom’s insurance. I just don’t know what to do.

Im sorry if I post around here often. I just haven’t had any other places to ask for advice. I guess for the last year and a half I have had waves of gender envy? Towards cis women, trans women, fictional women, even female customers I help at work. It will come in waves and I will sit on it. I just kinda ruminate on it.

I feel like its me projecting. Projecting how much I hate my life situation that I can’t change. I live with a bipolar mom, I work a job I hate, I am broke, I am going through the motions in college, estranged from my dad, can’t move out, irl friend group is breaking apart, no love interests, I live in the midwest, im autistic and so much more. I also feel like its me projecting how much I hate my body.

Im bald due to alopecia and no eyebrows. I am skinnyfat, I do workout and I am trying to do a peptide stack. But I have a large overbite and I just look so unnatural/creepy/awkward and depressed in so many photos. Apart of me just doesn’t want to be me y’know? I used to look at a lot of gender swap/body swap comics when I was a kid.

I do go to therapy but I just barely mentioned the trans thoughts after knowing her for 2 years. She just kinda listened rather than offer advice. Im also wondering if transitioning would be worth it. Im 23 so long after puberty, all of my personal irl relationships all hate trans people and I am on my mom’s insurance. I just don’t know what to do.

Im sorry if this isn’t the best place to really talk about this. I can’t really post stuff like this and not get lost in the shuffle. I guess, for the last year and a half I feel like an observer? Like im over here living a life I hate and I am watching other’s be free. Im stuck in a large pool of quicksand and everybody else is in clear water.

I guess I should give context, I feel very discontent with my life and body? I work a job I hate, I go through the motions in college, I live with a bipolar mom, I am estranged from my dad, I don’t have any irl friends besides a few I see once a month, I am autistic and I don’t have a girlfriend.

I hate my body as well. I am skinnyfat (I am taking peptides but I just barely started). I am completely bald due to alopecia (I have tried meds and they didn’t work). I do workout but I feel meh afterwards. I have a bad overbite and I can’t get surgery.

I guess I often project my disdain. I often times hate seeing these people I constantly observe happy. I get annoyed when they laugh or smile or look natural. I often hate how much money they have or the relationships they have.

I project my disdain for my body with a lot of trans ideation. I just always have a lot of gender envy and a strong desire and want to be trans. But I don’t know. I do have a therapist but I partially feel like she is just milking me for money.

I feel like im a bit too punk and anti conformist for Christianity. I don’t know what kind of god would allow capitalism to exist. I am also just a bit sick and tired of christian propaganda. I have a friend I like but he shoves stuff down our throat with preaching. What should I do?

Id say for the past year and a half I have had waves of gender envy? It can be towards cis women, trans women or fictional women. Sometimes it will be women I see irl or online. I will be helping a woman at a register at work and it will feel awkward because she is wearing clothes and has a body I want. The envy will turn into a weird arrogance or hatred for them. For the fact they triggered it unintentionally.

I really hope I am not trans and its just me projecting. Projecting how much I hate my life and can’t change it. Also how much I hate my body. With my life, I work a job I hate, I go through the motions in college, I live with a bipolar mom, I am estranged from my dad, I am broke most of the time, I have irl friends but I only see them 1-2 times a month and I don’t have the ability to move out or anything.

I think its also me projecting how much I hate my body and how I feel like I lack the autonomy? I am skinnyfat, I am completely bald due to alopecia and I am losing my eyebrows. I have a overbite I can’t fix. I have tried meds for my hair and they didn’t work. I also can’t really use my mom’s insurance to see the doctor more. I also can’t just find a trans therapist. If my mom found out, it would be scorched earth.

My problem with the autonomy aspect is that I see these women. They get to dress how they want and be how they want. They get to have piercings, tattoos and etc im just plain. It feels embarrassing for me because I am this tall 5’10 271 pound man. I have these feelings that are the opposite. I wear dark basic male clothing. My parents controlled how I dressed and still to an extent. My mom had a meltdown when I wore a beanie to work when it was cold out.

I wish I can write this off as a fetish? I have been looking at transformation porn since I was 12. Also sissy/feminization porn since I was 16. I erp with people on discord or ai bots. I wish I can write this off as a fantasy but idk.

I am in therapy, not a trans therapist. I did admit and told her about these feelings but she hasn’t offered any input too much. She just sorta listened. Which I guess is much I needed. Is there anything I can do to make these feelings go away? I am working out more often and that’s sorta it. I can’t really do these solutions everybody I talk to pulls out of their asses.

I don’t know how to explain this and it feels stupid as a skeptic to tell.

I was at the grocery store, got done working out, covered in sweat and was in a bad mood. I was waiting in line and I was just ruminating on how much I hate my life. I had to cancel out on plans to hang with a friend due to me having a car payment coming up and needing to save money. A woman in the store was triggering my gender envy. It was mostly with how she dressed and presented herself. I don’t know, I just felt particular bitter about everything. I joke with people when im told to smile and say “I have nothing in my life to smile about.”

Which is mostly true for me. I work a job I hate, I go through the motions in college, im broke, I live with a bipolar mom, I am estranged from my dad, im autistic and I have irl friends but I don’t see them often. Only really twice a month. The way I see it metaphorically, everybody around me is swimming in crystal clear water and I am stuck in a pit of quicksand.

Envy has been a very recurring feeling with me seeing so many women and trans women. Just a part of me wishes I can be them. What can I do even if I am a skeptic? This feeling can hit me when im at the mall looking down at all the people below me.

Id say for the past year or two I have had feelings of gender envy. It can be towards cis, trans or fictional women. It can hit me when im out in public, work or online. It just sorta haunts me, it will come in waves. I feel like its me projecting how bad I want change. Change in my life and my body.

With my life, I kind of hate my life at worst and I am a bit annoyed at worst. I work a job I hate and can’t find anything that can pay good for part time. I am in college but in the motions with it. I live with a bipolar mom. I have some real life friends but I only see them twice a month. I am estranged from my dad. Im autistic too.

My job just kind of feels like the salt in my wound. I see people spending money on large expensive things that cost my entire paycheck. I see a lot of happy couples and families. Its the most awkward feeling helping a female customer at work that triggers your gender envy with how they dress, move and act.

I mostly have a disdain for my body for particular reasons. I am bald due to alopecia, I am losing my eyebrows. Ive done meds for it before but nothing worked. I am also just skinnyfat and have an overbite. I am trying to workout and fast. Id love to get from 268 to about 130. Ive been taunted or laughed at for my appearance since I was a kid and even into my adult life.

I don’t know, I have a therapist and I mentioned this trans stuff just barely after a whole two years of knowing her. She didn’t offer input because it was mostly listening.

I guess also my porn viewing habits shaped my gender envy. I have been looking at gender bender transformation porn since I was 12. I have done tons of sissy and feminization roleplay sessions with strangers or ai chatbots. I guess next to food, porn is like the only guaranteed pleasure I have.

I guess what I hate is when people say “you have the ability to change life already!” When I really don’t. I don’t have the money to move out, no job will pay about almost 1,000 for part time, I can’t really meet a trans therapist or buy estrogen because if my mom found out it would be scorched earth. I just hate a lot of toxic positivity.

I just hate having these feelings deep down inside.

Id say for the past year or two I have had feelings of gender envy. It can be towards cis, trans or fictional women. It can hit me when im out in public, work or online. It just sorta haunts me, it will come in waves. I feel like its me projecting how bad I want change. Change in my life and my body.

With my life, I kind of hate my life at worst and I am a bit annoyed at worst. I work a job I hate and can’t find anything that can pay good for part time. I am in college but in the motions with it. I live with a bipolar mom. I have some real life friends but I only see them twice a month. I am estranged from my dad. Im autistic too.

My job just kind of feels like the salt in my wound. I see people spending money on large expensive things that cost my entire paycheck. I see a lot of happy couples and families. Its the most awkward feeling helping a female customer at work that triggers your gender envy with how they dress, move and act.

I mostly have a disdain for my body for particular reasons. I am bald due to alopecia, I am losing my eyebrows. Ive done meds for it before but nothing worked. I am also just skinnyfat and have an overbite. I am trying to workout and fast. Id love to get from 268 to about 130. Ive been taunted or laughed at for my appearance since I was a kid and even into my adult life.

I don’t know, I have a therapist and I mentioned this trans stuff just barely after a whole two years of knowing her. She didn’t offer input because it was mostly listening.

I guess also my porn viewing habits shaped my gender envy. I have been looking at gender bender transformation porn since I was 12. I have done tons of sissy and feminization roleplay sessions with strangers or ai chatbots. I guess next to food, porn is like the only guaranteed pleasure I have.

I guess what I hate is when people say “you have the ability to change life already!” When I really don’t. I don’t have the money to move out, no job will pay about almost 1,000 for part time, I can’t really meet a trans therapist or buy estrogen because if my mom found out it would be scorched earth. I just hate a lot of toxic positivity.

I just hate having these feelings deep down inside.