u/MordinOnMars

Anyone else just get fired from Freedom Mortgage in a zoom call?

My wife and I were about to make an offer on a house, so I guess that is out, now it's time to try to hunt for a new job.

At least I can stop trying to convince people 7.75% par is a good FHA or VA mortgage rate.

My wife and I have several issues around communicating in conflict and communicating needs in our relationship. They happen in several different ways and I am often left at the end of the conversation feeling like I have just given in, have given up any points of view I have had, and have just apologized a lot.

If I have done something wrong, we often get into conflict. She says it is because I am not validating her feelings or understanding where she is coming from. From my perspective, we get into conflict because she will ask me repeatedly why I did something. If I don't give a reason she likes, she just doesn't believe it and asks the same question again. Sometimes we manage to get through it somehow, which usually feels like to me I have just stumbled on the right combination of words that she feels validated. Other times, I get defensive because I feel like I am trying to answer her questions and she just keeps asking them over and over again, and then the fight escalates.

We have both been in and out of therapy so we know the tools for effective communication. However, the tools don't feel like they work. I don't understand how to approach someone repeatedly asking "why would you do that?/why would you think that's a good idea?" over and over again. I feel like my back is against the wall, I feel trapped, scared, and anxious all the time. When I get a text from her, my heart drops into my stomach and I feel nauseous. I am scared every day of making a mistake.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD and I am often scatterbrained, impulsive, and forgetful. I have terrible time management skills as well. I am trying to work on it and I am on medication but I constantly make mistakes and I feel like I did when I was a child, just terrified of getting in another fight.

The way she talks to me in a fight makes me feel like she sees me as a terrible person. If I do something, I feel like her questions indicate she thinks the reason I did it was malicious, and will not accept any explanation I give. I repeat myself over and over in various ways until she feels like one way of saying it is slightly different enough and acts like she finally caught the real reason I did something. If we have any disagreement on the facts, we can't just step back from that and accept we might have different perspectives.

Here are some examples:

1. A few days ago, she got very upset with me because I made dinner and I let her know a few times that I was making it and when it was ready. She was leaving the room and I let her know it could be ready in 5-10 minutes, then when it was ready I sent our 2yr old to tell her, and then because I wasn't sure a toddler communicated that well, I told her too. She was very upset and said I was treating her like a child and that I was motivated by anger at her because I thought she was being rude for not coming to the dinner table right away.

Her reasoning is that one time I told her that it used to upset me when my ex would not come to the dinner table on time and I thought it was rude. The rest of that story I told her is that my ex used to take calls from family members and talk on the phone for 2+ hours when we would try to spend time together.

I told her the reason I reminded her was a) I am terrible with time management and I wasn't 100% sure when it would be ready, b) she has food aversions and I was worried that if the food was really cold she couldn't eat it and then would have to figure something else out, and c) I was just trying to be courteous and let her know it was ready.

None of those reasons were acceptable and she continued to ask why I would do that while explaining to me that some people were not raised like me and didn't all eat together.

2. This morning, I messed up when she was leaving for work. She had just started a new job after being out of the workforce for a while. I knew it was a big day and I did help prepare quite a bit but then I did not communicate to her before I went to work what I had done and what remained to be done. (I work from home.) She wasn't sure what I had done and got to work 30 minutes late. Sometimes when I start work (which I almost always start 5-10 minutes late) I come back down to help finish up a few things, but I didn't do that today.

I know I should have either a) gotten up earlier so I could make sure everything was set before I started work or b) come back down after clocking in and make sure she was set for the day. I recognize it was really unfair I left her hanging like that especially on a big day. I recognized all that and listened to her and said that when she told me she was very mad about it.

However, she then proceeds to ask me over and over again "why did you not come back down? Why did you decide to stay upstairs today instead of not come back down?" And all I can do is say the same answer over and over again because it is the only answer there is: I wasn't paying attention to the time, I was rushing and stressed, I wasn't thinking through what I was doing or what needed to be done, I should have slowed down to communicate better, and I should have come back downstairs and helped. Basically I was distracted and acting impulsively. This explanation did not and has not satisfied her.

She keeps asking me why I would do this as if there is another reason. Does she think I did it out of malice? That I wanted to mess things up? That I think I am more important than her or my job is more important? I could barely get my explanation out as it was because she kept cutting me off.

The other problem with these questions that I have is that I am so confused how I answer them defensively or nondefensively. Sometimes, she says I am being defensive and making it all about me. And other times she says she wants the answers to the questions.

She is not telling me about her feelings, she rarely expounds on those feelings and explains them further if she feels like I am not understanding. She just asks these questions "why would you do this? Why did you think it was a good idea?" over and over again, arguing with my answers, giving other motivations to my actions, and then if I say she is attacking me she says its not even about me, its about her and her feelings.

The attitidue she has when speaking with me is as with a combative, hostile, untrustworthy person. She doesn't accept what I say when she questions my motivations. If I point this out, she just says its not about me, its about her and her feelings, and she can never tell me anything without it having to be about me.

It feels like an interrogation where the interrogator has already decided you did it for a certain reason and isn't going to stop till they get that answer.

When I try to use communication skills from therapy, she treats that like I am trying to manipulate, control, or limit the conversation.

I am completely at a loss as to what to do and I am tired of feeling so scared, angry, and anxious.

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The other problem with communication is that I do not feel like I can communicate what I need with her.

I am exhausted, stressed, and overwhelmed all the time. We have three small children and I wake up first and go to bed last. I feel like I have demands on me every hour of the day.

I work from home and I have been part of every part of our kids lives. I juggle working while running up and downstairs to help with diapers, meals, etc. I adjust my work schedule to accommodate my kids and my wife. I have prioritized my wife getting alone time and going out with friends and now I find myself completely stressed, overwhelmed, and alone.

I have no friends or connections. I almost never leave the house. I don't get any alone time, unless its going to the bathroom. I have digestive issues because I will be so busy all day long I hold it till 8 pm at night when the kids are down and chores are done. Once the kids are down, then my wife wants me to spend time with her, talking or snuggling on the couch. When we go to sleep at night she wants me to snuggle her.

I am part of every part of our lives. We have done mental load checklists before and we are both managing fair amounts. The main difference is my wife gets alone time and time with friends. Several times a week she will spend time by herself painting. She has friends who she goes to spend time with on her own.

My wife will tell me that I need to do a better job taking care of myself and I need to tell her what I need so I don't burn out. I don't feel like this is possible. I am very anxious about saying what I need. If I choose to do something other than what my wife wants or needs, I am always uncertain the response I'll get. I feel like if I don't tell her far in advance and then remind her frequently of what I have scheduled, then I can't do it.

If I had a really hard day and all I want is to sit and read before bed, she is upset because she was expecting something else and I changed things last minute. I am anxious if I am not talking or connecting because then she tells me we are disconnected. If I don't snuggle her while I am asleep, then she lets me know the next day she missed my snuggles and didn't sleep as well as a result.

I tried to bring this up to her the other day and her response was she got a panic attack and then started saying she hates herself for being such a pickme and then asking me to give her specific examples. That made me feel completely invalidated because I felt so silly and mean and responsible for her panic attack, and because I don't keep a laundry list of sins then my feelings were inaccurate.

Last night it was 10 pm and instead of relaxing she started looking at backpacks for our kids. I wanted to say I was going to sit and read while she did that but she clearly was mad I was not participating so I just sat and looked at them with her and then went to bed with my mind racing.

I feel like she treats me like a completely untrustworthy person. She does not believe anything I say when we are in conflict. I feel the only path to resolution is to completely drop any feelings or thoughts I have about the matter and try to figure out what she wants to feel better for herself, which feels like playing minesweeper.

I feel like she attacks me during conflicts and doesn't use conflict resolution skills and that her way of dealing with conflict is to basically chew me out until she runs out of steam or I stumble on the right response she is looking for and that aligns with what she already thinks about the situation.

She shuts down, refuses to talk. If I don't initiate conversations nothing happens. If I don't know what to say or don't quickly pursue her to resolve the conflict then I am abandoning her, but she never comes to me. When something has happened, the only way she will start hte conversation is to ask me "are you ready to tell me what you've thought about?"

I have no clue who I am, I don't trust any of my emotions or feelings. If I bring up anything, I feel like I am argued or explained out of them. I feel like my only role in life and in this relationship is to serve. If I ever think about putting myself first then that is seen as rejection and that I'm not thinking about her. I am so scared she will decide to leave me and take our kids. I love my kids so much and I can't bear the thought of not getting to see them every day.

I want my wife to not look at me and assume that when I have done something wrong, it is for the worst possible reasons. And I'd also like to feel like I'm not the only one who ever does anything wrong.

I get this market is competitive, and we all need to win business, but if you're a broker/lo whose sales strategy to win business is to say "that lender is going to need more documents once you get under contract, and I won't", I just want to know who you are so I can talk to you face to face.

I want to know how this lie works for you, because that is an impossible promise to make. Do you just ghost the client if they go with you and underwriting asks for a document?

Pathetic.

North Carolina, Piedmont, 8a

Has anyone successfully grown Jewelweed (impatiens capensis) in their yard?

It grows wild along a wooded trail by a stream near my house and I collected some seeds last year and put them down under leaf litter last fall in a shaded area in my yard, but even with the minimal direct son they received, they still got burned off by July. I watered them a lot to try and mimic the moist area they were growing in the woods, but clearly didn't work out.

Elsewhere I've read they are difficult to make grow outside of their natural habitats. I'd love to make it happen though, they are one of my favorite native plants.

My 2 year old daughter has to wear glasses. She takes them off all the time which is to be expected, but the main problem is the glasses lens constantly pop out of the frames we got.

All the frames I do see online for toddlers seem to be the same design: Flexible frames with a strap around the back.

We have DilliDalli glasses right now with that design and we are constantly hunting for a missing lens. There's a lens missing right now we haven't been able to find.

We'll have to constantly make her put any pair of glasses back on, but are there any frames made for a child her age with more rigid frames that are not going to constantly lose the lens. She is a bigger 2 year old, already in 3 T clothes if that helps.

Can lenders have DU/LPA pick up on overlays or tweak how the system views a file?

Will two different lenders who have the same file set up identically in their system always get the same response from AUS?

I get these files occasionally where someone claims they are PQ'd by another lender for X amount, but I cannot see anyway that is possible without fudging the numbers somewhere to get it through.

My wife and I are trying to figure out childcare for our two youngest since my wife needs to go back to work.

We can't afford a larger daycare center and we also don't want to deal with the constant sickness the kids will bring home so we are looking at an in-home childcare close to where we live.

They are very well recommended by people we know, and my wife has been talking with the woman who runs it. However, they are not licensed (working on getting licensed) so they are not ranked/background checked by the state. The owner has agreed to background checks for herself and her husband who is also present in the home.

I have been researching online so I am aware of places like checkr.com, enannysource.com, goodhire.com, etc., and I have been researching what you want a good background check to cover (such as a national criminal background check and not just a state).

I am trying to decide if we should go with one of these online websites or if we should go with a local PI company. I am assuming the PI company will be more expensive, but is there any difference in quality between the online services and a local service?

When I look at their websites, they both seem to cover the same thing and they both claim to be the best of course.

Does anyone have any experience or advice for this?

What are everyone's thoughts on this bill?

It looks like there could be some really positive things in here that will actually improve the housing market.

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (WBTV) - A Charlotte businessman and father of seven died over the weekend, according to his wife in a post on social media.

On Monday, June 22, Ronjera Abrahams posted on Instagram that her husband, Carlos Abrahams, died on Saturday, June 20.

Ronjera Abrahams did not go into details about her husbands death, only saying that he died on June 20.

WBTV reported on the Steele Creek family in February 2025 when the quadruplets finally made it home after 36 days in the NICU.

The couple and their three other children, all boys, welcomed quadruplets, Ariayah, Aniyah, Cayden, and Carter on Dec. 2, 2024.

Carlos Abrahams owned a Jamaican restaurant and food truck in Charlotte, Crav’N Caribbean.

She posted the following on Instagram:

“To my forever love, my best friend , my husband ❤️ words cannot describe the pain that I feel. With a heavy heart , my husband passed away on 6/20/26.. I’ll never be the same.. God please just strengthen me even more as i try to navigate life without the man that I’ve been with for 16 years while raising our children..."

Ronjera Abrahams

Copyright 2026 WBTV. All rights reserved.

I am very sleep deprived so this may be a really dumb question but:

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Why is our system of numbers just based on counting to ten over and over again?

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Why not count to seven or five and start over from there?

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Was this decided by someone at some point or is there the same natural order to this system?

I'm going to be in asheville this weekend, are there any board game meetups happening tonight? I checked Meetup but can't find anything there.

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How fast can you close a conventional 15 year cash out on a free and clear prop in AZ?

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FICO >720

DTI 21%

LTV 44%

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There are no issues with this loan, the borrowers need to close faster than their current lender is willing to make it happen?

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Can anyone do this in two weeks or less?

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Title and appraisal are done and just need to be transferred.

Realtors seem to believe that:

-- a pre-approval is the same as a final approval.

-- lenders get paid to deny loans

-- loan officers make underwriting decisions

-- A change in financial circumstances shouldn't prevent a loan from closing

-- all lenders are evil except their broker who pays for their blowouts

They have zero knowledge or understanding about how the origination process works either. If my client tells me incorrect information, goes under contract before they submit docs against my advice, and then takes a month to get it together to even submit the loan, all while telling me they do not want me to provide any updates to their realtor, that somehow this is still my personal fault.

And the number who threaten to post about me personally on social media is hilarious. Go ahead, Janice, no one cares about your "Best deals of Buttfuck, Missouri" tiktoks

Is there anyone who can fund this transaction in Texas?

Credit is <660

Income is $800k-$1.5mil in investment disbursements

Very high assets

Buying a $350k home, wants a $300k loan amount. Renovating the property entirely as a home for his son.

Doesn't want to buy in cash despite having the funds.

With his credit score, I can't get his file past compliance on a Fannie/Freddie second home conventional.

Any conventional lenders who can do this while charging less than 2 points or are there any other lenders who can offer a better product for someone with this amount of income/assets?

I work in the mortgage industry and I see this all the time, people apply who currently live in a mobile home in a trailer park. Every time they tell me what they are paying in rent it blows my mind.

I just talked to someone living in BFE Tennessee in a single wide, barely 1000 sq ft who is paying $1,900 per month in rent.

That is almost as much as what I pay for a single family home twice the size in a high cost of living area.

And to make it worse, this person living in this trailer park is having to now scramble because the new owners of the park have told everyone that they have decided to stop renting the trailers and only the lots, so everyone has a year to buy their trailers or GTFO.

There is a special place in hell for the scum doing this to people just barely making ends meet.

The longer I work in this industry, the more radicalized I become.