u/Mountain_Ask_5746

Literally everyone’s profile mentions something about humor, laughing, wittyness.

But my texts are painful. I consider myself witty and I feel like I’m pulling teeth trying to get the same in return.

For instance, they’ll say “what are you doing?” And I’ll keep it playful, and say “I’m currently at the 9-5, grindin away in my cubicle”. To which they respond “thats cool”.

Why does everyone send the most flat, emotionless replies. And in my experience, in person, it’s 99% the same thing. Very rarely do I get engaging/funny texts.

For instance, all you’re thinking is “don’t think that bad thing, don’t think it, don’t think it”. So you exercise, you meditate, you drive to therapy, etc.

So you start doing everything you can to not think about a specific thing, when really your life now revolves around doing things to not think about it? Which is then just rewiring your brain to constantly think about.

At least that is whats happening to me. Does anyone know what I mean? Like I wonder if just stopped all the natural remedies and therapies, if it would go away on its own because I wouldn’t be so focused on making it go away. Like if you really wanted a red car, and now suddenly you notice every red car on the road.

I matched with a guy recently, who came off a bit lovey dovey (overly nice messages, lots of smiley emojis). But because I am trying to accept love (rather than avoid it), I have been receptive to his texts.

We had a FaceTime chat that went well. After 15 min of chatting, I said that I had to go but that it was nice speaking. And he said he liked my vibe and that we should get together soon, to which I agreed.

Then 2 days later I got a text from him, sending me photos of himself on a weekend trip. But no texts about going on an actual date. He asked me how my weekend was and I said it wasn’t the greatest.

His response was “oh no! I’m so sorry! Do you want to chat? I’m here for anything you need. 🙂Even if you just need to vent”.

And this morning I get another text saying ”hi, just checking in on you, hoping you’re doing better this week! Sending positive vibes! 🙂“

I understand he’s being nice, but I feel it’s a bit suffocating. I‘ve never met this guy, so I certainly don’t want to vent to him about my personal problems. He hasn’t even asked me on a date either! How should I respond to him without being mean?

I make skinless chicken tenders or breast on my pan. I put it on medium heat. I use oil.

And the parts on the pan that are not cooking the chicken, always start to blacken and burn.

And it’s always setting off my fire alarm (embarrassing since I live in an apartment). And it’s such a hassle to clean.

What am I doing wrong!? if I turn the heat any lower, the chicken won’t cook. One recipe even said I don’t need to use any oil on the cast iron, which did make my chicken nice and charred but turned my house into a hazard.

Help

I’m wondering if I should stop trying to date and just start the process of being a SMBC. I didn’t date for the past 6 years (my biggest regret in life), due to personal issues. Now that I’ve gotten back into it, none of my dates have gone well and it’s taking a hit on my confidence.

I’m considered conventionally attractive and I’m nice and witty. But most men who want kids are looking for younger women.

I want to freeze eggs but I can’t afford to. I want kids but I can’t afford to. I was really hoping I’d meet a partner who can help me. Just like all my girl friends have (they’re all SAHM).

Feeling really lost and looking for guidance. I’ve also developed late-onset OCD recently and am terrified that pregnancy hormones can send it into overdrive.

Up until 3 weeks ago, I was a normal 37 year old woman. I had anxiety and depression for years, but never OCD. Until 3 weeks ago, when I suddenly had a disgusting sexual intrusive thought, tried to get rid of it, and now it’s in my head 24/7. The only time I ever get peace is when I’m sleeping.

Today at work, I had an epic meltdown. Just bawling at my desk for hours. Trying to cry quietly and not blow my nose, so others wouldn’t notice. But one of my colleagues noticed. They said I could speak to them outside if I need to vent.

Should I tell them? Truthfully this is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced and I don’t want to live like this if I can’t find a cure. But I also don’t want my colleagues to think I’m unstable, especially because I work on their team and they pay my bills.

What should I do? I have my first psychiatric evaluation next week. But am already grieving my old life and old brain, and can’t stop crying. And can’t believe this happened to me, this late in my life. 🥺💔

For instance, I’ve come across some very socially unaware profiles (from the prompt to the photo) and then having conversations with them is equally as painful…and their job is a Therapist. You’d think therapist have done so much inner work and have good communication, and social awareness.

Or it’ll be someone who is just a jerk, and their job is an Anesthesiologist. And I think “wow these are the people I am trusting with my life when I’m put to sleep”.

I come across this pretty often and it blows my mind. Anyone else?

A while back, I made a post about how I’m 37 and want to have a kid on my own, but I don’t earn much, live in a small studio, and don’t have resources such as family or friends who can help. About 80% of you replied that I shouldn’t bring a child into the world, and that my life will be very difficult. The other 20% said to just wing it, and that poor people have babies all the time (and that my finances can always improve later).

For my ladies that had your finances in order, what steps did you take to get there? My family is poor so I don’t have that resource. And I haven’t been able to find a higher paying job, despite trying.

I had a few bad dates in a row so I decided I’d skip doing long dinners or even drinks and just do a quick vibe check on FaceTime first.

I had two matches this week with guys who seemed cool and agreed to FaceTime. But as soon as I gave them my number, they ghosted me. Now I feel like I should’ve just gone on a date, and that I let good prospects pass me by.

Feeling conflicted, what to do?

I feel like with the right amount of mental prep, I can mask my anxiety for an hour or two and pretend to be more outgoing than I am.

That said, I’ve never felt comfortable dancing, and I so badly want to. My brain just doesn’t allow my body to relax and let go of the feeling of being judged.

Went to a dive bar last night with my colleagues and everyone was dancing, and I just felt so anxious. I was that person boppin my head and sitting in the back. And even at weddings or literally any social gathering, dancing terrified me. Like I forgot how to do even the most basic moves.

And all my colleagues were so free and happy on the dance floor, and I just wonder how they do it.

Does anyone else struggle with dancing in public?

I live in LA so it’s not like I’m in some small city. And you’d think people here have money and bomb designer clothes.

That said, whenever I go, it’s just rows of outdated (i.e. a 2017 fitted leather jacket), pilled, stained, polyester Zara crap.

On the rare chance that I find something cute, it’s 10 sizes too big or small.

If I go to a consignment store like TheRealReal, none of it is even slightly affordable, and at that point I might as well buy brand new.

Unless you are unemployed and can go in the morning as soon as the store opens, daily…I don’t understand how anyone finds trendy stuff thrifting.

I know there are thousands of things on the market that are supposedly promising (lasers, retinol, microneedling, serums, sunscreens, botox, collagen supplements, peptides, etc).

But genuinely, do any of them really make us look younger? Other than maybe a surgical facelift (and even that is questionable) or your genetics.

Because people like Madonna or Kim Kardashian have access to the best facial products, lasers, and doctors in the world. Yet they still look their age. Sure, Kim looks great, but she still looks like a woman in her 40’s (and not her 20’s or even 30’s). And yes Madonna doesn’t have a single wrinkle, but she doesn’t look younger than she is.

At the end of the day, is it all just good marketing and we’re falling for it?

I’m 37f and have finally decided to be more intentional about dating after being an avoidant for so long.

I feel way less hot than I used to and much more pressure with time, and I think that is translating into my dates. I just get anxious and am not myself.

I had 3 dates in the past 2 weeks (more than I had in the previous year combined). And none of them went well.

My confidence is a bit shot. I don’t want to take a break and waste more time, but the thought of another 2hr awkward date seems dreadful.

Any tips?

I want to change my life so bad, after social anxiety has plagued me for all my 37 years. and I recently started going to events alone and going on dates (despite insane anxiety beforehand).

That said, I’m extremely anxious and people can sense it. On dates, I’m awkward. At events, I try to let loose and dance like everyone else, or network and make friends. But I feel like I’m just not fun to be around.

The irony is that at my core, I’m funny, witty, and very goofy/animated. However only a very small few have ever seen this side of me, mainly my family. Because meeting new people, I’m way too anxious for them to see the real me.

How are you guys doing it? Any secrets or tips I should know?

I feel like I’m constantly seeing people on Instagram doing fun stuff that I want to be doing too, but wonder how people hear of these things.

I’m not talking about events you see on MeetUp, like a pottery class. Instead, I want to be in Miami this month for F1 racing. Or last night I saw people post this fancy tennis tournament in Beverly Hills that I’d love to go to. Or a yacht event in Newport Beach recently. Or suddenly everyone knows about a pop-up concert and somehow they all have tickets.

Like genuinely, how are people finding out about all these events!? I don’t want to spend my weekends alone, but I also struggle with finding stuff to do and people to do it with. Especially likeminded people who enjoy bougie events like myself.

I hardly dated at all for the past 6 years. Only went on 7 dates in that time. Each guy I went on a date with, wanted a second date with me. But I turned them down (for my own issues).

I finally overcame my dating fears this year and am ready to put myself out there. Following this sub, people say to go on as many dates as possible and that it’s a numbers game. Like 3-4 a week

But that seems like so much! How are you not extremely burnt out after that many dates a week? And is serial dating really that effective or you’re doing it for years? Are you even trying to bond with the person at that point or just looking at them as a number?

Back in 2020, I made a TikTok and posted some niche but funny content (basically me making fun of rich people, while also partaking in those douchey activities). Kind of like GstaadGuy and TheFakeRoth before they were popular.

Anyway, this led for to me gaining 13k followers pretty quickly and I wanted to utilize that fanbase but then I was hacked. Some guy in Tennessee stole my profile, and turned it into a TikTok shop. And I was never able to recover it.

I’ve tried to make a TikTok since but I keep getting shadow banned so I’m not having viral success. I’m not as funny and goofy as I was in 2020 and feel less creative aesthetically. Is it worth it? I feel like anyone that is successful in this field has an eye for graphic design and videography.

And I’m not sure why, what it steams from, or how to learn to share a story without sounding insufferable.

I’ve done a lot of cool things in my life (yachts, jets, hooked up with some celebs, etc). But anytime I bring it up, I sound so obnoxious.

My colleague (who is super charismatic and confident) has also lived a fun life, but he has a way of bringing it up that sounds so chill and engages people. Yet when I do it, it sounds so cringe.

Any advice for me? It’s like I want to connect with people but I end up sounding like I’m bragging and it kills the vibe.