u/Natural-Buy-5510

hi everyone! i wanted to ask how to deal with a friend situation that i've been dealing with recently. for reference, we are both in a higher education setting, same year. early in our friendship, she confessed to me stating that she likes me. unfortunately, due to personal reasons, i couldn't reciprocate a romantic relationship. this was about a year and a half ago. now, she says that she still has "lingering" feelings, but she tries to downplay the extent to which she currently still has feelings. i have various pieces of evidence that show that she at least HAD very very strong feelings, especially during the beginning of all this. at some point, it seemed like she couldn't help but think about me, worry about me, and want to hang out with me. don't get me wrong, she is self-aware enough to know that she probably needed to work on this, and she would do her best to try and hide the fact that she thought about me often. but i have like concrete evidence from others and my own observations that she wasn't dealing with not being able to be in a relationship with me very well. she also would obsessively worry if i didn't respond to her for extended periods of time, which is fair, but like she thought about me CONSTANTLY. she would go to mutual friends of ours and ask about me, get sad if i didn't interact with her at school. just shit like that. she's a kind friend who genuinely cares and has self-awareness, but this attachment to me was hard to hide, even from me.

during the first year of our friendship, i started to unfortunately distance myself from her because i noticed that she started like,,, mimicking me in very very specific and odd ways. just as a disclaimer, i am a person who does tie a lot of my identity to being individualistic, so i am naturally protective over the things that i find important, fulfilling, or just things that i have developed as "quirks". i try not to be like one of those people who think they're "different", but i have found through various of my social interactions that i tend to react to/approach situations a little differently than others. this has caused me to be socially ostracized at some points in time, but the people who see past it and get to know me usually don't mind it. regardless, this has been a part of my identity, so i know i am probably more protective over my interests/career goal than other people. but, with this particular friend, it became like so specific and weird that i can't help but feel uncomfortable being around her, even to this day.

for example, if i mentioned a casual or even important hobby of mine, she would say like two days later, "oh i'm 'getting back into' (insert same hobby that i mentioned two days ago)". this happened for various things, to the point where i couldn't imagine it being a coincidence anymore. if i got a change in appearance, such as when i started to wear eyeliner more often, or when i cut my hair, she would question me about it and make it obvious that she noticed. when i started wearing the eyeliner, she was like "oh are you wearing eyeliner? yeah i've been thinking about wearing it more often too." then she did. when i got my hair cut, she was like, "where did you get it cut? i've been wanting it to look like that, but my hairdresser just doesn't do it like how you have it." i was sitting there like, i've gotten the same haircut for years, and it honestly doesn't matter who does it, my hair is just like that when it gets cut. but besides that, why does she want her hair to look exactly like mine? she doesn't even have the same type of hair, so it's like, what are you aiming for here? it's almost like she watches for a change in my lifestyle (e.g. appearance). she constantly monitors it to the point where it "reminds" her that she wants it too. and that's the thing that gets me, she never admits that i actually inspired her to do something, it's always something she already "was looking into". that's why i don't share anything with her, and i almost limit my interaction/reactions around her because i'm afraid it's gonna make her "remember" that she wants it too. and again, it's not just one example. it's a compound of so many things she's done with, to the point where it's either: projection of her past feelings, or we're too similar to be friends. when we go shopping, we find interest in the same exact clothes, out of the entire store. and as our education progressed, she changed to my same career path, with the same exact future goals (albeit, the track that we chose is pretty common, but still, it added fuel to the fire).

then, it became more specific mannerisms. i remember whenever we went shopping and i went to pay, i would always compliment the cashier if they had a nice nail set on. then, she started doing the same exact thing too, same exact compliment, during the same exact occasions (while we were shopping and paying for our things). and again, if it was just this instance, then i wouldn't think anything of it. but like, same exact type of compliment, during the same exact occasion? and i know she heard me do this the previous times, so it just makes me think she wants to emulate the same exact personality as me. but then it's like, what are you doing that for? just be yourself. and is the compliment about the nails even genuine then, if you are doing it just because your friend did it? it's so weird.

this part's embarrassing, but i remember i also showed her a tiktok where i was feeling myself, and at the end, i stuck my tongue out in a cheeky way. it was a horizontal tiktok, just one of those thirst trap-esque things where you're feeling good about yourself. next day, we're hanging out, and she lets me use her phone to play music. lo and behold, i open her phone to a tiktok draft where she's doing the same exact mannerisms, with the same exact tiktok song, with the same intent of making a thirst-trap. then, at the end of the tiktok, guess what she does? the same tongue-out movement that i did. same. exact. thing. and that's when i really was like, dude what the fuck is going on.

i confronted her about this at the end of that year because she became obsessed with volleyball after i played with her ONCE. for reference, i played volleyball in high school and it's like the one thing that i have adamantly expressed happiness towards in terms of sports. so obviously she had to become obsessed with it too, right? she was like "well, i'm glad you told me" and was understanding about it. but then she said, "you know, just because we have an interest in the same thing doesn't mean that we have the same relationship to it". and i found this statement to be so aggravating and invalidating because it's not the fact that she likes one thing that i like. it's EVERYTHING. it's downright mimicry, even on a MANNERISM level.

the next year goes by, and she's still doing similar things, but this time, with academics. she switched to the same track that i did, and has since been constantly seeking out opportunities to fulfill the pre-requisites of this track. we go to a small university that is located in a small city, so the same opportunities inevitably get talked about. but it got to the point where i would mention a class that i was taking (mind you, this is a class that i chose to take at a really unconventional point throughout college because i have enough credits basically to graduate), and then next thing you know, she wants to take that same class at a coincidentally unconventional time as well. even when i warned her about it, and how it wasn't a good idea even for me, she goes, "well, didn't YOU take it?" like dude, are you serious? it doesn't matter that i took it too, the point is why the hell do YOU feel the need to take it too? when she is still fulfilling pre-requisites and doesn't have the same amount of freedom that i do with the major? i don't have confirmation for this part, but while her and i hanging out, people have mentioned to me about how i'm part of certain other opportunities related to this track, and i think she must've overheard that, because she suddenly is trying to do the same exact opportunities as well. again i don't have confirmation for this part, but i wouldn't be surprised given everything else that has happened.

now we're at the present, and i'm starting to get triggered even at small things we have in common. for instance, she got money from her family to dorm at our institution, completely out of pocket (even though she pretends she doesn't have money at all). and i can't help but dread it because she's going to be her opportunity-seeking self and find out about everything i'm involved in because it's such a small campus (i dorm too, i have for all this time. she even mentioned how she wanted to dorm so bad AFTER she visited my room). she even takes pictures of posters with me on it for the extracurriculars i'm involved in, just to look at later and see if it's something she's interested in, or because she wants to analyze my involvement in it. and not only that, she somehow has the same exact interests and plan to fulfill our pre-professional track as me, so i have no doubt that she's going to find out about certain things on campus. i'm going to end up seeing her constantly, doing the same exact stuff that i'm doing. i'm dreading seeing her on campus, i'm dreading her finding out about the things that I HAVE GROWN UP AROUND (because this is my hometown). and it all just feels like i'm losing my sense of self while she gets to prance around basically absorbing my identity without actually living through it. not to mention, i've confronted her two more times about all of this, and her best excuse was that "her hometown doesn't have a lot of opportunities, so she hears about stuff from others and makes sure to look into it so she's not missing out". this i understand, but when it gets to the point where you're coincidentally seeking out everything that i am, it starts to feel like she's using me for the "lack of opportunities" (her hometown probably has opportunities, she's just sick of her hometown). she also said that she tends to take on other people's interests to see why THEY like it, so she can know them more. but still that doesn't feel like an adequate explanation for all of this. then she tries really hard to emphasize her own interests to show to me that she's her own person, but they end being shit that i have mentioned to her before as an interest of mine. i just feel like i'm losing my identity around her, but she's kind and such a good friend in other ways. she also is one of the only friends i truly get along with because our school is so competitive and fake. this is just the only thing i can't get behind with her behavior.

TLDR; am i the asshole for being sick of constantly sharing/being mimicked by my friend, or am i imagining it? and how do i get rid of this feeling of dread of being around her/needing to know whether she's copying me again? how do i be okay with other people pursuing the same stuff i am (even though i think in this case, she did it excessively)?

PLEASE BE KIND, this is not something i am proud of feeling.

hi everyone! i wanted to ask how to deal with a friend situation that i've been dealing with recently. for reference, we are both in a higher education setting, same year. early in our friendship, she confessed to me stating that she likes me. unfortunately, due to personal reasons, i couldn't reciprocate a romantic relationship. this was about a year and a half ago. now, she says that she still has "lingering" feelings, but she tries to downplay the extent to which she currently still has feelings. i have various pieces of evidence that show that she at least HAD very very strong feelings, especially during the beginning of all this. at some point, it seemed like she couldn't help but think about me, worry about me, and want to hang out with me. don't get me wrong, she is self-aware enough to know that she probably needed to work on this, and she would do her best to try and hide the fact that she thought about me often. but i have like concrete evidence from others and my own observations that she wasn't dealing with not being able to be in a relationship with me very well. she also would obsessively worry if i didn't respond to her for extended periods of time, which is fair, but like she thought about me CONSTANTLY. she would go to mutual friends of ours and ask about me, get sad if i didn't interact with her at school. just shit like that. she's a kind friend who genuinely cares and has self-awareness, but this attachment to me was hard to hide, even from me.

during the first year of our friendship, i started to unfortunately distance myself from her because i noticed that she started like,,, mimicking me in very very specific and odd ways. just as a disclaimer, i am a person who does tie a lot of my identity to being individualistic, so i am naturally protective over the things that i find important, fulfilling, or just things that i have developed as "quirks". i try not to be like one of those people who think they're "different", but i have found through various of my social interactions that i tend to react to/approach situations a little differently than others. this has caused me to be socially ostracized at some points in time, but the people who see past it and get to know me usually don't mind it. regardless, this has been a part of my identity, so i know i am probably more protective over my interests/career goal than other people. but, with this particular friend, it became like so specific and weird that i can't help but feel uncomfortable being around her, even to this day.

for example, if i mentioned a casual or even important hobby of mine, she would say like two days later, "oh i'm 'getting back into' (insert same hobby that i mentioned two days ago)". this happened for various things, to the point where i couldn't imagine it being a coincidence anymore. if i got a change in appearance, such as when i started to wear eyeliner more often, or when i cut my hair, she would question me about it and make it obvious that she noticed. when i started wearing the eyeliner, she was like "oh are you wearing eyeliner? yeah i've been thinking about wearing it more often too." then she did. when i got my hair cut, she was like, "where did you get it cut? i've been wanting it to look like that, but my hairdresser just doesn't do it like how you have it." i was sitting there like, i've gotten the same haircut for years, and it honestly doesn't matter who does it, my hair is just like that when it gets cut. but besides that, why does she want her hair to look exactly like mine? she doesn't even have the same type of hair, so it's like, what are you aiming for here? it's almost like she watches for a change in my lifestyle (e.g. appearance). she constantly monitors it to the point where it "reminds" her that she wants it too. and that's the thing that gets me, she never admits that i actually inspired her to do something, it's always something she already "was looking into". that's why i don't share anything with her, and i almost limit my interaction/reactions around her because i'm afraid it's gonna make her "remember" that she wants it too. and again, it's not just one example. it's a compound of so many things she's done with, to the point where it's either: projection of her past feelings, or we're too similar to be friends. when we go shopping, we find interest in the same exact clothes, out of the entire store. and as our education progressed, she changed to my same career path, with the same exact future goals (albeit, the track that we chose is pretty common, but still, it added fuel to the fire).

then, it became more specific mannerisms. i remember whenever we went shopping and i went to pay, i would always compliment the cashier if they had a nice nail set on. then, she started doing the same exact thing too, same exact compliment, during the same exact occasions (while we were shopping and paying for our things). and again, if it was just this instance, then i wouldn't think anything of it. but like, same exact type of compliment, during the same exact occasion? and i know she heard me do this the previous times, so it just makes me think she wants to emulate the same exact personality as me. but then it's like, what are you doing that for? just be yourself. and is the compliment about the nails even genuine then, if you are doing it just because your friend did it? it's so weird.

this part's embarrassing, but i remember i also showed her a tiktok where i was feeling myself, and at the end, i stuck my tongue out in a cheeky way. it was a horizontal tiktok, just one of those thirst trap-esque things where you're feeling good about yourself. next day, we're hanging out, and she lets me use her phone to play music. lo and behold, i open her phone to a tiktok draft where she's doing the same exact mannerisms, with the same exact tiktok song, with the same intent of making a thirst-trap. then, at the end of the tiktok, guess what she does? the same tongue-out movement that i did. same. exact. thing. and that's when i really was like, dude what the fuck is going on.

i confronted her about this at the end of that year because she became obsessed with volleyball after i played with her ONCE. for reference, i played volleyball in high school and it's like the one thing that i have adamantly expressed happiness towards in terms of sports. so obviously she had to become obsessed with it too, right? she was like "well, i'm glad you told me" and was understanding about it. but then she said, "you know, just because we have an interest in the same thing doesn't mean that we have the same relationship to it". and i found this statement to be so aggravating and invalidating because it's not the fact that she likes one thing that i like. it's EVERYTHING. it's downright mimicry, even on a MANNERISM level.

the next year goes by, and she's still doing similar things, but this time, with academics. she switched to the same track that i did, and has since been constantly seeking out opportunities to fulfill the pre-requisites of this track. we go to a small university that is located in a small city, so the same opportunities inevitably get talked about. but it got to the point where i would mention a class that i was taking (mind you, this is a class that i chose to take at a really unconventional point throughout college because i have enough credits basically to graduate), and then next thing you know, she wants to take that same class at a coincidentally unconventional time as well. even when i warned her about it, and how it wasn't a good idea even for me, she goes, "well, didn't YOU take it?" like dude, are you serious? it doesn't matter that i took it too, the point is why the hell do YOU feel the need to take it too? when she is still fulfilling pre-requisites and doesn't have the same amount of freedom that i do with the major? i don't have confirmation for this part, but while her and i hanging out, people have mentioned to me about how i'm part of certain other opportunities related to this track, and i think she must've overheard that, because she suddenly is trying to do the same exact opportunities as well. again i don't have confirmation for this part, but i wouldn't be surprised given everything else that has happened.

now we're at the present, and i'm starting to get triggered even at small things we have in common. for instance, she got money from her family to dorm at our institution, completely out of pocket (even though she pretends she doesn't have money at all). and i can't help but dread it because she's going to be her opportunity-seeking self and find out about everything i'm involved in because it's such a small campus (i dorm too, i have for all this time. she even mentioned how she wanted to dorm so bad AFTER she visited my room). she even takes pictures of posters with me on it for the extracurriculars i'm involved in, just to look at later and see if it's something she's interested in, or because she wants to analyze my involvement in it. and not only that, she somehow has the same exact interests and plan to fulfill our pre-professional track as me, so i have no doubt that she's going to find out about certain things on campus. i'm going to end up seeing her constantly, doing the same exact stuff that i'm doing. i'm dreading seeing her on campus, i'm dreading her finding out about the things that I HAVE GROWN UP AROUND (because this is my hometown). and it all just feels like i'm losing my sense of self while she gets to prance around basically absorbing my identity without actually living through it. not to mention, i've confronted her two more times about all of this, and her best excuse was that "her hometown doesn't have a lot of opportunities, so she hears about stuff from others and makes sure to look into it so she's not missing out". this i understand, but when it gets to the point where you're coincidentally seeking out everything that i am, it starts to feel like she's using me for the "lack of opportunities" (her hometown probably has opportunities, she's just sick of her hometown). she also said that she tends to take on other people's interests to see why THEY like it, so she can know them more. but still that doesn't feel like an adequate explanation for all of this. then she tries really hard to emphasize her own interests to show to me that she's her own person, but they end being shit that i have mentioned to her before as an interest of mine. i just feel like i'm losing my identity around her, but she's kind and such a good friend in other ways. she also is one of the only friends i truly get along with because our school is so competitive and fake. this is just the only thing i can't get behind with her behavior.

TLDR; am i the asshole for being sick of constantly sharing/being mimicked by my friend, or am i imagining it? and how do i get rid of this feeling of dread of being around her/needing to know whether she's copying me again? how do i be okay with other people pursuing the same stuff i am (even though i think in this case, she did it excessively)?

PLEASE BE KIND, this is not something i am proud of feeling.

hi! i was wondering if anyone has experience asking for the separate helix piercings rather than the full industrial piercing. if so, did you have a hard time getting the piercer to say yes? was the cost the same? are piercers open to getting the cost reduced considering it’s basically an industrial, but with two separate pieces of jewelry? my local shop is $80 for an industrial but $120 for two separate piercings, latter of which will be a little more difficult to afford. thank you!

hi! i was wondering if anyone has experience asking for the separate helix piercings rather than the full industrial piercing. if so, did you have a hard time getting the piercer to say yes? was the cost the same? are piercers open to getting the cost reduced considering it’s basically an industrial, but with two separate pieces of jewelry? my local shop is $80 for an industrial but $120 for two separate piercings, latter of which will be a little more difficult to afford. thank you!

hi! has anyone on this thread tried desipramine (also a tricyclic antidepressant) for CVS? it seems to have a better side effect profile compared to how sedating amitriptyline is. wondering if anyone has any experience with it specifically for CVS + what to expect. i also ask that responses are kind because i do struggle w lots of health anxiety. thank you!!

hi! has anyone on this thread tried desipramine (also a tricyclic antidepressant) for CVS? it seems to have a better side effect profile compared to how sedating amitriptyline is. wondering if anyone has any experience with it specifically for CVS + what to expect. i also ask that responses are kind because i do struggle w lots of health anxiety. thank you!!

hi everyone! i started taking ami today for persistent vomiting and IBS symptoms. unfortunately i work in a medical setting where working memory and attentiveness is important, so i was wondering if there are any neutral/positive stories about the effects of amitriptyline on cognitive function. anybody have no memory loss or maybe an improvement in memory? or maybe less brain fog that was originally from depression? please be kind, i do have bad health anxiety :)