u/NightlySpiraling

I was taking a shower and my disk was already due to take out, surprisingly one finger went in pretty smoothly, maybe the water helped or idk, I was struggling bc I usually take it out in the toilet but since I was squatting I was having some difficulties, I felt like if I used two fingers I could grip it better (spoiler: it didn't work). It did hurt a little but not as much as it usually does, so I'm happy with that :)

Age 5-9
I was diagnosed with sm when I was about 5, my parents were very supportive of me which I will forever be grateful of. My mom would dedicate time to talk to my teachers and look for psychologists who were specialized in this disorder, it wasn't easy for her given that the internet back then was as advanced.

The only males I could talk to were my dad and my nephew who was my age and came over a lot to play. At school I could play with boys but I never spoke to them, I was even scared of them hearing my voice, girls were easier, they just had to become my friend and I would whisper to them.

Age 10-12
When I was 10 we moved to a different country, I was put in a private school. Same thing happened, I wouldn't talk to boys or let them hear my voice. Once I graduated elementary (6th grade), I wanted to stay in that school for grade 7-11 since it was what I was familiar with, but something in me really wanted me to leave and start all over again. All the other schools were full by then, the only option was a public school.

One of the things I wanted was for there to be so many students that I could be invisible. There were a total of 1200 7th graders haha.

I set myself a goal, I really wanted to get rid of my selective mutism, when a boy would ask me a question, I would answer. If he couldn't hear me or not wasn't my problem, what would matter to me would be that I actually opened my mouth and tried. So I did exactly that, the kid didn't hear me but at least this time I wouldn't be labeled as "the girl who doesn't talk", this time I'd be "the girl who talks quietly". And that would be a huge step for me.

Kids would catch on that I was very quiet and didn't talk much so I wouldn't get bothered a lot, friends eventually came, every time someone new came up to me and asked me something it was a challenge, but I had to keep living up to my new title. My friends would just think that's how I was so once I answered a question and the other person couldn't hear me they'd help me out.

Age 16 and Summary of Age 11-16
By year 11 i had gone through a few friends, I guess not talking much kept me out of drama so I'd always be ok good terms with old friends lol. That year I also made my friend close guy friend, him being gay made me more comfortable.

From year 7 to 11 I got a lot better, not so much in talking louder or more, but in being less afraid to speak. My friends never really knew there was a condition behind what they thought was me being shy, they just accepted me like that and helped me out whenever I was put under pressure they knew I couldn't handle.

Presentations were extremely fear and anxiety inducing, still are, I think that was the hardest part for me, luckily there were very few.

Apart from school, family was also hard for me, because I can't really start over with them, especially men. There's still some family members that I have trouble with or simply can't speak to because it just doesn't feel right. I do way better now with new people since I can be my new self.

Age 17-18
When I graduated I decided to go back to the US to study there, I had to work too, I was really scared but I knew I had to do it. I got a job at Jersey Mikes, mostly there as a cashier (since manager saw I struggled with talking), it was really hard for me the first weeks but after about 3, I started to get the hang of it since it was so repetitive, I started talking louder to the point where customers wouldn't say "what?" every time I said my line.

After only a few weeks I noticed the difference in myself, I could answer questions to strangers in normal/natural sounding tone.

Age 18-20
I was in the US for 5 months, went back to my parents bc I missed them and I felt alone and lost. College was going slow as well. My mom made it clear she would help me with my college at the beginning but I'd have to work to pay the rest. So I did, I wanted to take advantage of my English so I looked for call centers. Eventually got a phone interview, the lady asked me like 4 questions, couldn't answer one, still got hired lol.

I was scared. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know if I'd be able to do it, but I was there. Training lasted for a month. I actually made a few friends and got a bf lol. Having friends there made me feel excited to show up, there were all kinds of people. Ended up being work besties with a 31 y/o alcoholic who lived in the ghetto lmao. Anyways People thought and said I wouldn't make it, they thought I was too shy, too anxious. Trainer had to sit next to me to hear me read out my work, I'm actually surprised he never got mad at me for not talking louder or gave me "the talk" about having to put more effort.

I lasted 3 months due to problems at home. But it definitely helped me so much with my social anxiety.

Conclusion:

I wouldn't say I'm 100% cured from selective mutism since I still struggle with the aftermath, but I believe I'm pretty functional now. I've come a really long way and still have quite a bit to go. But tbh I'm proud of myself, of how brave I've been, of putting myself out there even if I was terrified. I somehow believed in myself to not mess things up, I learned that messing things up isn't as easy as I thought it was haha.

I'm still working on myself, but I hang on the to saying "everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear".

I (F20) currently have free public health insurance so I get my pills for free every month (75mg). The thing about having this insurance is that it's really hard to make appointments and usually after the 6 months I have prescription for, I'm automatically given an appointment so a psychiatrist can evaluate how I'm doing.

Well for some reason I wasn't given an appointment this time, I've been trying to schedule an appointment with general medicine so they can refer me to the psychiatrist but I'm afraid I won't be given an appointment in time, they usually give one from 2-12 months later. Sometimes even longer, for example I have an appointment with the nutritionist in 2029

So I want to take precautions in case that happens, I have to pick up my pills for this month (last ones), and I need to start to stop taking them. But I'm not exactly sure how.

One month I forgot to pick up my pills bc I had a few left over (I would forget to take them for a day or two) and didn't realize I was almost out. I had to stop them abruptly, the side effects of that were nausea, headaches, horrible anxiety. I mean it wasn't that terrible, if I really had to I'd do it again but it's not really fun. I also wasn't in a very good position emotionally before that.

Now that I have 30 pills I'd like to plan that out better. Recently (for the past week) I've been taking them every other day since I noticed that if I don't take it one day I don't immediately get the side effects that same day, I always get them on the second. But I don't know how long I should keep doing that or if I should do it differently?

If I place it upside down it floats with an air pocket so in my head, the part with the air pocket isn't getting disinfected. If I place it up it sinks and I'm worried it'll melt or something from directly touching the pot, if I put a little water in the middle it'll float but then the edges are outside, therefore in my head it's not getting disinfected bc it's not touching the boiling water 😭

I feel like I'm crazy by making this stuff up in my head so I want to know how ya'll are boiling your disks so I can feel better

Edit: thank you for all your answers, very helpful

I've heard weed works, but I don't do weed so I was wondering if alcohol has a similar effect?

I've had oral herpes my entire life, I can't even remember the first time I got an outbreak. I probably got it from my parents when I was a baby, they both have it but they rarely ever get it, my mom only had outbreaks when she was pregnant. But me on the other hand, I get it quite frequently, like every 4-6 months or so. Triggers I've noticed are stress, extreme climate changes (traveling), and other times I don't even know what caused them. 90% of the time it appears on my lip, and the other 10% next to my lip (cheek almost).

Questions:

1. Does the liquid inside actually spread if popped?

I was told it spreads to whatever area it touches, so if I popped it I would always use a napkin to absorb, im sure it's probably touched my fingers but it didn't spread.

2. If I don't have an active outbreak, can it still spread to my partner?

We're always careful if I do have one but what if I don't? How high is the possibility? Even with oral sex

3. With an active outbreak, how easy can it spread?

If I do have an outbreak I always try to be careful and avoid contact, but I can forget sometimes and accidentally touch it and forget to wash my hands and go on with my day. I remember one time he was drinking out of a can, I forgot I had an active outbreak and took a sip, we realized later, he just told me to be more careful, but what are the odds it spread to him?

4. Can something specific cause a big outbreak?

I usually get small outbreaks, but one time I had a huge one, from the corner of my lip to my cheek, covered a big area. It was while I was traveling, it was horrible and embarrassing. I think about it and I feel it on my cheek again, makes me feel icky to remember. I've never had one that big.

5. After the crust falls off, how long until I can kiss my bf?

Considering the skin still looks a little red but there's no longer any bumps or weird feeling when touched.

6. Any homemade remedies anyone has come up with to help soothe?

I know there's medicine and stuff I could use when it's active and I do take some pills that shorten the outbreak, but I'd like to hear any homemade remedies I could try.

7. What causes your outbreaks? Was there ever a time you had an outbreak that was unusual compared to the others?

I'd love to hear the triggers for other people's outbreaks.

Edit: Also if anyone has any sources of where you get the info from (if you're stating a fact or something) it would be great if you could include it so I could show it to my partner.

also is it really a big deal having herpes? I've had two partners, I never thought I had to tell them until I got an outbreak, they were both chill about it, but I've seen other people on posts freak out about it

On the same person

Edit: for those looking for answers from people who actually cheated, scroll to the bottom bc they're getting downvoted for whatever reason.

He's always made it clear he wouldn't like me going thru his phone. But I did anyway behind his back and found chats flirting with other girls, also found out he downloaded tinder and went out with a girl on his trip to another country (he told his friend about it).

I honestly don't think I can break up with him rn bc of my current situation in life, I depend on him a lot. I know I'm just gonna get lied to with "I won't do it again". I feel like I'm manipulating myself to believe that it can be fixed.

I know going thru someone's phone especially behind their back isn't well seen and could be perceived as controlling and toxic behavior. I just had a feeling in my gut, I searched key words up so I wasn't going through anything that didn't have to do about me or our relationship.

I feel trapped bc everything is doing great, but my feelings are getting too strong after I saw those chats. I don't think I could just leave, I'd be really afraid and embarrassed to. I actually don't know what I want.

My mind tells me so many things like

-"He's going to do it again, he'll just get better at hiding it"

-"But what if he actually doesn't do it again?"

-"What if he completely turns it on you?"

-"What if he's actually sorry?"

-"He'll only be sorry bc you found out"

-"What if this completely ruins everything?"

-"Maybe you should do nothing about it and pretend you didn't see anything"

-"It's not going to stop hurting if you do, it'll only get worse"

-"Your family already met him and your dad finally approved of him and they're friends now, you've traveled to different countries as well. All that for it to end like this?"

-"It's his fault but it hurts me too"

-"how would I cope without him in my current situation?"

-"I can't just leave, there's so much to this."

-"then what do you plan to do?"

-"I don't know :("

I could really use any suggestion or validation honestly.

Solo busco que me ayuden a pensar en ideas como sacar el siguiente tema de forma...natural? No quiero que se dé cuenta de la forma en que realidad me di cuenta de lo siguiente.

Por favor no salgan con "solo dile" "solo déjalo" o algo similar.

Contexto:

Me metí a su whatsapp y descubrí varias cosas

1. Instaló tinder en su viaje a México (hace como dos meses), le contó a dos amigos, encontré 2 chats con chicas de México, coqueteaba, salió con una en un mall por un café.

2. Le cuenta a sus amigos que en su nuevo trabajo hay mujeres demasiadas "ricas", que se ven súper bien en la ropa elegante. También le dice a sus amigos cosas como "ahora estaba a la par de una mujer súper guapa en el supermercado"

3. Tiene un chat con una muchacha en donde desde hace mucho tiempo donde coquetea demasiado con ella, no hablan muy seguido pero cuando la saluda empieza diciendo cosas como "Como está la bella damisela?". La chica sabe que él tiene novia, no muestra tanto interés como él pero le da pelota. No sé si me explico. La última vez que vi, habían hablado hace una semana.

El último chat es el más reciente pero sigue estando bastante abajo. Todo esto lo descubrí solo buscando palabras como "guapa", "tinder". En otro chat encontré donde le decía a un amigo "puedo ser coqueto pero fiel".

No sé qué pensar o cómo sentirme de todo esto, solo me siento traicionada e insegura saber que se fija en otras chicas. Esto es algo que ya habíamos hablado, tipo, qué cosas considero que son actos de infidelidad, asi que siento que pasa por encima de mis límites y cree que si no me doy cuenta entonces no es malo.

Solo quiero confrontarlo, de forma que no se de cuenta que revise su celular para que no use eso en contra de mi. La confrontación me da mucho miedo pero sé que es la única forma. Después de eso veré que hago.

Las veces que me deja usar su celular son:

• para poner música

• para dibujar (su celular tiene un lápiz)