u/NotoriousLLL

Just wanted to share my experience because I've found solace in hearing about others struggling in the same way as me, and seeing what works. Main source of hope has been seeing what works for others. Also for anyone who has successfully tapered off subs, I want to know if my taper schedule is way too aggressive or something I could actually do.

Tentative plan

.75mg for the next 7 days

.50mg for 10 days after that

.33mg for 10 days

.25mg for 10 days

.125mg for 10 days

.0625 for as long as it takes until I wake up one morning and decide to try 0mg.

That puts me right around Christmas for going to 0mg. I'll get my bonus, I'll have some time off, I'll be surrounded by family, and I won't be on drugs this xmas :)

Back story

Had a bad 7oh addiction for about 10 months daily use starting at 30mg and ending up at 240mg. Moved home to change jobs (I think the root of my use was the job and being isolated in a far away city) and surrendered to treatment. It was tough, I felt like my life was over, in some ways it was, but I've clawed back to get my life to resemble normalcy. I'd argue I'm in a better spot than I was when I started my addiction which is the main thing I wanted to change in order to put this in the past.

February I started tapering down on the 7oh, which was honestly brutal. I had to pass time while waiting for my first appointment to get subs. Completely new to this, nobody in my family has ever had an opiate addiction that I know of. I'd wake up and my dad was administering the doses, I remember waking up at 8am feeling horrible and the dose was set for 10am and just sitting there on the stairs being so on edge telling them how I felt and how the only thing in the world I wanted was relief. Honestly I don't recommend tapering down on your drug of choice before starting suboxone, once you get the subs just abstain from the drug until you're really hurting to avoid precipitated withdrawals, then start the subs, and honestly if I had to do it differently I'd have taken 2mg then an hour later another 2mg instead of just starting at 8mg immediately. I understand some people have it a lot worse but the idea is to make sure you don't go super high because every few milligrams is weeks difference in tapering. The immediate absence of my urge and satiation of my opioid receptors without being high is the closest thing to magic I've ever experienced. I felt dumb for continuing my addiction for months when a genuine and safe solution is available. I thought solving it by myself would make me feel better about it, but asking for help was worth it.

Suboxone history

This is roughly the schedule I was on

March I started on 8mg suboxone, taking 4mg twice a day

Went down to 6mg after a month with no issues, 3mg twice a day

Went down to 4mg about a month later, nothing crazy. 2mg twice a day

Then 3mg for a month, this is when I started doing only morning doses

Then 2mg for a month, and this is where I fucked up

I didn't research as much as I should've, my brain was just not interested in retaining information, addiction beats you down to the point you don't even believe things because nothing is going to make you feel normal and the "spark of life" is absent. And appointments are too expensive to justify weekly check ins, so I tried to jump to 0 from 2mg because I was handling 2mg well.

Well I'm not proud at all and honestly don't even want to mention it but I just need to. I went back and got some 7oh because I thought 'It's about to be banned, let me just pause my recovery and enjoy life a little". I knew it would hit hard too because I'd been off subs for a few days. Shake my head, that boy ain't right. Kind of went back to my old ways for 4 weeks, things were slipping, I was struggling to perform at bare minimum and not being upbeat or positive. Then I found it within myself to commit back to recovery. I stopped the 7oh about 2 months ago and on the first day off 7oh I had to do 6mg suboxone (thought I could do just 2mg but nope), then 4mg for a few days, then got to 2mg and stayed on that for a few weeks. I will say, I have tried to make sure I don't push too hard, but since the relapse was for 4 weeks I thought maybe the momentum I built was still there when I went back to subs. It kind of was. I also was motivated from getting the 7oh out of my system again. Sweated for like 3 nights and the 7oh withdrawal was over. Keep in mind when I was tapering off 7oh without subs I was waking up drenched and in absolute misery.

Honestly being on 2mg was a difficult few weeks but I stayed busy and kept my routine. I struggle with gaining weight which is kind of why I liked kratom. I could eat without anxiety. Well during my recovery I gained about 15 pounds because I was obsessed with getting calories, this is all to say I think being in a healthy body REALLY affects how fast you can recover. I don't drink alcohol either which I'd assume doubles your recovery time. No evidence on that but just common sense.

I also gave myself a little grace during this difficult time instead of viewing the pain as failure. I told myself I could go up in dose if I really wanted to, but in my mind that's adding potentially 4-8 weeks of recovery because I'll be at a higher dose and then I'll have to spend time getting down to the dose I'm already on. Just toughed it out and learned some tricks to brave the storms when I was down. Had a bachelor party with old friends that really restored some of my hope. I felt normal, and for the majority of the day I wasn't thinking about how bad I fucked up or how much money I wasted, and I realized that while my problem was destroying my mind and body, I really was taking care of business in other areas of life, which motivated me to realize that once I kick this phase, I'll be back to normal and perhaps even stronger than before. You just need to give yourself things to look forward to, even if it doesn't feel like it's working, you just have to. 10 days ago I did 1.5mg for a day then 1mg for the next week. I got comfortable and felt pretty normal, but I started getting these emotions, and I wanted them more and more. Even the negatives were fine because at least I was feeling something you know. Went down to 1mg which was not great but not terrible. Probably would consider that day a C-. The next day was a C+ and when I finally stay steady on B and have some moments of A and A+, I'm only more motivated to kick this stuff quickly but without overextending like last time. The part of me that can say "fuck it I'm doing this, I know why, I know what I want out of it, and I truly feel like I can get there". When I started subs I did not have this mindset, I was more focused on avoiding 7oh than thinking about truly getting clean. When you don't see the end it's hard to make a plan. I also needed a reason to get off subs, and my reason is to feel life in all its glory and gloom. To practice handling life and really being in tune with where I'm at. I hope this feeling lasts.

Reflecting after seeing progress

And now I'm here. I know I won't go back to the drugs, I value saving and I'm trying to negate the 10 months of addiction by continuing to live at home and hoarding as much of my paycheck as I can. I've saved $8,000 so far since moving home plus an E-fund of a couple thousand and just looking healthy financially for the first time in years. It's the sacrifice I needed to make, and I'm thankful that even in my worst moment I had the balls to just ask for help, and that my parents let me live with them. I pay rent so it's not a free ride but I can save all the money I'd spend on full rent + all the other shit that comes with living alone and feed my 401k. That is one of the best things that has come out of this. Addiction forced me to figure things out so that I feel safe enough to never turn to drugs to cope with financial stress.

I'm glad it wasn't Percocets or real opioids, but man, 7oh is no joke. I'm also glad it's expensive because that deters me, and I don't have as much access to it anymore due to the laws in my state. I still go to the head shops to get edibles and most times the lady sees me and starts walks towards the kratom but I tell her "just looking for edibles today", and I kind of stare at the 7oh remembering how different I used to look at it. Like a saving grace, a ticket you can buy to float through your day. The weed (weak legal Texas stuff) has helped with sleep and getting some hours of comfort as the anxiety fades and I can convince myself I'm doing well. Feeling normal finally feels like a big possibility for the start of 2027. Hopefully I can find some sort of solution for the weed thing in the next few years in an effort to not numb myself at all, but that's for later.

Understanding my addiction

My addiction was a solo thing, so there isn't a person or even a drug deal that I'm attached to mentally. I'm just trying to put it all behind me, and the last step feels like tapering to 0mg and getting through a few months of PAWS. Not even sure what PAWS is or how to identify when it's happening or when it's over, or if the level is different depending on amount and duration of your addiction and suboxone treatment. Sometimes I worry that I'll mix up normal negative daily feelings with PAWS and one day I'll cave. But that day is not today, and I think it's healthy to realize that's a possibility so I'm preparing for it by being able to say "I may feel bad but my life is figured out" and I can weather that storm. It's not going to be anywhere near as difficult as it was before, so I can compromise and tell myself I'm not going to sacrifice my progress for 4 hours of relief, I already did that and almost completely thwarted my progress. That life ain't for me, and I don't romanticize over being the depressed/starving artist trope that I feel like led to me saying fuck it I'll just do this legal drug for a while and see if my life gets better.

Physical healing

My eye region looks healthier. I look a bit concerned by default nowadays but that's just the anxiety wearing on me. My face looks full of color, my pupils are healthy and big, and I just have this innocent look again. People have been nicer to me and that's helped. Or maybe I'm just more receptive to being able to feel small forms of joy and happiness. It feels like karma for getting healthy. I saw an old friend and the first thing he said was "You look good, man". That friend was actually around in the throws of my alcohol and xanax days in college, so he's seen me as a ghost with no control. I will say, the xanax was only on weekends, but it WAS every weekend. When I graduated college I kicked that stuff. It's years later and I've mostly withdrawn from all social media, so to hear that as the FIRST thing he told me was very heartwarming even though he had no idea what I'm dealing with or how much I've held onto that simple comment. I feel like I got some outside confirmation that I'm on the right path. Even my positivity shocks me, I'm basically sick with the flu every few weeks as I taper down and I STILL keep getting more positive. I missed myself, literally tearing up a bit realizing how much I neglected myself when I decided to just numb out and hope the storm passes.

These forums are so vital. Hearing others' experiences is what helped me figure out a plan and realize where I went wrong.

Next appointment

I have an appointment next week and I was thinking of asking if I could be prescribed Gabapentin or Clonidine. Does anybody recommend something that can help with PAWS? L-Tyrosine was mentioned. I am taking over the counter RLS pills to deal with whatever the hell that awful feeling of wanting to stretch but just feeling pain when you do. Usually happens in the morning and sometimes before bed if I just tapered down. I think it helps minimally but it DOES help. I just don't want to get on something that is its own animal. I'm done man, just give me my SSRI in the AM and a joint at the end of the day and I'm good. Mornings are the toughest because I have to immediately lock-in as my body is telling me "find the suboxone", and "oh shit you got 8 minutes to shower and get dressed for work". I try to slow down in these moments, I tell myself nobody is even watching me if I show up at 9:10 or 9:00 sharp, and this grace is what is helping me know I will take the time to reflect in the future when things become overwhelming and I want to pop a pill. I don't feel the urge to go out and get kratom because I've started to feel happy emotions again, the emotions I was either blocking with 7oh, and honestly the emotions that were less available on higher doses of suboxone.

I know some people claim long term suboxone use is fine, but the idea that your entire "love" system is kind of unresponsive because it has tons of suboxone taking up those receptors just makes me logically think that I'll be less receptive to love if I keep taking suboxone. I understand that for some people being on 12mg of suboxone daily for years and years is better than risking relapse, but I do think we should all strive to get back to 0, even if it'll take a few years for some. If you don't know who to do it for, do it for your future self. Pretend they're a good friend or your little sibling, or do it for the little boy who would just want you to be happy.

Ending note

Just wanted to contribute. Not expecting people to read all of it. This is partially for me, it's a good status report and I'm hoping to look back in a few months to gauge where I'm at. Good luck everyone, we got this, but no one is gonna do the work for you. Take control but give yourself grace. These are the building blocks that'll keep us steady

PS

Completely forgot to mention this, I'm not pro or against this but I think this might have helped me. About 4 months ago I started a low dose ketamine program. I was taking it every other day, super low dose like 80mg a night and it really opened my eyes to what I wanted. It also forced emotions that were much needed and encouraging, even if a little confusing. It was like getting a little glimmer of hope, showing you where you need to be, and forcing you to work out how you're going to get there. I haven't taken it in a few months because I felt the therapeutic effects had run their course. Also didn't want to build a dependence. When I'd take the dose, I had absolutely no urge to use and most if not all of the unpleasant feelings of tapering down went away from the time I took it after work to the time I went to bed. Stopping the use was not difficult at all, and it's nice to have that in my back pocket if I need a mental reset. I was paying $150 a month for the virtual visits with Dr and the medication itself. This is a newer thing but I'd say it can help explain why I have these positive thoughts even when I don't really feel like there's a reason to be positive and I feel like I have the flu from tapering. Like my brain created that pathway during a session and it just happens naturally in real life. I always confronted a situation during a session that pushed my grief from depression to acceptance. If depression or a specific traumatic moment was a contributor to your addiction, you might consider this option. Best of luck. One day at a time.

Long story short I’m having financial issues. The guy I’ve been getting my power washing jobs from went to jail. So now, I have a few options, and I think the right way is to spend less rather than make more money. I need help understanding what I should cut back on.

Credit Card Debt: $23,860 avg 21% APR. Will be $30,120 by end of year

Debt: Student loans totaling $117,000. 90% wife's, mine is almost fully paid off

My monthly income after taxes: $4,500

Monthly income if wife works part time: $6,200

Monthly income if I pick up side gig each weekend and wife works: $7,100

I’ve gone through my financials and realize there are the following major areas to look into

1- Subscriptions, cancelled all subscriptions so I’ll be saving $400 extra a month. Mildly worried about the backlash from daughters/wife when they get home tonight and can’t watch any shows 

2- Daughter afternoon care. We pay $600 monthly to have our oldest daughter watched after school. They watch her for a few hours as she does homework or plays with friends they my wife goes to get her at around 7pm each school day. This WAS necessary when me and my wife both worked, but we really only keep her in that because she said she liked it. My wife really doesn't want to cut this out because she has this Sims group from 3pm-6pm daily that she already has to rush home from when she picks up our middle daughters and this means a lot to her.

3- Energy bills We spend $1.3k each month on energy bills. One daughter likes her room at 62 and she will not budge at all, I've found it easier to just let her have her room at whatever temp she wants. In Texas summer that means the AC is always running. My wife and other daughter are getting really into gardening and have this indoor grow tent setup that draws a ton of power, and we let our neighbors hook into our power because they are low on money and will genuinely just go weeks without power and that’s just not right for their kids to be cooked alive in this Texas heat. We leave the hot tub heated throughout the weekend in case any of the girls want to swim.

4- The big one. So my wife has this “friend” let’s call him. He’s 5 years younger than me and my wife sends him $1000 every 3 weeks for his social media company he's building. The way she describes it, there is a 50/50 chance she will get that money back in 16 months if she can get 3 other people under her to contribute each month. She plans to get my daughters involved when they are able to work. My wife adores this man, who used to be a female. I guess this is a good time to mention I also transitioned in 2025. Yes it's a whole deal... I was obviously male when I married my wife and had kids. I'm not worried about romantic relations between the guy and my wife, and honestly I don't even care at this point. We’ve been together since 2012 and have taken time off from the relationship and it doesn't work for us or the kids, so we stay together. But the money thing, that’s the thing that gets to me. When there’s a month that his pay day happens twice we really have to watch our spending and have started putting groceries on our Disney credit card which comes with insanely good points we can spend at the parks, so it all evens out. (We have trips booked for late October and early December to Florida then California)

5- Daughter credit cards. My 4 oldest have credit cards in case they need them. They total about $1,400 a month for tiktok shop, snacks at gas station on the way to school, and school supplies.

6- Lottery - My wife has a hobby of buying lottery tickets using numbers that are special to her. She goes every single morning after she drops our kids off. On special days like birthdays or holidays she can spend upwards of $300 but most days it is $120 maximum. She wins a fair bit but I'd assume she only wins about 20% of her money back and the day after she wins she always spends more which makes sense but I'd like her to put a cap on how much she gambles. She doesn't call it gambling

7-Alcohol - We each split a bottle of Grey Goose vodka each night and I drink about 4 beers and my wife has at least one bottle of wine. I've been wanting to quit for a while but every time I try she convinces me to just have a few drinks with her which puts me right back where I started. I've had to go to the hospital twice because of health complications which has really scared my daughters, I want to quit for good but don't know if I can.

Not sure if this helps but she’s 34 and I just turned 29. Daughters are 10, triplets are 9 and youngest is 3. We are planning to adopt next year in the summer if I can get these financials figured out.

Other info:

Credit Card Debt: $243,860, APR average is 21%. Will be $53,120 after trips

Debt: Student loans totaling $117,000. 90% hers and I'm about to pay mine off. Every time she pays her it doesn't go down much so she is hoping the government will forgive the loans

My monthly income after taxes: $4,630 (could be less until I find a new guy to give me leads for my business)

Monthly income if wife works part time: $6,200

Monthly income if I pick up side gig each weekend and wife works: $7,100

Inheritance: My wife was left just under $200,000 from her late mother in 2024 to be saved for children's college but she invested in her Sims group in hopes that she could sell the group to someone like Netflix to live stream the group and turn it into a game show. Her dream is to sell it to Disney but so far she hasn't been able to gain any traction in selling it. She kept buying the group members things to keep them playing and there's about $7,000 left which she invested and is getting about 5% return each year.

I'm dealing with a DWI (yes I know that makes me a bad person because it's my 3rd so I will likely be going to jail for 90 days sometime next year). Lawyer feeds will be anywhere from $10,000 to $15,000 and can just put that on the card.

We've thought about filing for bankruptcy but have ultimately decided against it due to the headache. Is it plausible to cut back in any of these areas while maintaining our current life? Some things are non-negotiables but for the most part I'm open to anything.

Dude's batting .063 in the last week and .109 in the last 2 weeks. How long are players usually allowed to slump before the get bounced out of the lineup?

I'd give McDavid a 40% chance. Follow me on this.

Gretzky has 2857 total points in 1487 games, plus 382 points in 208 playoff games in 21 seasons, playing until age 38.

McDavid is at 794 games and 1220 points. 102 playoff games and 156 points in 11 seasons at age 29.

McDavid needs 209 points to get to half of Gretzky's total, which will take him 1.5 seasons at last year's 138 point pace. He'd be at 1520 points heading into his 14th season at age 31. He would now need 1338 points.

Let's say his true prime lasts for 6 more years, and he is able to rack up 150 points (best season was 153 points), that's 900, so 438 left at age 37. Assuming better sports medicine actually make an impact, he can play until at least age 42. So 5 seasons left at age 37, 24 total seasons. Chelios and Howe played 26 seasons, so it is well within the realm of possibilities, it all depends how healthy and effective McDavid can stay, and how he can change his game as he slows down. You'd think at some point as his salary dwindles, he'll be able to facilitate some really good scorers and keep racking up assists.

At this point he would need 88 points a season for his final 5 seasons, which is right around 60% of his peak season total (We don't know if he has another peak yet, he is still hungry as ever losing 2 Stanley cups and coming off a Olympic loss).

Ovechkin is playing his 21st season and in his last two years he's had about 60% of the points he had in his best season. 60% for McDavid's best season is 92 points. It's very very possible because you don't need to have McDavid produce numbers he hasn't already, you just need him to stay consistent, uninjured, and ready to play until age 42. He's an assist king, just like Gretz.

If you're adding in playoff points to the totals it starts to get incredibly interesting. McDavid needs 226 more playoff points which will be a little under 150 games considering his PPG. This is about 25 playoff series if each series lasts 6 games. Considering he is still hungry for a cup, playing until 42, and will not waste time on a non-playoff team but still misses the playoffs twice, you can guarantee 1 series in 11 seasons, leaving us with 14 series needed. Let's say he gets to the second round in 6 of those, that leaves us with 5 needed. Let's say he makes it to the conference finals 3 times, that is 2 needed, and finally let's assume he loses 1 more cup and finally wins the cup. There we go. I think it's plausible to say he will at least come within 10% of playoff games played as Wayne especially seeing he has the ball rolling in the postseason.

If we want to be generous, let's say he makes the playoffs every year, wins 10 of the first round series, makes it to 7 conference finals, and 4 more stanley cups... that's 34 series, about 204 games, and 312 points on top of his current 156.

I think he realistically can pass Gretzky in playoff points, especially because he hasn't won a cup yet but has been to 3 conference finals and 2 cup finals somewhat recently. If you're adding playoff points to the race, then McDavid may have a slight edge if he can play 13 more seasons. It's possible, it really is.

This was all due to the question going around about the most unbeatable record in sports. The biggest issue is going to be production issues in later years, but who knows how the game will look in 10 years. What do you think?

What is recommended? The absolute maximum I would go is $3,000 but that's worst case scenario. I'd prefer anything under $1,500 but need the machine to be reliable.

I have experience in building and using 3d printers and understand I will need to spend some time learning, but I just want to make the experience less about getting the machine to work and more about producing things.

I want to be able to cut metal, specifically create pieces that fit in your hand. Not sure if this is possible but I'd like to be able to create a hammer head to make custom hammers for the men in my family.

Apologies if I'm breaking some sort of community rule or look like a dumbass, would just appreciate any tips or direction. Anything that will save me time and frustration.

Thanks

Not only did Micah get hurt and go away with all of his media presence and podcast sound bytes, but that absence is felt by the players. There are no scandals or stories, and I think players are refreshed that there is not a looming presence of negativity surrounding every move they make.

Our commish decided after this season we'll transition to a superflex (2 QBs instead of 1) league. Currently we have 1QB, 2WR, 2RB, 1TE, 2FLEX, DEF, and K.

We didn't really vote, he got 1 or 2 people who said "I'd be open to that" and sent the text in the group message and nobody responded.

I'm having trouble with this because I drafted specifically for a 1QB league. I was the top in Points For so my opinion doesn't have much pull for some reason, it feels like he knew he was going to change to a superflex because he took QBs in the 6th and 7th round last year.

Also..... He came in last place, and there is obvious tanking. He started Maye and Henderson on BYE week 14 against the first place team who needed the win for seeding, the first place guy won with 79 points. Commish started Drake London from Week 12-15 when he put up 0 points. It's pretty shady, I don't really understand why he wanted to tank so bad to get first pick.

I can't/won't leave the league, these are my high school friends.

Has anybody dealt with this? Is there anything I can do/say that will make him rethink? I just hate how this changes everything so early. It's not like we needed to spice things up, this league is 1 year old. We are PPR not that it really matters.

Any hobby, fashion choice, or interest that you look back and cringe.

If you're the type of person to only pay attention to the things that affirm your own echo chamber then you were already the type of person to be a lost cause in critical thinking and honestly don't pose any danger when it comes to the new term "AI psychosis".

AI psychosis is basically always being told you are right by AI. Phrases like "Wow you might be onto something" when talking about how eating chocolate before bed is not good for losing weight are things that make someone gain more confidence in topics that aren't groundbreaking.

The people who cling to this self affirming system were already going to be the ones that would block out the ways they are wrong and only seek out relationships with people who are too agreeable to tell you when you're wrong.

I don't think AI psychosis is an issue, I think these people already existed but AI gives us a vacuum to see these characteristics on display, unless I am misunderstanding AI psychosis and what exactly it means

I used this subreddit to learn and prepare for my at-home ketamine treatment. I did my first session last night.

This was my experience.

-Two 60mg troches (accidentally swallowed a quarter of the spit after 8 minutes, swallowed the rest at 35 minutes)

-I took Emetrol an hour before, did not eat since lunch, had small sips of water 30-90 minutes before session, walked dog 30 minutes before to get blood flowing. No stomach issues from swallowing.

-I was comfy in bed, petting my dog who was laying down between my legs, listening to Johns Hopkins psychedelic playlist with blind fold on.

-15 minutes in, I can definitely feel the effects coming on. Body feels a little heavy. Drifting into the music. At first there were only faint moments of visuals. Some pulsing lights. Sometimes I thought I was seeing things form but just when I kind of got a grasp of what it was it would just be black.

-30 minutes in, the effects are getting more intense, but it is not intense in nature. Intense isn't the right word, but there is something new happening and you are aware you are in the midst of the journey. I'm drifting with the music. I remember being able to smell the homely smell of my house and finding comfort in that. A little like when you visit someone else's house and they have a certain house smell. Visuals but nothing crazy. Like shapes phasing into my vision and morphing into each other. I felt comfort in the visuals.

-45-60 minutes peak effects. I experienced brief emotions that I can only describe as the excitement and curiosity of being a kid. I had a few experiences where it felt like I was watching or feeling a story of others play out, and while it was happening I felt like I was trying to peel back the layers to understand what it meant. I might have been trying too hard to find meaning in what I was feeling, but there was definitely something meaningful happening.

-Overall feeling good. Happy feelings. Wanting to see what the journey had next for me. A few revelations about how I'm approaching certain aspects of life. My intention was simply to understand what this feels like in order to plan how to utilize it and what my dose should be in the future.

-At the beginning I also read my intention sheet I created and one of the ones I liked was "Dissolve blocks that impeded healing", and while that is a major ask for a single lower dose session, I do feel like I started to identify what has been holding me back. Another intention I led with is "I'm here to observe, not control". I felt that I needed to focus on letting the experience come to me, and to lower my pre-session anxiety, this was a good intention to remember as I faded into the journey.

-Here are some of my future intentions I want to focus on (I don't know how good or bad these intentions are, but it is what I came up with before my session). Explore the roots of my anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and childhood with curiosity. Understand what I grieve about, understand the feelings that grief brings. Release old stories and predispositions about myself in order to move on from these old feelings brought on by people that don't exist (in my life) anymore. Open my heart to people I care about. To feel what I've been avoiding. Understand what I need to do to live a long and healthy life. Understand that the part of me that I have lost never went away, it simply needs the chance to resurface.

-Took off blindfold at 1 hour and 17 minute mark when the effects were subsiding. Watched the World Cup with sound off while still listening to music. Effects still there but not as intense as peak. Definitely would not get behind the wheel.

-Next session I am going to do 240mg, probably on Friday night. I'm going to get a better blind fold because I need it to be pitch black. I'm going to try to stay blindfolded for a full 90 minutes after putting the troches in my mouth because I felt I took off my blind fold slightly early.

-I came away feeling refreshed. Ate a smallish dinner around 9:30. I went outside with my dog after the sun had set and felt able to sit there and enjoy the night. No rush to get to bed and not thinking about my next day. I think this might've been the feeling of what people without ADHD feel lol. I got a taste of the goodness of life. I saw/felt things during the session that reminded me that there *is* love out there, but my journey is going to involve how to get to that place. Because I realized that the way I am trying to get to the happy place needs work. I'm hopeful for the future which is something I had been struggling with recently. I'd say I felt contentment, and it is encouraging because today I am still happy that I got to experience that. I feel as though there is a pathway to healing, regardless if I know the way or not.

-This morning I was a bit reluctant to get out of bed for work. Moreso because the bed felt better than usual. Took me a few minutes longer than normal to wake up. Today has gone by a little slower than usual but my overall mood is better so I don't mind. I'm feeling a little more present and had a great encounter with a coworker that didn't feel difficult.

Basic Tips

-Set intention even if small

-Johns Hopkins music

-Anti-nausea medicine gave me peace of mind before I took the dose

Notes

-I was never uncomfortable, there were a few times I tried to brace myself as the intensity rose, but at no point did I want the experience to stop or lesser in intensity.

-I use Joyous and pay $139 a month I think which included the 2 online visits before they shipped me the prescription. I received 30 troches, 60mg each. The prescription is included in the monthly cost.

-I do want to go deeper, but I don't want to push too hard. Having got that first session under my belt, I feel like I will be better able to approach this next session.

-Feel free to ask questions if you're curious about any part of it.